Just want an empty house so I can use the loo

[needemptyhouse]

Am I the only person who wants an empty house when I need to do a number two?

It's like I get stage fright if there are others in the house.

Obviously lockdown is not helping as I am never home alone.

I will wait sometimes until I'm having a shower and use the loo then but sometimes I can't really hold it without getting very sore.

Tell me I'm not the only one please.

Developing the ability to shite anywhere has been one of my best life lessons to learn.

I grew up in a house where poos where seen as taboo, my mum would never have it known she was going, and would tut if my dad or brother made a smell (god forbid)
It made me really self conscious growing up and I hated it. to the point that as a very young girl I thought there was something wrong with me to be the only female in the world who poo’d

I had a friend whose family were loads more relaxed about everything and I always vowed to be more like that family whenever I had kids.

It has been so, so liberating not giving a shit (lolz) about such things. I’m not saying we poo in front of each other, but we are happy to say “right, I need a poo” and take ourselves off, and we laugh about farts all the time.

Try it op, it’s good for the soul. And bowel.

I think if the kids need you when you're in there - unless they're really small and cannot be left - then you just need to develop your best "I am busy in the bathroom" stern tone and they'll learn to wait.

I don't care about the kids seeing me on the loo for a wee, but prefer not to have anyone there when having a shit. I do not want to be in the bathroom with any of the rest of my family while they have a shit either, now that the kids are old enough to wipe their own arses. I think this is perfectly reasonable. I'm not embarrassed about needing or doing a poo, so I don't care if someone knows I'm in the bathroom for a while - they won't put me off, but neither can they come in or hassle me through the door.

So start training them! Because it's really not good for you to wait or withold.

How do you feel when another member of your household goes for a poo?
Embarassed?
Are you overly aware of what they are doing?
Do you even notice?
How do you feel/respond if one of your dc passes wind in your company?
Was this all taboo growing up?

I just want an empty house so I can sit on my own in the peace and quiet for TEN SODDING MINUTES!

I can't stand being stuck with someone else in the house all day, every day.

And yes - I can sit-in a room my own, but it's not the same. It is NOT the same.

DH is like this. I have to be downstairs, and he's now trying to get me to shoo the cats down too so they don't listen either.🤔😹😹

He says he's always been like that, but I don't think (years ago, in his old house, shortly after we got together) me hearing him fart in the bath, from the kitchen below, and shouting up "I heard that" helped.😳😂😂

It's the thought that others know what you are doing that puts me off I guess

Do you think worse of other people if you become aware that they are doing a poo in their own bathroom? Assuming you don't - everyone does it, after all - why should it bother you what they think of you?

Good lord, I'm lucky if I can ever have a poo in peace! If there's not a child bursting in (we can't have locks since one locked himself in the bathroom one time) there's a dog trying to sniff my bits.

Bring back the old lavvie in the back yard.

@HighlandCrab

I sometimes feel nervous in a public loo, but at home not at all.

Well in a public loo you only have a cubicle, but at home you have the whole room to yourself. I would only have a problem if someone was tapping on the door outside or something.

@ancientgran

Bring back the old lavvie in the back yard.

Yes, freezing cold, no sink - great!

Announce "mummy is going to the loo for some alone time - do not disturb!" Then proceed to the loo and bring your gadget for Netflix, music, news or whatever you want, on loud volume. No one will hear you so enjoy your poo, then have a shower, facemask, bath etc or even just do nothing should you wish! I find loud music and reading a book helps to forget about whatever is on the other side of the door. Teach the kids that when people are on the toilet we should give them privacy and not stand by the door, as little one used to do! Whenever she would come I would remind her of my privacy and she would happily skip off. And if they dont - turn up the volume !

Some CBT might help you with this. You must have formed an idea that doing a poo or spending time in the bathroom is shameful or embarrassing somehow.
Also you have have an idea that other people are very interested in your affairs.
Who do you live with? Would you feel able to tell them you need to put music on in the loo when you go in?
What's really going on is that your escalating thoughts are making things difficult for you.
The reality is that no one literally gives a shit about you having a shit. In the nicest possible way, you are not that interesting or special - sorry if that comes as a blow to you! There's a part of you that thinks other people are watching, noticing, judging and recording your every move.
What was your relationship like with each of your parents growing up, as there might be a clue there as to how this developed?

Sounds logistically difficult! I need to go approx one hour after every main meal so three times a day on average, I poo happily anywhere (as long as I can be reasonably silent).

I don't know how people hold it once they need to go? If i need to go when I'm at work (dim and distant past) then I can't hold it for 7 hours until I get home! How do you do that? I just put toilet paper down first and then go. Needs must!

When you got to go, you got to go! I have IBS, so all embarrassment is out the window now.

YANBU

Surely it makes more sense to be even more uncomfortable with your partner than next to a complete stranger!

Use the radio.

I can't imagine how hard it must be if you live in a small space and feel like you have no privacy. That's one of the reasons why I can't stand loos stuck underneath the stairs in small houses. I'd rather walk up and down the stairs, if your house is that small it's not that taxing!

Some people are happy to pee (or worst) with the door opened or whilst their partner is in the shower, and it's ok, but I can't think of anything worst myself. And that's ok too.

Sunshineandflipflops
It sounds very tricky if you can't wait - travelling or days out must be a nightmare.

There's five of us in a house with one loo - three kids, two adults. And for some reason everyone needs a poo at the same time!!!

On one of our early dates dh and I were discussing toilet anxiety that he had as a child. My comment "I don't care, ill shit anywhere" cemented me as a keeper

VIPoo spray is amazing, few sprays in the toilet and no smell (think you can get other cheaper brands too)

Sorry, OP, but all I can think of now is this ...

Nah, I can shit anywhere no probs. But feel for you, that sounds debilitating. Can you pin down what your fear is specifically then you can start to take it on? You're missing out on one of life's simple pleasures ("a nice relaxing poo" as Donald and Davey Stott would put it!) especially with lockdown - it's a blessed relief from work/kids!

Agree that other people reinforcing your anxiety is not helpful.

There's quite a few threads where people talk about silver linings in the cloud that is lockdown.

How about you look to make your silver lining getting over your anxiety about natural bodily functions that everyone does.

Assuming that you live with with a man, I bet he is quite happy to go off for a leisurely and undisturbed poo whenever he wants to. Aim to do the same. If your DC disturb you when you're in the bathroom, send them in their father's direction. Maybe also get a lock for the door.

We’ve reinstated the outside toilet. It’s joined to the house but to use it previously we had to go outside and it was cold, dark and full of spiders. We’ve had a small extension and now it’s in the house and lovely and quite a distance away. In fact, can’t even hear when someone flushed it.
Our other toilet is upstairs, right next to our 16 year olds ds bedroom. I’m fine going when it’s just the family in the house, but if my ds has friends in his room, it’s a bit embarrassing.