teacher commenting on my dd eyebrows

[Boxerdogmum]

im a bit stuck. im bringing up dd 11 years old to make her own choices she is hitting puberty and has chosen to just be at one with her own body hair. armpit hair and so on and i'm so proud of her. much more self confidence than i ever had at her age. recently she told me that one of her female teachers stopped at her desk looked at her and said you might want to just lick your finger and sort out your eyebrow hair there. shes not exactly frida kahlo but it made her feel very self conscious. AIBU to hunt this teacher down and hold her to account?

I think you are overreacting. I have thick bushy eyebrows, always have done. Sometimes when I'm tired or si.ar, taken off tight jumper etc they go really haywire, all over the place and need a finger running over them to smooth them down, just like I might with my hair, in order to look neat and presentable. I don't see how this is different to bei g asked to smooth hair down. And yes, it would apt to boys as well. And possibly not your child, but some children will sit in class messing their eyebrows up to distract themselves/others.

I don’t understand why not shaving makes you so proud of your children. Are you equally proud when your sons don’t shave their faces and grow beards. I don’t disagree that it should be a personal choice and shaving isn’t necessary but should I be disappointed if my daughter chooses to shave?

As a pp said

Teach your daughter some Resilience.

You say you want her to be a strong person. Well this is a good opportunity to practice that.
Also, teachers have enough on their plate at the moment without people like you adding to it.

Yes email the school. This is exactly what’s needed in schools right now. Mums emailing about eyebrows. You will be made the joke of the century at the school-go for it!

However, if you want all the money that the state has spent training him/her to be wasted, then by all means go ahead and make a fuss, which will probably result in them leaving teaching, because once a parent has made an official complaint, even a mild one or one that is proved to be nonsense, that is their career more or less over in terms of future promotion/headship, so they might as well go and retrain to do something else. Up to you. 50% of those who complete the teacher training course have left the business after 5 years. Would you prefer a competent teacher who makes the odd gaffe or someone who never makes a mistake but probably bores the kids to death?

Could it not be argued that a teacher who instructs a pupil to lick her fingers in class during a pandemic is putting other pupils and their families at risk and needs to be told, and that this is actually rather more important than her promotion???

Or else why are we bothering with masks and social distancing and the rest of it? No droplets must fly out of our mouths but 11yos should go smearing everything with their saliva in the overriding cause of Not Having Bushy Eyebrows.

@DfEisashambles

Good grief. I think teachers have enough on their plate at the moment. Please teach your DD some resilience. Yes the teacher had no right to say it but it wasn’t offensive, your DD could have said back no thank you’.

totally agree,

@Xerochrysum

To be clear, I do agree that the teacher shouldn't have said anything. Just that it's sad, that a confident child, who is vocal about choices become self conscious so easily. I have similar strong willed child, a boy with long hair, who has been picked on and ridiculed by peers, but never changed the way he looks.

Getting a bit bored of saying this now but, again, I really don't think this is about the child feeling self-conscious.

I think it is more likely that the child is upset because she feels strongly that she should be accepted in her natural state and her teacher has made this disapproving comment about her natural eyebrows.

She is probably upset that her views of accepting oneself and being at peace with her body are not being validated by the adults in her life.

Pretty reasonable, if you ask me.

I don't know for sure, but my guess is that it's much more likely she's upset about the principle than that she lacks self confidence.

I bet the teacher was trying to be chummy for what of a better word.
i bet your dd likes this teacher as well.

I thought this was going to be about a teacher suggesting a child get her mono brow threaded. I think the teacher was trying to be nice, a bit like if someone had chocolate sauce on their face. I don't think the teacher do one moment gave a thought to your child's arm pits.

Why didn't your DD just say "I might not, I like them bushy." ?

Do 11yr olds pluck eyebrows & remove body hair?

Maybe they do now?

Idk, wouldn't a friend have told your daughter that her brows weren't smooth?

Did the teacher think that your daughter might be laughed at & was trying to prevent that?

Okay - so I think most reasonable people here are in agreement that you don't 'hunt this teacher down'. Particularly right now.

Instead use this as an opportunity to have your daughter reflect on how internalised sexist standards of beauty are amongst women, why did the teacher feel empowered to say this to her and how she might respond in future when someone makes a comment about her appearance, however innocuous it might be.

If you daughter wants to buck societies beauty standards - and more power to her - learning to respond with confidence, navigate other peoples reactions and reflect on them is a really good lesson to learn early. As her mother you have an opportunity to guide her here.

I'm sorry- I always support teachers. Have never complained to anyone in the 15 years my DCs have been at school. But I cannot see any situation when it would be appropriate for a teacher to tell an 11yo girl to tidy her eyebrows!!

I have never plucked, brushed, waxed, coloured my eyebrows in over 50 years and no one has ever commented. I would find it extremely strange if anyone did.

I would check with your DD to make sure that it is not her way of telling you that she is actually unhappy with her eyebrows (or any other body hair). Her views may have changed. If you are certain that this did really happen, I would email the teacher directly - not to complain, but just to inform them that your DD was upset by such a personal comment.

@likeamillpond

As a pp said

Teach your daughter some Resilience.

You say you want her to be a strong person. Well this is a good opportunity to practice that.
Also, teachers have enough on their plate at the moment without people like you adding to it.

I think that part of teaching your children to be strong and resilient is teaching them to stand up for themselves.

If she didn't like the way the teacher spoke to her, she should say something, not just let it slide.

Could be a great lesson for her in sticking to her principles that her eyebrows are perfectly acceptable just as they are, and tell the teacher it's none of her damn business.

I think you're being a bit silly really, schools and teachers have a lot on their plate right now without parents complaining about eyebrows.

Just tell your DD that she will come across people sometimes that say the wrong thing, sometimes by mistake and sometimes on purpose. Adults aren't always perfect - even teachers. She needs to either let it roll off her or stand up for herself say something next time.

Mummy emailing the head and hunting the teacher down is just ridiculous and not teaching your DD any life skills. It's parents like this that make me so glad I'm not a teacher.

I don’t think this teacher did anything wrong, she won’t care about your daughters eyebrows. I used to have a terrible cowslick and a teacher once kindly said to me about it sticking up before an assembly so I could go fix it. Thank god she did I my fringe was mad and I would have been more embarrassed if she hadn’t let me fix it. Your DD may have had her eyebrow hair brushed backwards or downwards or something. It was likely not an attack, but a teacher just trying to help her out.

Teachers don’t care if your daughter does or doesn’t pluck her eyebrows. They really don’t. Please don’t say anything.

@yankeedoodledandee

recently she told me that one of her female teachers stopped at her desk looked at her and said you might want to just lick your finger and sort out your eyebrow hair there.

Why is she at school?

Surely school is shut? Is this UK?

gettingfedupagain

Facial hair on boys will be in the uniform policy. I have never seen eyebrows mentioned in a uniform policy!

Not at my son's school.

'Good grief. I think teachers have enough on their plate at the moment. Please teach your DD some resilience. Yes the teacher had no right to say it but it wasn’t offensive, your DD could have said back no thank you’.

This!

At 11 years old it's far too early to declare proudly that your daughter wants to "buck society's beauty ideals and be at one with her own body hair."

That's putting adult concepts onto a child. It's far more likely that she is unaware of her own appearance because she's a child.
Don't over complicate this by lecturing her about internalised sexist standards of beauty in our society.

Have a polite word with the teacher. Her comment was out of place but probably well meant, albeit a mistake.

I'm guessing that this is an inexperienced & younger teacher who just made a mistake. Most people in the profession learn very quickly that any personal comments about students in a classroom are to be avoided.

Do they really need to ‘learn’ this? Surely most people know that it’s not socially acceptable to comment on others appearance. Even more do adults to children and especially trusted adults to children. I despair really if anyone capable of becoming a teacher doesn’t realise this isn’t ok. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Even more so

YANBU

Also really shocked to see grown adults on here referring to an 11 year old CHILD as a snowflake or weird kid for being upset when a teacher embarrassed them. Really gross and those people need to give their heads a wobble.

Op I think you need to take a step back a little bit, I would understand your comments if she had been told about hair between her eyes or a mono brow but her deciding to be at one with her body hair is nothing to do with a stray hair and the teachers comment in general. As parents if someone upsets our child, especially someone in a position of trust and someone who will be around our child often, it can be easy to fall into a mamma bear trap. I would email the teacher, say the comment had upset your daughter and ask her to be mindful in future. No need to hunt her down

It seems inappropriate and undignified for teachers to comment on pupils' appearance under any circumstances. In my country of origin, schools hardly ever have uniforms, and I think school uniforms here cause a lot more problems than they solve.

I think teachers should be above talking about personal appearance to kids, except as part of an abstract political discussion.

I'd suggest that those of you who refer to an eleven year old child as 'snowflake' and 'the weird kid' need to take a look at yourselves. Just horrible behaviour.