To ask what you think of SAHMs?

[HarryHarryHarry]

For the past 3 years I have been a SAHM. I never imagined that I would be one but I actually quite like it. Eventually I plan to go back to work but it could be that I just work unskilled-type jobs instead of having a proper career. I really don’t know what my options will be when the time comes. I might just stay home and focus on my writing, which is my real passion, or I might go back to university and retrain in something. (We are lucky that we can currently afford to get by on just one parent’s wages). Recently though I have been wondering what my children will think of me when they’re older. Especially my daughter. Am I a bad example to her?

If your mum was a SAHM, did you have any thoughts about that?

Lazy and sets a bad example to children that it’s okay not to go to work.

It is ok not to go to work. It doesn't make you lazy, what a ridiculous post.
Do you not have a life outside work, kids and drudge?
There's a world out there, life is far too short to be chained to a job if you don't want to be.

Im not actually fussed about ins and outs of career days and who does them

Hear hear!

GypsyLee why "chained to a job". Do jobs have chains?

Guess not, because your dh is not chained to his, apparently. Surely you can see that someone can have a job and enjoy it. Seems to be random spraying of emotive language.

No, mine doesn't have a job, his work is his life, not something you retire from, really.
Of course people can have a job and enjoy, but many don't.
My point is it's not important to have a job to give your children a good work ethic, it's not just about working your life away, especially if you don't need to and have a satisfying life without.

GypsyLee, sounds good. Just hope you and dh did not rely on benefits.

Of course we did, right from the 90's, off and on.
Told no lies, gave our income details every tax year, have an accountant.
Didn't play he system, still don't know how much you have to earn etc or the rules.
Just fill in the form every year, state any changes etc.
We got more benefit when I was working tbh. It dropped considerably whenever I stopped, and so it should.

It smacks of poor self esteem if people are stooping to say how miserable the lives of others must be if they SAH or WOH and their life/jobs must be tedious and boring.
Teaching your DC that a good salary only comes with misery?
How bizarre
Working long hours for NMW in a call centre wouldnt be my idea of fun!

Im sure some people hate their jobs but its just as likely that the other half enjoy them.
Why deride people who work hard but might not love their job?
Sometimes you just have to get your head down and bring the money in.
Respect that totally.

Gypsy if you relied on benefits, you are relying on others' toil to fund your and dh's lifestyle, however much you say you are entitled to claim it. Nice. Lost all respect for you there.

I'm not calling other people's jobs boring or tedious. I don't know what people on here do.
Some jobs are boring, tedious and the person would be happier at home, that can't be so difficult to understand.

A good salary can come with misery, I've seen it many times, this also shouldn't be a surprise to you.
Some people are happy with less, some want more, there's no right or wrong.
Telling people they are lazy and poor role models because they don't work is ridiculous.
Ther's not only one way to live and it's important to educate your dc about all ways to live, not just your own ideas.
As for working in a call centre, it's a respectable job, you can earn a huge salary, depending on what you do.
Mine is in the middle atm, but studies too, so not looking long term and promotions. He manages to earn thousands in commission and bonusses though.

@blueshoes

Gypsy if you relied on benefits, you are relying on others' toil to fund your and dh's lifestyle, however much you say you are entitled to claim it. Nice. Lost all respect for you there.

I'll get over it.

Not read the whole thread but I'm the first to admit I used to take a dim view of SAHMs. My mum was one and I sometimes worried if she wanted to do more with her life, was she fulfilled etc. I also couldn't imagine being the stereotypical housewife, stuck at home, doing chores all day.

Changed my mind now, not sure if it's because I'm older and I'm getting a bit fed up of my work (thinking there's got to be something more fulfilling). Or because I'm now expecting my first child, I can't wait to start mat leave and have a whole year off with my new baby! Would quite happily quit my job now, for a little while anyway, and pursue other things. I think what you describe is a dream OP, about pursuing your writing!

@GypsyLee

I'm not calling other people's jobs boring or tedious. I don't know what people on here do. Some jobs are boring, tedious and the person would be happier at home, that can't be so difficult to understand.

A good salary can come with misery, I've seen it many times, this also shouldn't be a surprise to you.
Some people are happy with less, some want more, there's no right or wrong.
Telling people they are lazy and poor role models because they don't work is ridiculous.
Ther's not only one way to live and it's important to educate your dc about all ways to live, not just your own ideas.
As for working in a call centre, it's a respectable job, you can earn a huge salary, depending on what you do.
Mine is in the middle atm, but studies too, so not looking long term and promotions. He manages to earn thousands in commission and bonusses though.

Fair enough but your language around WOH is always steeped negativity and seemingly taking delight if others might be miserable. The inappropriate grinning Its really unpleasant. Anyway having been on many threads in the past I doubt you will change so am going to bow out.

GypsyLee: I'll get over it.

I am sure you will. What is damaging is your advising other posters that there is more to life than work when actually you are relying on benefits, others' work to fund your casual lifestyle. And you are advising your dcs to do the same, I presume.

Are you suggesting SAHMs who give up their financial independence to join you and dh on a life of benefits? You don't paint it that way, of course, why because you lose credibility. Sadly, this IS a poor role model.

Anyway having been on many threads in the past I doubt you will change so am going to bow out.

I see, so GypsyLee has form. No point engaging then.

I see, so GypsyLee has form. No point engaging then.

No more form than any of the other posters who make a beeline for such threads.

I've loved being a SAHM although had my DH had a more 'normal' job (he works away a lot) I would probably have stayed in part time work as he would have been around to help with childcare etc. My mum stayed at home, but was always busy with playgroup (pre, pre-school as it is now) scouting (she's still involved at 80 and looking forward to going back to beavers when things go back to normal) and caring for my Nan. I've never thought any less of her for the choices she and my Dad made, just as I never judge other people for the choices they make because everyone's situation is different.

That said, I'm glad that I never had to worry when the kids were poorly and needed to stay home from school, I'm glad they still don't come home to an empty house, and I'm glad we were able to afford for one of us to be a stay at home parent. My pension on the other hand is not glad! I'm now looking at going back to work, but without the stresses of childcare for three kids, so hoping to carve out a new role for me as a working parent. I have always made a point of telling the kids that for us it was a choice for me to stay at home, my education and career (and DH's) gave us the choice, it wasn't an expectation like my mum's generation who had to give up work in certain careers when they had children.

As for relying on benefits the only time in my life that's happened was when I was working!

@blueshoes

GypsyLee: I'll get over it.

I am sure you will. What is damaging is your advising other posters that there is more to life than work when actually you are relying on benefits, others' work to fund your casual lifestyle. And you are advising your dcs to do the same, I presume.

Are you suggesting SAHMs who give up their financial independence to join you and dh on a life of benefits? You don't paint it that way, of course, why because you lose credibility. Sadly, this IS a poor role model.

I'm not relying on benefit, don't be ridiculous. Yes, we've had benefit off and on over the years, many people have. Atm, I'm furloughed from our own business, I get £250 a month, and we weren't claiming benefit at the time. I was paid what was deemed to be my wage £250 a night. They just didn't take into account the diary that emptied between our journey from Devon to the NW. I have form for not following the fold, nothing I'm ashamed of.

I believe in a pandemic we should all look after our own kids and not expect others to do this, especially when their lives could be at risk. I think it's entitled and nothing to do with being male or female.

@blueshoes

Your school may be much stricter and say ‘only people currently working’ can do this. But my school doesn’t

My dd's school does not say it either. They are looking for volunteers so they would not restrict it. Nothing to stop a fresh SAHM from volunteering, I guess. Though it would seem a little odd of someone has been out of the workplace for more than 5 years, but you never know. it tends to be the parents who are in professional jobs who volunteer anyway, so those skills and tips get stale more quickly.

Thats all right then

And i agree completely re the professions which tend to go along to these things, so that fits more with the admittedly few sahm i know that have done it, teacher, lawyers etc

One had very unusual circumstances in that she had an age gap of 14 years between her children, she was in a very high powered job but jacked it all in 2nd time around

I’ll stop now...im boring myself

And i seem to be very fussed for someone who professes not to be fussed

Im honestly not fussed 😀

I was born in the fifties and my mother worked part time . My grandmother also worked , full time at first then part time till she was 74 . I also worked. Once my youngest was 10 I retrained as a nurse and worked till my late 50s when I had to finish due to a knee injury stopped me standing/walking for more than a few minutes. I couldn't afford childcare when the kids were little cos I had 3 within 2 and a half years . My mother couldn't help cos she was working herself but once I started training my dad could watch them for a few hours at a time even though he was disabled due to a stroke .

A good salary can come with misery, I've seen it many times
How come there are so many fulfilled happy housewives with enriching hobbies if this good salary = misery. The good salary that keeps the sahm

I’m back from work and catching up, yes I have given talks to pupils about working in specific field. I was invited to because I have that knowledge & experience

Sahm I know through school have asked my advice about courses for their older kids

Contemporary issues in workplace inc

• What are the issues and themes in work
• What’s it actually like, what are the demands of the role
• What candidates are getting onto training

- Contemporaneous Issues & themes

I’m back from work and catching up, yes I have given talks to pupils about working in specific field. I was invited to because I have that knowledge & experience

Well yes, people in specific jobs are always going to be asked

I can pretty much guarantee that in my previous jobs I would never be asked, cos they just weren’t that specific or interesting and i had a good job pre children

I really am not sure what response you are inviting on here, you obviously have interesting, very specific skills...yay go you! Honestly i think its really great that people have fascinating jobs

You do realise that millions of working people don’t have that sort of job, that plenty of people do basic admin and bookkeeping and retail work and packing in a factory etc

And I honestly dont care if people are sahm or not, i think we are all trying our best and sometimes one way or another we make mistakes or good choices

I have already said on here that i would suggest to young females i know to keep their jobs especially if they are vocational or really interesting and keep your hand in