To defend my kids over noise given lockdown restrictions?

[Needsomegoodies]

We live in a terraced house, with wooden floors, so I appreciate noise carries. My children are not ‘naturally quiet’ and can be quite active and yes, sometimes they drive me mad thumping but only ever briefly, they are always asked to quieten down and consider the neighbours and are just regular excitable children. They are excellent sleepers so make no noise between 8pm and 8am and we’ve lived in our house since before the kids and no one has ever complained. Both my husband and I are WFH and home schooling the children, 8 and 5, which is hard. I spent the morning working with my little one to get her school work done at the expense of my own work while the older one worked online. I then took them both out for a walk for an hour at lunchtime to burn off some energy, then tried to juggle the afternoon working, helping older child finish school stuff, while 5 yo did colouring and played a quiet game alone. At about 5pm they were given permission to chill out and watch tv so I could get on with some work and DH went to shops to get stuff for dinner. They were quiet to start with but then started playing a game and jumping. After about 10 mins I went in and asked them to stop (which they did for all of 3 mins..) and after another 10 mins there was hammering on my front door and new (moved in just before Christmas) neighbour stated ranting at me about ‘excessive noise that was constant and relentless’ when they were trying to work. I explained that although the kids had been noisy right then, they’d been quiet most of the day and he claimed, no it’s constant and you need to stop the noise. I explained the challenges we are all facing and that it’s hard on the children but he seems to think they still shouldn’t be jumping around or making noise. At the end of the day. During a lockdown. His daughter of about 20 then joined him claiming she understood its hard as she’s young too but I replied no, she’s not 5, she has no idea. The kids are stuck at home and can’t see their friends so surely they can’t be begrudged some active play with a sibling from time to time, even if it’s a bit noisy?!

I’m massively stressed and exhausted and this has upset me but I don’t think I’m in the wrong here.

Or AIBU?

YANBU, we had similar during the first lock down, neighbour sending their poor 20 yr old ds to complain about the daytime noise of normal playing.

Just smile, nod and close the door and ignore!

Ignore them. A child playing in their own home during daylight hours cannot be expected not to make any noise. Do you have a peephole? If there is a next time and you can peep thats it them don't even answer the door.

Its a tough one. Our neighbours kids are really noisy and it does get to you after a bit but I've never said anything.

That will change if they complain about the noise of our building work starting next week.

Whilst I agree that children playing in their own home is not unreasonable, I disagree that you should just ignore your neighbour.

You mention wooden floors - at the very least you could put rugs down. Jumping on wooden floors is going to be loud.
It might also be worth you asking if you can go into his flat and listen while your children play - just to get an idea over whether he's being entirely unreasonable, or whether they really are pretty loud.

Where was DH?

I think you’re doing your best and whilst your neighbour is allowed to feel frustrated a level of empathy wouldn’t go a miss, especially at the moment.

The noise created by 2 children jumping around on wooden floorboards next door would drive me bonkers. Noise your own children create in your own home is far more tolerable to you than to neighbours.

You need carpets down in the room where children may be doing this. With a good underlay!

@Grobagsforever I think OP mentioned he had gone to the shop. Why?

Can you put rugs down?
Other people are trying to work too.

Agree with others that there are probably some things you can do to reduce noise. I don’t think either side is being unreasonable TBH, it’s a shot situation all round.

Wooden floors are bloody noisy, you can put rugs down, that will deaden the noise a lot! Are they wearing shoes when running indoors? You could get them barefoot or socks only if they’re thudding with shoes. Obviously, I can’t hear your house so I’m just imagining what it could be like - I have wooden floors and the noise carries a lot more than carpet! It’s bloody annoying if you’re having to listen to it for hours on end (we’re all in - so the consideration goes both ways!).
I wouldn’t stop the kids from having fun but there might be some adjustments you could make to not annoy your neighbours so much.

Our neighbours kids are so noisy. All they do is scream and batter each other all day. I mean constantly. Scream cry, scream cry, scream cry, on a constant loop, 7am to 7PM.

It's horrible.

Husband also works shifts, so sometimes nights,

Buuut, ndn is a single mum and we are aware her hands are full. So we haven't complained....yet.

I don't know what I would say tbh.

What's tolerable for a couple of hours after work becomes intolerable when it's all the time on top of other stresses. You're probably a bit used to your own kids' noise too.

I have the same problem with my neighbour's TV on loud - we've lived next door to each other for nearly 20 years and it's never bothered me until I had it 12 hours a day. I've not said anything but it's had me in tears.

The thing is in these situations, parents tend to underplay the noise. I would say between your story and theirs, the truth is somewhere in the middle. Obviously they’re not expected to be silent all the time, but I’ve been on the receiving end of incessant banging and shrieks, and it drives you insane. Just try to compromise and be a bit considerate. It’s easy to try to over compensate for the crap that’s happening atm, by letting your kids do as they please, but we still have to show consideration to others, who, through no fault of their own, are now having to work at home.

It really depends how noisy they are, and I suspect you and the neighbours would have differing answers on this one. Its quite irritating if you've got loud repetitive thumping noise coming from next door. I think you were quite rude to the daughter tbh, a bit of empathy goes a long way on both sides

My neighbour has two small kids and they are bloody noisy... and it is annoying at times. However I also appreciate its usual family noise like kids screeching, thumping up the stairs etc etc and because of this I've never mentioned it. They are just being a family 🤷‍♀️ do I dont think yabu but also maybe bare in mind that it can be annoying to live next door next!

Neighbour can get noise cancelling headphones if he wants to work in peace. They work really well. I know I would, and that’s what I used to wear on planes pre kids because of the relentless noise from upset babies and all I wanted to do was to sleep.

My children are not ‘naturally quiet’ and can be quite active and yes, sometimes they drive me mad thumping

But they're your kids, and you have control over them. The neighbour has no control over the noise and no emotional connection with them. That makes a HUGE difference.

It's tough for both parties, but in the interests of living next to these people for the foreseeable future, I think you need to at least empathise with them and show willing to make an effort mitigate the noise.

From what I understand, noise from children isn't considered a noise nuisance. I wouldn't pay it any attention or ask the kids to modify their behaviour at all.

The situation with lockdown goes both ways. Yes you're stuck indoors with restless kids but downstairs are stuck indoors listening to your restless kids. I used to live in a building like this and the noise from the kids running back and forth on the floorboards was so loud! We never complained but the tenants would occasionally bring us the odd bottle of wine to say sorry which was very much appreciated.

@Needsomegoodies it sounds like the daughter was trying to calm the situation and empathise and you shot her down.
Maybe try rugs nothing worse than consent thuds and thumps.
Maybe your neighbour is going through stuff and just snapped he didn’t need to be so rude. Better to approach with kindness.

I think you can relax and ignore(to a certain extend),it sounds bonkers.
I was aware about 11pm rule but now that I moved into the flat in November (first time in my life) it was clearly written on the landing ''no audible noise between 11 pm and 8am''.God knows what's non-audible noise.I only have neighbours downstairs and directly opposite sharing the wall,2 kids (7&4), wooden floors and a dog and so far no complaints so I feel quite fortunate albeit really anxious.
I wouldn't worry too much,we have to survive somehow this bizarre moment.

I’ll put money on your kids being twice as noisy as you are making them out to be. It would drive me round the bend. With 5 kids and 3 grandchildren we have plenty of experience of children needing to let off steam but jumping and screaming in the house is not where it should be done unless you live in a detached house and are annoying no one else.

Don’t apologise, just be a good neighbour. My kids are noisy so I always make sure they do pick up everyone’s leaves at the front, bring round all the bins, shovel snow and gravel communal areas, pick up post and take it to the lady upstairs among other things. I also would NEVER complain about anything my neighbours do. So far it’s working out- they don’t complain about the noise. I think if they see you are trying to contribute to community the best you can, they will understand the odd bit of noise.