Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you think of SAHMs?

999 replies

HarryHarryHarry · 08/01/2021 21:31

For the past 3 years I have been a SAHM. I never imagined that I would be one but I actually quite like it. Eventually I plan to go back to work but it could be that I just work unskilled-type jobs instead of having a proper career. I really don’t know what my options will be when the time comes. I might just stay home and focus on my writing, which is my real passion, or I might go back to university and retrain in something. (We are lucky that we can currently afford to get by on just one parent’s wages). Recently though I have been wondering what my children will think of me when they’re older. Especially my daughter. Am I a bad example to her?

If your mum was a SAHM, did you have any thoughts about that?

OP posts:
Cleverpolly3 · 16/01/2021 11:50

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

How would that benefit society? Parents remaining in work and women being visible and participatory I’d beneficial Yes Women remain in the workplace is beneficial for society

I took the decision I’d trained for a long time and didn’t want to give up work
It was beneficial that I remain in work as I work in a skilled and shortage area.

My kids were at Nursery FT no adverse affects, well rounded happy children. It’s only 5 years, no biggie in the big picture

You don't have to explain your circumstances. I assume you are capable of making the best decision for you and your family. As we all are or have to.

That's the point

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 16/01/2021 11:54

I really can’t take your posts seriously @Cleverpolly3
All The sarky nonsense about league of gentlemen and general disparaging comments
You’ve gotten too invested and over personalised this thread

pa1oma · 16/01/2021 12:32

Ha! Du you think people take you seriously LipstickCoffeeHandbagsPerfume?

You’re like a caricature of a jumped-up arrogant twit of woman in middle-management. Your posts reek with bitterness. Here you are showing your true colours -

“Whippet thin,permatanned with work done women who are usually divorced to be replaced by a younger perkier wife.Not happily coexisting with the rich guy until he retires. Not at all”

Just look at yourself.

You claim not to have a DH, yet on other threads you do.

Im afraid YoSushi is shut today. Looks like a good old session of the Equal Opportunities Act for you. Got to stay contemporaneous after all!

Cleverpolly3 · 16/01/2021 12:44

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

I really can’t take your posts seriously *@Cleverpolly3* All The sarky nonsense about league of gentlemen and general disparaging comments You’ve gotten too invested and over personalised this thread
The League of Gentleman is a comedy show. In the context of my mentioning it here the biggest exercise in self parody in it was the JobSeekers sketch. I have to say I think Job Centre's Pauline would have found her people with some of you, in that how some of you manage to hold down a job when you speak to and treat people in contempt like this online as she does in person is beyond me. You must save it for here because some of you would be out of a job if you exercise the level of discrimination and prejudice in the workplace that you do here.

Furthermore, why do you think it matters to me whether you take me seriously or not? It doesn't. In your case though I will take it is a monumental compliment that in the context of this issue you consider me nothing to aspire to or someone you can relate to as the feeling is entirely mutual.

Cleverpolly3 · 16/01/2021 12:45

@pa1oma

Ha! Du you think people take you seriously LipstickCoffeeHandbagsPerfume?

You’re like a caricature of a jumped-up arrogant twit of woman in middle-management. Your posts reek with bitterness. Here you are showing your true colours -

“Whippet thin,permatanned with work done women who are usually divorced to be replaced by a younger perkier wife.Not happily coexisting with the rich guy until he retires. Not at all”

Just look at yourself.

You claim not to have a DH, yet on other threads you do.

Im afraid YoSushi is shut today. Looks like a good old session of the Equal Opportunities Act for you. Got to stay contemporaneous after all!

More chips on her shoulder than a branch of Harry Ramsden's
Meezer2 · 16/01/2021 12:57

It's really whatever suits the individual isn't it?

Although some can choose and others have no choice or options?

For me when my three sons were small I found working three days a week to be the best option for us.
The stimulation, money and enjoyment of working in a job I'd trained hard to do and found very rewarding..

(I'm an operating department practitioner working in the maternity theatres mostly assisting in Caesarean sections plus other obstetric procedures).

I had set family friendly shifts which meant easy to plan childcare.. which was expensive but necessary - nursery/breakfast club and after school club on work days.

On my days off I throughly enjoyed my 'SAHM' time and felt like I was kind of two different people with plenty of time to give to each role.

I went back full time as the children got older and now I'm 53 the years of pensions contributions from when I was part time are useful to my overall pension pot.

Life's a freakin' juggling act and I think if you can find something than works the majority of time and/or makes you reasonably content then that's pretty much as good as you can get it.

Smile
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 16/01/2021 13:02

Awwwit’s my two besties @Cleverpolly3 and @pa1oma popping up with a pithy observation
Helpfully Always on hand to tell me my alleged shortcomings
CheersWink

Indecisive12 · 16/01/2021 13:07

When my DC we’re pretty-school aged i worked 3 days, they were with my parents one day and 2 days with a childminder. Now they’re at school I work 4 days.
I think the decision is very individual. My SIL is a SAHM having given up her career when her second was born 10 years ago, she loves it. My DB however works extremely long hours including weekends and travels a lot so I’m not sure how her working would have fit in with his career and she was happy to be a SAHM so for them it’s a win win. SIL interestingly is in charge of the finances as she has more head space and time for it.
My cousin is also a SAHM, her DP wants her to work but she says she doesn’t want other people raising her kids. When one goes to school she ‘accidentally’ (she had confirmed the inverted commas to me) gets pregnant and so has had 15 years of not having to work. All children go to nursery at 2 paid for by her DP as she feels it is beneficial for the children but she only wants them to go mornings so they don’t get too tired which is incompatible with her working.

GypsyLee · 16/01/2021 13:09

Aw, just love your life, there's nothing better.
Make dcisions for yourself first, then partner, then family.
There would be far fewer bitter wohm on here then.
There's just been another deleted, 3 this week from dissatisfied working women.
If you aren't happy do something about it and stop attacking other women for their choices.
Good God, feminism is non existent on here.

Cleverpolly3 · 16/01/2021 13:13

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Awwwit’s my two besties *@Cleverpolly3 and @pa1oma* popping up with a pithy observation Helpfully Always on hand to tell me my alleged shortcomings CheersWink
Alleged in whose eyes? Certainly not mine. I wouldn't describe them as shortcomings that would be stupid, but I do take issue with with your views on aspects of this topic and have clearly stated that.

I don't know what else you've written elsewhere and I might agree with some of those views.

My issue with what you've written on this thread is not your legitimate observations about whether a woman might be more vulnerable, whether she sacrifices things she shouldn't but rather the mean and corrosive way you've taken individual posters apart and virtually sneered at them based on choices or necessity. I don't like it. I don't like women taking hatchet jobs to women as a group - if SAHM mothers did it to working women and incidentally you don't know what my status is - I wouldn't like that either.

As long as working women and SAHM continue to do this the damage keeps being done.

Just stop. Get on with you life and stop being so patrician and disparaging about others. I would have thought with your skills and busy life you wouldn't have time for what you clearly see as small fry which is women you think you have the measure of. You don't.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 16/01/2021 13:26

Lol,This faux handwringing from someone who’s been sarky all thread and referenced a dodgy telly programme as a comparitor

Baws · 16/01/2021 13:35

If you can afford it when the DC are small then it’s fine but I find it difficult to respect anyone with older DC who makes this choice. I’ve got some acquaintances on FB who I met at mother and toddler groups who are still ‘stay at home mums’ when the DC are now in their 20s! Hmm Recently one was moaning on FB that she was broke because her self employed DH couldn’t work after surgery so not as if they are rolling in it either! I found it difficult to have sympathy in this situation.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 16/01/2021 13:40

@baws best user name I’ve seen in a whileGrin

GypsyLee · 16/01/2021 13:57

@Baws

If you can afford it when the DC are small then it’s fine but I find it difficult to respect anyone with older DC who makes this choice. I’ve got some acquaintances on FB who I met at mother and toddler groups who are still ‘stay at home mums’ when the DC are now in their 20s! Hmm Recently one was moaning on FB that she was broke because her self employed DH couldn’t work after surgery so not as if they are rolling in it either! I found it difficult to have sympathy in this situation.
I have no respect for people with such a narrow view of life, clearing admitting they lack sympathy, so sorry for you. I'm sure a counsellor could help. Sad
TarnishedSilver · 16/01/2021 14:01

@Baws

If you can afford it when the DC are small then it’s fine but I find it difficult to respect anyone with older DC who makes this choice. I’ve got some acquaintances on FB who I met at mother and toddler groups who are still ‘stay at home mums’ when the DC are now in their 20s! Hmm Recently one was moaning on FB that she was broke because her self employed DH couldn’t work after surgery so not as if they are rolling in it either! I found it difficult to have sympathy in this situation.
If you have no respect for someone, improve your life - cut them loose - do you both a favour. Why would someone expect or need sympathy from you - you barely know them unless you are doing that pretend friend thing? 😏
Cleverpolly3 · 16/01/2021 14:14

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Lol,This faux handwringing from someone who’s been sarky all thread and referenced a dodgy telly programme as a comparitor
It’s not dodgy it’s cult Something I’m starting to think you I fight belong to
Cleverpolly3 · 16/01/2021 14:15

@Baws

If you can afford it when the DC are small then it’s fine but I find it difficult to respect anyone with older DC who makes this choice. I’ve got some acquaintances on FB who I met at mother and toddler groups who are still ‘stay at home mums’ when the DC are now in their 20s! Hmm Recently one was moaning on FB that she was broke because her self employed DH couldn’t work after surgery so not as if they are rolling in it either! I found it difficult to have sympathy in this situation.
Well aren’t you a peach
Cleverpolly3 · 16/01/2021 14:17

*might belong to

No handwringing on my part for you or anyone else. I actually feel a bit sad for you as you seem to be some sort of android.

Baws · 16/01/2021 14:48

@GypsyLee
It’s wrong to expect people not to work to support their family when there are no reasons why they shouldn’t? I’m baffled that you think this is acceptable! You sound very entitled!

pa1oma · 16/01/2021 14:50

Still buying your ‘own food’ such as tofu and vegetables Lipstick? How’s that panning out for the family over lockdown?

In another dimension we might get on quite well as I’m veggie too Grin

Baws · 16/01/2021 14:53

@TarnishedSilver
I clearly said they were an acquaintance and not a friend.
Imagine if everyone sat around on their arses not bothering to work when they were perfectly capable. What possible reason would there be for someone with grown up children not to work if they didn’t have enough money? Surely that’s the logical solution?
There are some really odd views on here!

Baws · 16/01/2021 14:56

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee
Grin

Baws · 16/01/2021 14:57

@Cleverpolly3
The feeling is mutual however I’m obviously adult enough to believe that we are entitled to our own views. I hope you’re not this judgemental when others disagree with you in real life!

Kottbullar · 16/01/2021 15:12

There are some really odd views on here!
Including your own.

Cleverpolly3 · 16/01/2021 15:34

[quote Baws]@Cleverpolly3
The feeling is mutual however I’m obviously adult enough to believe that we are entitled to our own views. I hope you’re not this judgemental when others disagree with you in real life![/quote]
I can entirely take a difference of opinion
It’s the manner in which it’s conveyed and the reasons behind it I find more problematical

Swipe left for the next trending thread