Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Felt ill and warned dp about eating - goes straight to eat it

275 replies

Keepdistance · 07/01/2021 20:15

Aibu to be cross with dp
because me and 1 dc had a stomach ache and i said i thought it was 'x as we both ate it at the same time earlier
Checked that dp hadnt eaten it and said something like 'good you havent eaten it'.
I went off to do some printing and came back found him eating it!

I am just so angry that he heard, understood then did it anyway. But really i dont care if he makes himself ill - his choice. but in a position where potentially 2 of us already ill (2 bathrooms) and having to look after myself and the 2 kids whilst he was also ill would have been infuriating.

We were fine my stomacheache went after a couple of hours and dc fell asleep and was ok.
I just feel it was irresponsible and selfish and ignoring what i told him.

He still wont hear it. Making out im trying to control him. !
Will not listen to me saying it's the not thinking of others that is annoying me. He could easily have eaten it the next day instead.
It is not the case i frequently complain (and i wasnt at this time either) so not sure if it was a misunderstanding that i did feel quite ill. )

So i ask him to just not do that again (as in eat something that could be gone off (whilst im already ill and we have kids to look after) and he wont.
He is generally pretty selfish and we end up arguing sometimes as he does the same things over and again.
I dont know if he argues because he cant be wrong. But he seems to genuinely think it's ok. (Though tbh it would generally be me watching ill dc after possibly help clearing up initial vomit.). I dont think im asking too much.
Im concerned that he cares more about eating x (something sweet) than well anyone other than him.
Tbh i feel that the kids have more sense!
It really isnt a do as i say think
1 i just cant see why he would make the choice he did anyway
2 if he is going to ignore he could at least have said.
3 he wont let me explain that it's about more than just him. And honestly i still think he would only think about him
4 obviously unlikely to happen again but if it did i wouldnt trust him (and also would he ignore what i said and feed it to the kids?!! and would likely have to rush down and immediately bin the food.

He also has said why are you just arguing about x food. Cannot see my concerns at all. y

It is often not even about the choices he makes at the time but he wont see any other side and ends up arguing as he would choose to make the decision again. And i sometimes feel i dont want to live with someone who cant discuss without arguing.

He literally doesnt listen properly either and adds details in his own head. was saying i said loose stomach (i didnt). Tried to say similar to that oh it's because youve been eating rubbish and are bloated etc.
He was actually quite offensive saying im crazy etc.
And i can see to him it seems an overreaction.
I think it's also that he wouldnt even consider not having something he wanted even though it might impact others. Whereas i would say 'youre right i'll eat something else (plenty there) just in case, dont wan t everyone ill at once.

OP posts:
Sinful8 · 08/01/2021 00:48

@Eckhart

It is a food which is very unlikely to make ill/go off generally

Cream cake? You're saying cream is unlikely to go off? Cream goes off if you look at it too hard.

It goes off but it tends to just taste discusinglong before it ever gets any danger to it
Quaagars · 08/01/2021 01:00

Meh.
Not read all the replies but he's presumably a grown adult?!
I am just so angry that he heard, understood then did it anyway
Leave him to it, if the daft sod gets ill, that's on him lol

His view was that you said something and are therefore to be put in your place. There is an enormous amount of misogyny in his actions. He really is letting you know who he is.
JFC lol.
That's batshit even by MN standards.

SabrinaMorningstar · 08/01/2021 01:03

But a cream cake would taste bad if it had gone off enough to make you ill.

Providora · 08/01/2021 01:04

Cream smells bad if it's off.

He probably sniffed it, decided you were talking shite and took his chances. Turned out to be a good decision.

ZippedyDooDa · 08/01/2021 01:09

You've written a novel here OP. I feel that you are overreacting. If you had felt so strongly, you would have thrown the item away.

Rhiannon13 · 08/01/2021 01:28

That all sounds horribly exhausting (as far as I could be bothered to read). I strongly suspect your DP is so used to your ridiculously dramatic and controlling behaviour that he either filtered out what you were saying or didn't believe the food had made you ill. Why would you risk leaving it out if it had?

It isn't really the thought that he could've become ill from eating the food though, is it OP? You're annoyed because he didn't listen to you, but if this example isn't a one off I'm afraid I can understand why he doesn't. It all sounds like extremely hard work.

Didkdt · 08/01/2021 01:48

Op you sound off your rocker to be honest I hope your DH enjoyed the cake with no ill effect Smile

snowisfallingallaroundus · 08/01/2021 01:52

Cream cake, you say?

Is that Claire Worthers who lives in Hastings?

MusicalTrifleMonkey · 08/01/2021 02:00

OP is this about more than a cream cake?

I can sort of see where you are coming from in the sense that if he got sick then all three of you would be ill and if that would mean more work for you then I can appreciate your frustrations. But he is a grown adult and if he wants to eat gone off cage then thats his choice unless as I said it’s got repercussions for you, in which case I can understand it would be very annoying.

CircleofWillis · 08/01/2021 02:23

I'm bemused by all the comments here most of which seem to miss the point.

OP and one child fell ill.
Op narrowed it down to both of the eating same item.
OP warned husband not to eat to prevent him from getting ill.
Husband immediately went to eat said item.

It is irrelevant that the OP is now feeling fine
It is irrelevant that the soap did not put item in bin immediately
It is even irrelevant what the food item was.

What is relevant is that her husband knowingly took the risk of getting ill at a time when the extent of his wife and child's sickness was unknown, potentially putting himself in a position where he would not be able to take care of them or their other child.
How many of us would do that?

It shows a lack of respect for his wife's opinion and a lack of the care and concern I would give to my husband and child if they were sick.

I wondered if he ate it to absolve himself if the need to take care of others or take on more responsibility. 'Oh I can't do that - I'm sick too'.

whoamIamIalright · 08/01/2021 02:45

@MadameButterface

“You just had a stomach ache that never amounted to anything so ultimately a complete non-issue”

Here i sit
Broken hearted
I’ve got two bathrooms
And only farted

That actually made me cry with laughter. 😂😂😂
Buggritbuggrit · 08/01/2021 03:08

I don’t think the issue is the cream cakes. You appear to have an argumentative (and, quite frankly, rather odd) husband who you don’t like very much. Perhaps focus on addressing that?

And I mean this kindly, as I don’t think I’d like him very much either, if he were my husband. He sounds quite unpleasant.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/01/2021 04:18

@RightYesButNo

You won’t answer what the food (except at the beginning you said it was a sweet food and doesn’t really go off as a rule) was which really makes me think this is an anxiety issue dressed up as a food hygiene issue. It must be something we’d all think there as no way it’d go off or something. You and DC both had a stomach-ache but you’d already planned out how everyone would be so ill that all bathrooms would be full, etc. Does your husband ever accuse you of catastrophising, and then, possibly does something that refuses to take that anxiety seriously (eats food you’re worried about, drives car even after you thought something sounded wrong with one tyre, etc etc). It sounds more like you might have anxiety and his coping mechanism is to ignore it. Maybe consider if this is an isolated incident. If it is, well, that’s life. But if you’re constantly having rows like this about these kinds of things, you may need help for anxiety and I do agree that he’s an arse for how he’s “dealing” with your anxiety, if you have it, but our partners are humans and don’t always make the kindest choices when pushed to their limits sometimes.
This. I know we know that it’s cream cake now. But you sound really anxious op. Catastrophising. Slow you thoughts down. Breathe. It will help. I get it, my mind races when I’m anxious. Therapy helped. A lot.
wildraisins · 08/01/2021 04:42

Sounds like he just didn't agree with your opinion that the food had gone off.

If he's saying you are trying to control him then that sounds indicative of a bigger issue in your relationship.

squeezeapplesmakejuice · 08/01/2021 04:44

Why didn't you just bin the food in question? The length of your post suggests you are taking this waaaaay too seriously.

IdentifyingCreamCake · 08/01/2021 05:00

This needs to go in classics

IdentifyingCreamCake · 08/01/2021 05:01

(And I’m sorry OP, I know you were meaning to be funny, and you’re annoyed at your DP, but this thread has cheered me up hugely)

IdentifyingCreamCake · 08/01/2021 05:02

WEREN’T meaning to be funny!

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/01/2021 05:04

IDC
Classics? I think that’s scraping the bottom of the mixing bowl.

Oblomov20 · 08/01/2021 05:11

This thread is mad.
Controlling and anxious it seems.
And no, I disagree with most, just because my Dh said something, he has a very delicate stomach and has diverticulitis and has had food poisoning twice, whereas I have the stomach of an ox, so in this situation I too would probably eat it if I fancied it.

leafygarden42 · 08/01/2021 05:52

I think the whole issue here is that Cream Cakes cannot be wasted!!

Well done to the DH who made sure the cake was not wasted.

And well done to @snowisfallingallaroundus - as that was a pretty funny comment and it made me laugh Grin

cherrytree63 · 08/01/2021 06:25

@cakeallday Martin should stick to squirrel Grin
@Keepdistance I can get very "nit picky" with my OH as he's always right in his opinion, and sometimes I stew over the stupidest little things because the big issues aren't resolved.
If I'd been feeling unwell I wouldn't be rushing to the fridge to throw the offending food away, I'd be groaning on the sofa and saying it might be whatever I'd eaten.

LakieLady · 08/01/2021 07:31

He's an adult and capable of making his own decisions about what to eat.

If he gets ill, you can have the pleasure of saying "I told you so".

IPead · 08/01/2021 07:47

@Keepdistance

Sorry didnt want to say it was cream cake as identifying. Certainly not a hypochondriac as ive only once had food poinsoning over 10y ago and we were both affected at the same time. So not like im frequently saying ive eaten something dodgy. or feel ill etc.
But are you generally anxious about health? Not just about stomach issues/food poisoning? The fact that your mind went to the worst case scenario of three people needing to vomit in 2 toilets, him missing work etc, and the comment you made about toxins in food past it’s use by date suggest that you may be an anxious person generally.
IPead · 08/01/2021 07:50

Having health anxiety isn’t about being ill all the time, it’s about being unusually preoccupied/concerned with becoming ill.