To ask what you think of SAHMs?

[HarryHarryHarry]

For the past 3 years I have been a SAHM. I never imagined that I would be one but I actually quite like it. Eventually I plan to go back to work but it could be that I just work unskilled-type jobs instead of having a proper career. I really don’t know what my options will be when the time comes. I might just stay home and focus on my writing, which is my real passion, or I might go back to university and retrain in something. (We are lucky that we can currently afford to get by on just one parent’s wages). Recently though I have been wondering what my children will think of me when they’re older. Especially my daughter. Am I a bad example to her?

If your mum was a SAHM, did you have any thoughts about that?

No view although I did when i worked full time, couldn't understand why anyone would stay home. Im now a stay at home mum after working full time until my oldest was 12. I was a single mum with no choice, he went to breakfast club, school, after school until 5.45 and my mum picked him up until I got home at 6.30/7. He absolutely hated it. He loves now im home, he is 16 now and still prefers it. He is autistic though. I vowed when I had my little one i wouldnt put him through the same. He is also autistic so they both have high needs. I still have my own life, see friends and when the time comes I will get a job. I only worked in retail so its not as though I gave up a career. I feel very fortunate that I am able to stay home now. I would say it is definitely more difficult staying at home that it was going to work for me. Work was a break.

@blueshoes

Yes Sahm have worked,past tense,so rely on recall and anecdotes to discuss working. You can’t demonstrate going out to work or knowledgeably discuss contemporary issues in workplace if you’re not working

I fail to see what is tragic or misogynistic about this. It is stating a fact.

As a working parent, dh and I speak to my children's 6th formers on careers advice and do interview practice with them. I never seen a SAHP try to do this.

How many working parents try to do this? A parent can be many things and teach there child many things. Non are conclusive to working or staying at home. You can be a great inspiration to your children through many avenues. It doesn't all stem from working a job. Children need to be loved, fed, clothed, warm, taught manners, sharing, empathy, humour. They want to have fun and they want to learn. So 2 people make a baby. Those 2 people need to share these responsibilities between them. If someone feels their children are missing out some of these things then they need to re focus and do something about it. If all things are covered then the job is being done right. All the extras on top. Volunteering to speak to 6th formers about job prospects and inspiring them into the work place is brilliant. But it's an added extra onto what your children need you for. So whether you are a working mum or a stay at home mum the added extras that you do can vary so widely its stupid to compare them.

@pa1oma

Don’t worry about it.

Your ad hominems don't worry me at all. I just wondered if you were actually planning on explaining WHY that person's post was so petty and self important because it didn't look that way to me.

Ah well.

It’s like the female version of Ricky Gervais in “The Office.”

@pa1oma

It’s like the female version of Ricky Gervais in “The Office.”

That's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me.

To be fair it works quite well in my house

Dh can talk to the children about contemporary issues in the work place and demonstrate going out to work

And i talk to them about world events and politics, things that are in the news, feminism, bit of history gets in there as well

Obviously thats not always the case with other families

My mum was a SAHM, when I was a teen I thought it was awful and didn't think it was good for her (especially once me and my brother were teens, her world seemed very small - she didn't go out and see friends or have external hobbies, it was all daytime TV, reading and crosswords for her). But now I have my own kids I really appreciate the childhood that I had as a result of her being a SAHM, she was present at all school events, she did lots of activities with us, she was always physically there. I'm a little jealous of that now, I wish I could give my own kids that kind of upbringing.

I’m very envious of some SAHM to be honest. By some, I mean the financially secure ones.

I despise my job. I’m sure I’d miss spending time with my child even if I enjoyed it, but missing out on time with her to be in an utterly soul destroying work place tips me over the edge massively.

So it you’re in a good place financially and it works for your family - good for you!

Here's my anecdote - for what it's worth...
My mother had a career which she loved and was passionate about - couldn't say the same for her parenting which she was less keen on and avoided as much as possible and we were only too aware of how much she disliked parenting - oddly like her own mother - who was also very career focused but didn't care much for parenting. I think she should not have had children.
We had a full time housekeeper and my eldest sister did the lion's share of parenting when our housekeeper left for the evening. When my sister was old enough she moved to the other side of the world to escape her parenting duties...I don't know if my mother ever really appreciated that. My father also worked long hours but was much more involved with us - he actually seemed to like us and enjoy parenting. Anyway my mother's influence had the opposite effect - none of us wanted to parent like her.
I was a SAHM for 16 years. I had friends and hobbies, I never had to ask dh for money, I never felt our relationship was unbalanced, I felt valued and appreciated by my kids. My kids are hardworking and self -motivated. I only had one negative encounter with a Mum from school who spent 5 minutes full on bitching about SAHMs - when she finished I said flippantly I'm guessing you think I'm a WOHM...she hasn't spoken to me since.😂

I went back two years ago - expecting to feel completely out of place - but not that much has changed, I was computer literate when I left work and continued to be - new software is easy to pick up - and when you get stuck google is your friend. I once asked a question on here before I started my new job - about what had changed - keen to read up a bit - people came back with software and not much else.

Be aware that your dh can top up your pension tax free. Your pension is something that you should pay some attention to, not other people's opinions.

@pa1oma

“As a working parent.... “

Aren’t you clever... (slow clap)....

Paloma, again just stating a fact. You seem a little chippy and offensive yourself. Try to step away if it gets too much.

This thread keeps on giving.

@blueshoes

Yes Sahm have worked,past tense,so rely on recall and anecdotes to discuss working. You can’t demonstrate going out to work or knowledgeably discuss contemporary issues in workplace if you’re not working

I fail to see what is tragic or misogynistic about this. It is stating a fact.

As a working parent, dh and I speak to my children's 6th formers on careers advice and do interview practice with them. I never seen a SAHP try to do this.

See you’re another one bigging up your fellow womankind Not

Like the poster that wrote that bilge about SAHP leaving their brains at the office door your comment about careers advice is equally as tone deaf and vile. You sound completely up yourself too.

I have no time for people who are SAHP and make derogatory passive aggressive comments about “being there for their children more than working parents”

I have no time for this sort of nonsense you and the other poster spouted either.

How anyone can say they value the (predominantly ) role of women in ANY capacity in society and also write some of this tripe is beyond me.

@RufustheSniggeringReindeer

To be fair it works quite well in my house

Dh can talk to the children about contemporary issues in the work place and demonstrate going out to work

And i talk to them about world events and politics, things that are in the news, feminism, bit of history gets in there as well

Obviously thats not always the case with other families

Come on now. Certain folk would have you believe being a SAHP causes brain atrophy and an inability to relate to nothing except wash cycles, play dates, Marie Kondo “OK” magazine or Loose Women.

Actually that list might be pushing it. 😉

I thought parents gave their kids career advice whether they worked or not.
One of ours from being 13 would sit for hours discussing finance, mortgages and loans, different careers, lifestyle choices.
We had the time to do it, no work commitmants to get in the way.
Then it was ds2 turn and he wanted different help and support in the same areas.
Our youngest has been raised to understand all of this and is a savvy 17 year old.
What they have gained from having sahp is work for yourself at something you enjoy doing, it doesn't matter how much you earn and the more you earn doesn't make you successful, just sad with no life

As a working parent, dh and I speak to my children's 6th formers on careers advice and do interview practice with them. I never seen a SAHP try to do this

To be fair I thought the above poster meant interview days at school

Dh has done them, little chat about work and a pretend job interview

How you’d know someone was a sahm doing them i dont know

Certain folk would have you believe being a SAHP causes brain atrophy and an inability to relate to nothing except wash cycles, play dates, Marie Kondo “OK” magazine or Loose Women

😀

‘contemporary issues in the work place’

Living on the edge in the accounts department! New legislation in health and safety! The frenzy of a department reshuffle! Jan in HR has been on a management course!

Can’t think of anything more riveting ....

Bet everyone wants to be sat next to you at dinner parties Lipstick...

‘contemporary issues in the work place’

Which bore no relevance to any of my ds except one who works in a call centre. He didn't need much help with that one
I suppose it depends on whether you want to raise your kids to be trapped in life or whether you want them to be happy with themselves.

@RufustheSniggeringReindeer

As a working parent, dh and I speak to my children's 6th formers on careers advice and do interview practice with them. I never seen a SAHP try to do this

To be fair I thought the above poster meant interview days at school

Dh has done them, little chat about work and a pretend job interview

How you’d know someone was a sahm doing them i dont know

The parents volunteering for careers advice had to produce a profile of their work experience. I was also sitting in a room with other parents giving advice (like speed dating for the students) and I could hear what they were talking about - erm, their careers. It is a nice thing to do for the students, so that it is not just my dcs who get the benefit of my work experience, but others whose parents are not in my field but are interested. I did it in a girls' school.

So having to work is 'being trapped' and 'sad with no life'?

Is this what SAHMs think about their husbands and partners who have to bring in the bacon that the family lives on and funds the SAHM lifestyle. Funny that. Shocking not to see the double standard.

Yes all SAHMs think that. Of course they do. Because they are all the same.

Christ on a bike!

@blueshoes

So having to work is 'being trapped' and 'sad with no life'?

Is this what SAHMs think about their husbands and partners who have to bring in the bacon that the family lives on and funds the SAHM lifestyle. Funny that. Shocking not to see the double standard.

No, being trapped is having a lifestyle that means you have to work in a job you don't like/love to support a lifestyle you wouldn't have if you'd chosen something you love, but maybe paid less, or din't rely on working for a corporate in conditions that cause you stress. Life is too short.

I can't speak for all sahm's but no I don't think that, my dh hasn't got a job/ doesn't work for anyone else, only the family, well me and him mostly now.
Money is family money, neither of us has ever felt differently, I manage the finances, dh likes it like this and I'm happy to.
Tbh, I don't have any lifestyle to fund, we pay bills, have a few luxuries as presents.
I guess if you see it as just the earners money it wouldn't be the right choice for your family.

blue

Yes, but a sahm can still have experience in a particular career even if they aren’t currently doing it

And can still talk to other parents about it

Could be having a break all sorts

Your school may be much stricter and say ‘only people currently working’ can do this

But my school doesn’t

Im not actually fussed about ins and outs of career days and who does them

Just thought id clarify my understanding of your original post as a few posters seemed to take it ‘the wrong way’

Your school may be much stricter and say ‘only people currently working’ can do this. But my school doesn’t

My dd's school does not say it either. They are looking for volunteers so they would not restrict it. Nothing to stop a fresh SAHM from volunteering, I guess. Though it would seem a little odd of someone has been out of the workplace for more than 5 years, but you never know. it tends to be the parents who are in professional jobs who volunteer anyway, so those skills and tips get stale more quickly.