teacher commenting on my dd eyebrows

[Boxerdogmum]

im a bit stuck. im bringing up dd 11 years old to make her own choices she is hitting puberty and has chosen to just be at one with her own body hair. armpit hair and so on and i'm so proud of her. much more self confidence than i ever had at her age. recently she told me that one of her female teachers stopped at her desk looked at her and said you might want to just lick your finger and sort out your eyebrow hair there. shes not exactly frida kahlo but it made her feel very self conscious. AIBU to hunt this teacher down and hold her to account?

Yup, I think a more fruitful approach would be to encourage and support DD to become more resilient as well as encouraging her to make her own choices.

I might say to my DP that his eyebrows have gone a bit crazy, do you want a trim? However, I wouldn't say that in front of anybody else. The teacher was bang out of order, what was she thinking!

Actually no, i think the teacher was probably trying to be nice. Were they on their own? Discussing things generally having a laugh? Maybe her brows were sticking up/out and she was being kind. The way you are 'proud' of her for owning her body hair (i'm reading into this that you encourage her not to shave her pits), means that the teacher was probably trying to be kind.

But it isn't the teacher's job to comment on the girl's appearance. My comment was based on my understanding that this wasn't done in a private conversation but with other kids around. I don't think it is ever appropriate to comment on people's appearance in front of others. It's really rude. I can't remember a time I have ever done it, much less if I was in a position of authority.
Having said that I doubt I would actually raise it but I would acknowledge the child's feelings about it.
At 11 I was getting the nit nurse whispering (shouting in my mind) in my ear "are you still wetting the bed?". That was worse to be fair.

Aargh can't use the quote function. Sorry.

Your daughter sounds lovely. Confidence is a great thing.

@ClaireP20

Your daughter sounds lovely. Confidence is a great thing.

She's not confident though is she? If a simple 'Oh your hair is out of place you might want to smooth it', causes her and her 'proud' mother so much angst.

This is why I'm not convinced the child's choices are entirely her own and not influenced by the OP.

I’d call the school and tell them you would like them to refrain from making sexist comments about your daughter’s appearance. There is NOTHING weird about eyebrows. There is no need to “tidy them” as described and the child is thereto learn not be groomed into some sort of neurotic Barbie.y

I'd raise it i think, it's odd. I've never commented on a pupil's eyebrows, even when they paint them on so thick they take up half their face. I do think to myself various things like 'what are the parents playing at letting them go out like that' and 'why don't her friends say something instead of laughing at her' but It's never dream of saying anything. It feels odd imo... if it did actually happen like that.

Does your daughter brush her hair or would this go against her feminist beliefs? If she doesn't, and was perhaps looking a little bit scruffy, I don't see the problem.

Age 11 last year in primary? Has already decided she's going to embrace hairy armpits an so on? She doesn't need to think about any of that yet. And am shocked any teacher would comment about a child's eyebrows this way. Teachers are not one bit bothered about child's eyebrows. Unless they have a face full of makeup on doubt they really care.

Ffs - no wonder teachers are leaving the profession in droves when they have to deal with ridiculous people like the OP.
It doesn’t sound at all like she shouted across the room your eyebrows look shit or anything like that.
She probably thought she was being helpful. Maybe home school if you’re so sensitive about tiny comments made.

I'm imagining this sort of thing from the OP, a stray or unruly hair(s) that the teacher has said she may want to slick down.

Not convinced she did.

I disagree with a lot of PPs saying that it's a non issue.

Would the teacher have made the same comment to a male pupil? I highly doubt it.

I think your reaction is over the top, but I can understand why you're annoyed and I think it's a good thing to teach your daughter not to be accepting of these antiquated gender stereotypes.

Child's choice or your choice? Maybe she's saying teacher said as she doesn't want to upset you that she actually wants to be like her friends.

I would have appreciated some beauty tips from teachers back in my day because I was totally clueless due to my mother not knowing or caring the first thing about makeup or not having stray hairs etc

I’d be really surprised if a teacher at my child’s school did this. But if they did and it had upset my daughter, I might have a word with the teacher to tell her it was inappropriate and to not comment on my child’s appearance.

My daughter would probably just think that any teacher that did this was a bit of a twat and ignore them. I’d be inclined to agree.

@Sweettea1

Child's choice or your choice? Maybe she's saying teacher said as she doesn't want to upset you that she actually wants to be like her friends.

I agree with pp . You say you are bringing her up to be confident in her own body....but one little innocuous comment has brought her down. Maybe she isn't confident at all - just maybe she is trying to fit in with your ideas.

So shes confident enough to go against the norm with her body hair but she lacks confidence for someone saying smooth down your rogue brow?

Also has no one ever had a rogue eyebrow where some hairs stick up and need to be brushed back into place, seriously? My eyebrows were always commented on at school. shrugs maybe i am frida kahlos twin.

I had a nice teacher who when I was about 13 said "what is this on your chin?" I had about 3 spots in a cluster and my mum refused to buy make up. It always stuck with me. I suppose to her at 30 you could just buy make up or medicinal products but my mum was very tight, just highlighted it for me

My grandmother had a thing about eyebrows, it really bothered her when they were sticking out in odd directions. She'd smooth them down (not on strangers, on her grandkids and apparently her kids.)

I just don't think this is something to worry about. Sometimes people say odd things. It's a good lesson in moving on.

I don’t think we should be encouraging schoolchildren to lick their fingers and then touch their faces right now. They’re grimy enough little beings as it is.