To ask what you think of SAHMs?

[HarryHarryHarry]

For the past 3 years I have been a SAHM. I never imagined that I would be one but I actually quite like it. Eventually I plan to go back to work but it could be that I just work unskilled-type jobs instead of having a proper career. I really don’t know what my options will be when the time comes. I might just stay home and focus on my writing, which is my real passion, or I might go back to university and retrain in something. (We are lucky that we can currently afford to get by on just one parent’s wages). Recently though I have been wondering what my children will think of me when they’re older. Especially my daughter. Am I a bad example to her?

If your mum was a SAHM, did you have any thoughts about that?

Good Lord. I’m going to hide this thread.

Bye

Why don’t people just worry about their own lives and stop feeling ‘sad’ for people who, quite frankly, don’t want or deserve their ‘sympathy.’

There is so much more to life than comparing yourself to other people who probably wouldn’t give you or your situation a second thought.

Not you personally She, I just mean generally,

I dont have an amazing career its quite boring!! Could easily fill my days. Elderly parent too. Im never idle. I do temping.

I went through a period as a teen when I thought my mum was not contributing to society because she was not working.

I now realise that was a completely stupid POV, and she did quite a lot, both for her family and the community at large.

I don’t out my kids second I’m just not a martyr at the altar of motherhood
Funny, I'm a SAHM to school aged kids because I don't want to be a martyr.

You don't need to be sad she. Maybe save some pity for the ones stuck in jobs they don't like too.

Shehasadiamondinthesky don't feel sad, if some of the brightest made made this decision then it may not be such a bad one eh?

Also - lots of jobs are less than interesting, some are dead boring though socially useful, some are low status some are a sign of a decadent culture, some are slightly evil.

I went to university with a guy who subsequently went on to work for a bank, an oil company, and an military weapons manufacturer. He used to joke that if he worked for an agribusiness company, he's have all the evil industries. I'd personally add advertising and maybe big tech.

No one posts asking what their kids will think if they work in these kinds of industries.

There is nothing wrong with being a sahm. As there is nothing wrong with being a working mother too. I just can't stand these sahm who put their whole day on facebook with the caption my job is 24/7! As if us working mother's clock off at 5!

@supergirls

Completely agree.

It’s fine when children are small but once they are older it’s really not necessary to be at home all day.

The SAHM I know say they are busy all day but when you ask them what they’re doing it “oh I’m so busy, I’ve got the food shop to do and then the gas man is coming”. It’s a bit of insult when you’re actually working full time yourself and have to fit those things in around working.

If you are that insensitive you don't like the answer, then don't ask it's no more necessary to have a job than not. What makes you think that a woman who isn't working would be at home all day?

it's no more necessary to have a job than not.

Money is essential. Someone's got to be bringing it in somehow.

My Mum was a SAHM and I loved it, had a brilliant bond and still do. She was there to pick me up, have warm meals after school and I was never left in anyones care. It felt great to be honest.
My husband told me his Mum started university when he was really young and she wasnt present at all. He hated it. But his Dad would pick up the pieces.
Ofcourse it depends on circumstances and the child. I am a SAHM and when my kids start school I hope to work around their hours and do something. I do want to be a good role model and bring some income in hopefully.

@MrsHugsxx

I think they are amazing for putting their kids first before anything else. Their children will always remember them being around and doing things with them even if that comes at a price. I've been both a working and a sahm, I feel I'm a better parent as a sahm as I can fully focus on them and ensure all their needs are met by myself. I'm not knocking working mums at all as they deserve respect for balancing it all, but for me personally I struggled to be the best mum I could while I was working.

Sorry but as a child of a mostly SAHM that sadly isn’t always the case. My mother didn’t work because she simply didn’t want to and believed my father should facilitate that...it was not to focus on her children. My memories are of playing on my own or with a sibling, I was fairly bright but taught myself to write ‘big words’ and remember her being taken aback at being told I should go to school early having picked this up on my own..she has no idea I want even doing it...

I would love to be able to be a SAHM but we can’t financially. It makes my blood boil the people who don’t see being a mum as a job it’s hard work. SAHM seem to have an unfair reputation.

It’s not a job, it’s in no way comparable to a job

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee so your just sat around doing nothing all day?? It’s hard work being a parent maybe job was the wrong word. A lot of women go back to work for adult company/a break

It’s not a job though is it.....it’s a life choice and there are arguably lots of life choices that make things both hard and easier depending on which way you cut it. Just because someone finds that choice hard does not make it a ‘job’

It’s not a job, it’s in no way comparable to a job
I've had a job as a nanny , it was incredibly similar to being a SAHM.

Well I disagree. I see where your coming from we have to work and yes a child is a choice but it’s not to say you’ve had an easier day because your at home looking after children than someone who has done a full shift. As I said maybe job was wrong word.

@Catty1720 sat around all day?unfortunately not I’m working,covering the work of colleagues who are off, struggling with an increased COVID workload. Do you watch the news?

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee the ‘you sat around’ was general as in so are stay at home mums sat around all day. I didn’t mean you personally!!!! I do watch the news I send my DH off to work every day he delivers shopping and has been hit,spat on and abused all through this so please don’t preach as you don’t know everyone’s situation you aren’t the only one struggling with work!

It’s not a job, it’s in no way comparable to a job
"I've had a job as a nanny , it was incredibly similar to being a SAHM."

I have 2 sisters, we all had a similar university education and good careers. We all have children of similar ages, now teens and older. My sisters are now both high flyers in their professions whilst I went through a messy divorce and ended up moving and taking a much lower paid job then I was a SAHM for a while too.

We all get on very well but there is resentment and envy all around although those words sound too extreme..... their dc say to mine they're lucky I've been around for them but mine are very proud of their aunts' career successes and think I could have done the same. Element of the grass is greener etc. I have no regrets. My sisters are incredibly stressed out with their lives despite their earnings and all the trappings.

What about the Men on the PTA?
My husband is on the PTA and is a school Governor.

Good for him