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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How do I say no to her...

762 replies

freshmonth · 07/01/2021 23:33

Hello,
So ive name changed as this could be outing.

We have our friend coming round Saturday who works in construction, to begin some paid work for us that we've had booked for 5.5 months.

His partner has been my on / off friend for many years, since school but is very prone to snapping / arguing and kicking off at every single thing.. very petty at times.

Since we are in lockdown, I assumed it would be just our friend that is doing the work for us; coming round.

This morning I woke up to a status on social media complaining about being alone all weekend and how selfish certain friends are not to think of her or invite her out. Floods of comments came in under her post about how 'you can come to my house hun' or 'if I didn't have covid you could come to me, always welcome. You know my views on lockdown' etc etc. Shocking to be honest. I know this is about me and my partner as we have her partner round to do the work. I didn't retaliate.

Fast forward a few hours and I get a huge paragraph text to me, saying that it's so unfair she's alone all weekend, all by herself and that she feels nobody considers her feelings.
Stupidly - and I take full responsibility for this - I said she can come too. I can't be dealing with the arguments. 🤦‍♀️

I FULLY follow the rules r.e covid, haven't broken a single guideline so far, and definitely don't plan to. I don't know what came over me in that split second and honestly as soon as I sent the message I instantly regretted it.

She replies 'oh good, I didn't want to have to kick off and invite myself. See you Saturday'

Im now stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know she sees more people than I'd like to even think about, lockdown or not. Guidelines don't seem to matter to her. Her partner is very careful r.e covid and works most of the time to provide for them both with full PPE. Would wear this whilst in our home, too.

I don't know what to do. I don't feel comfortable her coming and feel a complete dick saying she could. I've just recently had a miscarriage and I'm still struggling tremendously. I didn't want the arguments and the grief from her on top of my own. Nobody knows about our loss, other than close family who have been our support..

I don't know how to say no to her. I know her argument would be 'if my partner can come it's no different me coming we live together' although this is true, we are in NATIONAL LOCKDOWN and should not be having her here.
The fines are extortionate. More than I care to think about and not something we can afford..

What do I do? I don't know how to let her down gently enough not to cause an argument. I just don't have the strength in me to deal with it right now.

OP posts:
hayleysmiles · 08/01/2021 17:44

She's a bully, pure and simple. Do not give Into her tactics, just remember that she's ridiculous

You really need to cut her off after this

OhCaptain · 08/01/2021 17:44

She’s calling you a cunt. Block her. You don’t need this.

PatchworkElmer · 08/01/2021 17:44

Ignore her. If you want to do something, speak to her DP and ask if he still wants the job. If he does, continue to ignore. If he doesn’t, pay him for the materials (and ask him to drop them off)- and find someone else to do the job. Do not engage directly with her.

Ginfordinner · 08/01/2021 17:44

Please block her on everything.

You can do it. We are all behind you.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 08/01/2021 17:45

Ignore it, she's nowt to do with you any more.
You have a prior arrangement with your friend who is doing some work for you, which he agreed to.
The worst that can happen is that you continue to give her head space which hurts you. Think - water off a ducks back.

pictish · 08/01/2021 17:46

What an absolute arsehole.

Daleksatemyshed · 08/01/2021 17:46

Is this woman related to Donald Trump Op, same amazing sense of entitlement. Please do yourself a favour and cut her out of your life, no one should be afraid of their so called friends

Lockdownlovernotfromliverpool · 08/01/2021 17:46

So surely he first port of rant should be at her dp? He took on the job!!

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/01/2021 17:47

Omg. Don’t engage. You’re finally going to get rid of this vampire. Flowers

popNlock · 08/01/2021 17:47

Jesus Christ. Is this all happening via text on your husband's phone??

The madness.
Hope you're ok op. She's a nut case.

CookPassBabtridge · 08/01/2021 17:48

Never mind the lockdown situation, wtf is wrong with people that they can't cope being alone in their own company?

Kittykat93 · 08/01/2021 17:48

She called you a cunt?? Send one message telling her to fuck off and then block the bitch. It really is that simple. If she tries to come over and starts harassing you call the police !

Ginfordinner · 08/01/2021 17:49

What is holding you back on blocking her on everything?
If you don't see the messages they won't upset you.

Gazelda · 08/01/2021 17:49

I suspect her DP won't be round to do the work for you OP. But that's his call.

Please don't let her invade your headspace any more. Keep her blocked, don't engage with any chat about this with other mates. Ignore her forever and hopefully that will be the end of her involvement in your friendship group.

Have a chilled evening with your own DP and give yourself space and time to process the loss of your pregnancy.

GreatBigBeautifulTommorow · 08/01/2021 17:50

Stay strong OPFlowers

ArtemisBean · 08/01/2021 17:50

What an absolute psycho. Is she my SIL? It all sounds depressingly familiar.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 08/01/2021 17:51

Well if you're such a cunt she won't want to be mates any more will she? Which is fine by you!

It was lunacy to book the partner of such a nutjob for the work on your home and I would be seriously thinking about options for cancelling him / buying materials off him for someone else to do it. He may even be relieved as it'll give him less trouble from her. Get your DP to deal with this.

I assume she hasn't called your DP a cunt too? Only picks on people she thinks will accept her abuse. Classic. She's a nasty, prick of a bully OP.

This is your chance to get rid of her. Ride it out - ride out this tantrum with a wall of silence and get your DP to deal with her boyfriend and the house work situation.

She's told you (and presumably everyone) you're a cunt. So you aren't friends any more. Ride out this bit and it can all be over.

I'm so sorry about your recent loss. Your focus needs to be on you and your DP (who needs to step up and frankly start thinking about ending a friendship with someone with a partner who bullies you on a regular basis!) needs to take this one on for you.

Tell mutual friends who come to you with what she's saying about you "we explained that due to Covid restrictions and potential fines, while (xxx) could come over as it's to work, she unfortunately couldn't. She called me a cunt as a result so I don't wish to stay in touch with her. Please don't update me further on anything she is saying about me". Rinse and repeat.

Summersun2020 · 08/01/2021 17:52

She is disgusting. Well done OP and stay strong. You can do this! Think of how free you’ll feel Flowers Also hopefully you standing up to her may be the catalyst for everyone else following suit too and finally putting her right in her place.

Hoiking · 08/01/2021 17:53

Screen shot it. You might need proof.

bpirockin · 08/01/2021 17:53

Sod that.

She sounds a right pain, definitely go with the "Sorry, just checked rules and only tradesmen are allowed" - not a risk you're willing to take . For goodness sake, he's working anyway.

CrimsonCattery · 08/01/2021 17:55

You have done NOTHING wrong. This is short term pain for long term gain. Sometimes you need to bite the bullet and you will be free.

devildeepbluesea · 08/01/2021 17:55

What a nasty, nasty, nasty bitch she is.

Don't argue with her. A simple "fuck off" will suffice. If you even need to say anything at all.

CheetasOnFajitas · 08/01/2021 17:59

You’re not “allowing him round”- he’s chosen to come and do work for you on a Saturday, in a legal and Covid safe manner. She asked you to break the law, you refused to do so and now that makes you a c*nt? Her husband must know it would be illegal for her to accompany him. And he’s probably taken a Saturday job to get away from her.

Summersun2020 · 08/01/2021 17:59

@devildeepbluesea is spot on-perfect response

freshmonth · 08/01/2021 17:59

I think that this thread will be full. I will make an extended one, same title. Thanks all for your help.

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