To defend my kids over noise given lockdown restrictions?

[Needsomegoodies]

We live in a terraced house, with wooden floors, so I appreciate noise carries. My children are not ‘naturally quiet’ and can be quite active and yes, sometimes they drive me mad thumping but only ever briefly, they are always asked to quieten down and consider the neighbours and are just regular excitable children. They are excellent sleepers so make no noise between 8pm and 8am and we’ve lived in our house since before the kids and no one has ever complained. Both my husband and I are WFH and home schooling the children, 8 and 5, which is hard. I spent the morning working with my little one to get her school work done at the expense of my own work while the older one worked online. I then took them both out for a walk for an hour at lunchtime to burn off some energy, then tried to juggle the afternoon working, helping older child finish school stuff, while 5 yo did colouring and played a quiet game alone. At about 5pm they were given permission to chill out and watch tv so I could get on with some work and DH went to shops to get stuff for dinner. They were quiet to start with but then started playing a game and jumping. After about 10 mins I went in and asked them to stop (which they did for all of 3 mins..) and after another 10 mins there was hammering on my front door and new (moved in just before Christmas) neighbour stated ranting at me about ‘excessive noise that was constant and relentless’ when they were trying to work. I explained that although the kids had been noisy right then, they’d been quiet most of the day and he claimed, no it’s constant and you need to stop the noise. I explained the challenges we are all facing and that it’s hard on the children but he seems to think they still shouldn’t be jumping around or making noise. At the end of the day. During a lockdown. His daughter of about 20 then joined him claiming she understood its hard as she’s young too but I replied no, she’s not 5, she has no idea. The kids are stuck at home and can’t see their friends so surely they can’t be begrudged some active play with a sibling from time to time, even if it’s a bit noisy?!

I’m massively stressed and exhausted and this has upset me but I don’t think I’m in the wrong here.

Or AIBU?

Impossible to tell who is being unreasonable without sitting in your neighbour’s house and hearing the noise.

But - I wouldn’t dream of having wooden floors in a terrace house with kids!

In normal times I’d say you need to be more understanding and consideration for your neighbours.

At the moment, with the police stopping people in the street for dealing to be outside, I’d tell your neighbour very politely to do one

YANBU that children need to play and young children tend to be active, but YBU to let them jump etc on wooden floors - the noise must be horrendous!

Are you unable to take them outdoors for an hour or so a day to scream and run out to their heart's content, then teach them to play quietly indoors - board games, jigsaws etc?

Even if your neighbours weren't trying to work, it would be unbearable - and you having lived there the longest doesn't give you more rights.

OP "If they were upset by the noise, surely hammering on my door and ranting isn’t the most neighbourly strategy.."

They probably were very upset and also felt they needed to be heard by a neighbour with a high tolerance for noise, hence ramping it up.

Both you and your neighbour are entitled to "quiet enjoyment" of your property. Quiet, but not silent.

People complain to the council about dogs barking outside, and the council will threaten the owner with fines. The same doesn't apply with children, no matter how noisy they are. While I might take steps to mitigate noise, depending how nice they were, I think that, having moved into a terraced property, they can't realistically expect to hear nothing. There has to be a bit of give and take, but you're entitled to enjoy your home too, and that involves a certain level of noise.

Having just suffered for the last two years with noisy neighbours I have great sympathy with them. It's not fair on your neighbours if your children are making a lot of noise. You said yourself they are loud.

*Daring not dealing and have not be

I guess I’m just surprised that people without small kids can’t see this is an extreme situation with school closed and try to be tolerant.

Your surprise is what's unreasonable here. Your neighbours are just trying to get on with WFH as well - you're all stuck in a difficult situation. There are limits to tolerance.

Inform him that the world is not a silent place, neither does it revolve around him and when he purchased his house, it did not include your property nor any say over the behaviour of it's residents. Then shut the door in his face.

Don't give excuses, opinions nor apologies of any kind as this will lead to him coming round to complain about noise every time a fly farts. I know the type, do not engage.

I guess I’m just surprised that people without small kids can’t see this is an extreme situation with school closed and try to be tolerant.

I'm sorry, but I think you are being naive here. Those of us with older children tend to forget just how irritating young, lively children are, or tend to think "thank goodness we are past that stage".

And those without children probably just find it very irritating because they are used to a quieter, less chaotic life.

Having a noisy family next door was the reason we moved house, it's awful having no control over others noise and the people being noisy doing nothing to help the situation.

If I'd have lived there much longer I'd have ended up on some kind of medication.

@BlueGreenDreams

Inform him that the world is not a silent place, neither does it revolve around him and when he purchased his house, it did not include your property nor any say over the behaviour of it's residents. Then shut the door in his face.

Don't give excuses, opinions nor apologies of any kind as this will lead to him coming round to complain about noise every time a fly farts. I know the type, do not engage.

Nor does the world revolve around the OP and her children. They need to be considerate of each other.

Problem is they’re also stuck in their house with no escape from the noise which is obviously travelling. I sympathise with both of you.

My friend has a similar problem with her neighbour's kids and to be honest having heard it myself it's an absolute nightmare live next to.

I've had similar problems with my neighbours kids running up and down their bloody wooden floor in the evening and the noise is horrendous.

Either of you could be in the wrong, it depends how noisy you are.

What I will say is noisy children are much more annoying for your neighbour then you. After living under someone with wooden floors in a flat and an elephant footed child stomping, running and screaming every day I can tell you it is fucking annoying!

Bet they’re the type expecting all the schools to stay closed indefinitely in order to protect them.

Do want you can e.g. if the noise is going on for too long, tell the kids to pipe down but at the end of the day they moved during Covid and knew there were intermittent lockdowns. They knew they were moving into a terrace next to a family with young kids as they would have checked you guys out before buying.

You don’t move to an area and suddenly start trying to change things like those people who move near nightclubs then petition to get them closed down.

High tolerance for kid noise here! But I vote rugs!!

Can you put a trampoline in the garden and send them out wrapped up well to jump on that?

[quote lotusbell]@Grobagsforever I think OP mentioned he had gone to the shop. Why?[/quote]
The DH went to the shop at 5pm, where was he the rest of the day when it came to doing his share of looking after the children? OP and her DH both WFH.

@BlueGreenDreams

Inform him that the world is not a silent place, neither does it revolve around him and when he purchased his house, it did not include your property nor any say over the behaviour of it's residents. Then shut the door in his face.

Don't give excuses, opinions nor apologies of any kind as this will lead to him coming round to complain about noise every time a fly farts. I know the type, do not engage.

OP might as well inform him that she's been given advice by an ignorant asshole who only cares for themselves.

Your dh isn't doing much, get a delivery or go shopping once a week.
Put some rugs down, hang one on the shared wall
If they still complain tell them to FO, I agree with shoes off and only jumping on the rugs,
We are a family of musicians and entertainers our neighbours are all terrific.

I think you both need to show some forbearance and have a conversation to that effect. That means you need to acknowledge the noise they make and say you really will make an effort to curb the most excessive noise/consider if there’s anything you can do to reduce it. You can ask them to acknowledge it is difficult in winter lockdown and that they will have to tolerate some noise.

And then actually think about what you are going to do to reduce it. That could be rugs in the floor, thinking about certain games and activities you are/aren’t going to allow, or just allow for a very short period of the day.

So you do need to do something about it, rather than being defeatist and saying there’s nothing to be done. And if you can make a reasonable difference, that should be good enough.

It is difficult with small children, but I don’t think that means you shouldn’t acknowledge the impact it’s having on people who are trying to work and take steps to reduce it..not to zero obviously, but to reduce it.

My children are not ‘naturally quiet’ and can be quite active and yes, sometimes they drive me mad thumping

My experience is that parents don't tend to hear their own children's noise as much. So if you're saying they're noisy, and drive you mad, then they probably are extremely noisy.

I can’t believe how intolerant some posters on here are. I’d never complain about noise from children, it’s normal neighbourly noise as far as I’m concerned as is par of the course when living in a terraced house. If you want complete silence living in a terrace is not for you, they are noisy. I grew up in one.

If you don’t like noise go and live in detached property instead.

@zoemum2006

Why didn't your DH take the kids to the shops if you were trying to work?

(YNBU: sounds like you're trying your best)

Maybe because there’s a pandemic underway and you are meant to shop alone if you possibly can? It would be VU to take the kids to the shops if there’s a parent at home to watch them.

OP YANBU it’s bloody hard and you are doing your best. If this is their biggest problem right now they are lucky. I’ve lived in flats, terraced houses and noises are part of the territory, the only times I’ve complained have been post 11pm. I’m so happy to be in a detached house right now