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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Felt ill and warned dp about eating - goes straight to eat it

275 replies

Keepdistance · 07/01/2021 20:15

Aibu to be cross with dp
because me and 1 dc had a stomach ache and i said i thought it was 'x as we both ate it at the same time earlier
Checked that dp hadnt eaten it and said something like 'good you havent eaten it'.
I went off to do some printing and came back found him eating it!

I am just so angry that he heard, understood then did it anyway. But really i dont care if he makes himself ill - his choice. but in a position where potentially 2 of us already ill (2 bathrooms) and having to look after myself and the 2 kids whilst he was also ill would have been infuriating.

We were fine my stomacheache went after a couple of hours and dc fell asleep and was ok.
I just feel it was irresponsible and selfish and ignoring what i told him.

He still wont hear it. Making out im trying to control him. !
Will not listen to me saying it's the not thinking of others that is annoying me. He could easily have eaten it the next day instead.
It is not the case i frequently complain (and i wasnt at this time either) so not sure if it was a misunderstanding that i did feel quite ill. )

So i ask him to just not do that again (as in eat something that could be gone off (whilst im already ill and we have kids to look after) and he wont.
He is generally pretty selfish and we end up arguing sometimes as he does the same things over and again.
I dont know if he argues because he cant be wrong. But he seems to genuinely think it's ok. (Though tbh it would generally be me watching ill dc after possibly help clearing up initial vomit.). I dont think im asking too much.
Im concerned that he cares more about eating x (something sweet) than well anyone other than him.
Tbh i feel that the kids have more sense!
It really isnt a do as i say think
1 i just cant see why he would make the choice he did anyway
2 if he is going to ignore he could at least have said.
3 he wont let me explain that it's about more than just him. And honestly i still think he would only think about him
4 obviously unlikely to happen again but if it did i wouldnt trust him (and also would he ignore what i said and feed it to the kids?!! and would likely have to rush down and immediately bin the food.

He also has said why are you just arguing about x food. Cannot see my concerns at all. y

It is often not even about the choices he makes at the time but he wont see any other side and ends up arguing as he would choose to make the decision again. And i sometimes feel i dont want to live with someone who cant discuss without arguing.

He literally doesnt listen properly either and adds details in his own head. was saying i said loose stomach (i didnt). Tried to say similar to that oh it's because youve been eating rubbish and are bloated etc.
He was actually quite offensive saying im crazy etc.
And i can see to him it seems an overreaction.
I think it's also that he wouldnt even consider not having something he wanted even though it might impact others. Whereas i would say 'youre right i'll eat something else (plenty there) just in case, dont wan t everyone ill at once.

OP posts:
FraughtwithGin · 07/01/2021 20:39

What was the food?
Did you both wash your hands first before eating?

Theunamedcat · 07/01/2021 20:40

Sneak a laxative into his drink then say I told you so

Plussizejumpsuit · 07/01/2021 20:41

So your dh purposely ate food you said might be off. Is he OK?

1Morewineplease · 07/01/2021 20:42

So it's something that's " unlikely to go off" but made you and your child poorly yet you didn't throw it away as " he could easily have eaten it the next day???!!!"

I literally don't understand your problem here.
And why mention two bathrooms? Most people make do with one.
You sound a bit controlling if I'm honest.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 07/01/2021 20:43

Honestly, if my dh told me "don't eat this, it's probably off" and then bugger off to do something else while leaving the food there, not putting it in a bin, I would think he waas messing with me🤷🏻

VetiverAndLavender · 07/01/2021 20:47

Weird of him to eat something that might make him ill. Did he not believe you? It sounds like this is just the latest in a series of annoyances between the two of you.

ancientgran · 07/01/2021 20:48

Some people seem to have cast iron stomachs so maybe he was confident it was OK.

Eckhart · 07/01/2021 20:49

Am I right in thinking that what you're actually saying is that your husband doesn't listen to you when you make valid points?

HighlandCrab · 07/01/2021 20:49

What was the food? If as you said it was something that doesn't often go bad, it seems more likely you have a stomach bug and that's probably what he thought too?

TheVanguardSix · 07/01/2021 20:50

Your partner's a big boy. If he wants to eat a plate of norovirus you've simultaneously kept and warned him not to eat, then it's on him. Next time you're worried about 3 pukers on the go, chuck the dodgy food in the bin first. Unless you don't have a bin. Is that what's happened here?

Chloemol · 07/01/2021 20:50

Sorry you are being unreasonable. Any normal adult would immediately throw away food they thought had made them ill, and if you hadn’t instead of telling him throw it away

YouBoughtMeAWall · 07/01/2021 20:51

Why are you being so cloak and dagger about what food it was? Confused

Why did you not have time to bin it while you were standing looking at it?

borageforager · 07/01/2021 20:52

What was the food?

Benjispruce2 · 07/01/2021 20:52

Why was it still available to eat???Hmm

billy1966 · 07/01/2021 20:52

YABU only to be surprised.

He's selfish.
He's difficult.
He doesn't listen to you.
He doesn't care what you say.

You know this.
You shouldn't be surprised OP.
Just more of the same.

Don't have a third child.
Mind yourself.Flowers

HoofHeartedSanta · 07/01/2021 20:53

Is he a co-pilot with risk aversion issues. Prawns for everyone !

IPead · 07/01/2021 20:53

Do you have a history of being a bit dramatic/anxious about that sort of thing? Because it sounds like he maybe thought ‘oh it’s just keepdistance making a fuss about nothing again’. Especially as you said it’s something that wouldn’t generally make someone ill.
You sound a bit anxious and controlling.

vodkaredbullgirl · 07/01/2021 20:54

should have binned it

oakleaffy · 07/01/2021 20:55

@Jumpalicious

Question: why didn’t you chuck out the suspect food rather than leave it out?
This!

If I suspected food was ''Off''...Into the bin it would go, and no messing.

It could have been a bug?

katy1213 · 07/01/2021 20:55

How long did it take to write that v binning it?

PlanDeRaccordement · 07/01/2021 20:56

So, you had a tummy ache for 2hrs and your DC also had one, but fell asleep. No one actually got ill. No food poisoning symptoms of vomiting or diarrhoea at all. So why are you making such a massive issue out of this?

You didn’t bin the food you assumed causes the tummy ache. Therefore, you were not sure it was bad at all. If it were obviously bad, you should have binned it.

He ate it probably because you were not actually sick, and secondly because you only suspected the food of being off. He is an adult and most probably checked the food and decided it was ok to eat. As you say too, it was an item that very rarely goes off or bad.

Sorry but I have to say I think you are over reacting and being controlling. It sounds like even though he was right, the food was fine and not off, you refuse to accept that fact and are going on about making him “not do it again” and how his decision was “selfish” when it really wasn’t.

oakleaffy · 07/01/2021 20:56

@borageforager

What was the food?
Bread.
WestendVBroadway · 07/01/2021 20:57

He could easily have eaten it the next day instead why, would it cease to be 'off' overnight?

CorianderBee · 07/01/2021 20:58

We're there beans involved? Sounds like you both just got gas

oakleaffy · 07/01/2021 20:58

@HoofHeartedSanta

Is he a co-pilot with risk aversion issues. Prawns for everyone !
Laughing out loud at this 😂