teacher commenting on my dd eyebrows

[Boxerdogmum]

im a bit stuck. im bringing up dd 11 years old to make her own choices she is hitting puberty and has chosen to just be at one with her own body hair. armpit hair and so on and i'm so proud of her. much more self confidence than i ever had at her age. recently she told me that one of her female teachers stopped at her desk looked at her and said you might want to just lick your finger and sort out your eyebrow hair there. shes not exactly frida kahlo but it made her feel very self conscious. AIBU to hunt this teacher down and hold her to account?

Yes you should definitely say something.

I wonder whether she would have said the same thing had your daughter been a boy?

I don’t think she meant pluck or wax or shape. She just meant the shoes were facing wrong way and just smooth it down. I really don’t think the teacher was making a suggestion she needs to do anything other than brush hairs right way.

*She's not confident though is she? If a simple 'Oh your hair is out of place you might want to smooth it', causes her and her 'proud' mother so much angst.

This is why I'm not convinced the child's choices are entirely her own and not influenced by the OP.*

@WorraLiberty Well I think if the girl has made this decision that she wants to let her body hair do what it does naturally and be "at one" with it, then I can see why she'd be upset by the teacher saying something like that.

It's not necessarily about confidence at all, it's about the arbitrary standards that society holds girls and women accountable to.

And yes I absolutely think an 11 year old can make their own decision about that.

Teachers shouldn’t comment on students appearance. It’s inappropriate .

@Boxerdogmum I would consider emailing the teacher directly, not including their seniors, and tell them how it made your daughter feel. Once they’ve read this I’m sure they will be mortified and won’t do it again.

TestingTestingWonTooFree

I really wouldn’t contact the school about this. She suggested your daughter tidy herself up. She didn’t say she should pluck or dye her eyebrows

Nonsense.

The condition of a child's eyebrows is none of the teacher's business. Uniform maybe. Not body hair.

It is entirely possible to be confident about your own appearance, fine with your own choices, and at the same time taken seriously aback when someone in a position of authority making a comment about your appearance in a setting where you least expect the focus to be on the appearance of your body parts.

It's as if you went for a doctor's appointment and the doctor asked you if you were aware you had chosen to mix plaid with polka dots and offered you a different blouse.

Or if you went for an interview and the interviewer asked you if you were going to remove a mole on your face instead of focusing on your credentials.

The teacher would never have said anything along these lines to a boy.

You absolutely should contact the teacher and tell her her comments were neither requested nor welcome.

Nobody should be encouraging kids to lick their fingers in covid times. Hope she told your Dd to gel her fingers first. 😂

of course yabu
mind your own business op.
she didnt say pluck your eyebrows,

I’m with you op. People will tell you to calm down but this is the sort of insidious misogynistic crap that reinforces sexism.

I’m honestly quite taken aback with the replies on here. Mumsnet is usually very pro women and this is an 11 year old female who is already having her appearance pointed out to her.
Whether it be eyebrow hair, a messy ponytail, spots or over used make up it’s absolutely no ones right to critique her appearance. The impact society has on young girls outlook is massive and she shouldn’t feel forced to ‘fix’ something she doesn’t think is broken just because it’s against the norm.

Yes hunt her down was maybe a bit much but OP is of course protective of her upset daughter. I’d speak to the teacher just to ask for clarity on what happened and if it’s exactly as your DD has said then make it clear it’s inappropriate.

clam down

I love this

I would agree that it was inappropriate if it was said in front of a whole class, it sounds like it was a discreet comment meant in a kind way. I wouldn’t complain over this, maybe discuss with your daughter what she would say next time?

This makes me never want to be a teacher.. she was trying to be kind No wonder there's a national shortage of teachers..

@DeadSouth
mumsnet is usually prowomen?
but we are all making our own choices
we are not all the same and we dont all have the same opinions

It doesn’t sound like she intended any criticism here - she was just letting her know her eyebrow was sticking up! Same as lipstick on teeth, label sticking out, skirt tucked into tights, mark on face, etc, surely. Women do this for each other! FFS.

I agree with @littlepeas

and you know how mean other children can be, before you know it they pick up on her stray eyebrow hair and call her eyebrow for a nickname,
it happens op

OP I dont know why your daughter is getting a hard time here! And I'm taking your 'hunt down' comment as something said in jest.

I work with teenagers. It is never ever appropriate to comment on their appearance unless it's to do with something specifically inappropriate, or occasionally in praise. So I might tell one of my students I like their hairstyle if its clearly new and clearly took hours in the morning, but that is the extent of it.

Young women do not need anyone commenting on their appearance, especially something as naturally occurring as eyebrows! Young women do not need to be grateful to older women for 'saving her the embarrassment' of a messy appearance. Eyebrows can never be messy or embarrassing. They don't have value attached to their appearance, or rather they shouldn't.

There is nothing kind in telling someone their natural appearance is not quite right, discreetly mentioned or not.

@FlyingSquid

I don’t think we should be encouraging schoolchildren to lick their fingers and then touch their faces right now. They’re grimy enough little beings as it is.

Yeah, this.

I'm personally blessed with full eyebrows which is great but means I get the odd one out of place. I'd rather know about it but would rather be told discreetly than in front of the class. So whether the teacher deserves to be 'held to account' depends on whether she was helpful or just embarrassing.

No one in this situation is as pathetic as the covid police pp who thinks they have a right to know why OP's daughter is at school though.

I arrived at a beauty salon for my leg wax appointment, the receptionist looked at me and said ‘are you here for your eyebrow appointment?’ 😞😂
Never got over it to be honest..:.

oh the hairdresser asked me if i was having a chin wax! not i was having eyebrow threading leave my chin out of it!

Not the same as a skirt tucked into tights, no. Skirts are meant to be outside of tights and sometimes that goes wrong! Eyebrows just grow on our faces, they are not meant to lie flat or smooth - they just do their eyebrow thing!!

And telling someone their appearance is wrong is no act of female solidarity. If a woman stopped me in the supermarket to tell me my eyebrows needed smoothing I would think she was bonkers, frankly.

Women do girls no favours by perpetuating this shit.

I wouldn’t bother the school with this. I would prepare a good comeback for your daughter to use in case this happens again.

I would be furious. If anyone said this in a work meeting they would be marched to HR.

I REALLY couldn't get excited about this .
As we all know how vicious kids can be perhaps she didn't want others taking the piss and told her.

If she is self confident and making her own choice, I don't understand why she feels so self conscious after a teacher's comment. If she wants to have wild eyebrows and happy with it. It maybe pointed out by her friends too, which I think is worse than teacher saying something to her in person, I assuming not in front of the whole classroom.