Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How do I say no to her...

762 replies

freshmonth · 07/01/2021 23:33

Hello,
So ive name changed as this could be outing.

We have our friend coming round Saturday who works in construction, to begin some paid work for us that we've had booked for 5.5 months.

His partner has been my on / off friend for many years, since school but is very prone to snapping / arguing and kicking off at every single thing.. very petty at times.

Since we are in lockdown, I assumed it would be just our friend that is doing the work for us; coming round.

This morning I woke up to a status on social media complaining about being alone all weekend and how selfish certain friends are not to think of her or invite her out. Floods of comments came in under her post about how 'you can come to my house hun' or 'if I didn't have covid you could come to me, always welcome. You know my views on lockdown' etc etc. Shocking to be honest. I know this is about me and my partner as we have her partner round to do the work. I didn't retaliate.

Fast forward a few hours and I get a huge paragraph text to me, saying that it's so unfair she's alone all weekend, all by herself and that she feels nobody considers her feelings.
Stupidly - and I take full responsibility for this - I said she can come too. I can't be dealing with the arguments. 🤦‍♀️

I FULLY follow the rules r.e covid, haven't broken a single guideline so far, and definitely don't plan to. I don't know what came over me in that split second and honestly as soon as I sent the message I instantly regretted it.

She replies 'oh good, I didn't want to have to kick off and invite myself. See you Saturday'

Im now stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know she sees more people than I'd like to even think about, lockdown or not. Guidelines don't seem to matter to her. Her partner is very careful r.e covid and works most of the time to provide for them both with full PPE. Would wear this whilst in our home, too.

I don't know what to do. I don't feel comfortable her coming and feel a complete dick saying she could. I've just recently had a miscarriage and I'm still struggling tremendously. I didn't want the arguments and the grief from her on top of my own. Nobody knows about our loss, other than close family who have been our support..

I don't know how to say no to her. I know her argument would be 'if my partner can come it's no different me coming we live together' although this is true, we are in NATIONAL LOCKDOWN and should not be having her here.
The fines are extortionate. More than I care to think about and not something we can afford..

What do I do? I don't know how to let her down gently enough not to cause an argument. I just don't have the strength in me to deal with it right now.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 08/01/2021 17:22

It's totally normal for other people's crazy behavior to make us ill. Stay safe, look after yourself and focus on your and your lovely dp.

Thanks
Sarahandco · 08/01/2021 17:28

Postpone the job and tell them you have a cough etc etc.

She sounds very immature

freshmonth · 08/01/2021 17:30

To update - she's now kicking off. BIG TIME. 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Lockdownlovernotfromliverpool · 08/01/2021 17:34

Be prepared to involve police.. If she is well known they will intervene.. She needs locked up!

Itsonlymakebelieve · 08/01/2021 17:34

Good that should reinforce your determination, there is no going back, the more crazy she is the more resolute you need to be. Lean on your DP for support and gain strength from all of us being in your corner.

polkadotpjs · 08/01/2021 17:35

How is she kicking off? We'll talk you through

BlueGreenDreams · 08/01/2021 17:35

First, sorry for your loss.

Don't be tempted to tell her in order to get her to back off. It won't work. She'll want to come round even more so she can make theatre out of your misery, preferably theatre where she occupies centre stage throughout by telling you and who ever will listen all of her sad life events because of course she has had a harder life than everyone else filled with more trauma than you will ever know (in her selfish estimation).

I have no clever ideas. I'd just have to tell her, "you have been warned about this before. You failed to heed that warning, so now you can fuck off...permanently".

How would it be any more stressful to cut her off. If she is going to basically scream and shout anyway, why not just make this time the last time.

As one who can get anxious around situations such as this myself, I get it, it's hard, but, flipping heck, imagine the joy of knowing it was her last shout, as it were. You could laugh your tits off watching her digging her own metaphorical grave.

If you are concerned about your DP losing his friend, it is very unlikely. Partners in his situation have an excellent capacity for compartmentalization where other relationships are concerned, comes usually from years of experience of their partner destroying all their friendships and sometimes work relationships.

krustykittens · 08/01/2021 17:36

This is nor your problem, OP, nor is it your fault. Stick to your guns and get this toxic lunatic out of your life!

freshmonth · 08/01/2021 17:36

So she's gone mad saying that it's the only weekend that she's got off with DP and how much of a c* I am for even allowing him round when she can't come.. it's going on at the minute so will update.

OP posts:
12frogsincoats · 08/01/2021 17:37

Oh dear!

krustykittens · 08/01/2021 17:37

You are? So not your DP? Evil bitch, grey rock her.

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 08/01/2021 17:37

Look at it this way OP, at least she is behaving as predicted. You expected it and you know how to handle it.

It’s when they go quiet you need to fear them! Let her go bonkers. Grey rock all the way.

DameMargaretofChalfont · 08/01/2021 17:38

OP - She is kicking off because she is a bully and her bullying, intimidating behaviour has, historically, allowed her to get what she wants.

Just ignore, ignore then ignore again!!
She is not your problem and, as such, she needs to be out of your life.

Toxic people like her will only drag you down.

Stay strong and ignore the temptation to reply to anything she posts - that will infuriate her more but it gives you the space to distance yourself from her.

This is your chance to cut this woman out of your life forever - Carpe Diem!!!

Vitaminsss · 08/01/2021 17:39

She doesn’t even have a valid reason to kick off, Jesus Christ I hope you get this train wreck out of your life!

What next, she’s going to be annoyed that you won’t let him shag him in your home?? Because it’s the only time they have together after all🙄 he had a job, working at clients homes without out is part of his job. The boyfriend needs to deal with her.

BlueGreenDreams · 08/01/2021 17:40

Brace yourself.

Be strong.

Fake it if need be. Remember, nobody can see shaky knees over the phone nor internet.

Silenceisgolden20 · 08/01/2021 17:40

[quote freshmonth]@Notapheasantplucker I know! It's typical her though.
I can't even count the times she's kicked off at me for the smallest of things.. it's constant. [/quote]
Then covid or not why are your even communicating with this person at all?

WeAreShiningStars · 08/01/2021 17:40

Her DP has taken a paid job this weekend; it's irrelevant who the job is for.

She needs to talk to him about his working days if she's unhappy. Not your problem.

ammyspice · 08/01/2021 17:41

Unfollowing her is the first step

SmellyPooHead · 08/01/2021 17:41

Are your friends filling you in then? If so ask them not to

Silenceisgolden20 · 08/01/2021 17:41

@freshmonth

So she's gone mad saying that it's the only weekend that she's got off with DP and how much of a c* I am for even allowing him round when she can't come.. it's going on at the minute so will update.
Cancel all of it.
SmellyPooHead · 08/01/2021 17:43

Apologies, I thought OP had unfollowed her already

BlueGreenDreams · 08/01/2021 17:43

Short answer for her.

"Why do you think I would allow anyone into my house who has called me a cunt"

And block.

Ginfordinner · 08/01/2021 17:43

@freshmonth

So she's gone mad saying that it's the only weekend that she's got off with DP and how much of a c* I am for even allowing him round when she can't come.. it's going on at the minute so will update.
So cancel him and tell him why. It is his problem as well.

And how is she contacting you if you have blocked her?

OhCaptain · 08/01/2021 17:43

@freshmonth

To update - she's now kicking off. BIG TIME. 🤦‍♀️
At you or online? Don’t let her make you cave.

You can do this!

Lougle · 08/01/2021 17:43

Don't respond to the rant. Just remember that it's a work contract, not a social gathering.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread