To ask what you think of SAHMs?

[HarryHarryHarry]

For the past 3 years I have been a SAHM. I never imagined that I would be one but I actually quite like it. Eventually I plan to go back to work but it could be that I just work unskilled-type jobs instead of having a proper career. I really don’t know what my options will be when the time comes. I might just stay home and focus on my writing, which is my real passion, or I might go back to university and retrain in something. (We are lucky that we can currently afford to get by on just one parent’s wages). Recently though I have been wondering what my children will think of me when they’re older. Especially my daughter. Am I a bad example to her?

If your mum was a SAHM, did you have any thoughts about that?

@pa1oma

It’s definitely you. You say exactly the same things on all these threads and the way you write and structure sentences is very distinct.

100%. Odd and inconsistent use of punctuation is the main giveaway. Bonus is the vaguely rambling style.

My mum was a SAHM & although I benefited from her presence, I also felt a bit stifled by it as a teenager. My mum lived her life through us & I wished she did something for herself. She supported us in everything that we did but she didn't manage v well when I left home. It took her a long time to adjust to me becoming independent.

I remembered this when I became a mum so it was important for me to work after having kids. I worked full time until the kids were 3 as the nursery fees were too high & it didn't make financial sense.

I was a SAHM when the kids were small but got a part time job when they started primary. I have a good work life balance and I have a social circle separate to my children. This is important for my mental health but I understand that not everyone can achieve this balance.

Paloma, at first you sounded a little stalkery by bringing up Yo Sushi. Then by insisting even when Lipstick has clearly said it wasn't her, you are starting to sound unhinged. You are taking this a little personally. There are times when you need to step away from the keyboard.

Last few posts are so weird. SAHMs on the vino?

Not you, click. That sounds reasonable.

I have literally no opinions about ‘stay at home mums’ (hate that term but no other term is much better) or employed mums.

I thinks there is a lot more that goes in to being a good parent than just whether someone works or not.

I was a SAHM when the kids were small but I retrained and went back to work when they started school. My husband is self employed and earned a good wage but a few years ago, he suffered an injury. If I hadn't been working, I don't know what would have happened to us. Now in Covid times, I'm the only breadwinner which is stressful but I like knowing that if one day we broke up, I could probably manage financially.
It might be worth keeping a hand in, just in case. 😀

I’m a SAHM to my DS and will be to DS2 when he’s born. DS is currently 15 months old, I’m a single mum and don’t work at the minute due to a disability. I’m hoping that I can manage my disability by the time my youngest starts nursery/primary, so that I am able to get back into work.

I also don’t have any opinion really, it’s whatever works best for the individual and their family

If you are not working and have not done so for a while you have limited contemporary experience to draw from to discuss work knowledgeably your kids

This is really not as important as you seem to think? It's only useful if your child wants to follow the same career path as you. Otherwise the information will have to be got from a different source anyway. This is easy whether you work or not - the only prerequisite is giving a shite about helping your DC.

My mum worked but didn't go to university and had no experience/knowledge of the "professions". So when I was deciding which degree to apply for she made some phone-calls and set up some meetings for me to discuss it with those in the know. A SAHM is perfectly capable of doing the same, it's even easier nowadays as most of the information is available at the click of a button.

Also I think some posters overplay how difficult it is to adapt back into the workplace after some time out. Obviously it will vary depending on the role/the length of time out etc. but I imagine for the majority it really isn't that difficult to get back into it and brush up their skills.

I was a SAHM for 5/6 years and within a week of being back at work it felt like I'd never left. I think most people in a "career" type role keep up to speed with their industry, even if it's just occasionally browsing the newsletter from their membership association or what have you. It's not that difficult to stay in the loop in my profession. A few weeks of reading had me good to go before applying for positions.

Thank you blueshoes, I've not been on the tonight just the

Then you said the reason you like Yo Sushi is because the coloured bowls help you to keep track of what food you eat and what food he has had so you can split the bill precisely. Then you work out what the kids have had and split that between you. Then you split the tip!

if that's true there's literally zero point trying to discuss the merits of SAH parenting with this poster, with a life like that there's no way she could comprehend it.

I am envious of SAHMs who can financially support themselves or has a partner who can provide for the family and they do not rely on benefits.

@blueshoes

Last few posts are so weird. SAHMs on the vino?

More bollocks More patronising twaddle And more assumptions

And from a trained person

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

TLOG?

The League of Gentlemen

Pauline to be precise.
When you’ve done being important and contemporaneous at about 8pm tonight you can come back on here and tell me how wrong I am

I think if some of the women on here are recalling anecdotes from years ago combined with usernames and posting styles their minds are definitely being underused and they should look for work 🤗

@AIMD

I have literally no opinions about ‘stay at home mums’ (hate that term but no other term is much better) or employed mums.

I thinks there is a lot more that goes in to being a good parent than just whether someone works or not.

I think you win!😁A good parent is definitely so much more than whether you work or not!

Fgs, LipstickHandbagCoffee or HandbagCoffeePerfume or whatever she’s calling herself today is always good entertainment. I’ve had a few exchanges with her, which usually start with her assuring me I have no value to society / am a poor role model to my children / am financially vulnerable / thick etc etc etc. She knows all this because of her ‘workplace contemporary issues which are contemporaneous in workplace,’ or some such twaddle. When all else fails, she will fall back on your husband will ‘trade you in for a younger model’. In fact he’s bound to be already at it, I just don’t know about it. On every thread she will tell SAHMs their DHs are no doubt having affairs.

So yes, its all nonsense and I should step away, but it is quite funny sometimes.

I was a SAHM for the first 3 years of my eldest daughters life - it was lovely to be able to do it (although harder work in many ways than working) but it left me in a precarious position when my marriage broke down.

Luckily I had a professional qualification and got a job back in that industry fairly easily (although I’m still not as senior as I was when I left work originally).

When I had my second dd (2nd dh) I refused to stop work (although I did reduce my hours). I don’t personally ever want to be dependent on someone else financially again and I will tell my dds the same.

It’s great if it works for you and I can see many benefits for the household and child but you never know if it’s about to stop working.

Whatever works for you and your family OP. I have been lucky enough to work PT while DCs were younger but fully intend to return FT as they are older. I like to be occupied, I like to be financially independent and I like the social and intellectual aspect of work.

@TarnishedSilver yea it’s true right!
I know some great parents, some awful parents and many parents inbetween.

Doesn’t seem to make a difference if they work or not.

[quote AIMD]@TarnishedSilver yea it’s true right!
I know some great parents, some awful parents and many parents inbetween.

Doesn’t seem to make a difference if they work or not.[/quote]
Absolutely - my mum was an angry, bad tempered, self-centred, paranoid woman but she would arrive at work completely transformed within seconds - all her colleagues adored her, spoke of her like she was a bloody saint. I grew up thinking she valued her job above all else - and all I wanted was a bit of her time, for her to care just a little - but it never happened.
For years I blamed her for putting her job above her parenting (hence I decided to be a SAHM) - it took me a long time to realise that whether she worked or not - parenting was not something she was ever going to excel at (I have forgiven her for this) - she was much too me, me, me. So I'd be telling the same story about her being a crap, uncaring parent whether she worked or not.

Contemporary issues in the workplace, ok. Two biggies affecting all workplace

General Data Protection Regulation. This affects any business that stores data about individuals. How the data is stored is governed by 7 key principles

The Equality Act 2010 legally protects people from discrimination in the workplace and in wider society. Employers and individuals need to be aware of the categories and it impacts upon service provision and employment

Diversity and opportunities policies. Huge changes on workplace, many workplaces have new specific policies and/or targets

So yes if you’re not working and have no direct experience of how these impact in workplace you’ll need to rely on recall,anecdote or google

Clearly the observation that Sahm need to rely on recall and anecdote to talk to their kids about the workplace. Has generated a reaction Oh and what a reaction . I am bemused that it’s such an ouch point that it generated a fierce response

Who is you really...? Did you post in 2014 that you had dinner in yo sushi and refused! Yes refused to split the bill! Well has the trauma of yup sushi and who paid what subsided?Or has it been too great a digression
. Imagine such a thing, a woman being autonomous with her own money, Fuck sake what next?

Who paid for the edamame beans has came to be symbolic or a symbolise malaise that courses through that kind of person. The kind of person who’d have their own money, we’ll see what that tells you. Women with jumped up ideas about having their own finances, when they could just have family money.

Anyway as unintentionally funny as it was I can’t take the credit for yo sushi that’s so rocked people world.

The Equality Act 2010 legally protects people from discrimination in the workplace and in wider society. Employers and individuals need to be aware of the categories and it impacts upon service provision and employment

Diversity and opportunities policies. Huge changes on workplace, many workplaces have new specific policies and/or targets

So yes if you’re not working and have no direct experience of how these impact in workplace you’ll need to rely on recall,anecdote or google

We are a small company, we just went through a recruitment process - all the people I worked along with from our company, had no clue about the specifics of the regulations surrounding the Equalities act...the others who have been working for Blue Chip companies since they left Uni with no gaps - had no clue, it didn't take too long to find out what we needed to know - ask them about a technical aspect of their jobs and they'll be experts in their field but they've always looked to HR to take care of that side of things while working for a blue chip...so I'd say they wouldn't have had a clue either.

And what we need to know about GDPR has been written on a two page document - it's really not that hard!

Oh this is a can of worms but here is my honest opinion.... I'm personally split between jealous, the 3x 3 months maternity leave so had were like a holiday tbh staying at home very easy compared to working as well. Working full time with three young kids with no help was a nightmare all chores squealed around work little sleep or rest.
My mum stayed at home our entire lives and was always there for us, she was the absolute best mum ever. However I saw how she had no power in the home and couldn't escape even if she wanted to. Didn't get to make barely and descsions herself etc around money as she never made any. We were very poorly and I feel if she worked a bit after we went to school we wouldn't have struggled as much as we did.
I vowed to have my own career never feel trapped or rely on a man for money. And I havent but it's come at a cost for sure. My kids really look up to me and my career and are proud of me as they say and I don't think it's halmed them and I've showed them that men and women can be house keepers and workers equally. But it's come at cost me not always being there for everything and I have no doubt at times they feel like they are a bother to me. (Like I have this meeting to go to now can you leave me alone pls...) Also I suspect I over compensate with stuff sometimes which I recognize is not ideal.
I think