teacher commenting on my dd eyebrows

[Boxerdogmum]

im a bit stuck. im bringing up dd 11 years old to make her own choices she is hitting puberty and has chosen to just be at one with her own body hair. armpit hair and so on and i'm so proud of her. much more self confidence than i ever had at her age. recently she told me that one of her female teachers stopped at her desk looked at her and said you might want to just lick your finger and sort out your eyebrow hair there. shes not exactly frida kahlo but it made her feel very self conscious. AIBU to hunt this teacher down and hold her to account?

I’m shocked that people think it’s ok for a teacher to comment on a child’s looks especially when it’s a natural look (could understand it if the child had make up on or had shaved her eyebrows), of course it isn’t ok to do this, kids hitting puberty are fine a bit untidy, spotty or have greasy skin, does that make it ok to point it out to them?

OP, I would say something. And I’m with your dd, I have never shaved, plucked or brushed my brows, mine are 100% natural and probably bushy 🤣.

You are being oversensitive.

YABVVVU for wanting to 'hunt this teacher down'.

But, I do agree with you that what teacher said is inappropriate, rude, unprofessional and above everything sexist (would she have said the same thing to a boy? My guess is not). It also can make the life of a child who is being bullied harder as it sends the message that even the teacher picks on certain features some pupils have.
In your shoes I would have a quiet word with the teacher, not go in all guns blazing, but simply tell her your daughter were upset about a comment teacher made about her eyebrows and you want to know the teachers version of what happened.
If what your DD said happened, is true, I would expect a written apology from the school and the guarantee that it'd never happen again. And I would probably complain about it to the head of the school too and expect them to provide said teacher with some training about empathy, internalized misogeny, and the impact sexist comments about from a person with authority can have on very young girls.

@Sinful8
What a Really offensive remark you have made about Ops Concerns,

"You said Teacher helped Weird Kid fit in
Hardly Crime of the century"

Frankly you said a bit on Weird side yourself@Sinful 8

(I am in a bit of quandary about Ops Post
As I can see both viewpoints.!
I think depends on the way the teacher said it,if she was discreet about saying this to her,
But if teacher said it in front of the class in either raised voice/or and in a way that was in disproving manner, comments that's different,

Also could provide something for pupils who are mean to have a excuse to bit mean too, about your daughter being pointed out in that manner in front of the classclass

Its not like her school wear was untidy or she was dressed inappropriate in the way her school wear was.
As Op said
Her daughter has not got Frieda Kahlo the Great Artist painter famous mono eyebrows.style going on with her eyebrows.

I think teacher was nit picking doing that.

Her daughter at very sensitive age
And pupils should not really be Judged on their facial appearerence
Only Judged it they are going into school if pupil have either have multiple/lots of facial piercings or a tattoos on their face or body.
😕

I'm also quite surprised, although having been on AIBU for long enough now I probably shouldn't be.

OP, I wouldn't like it if a teacher made this comment to my child either. If they were genuinely concerned that they looked messy/not put together, I would expect the comments to be made to me. We forget how impressionable young children are - I could probably brush it off and laugh if someone said it to me, but as a shy child I would of been mortified if a teacher said this to me.

Unfair that someone on this post referred to your child as a snowflake too, lets just remind ourselves we are talking about an 11 year old.

To be clear, I do agree that the teacher shouldn't have said anything. Just that it's sad, that a confident child, who is vocal about choices become self conscious so easily.
I have similar strong willed child, a boy with long hair, who has been picked on and ridiculed by peers, but never changed the way he looks.

What TrialOfStyle said.

It is the teacher's job to make sure the class observe uniform rules, which is a discipline issue, not comment on someone's natural appearance. It would be modelling poor manners under any circumstances and if others could overhear it would basically be drawing the attention of any bullies to something they might never have noticed.

Like others, I absolutely refuse to believe she would have said the same to a boy.

Also- we have been told for nearly a year now about the risks of spreading infection and the need for sanitising, yet here is a teacher instructing a pupil to lick her fingers in class. Nice

Former teacher here. I'm guessing that this is an inexperienced & younger teacher who just made a mistake. Most people in the profession learn very quickly that any personal comments about students in a classroom are to be avoided. However, if you want all the money that the state has spent training him/her to be wasted, then by all means go ahead and make a fuss, which will probably result in them leaving teaching, because once a parent has made an official complaint, even a mild one or one that is proved to be nonsense, that is their career more or less over in terms of future promotion/headship, so they might as well go and retrain to do something else. Up to you. 50% of those who complete the teacher training course have left the business after 5 years. Would you prefer a competent teacher who makes the odd gaffe or someone who never makes a mistake but probably bores the kids to death?

YANBU

Teacher 100 percent in the wrong.

@SquirtleSquad

hunt this teacher down and hold her to account

Calm down yourself! I took the OP’s comment as a figure of speech.

The teacher was out of order. I would speak to her @Boxerdogmum

@Changethetoner

Maybe the teacher had big bushy messy eyebrows as a teenager, and nobody told her it looked awful - so she was paying it forward- and trying to help your daughter. (as in, a friendly kind advice, before the bullies got started on her).

Her job is not to decide what people should look like. But her job, if there is bullying of pupils for any reason, is to deal with that. People should not have to change to fit the norms of bullies.

Hi Op
Looking at few other Posters
I have had a rethink I think your concerns about your daughter being Judged on her facial appearance by her teacher.

This is not ok.!

Op i think you should email this Teacher to have a appointment to speak to her of your concerns.

I think you’re possibly conflating two separate things. From what you wrote (lick your finger and sort your eyebrow) I assumed the teacher was just pointing out one of your DD’s eyebrows had gone astray. Not because it was natural, but because it had got rubbed up somehow. My eyebrows are very thin but one of them does have a habit of sticking up mid-eyebrow which I’m glad when friends tactfully point out in the same way I’m glad when they tell me I’ve got broccoli stuck in my teeth. I don’t take their broccoli comments as some kind of comment on my orthodontics or anything.

Whether the teacher should have commented or not is a separate matter, but I think you’re being over-sensitive and reading more into the comment than was meant.

Would the teacher have made the same comment to a male pupil? I highly doubt it.

Yes, they get similar comments about beards and facial hair if it gets out of hand. No one has the vapours about it. (I'm not a teacher, parent to boy)

A lot of teachers joke with their class about teenage fashions and big eyebrows in various forms are a thing at the moment. Some teachers are a bit weird and some are a bit socially inept and say the wrong thing. Teachers are talking to kids all the time so they are bound to say stupid stuff sometimes. What is she like at teaching geography or whatever she teaches? That is what I would be worrying about.

My husband has very bushy eyebrows and if they get too long they touch his eyelashes, which causes him to blink like a maniac, because obviously they're irritating him.
If I'm sat next to him and see him doing it I will wet my finger and smooth them out.
He doesn't mind.
I usually attack them with a pair of scissors!

Leave the teacher alone.
She probably thought your daughters bushy at natural eyebrows were interfering with her vision a d she was trying to do her a favour.

Taking things to a logical continuum, if I had one continuous eyebrow, a mono-eyebrow, would I be required in the office, or when I had been at school, to make it look more like two separate brows?

I am trying to consider whether we have to fit into standards of what is fashionable at the moment. I think what is smart is about changing fashions - but nature has its own ideas. What nature chooses to do, may be for a very good reason. Eyebrows shield the eyes from dust, perhaps nature thinks certain shapes of eyelids match certain types of eyebrow.

I also think the fun of learning is to be able to immerse yourself in ideas, and identify yourself with your creative efforts. If appearance is going to be remarked upon, other than when it breaches uniform policy, it brings the personal into school matters.

Good grief. I think teachers have enough on their plate at the moment. Please teach your DD some resilience. Yes the teacher had no right to say it but it wasn’t offensive, your DD could have said back no thank you’.

The teacher was massively out of order, and I hope you do hunt her down and give her a taste of her own medicine. Shaming a child for her eyebrows is nasty behaviour.

it’s a little like having lipstick on your teeth or a bogey.

It really isn't. Not remotely.

@starfishmummy

Would the teacher have made the same comment to a male pupil? I highly doubt it.

Yes, they get similar comments about beards and facial hair if it gets out of hand. No one has the vapours about it. (I'm not a teacher, parent to boy)

Facial hair on boys will be in the uniform policy. I have never seen eyebrows mentioned in a uniform policy!

As a teacher, this teacher was completely wrong and unprofessional and sexist. Natural eyebrows are not an issue and teachers should never comment on the appearance of pupils unless it's to do with uniform policy or safeguarding

The banter my DC have had with their teachers has raised my eyebrows. I wouldn’t step in, this is what real life will look like at work and with people. Focus on building her up to handle it.

@MusicMan65

Former teacher here. I'm guessing that this is an inexperienced & younger teacher who just made a mistake. Most people in the profession learn very quickly that any personal comments about students in a classroom are to be avoided. However, if you want all the money that the state has spent training him/her to be wasted, then by all means go ahead and make a fuss, which will probably result in them leaving teaching, because once a parent has made an official complaint, even a mild one or one that is proved to be nonsense, that is their career more or less over in terms of future promotion/headship, so they might as well go and retrain to do something else. Up to you. 50% of those who complete the teacher training course have left the business after 5 years. Would you prefer a competent teacher who makes the odd gaffe or someone who never makes a mistake but probably bores the kids to death?

Well said.

A word yes, not hunting down.