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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Felt ill and warned dp about eating - goes straight to eat it

275 replies

Keepdistance · 07/01/2021 20:15

Aibu to be cross with dp
because me and 1 dc had a stomach ache and i said i thought it was 'x as we both ate it at the same time earlier
Checked that dp hadnt eaten it and said something like 'good you havent eaten it'.
I went off to do some printing and came back found him eating it!

I am just so angry that he heard, understood then did it anyway. But really i dont care if he makes himself ill - his choice. but in a position where potentially 2 of us already ill (2 bathrooms) and having to look after myself and the 2 kids whilst he was also ill would have been infuriating.

We were fine my stomacheache went after a couple of hours and dc fell asleep and was ok.
I just feel it was irresponsible and selfish and ignoring what i told him.

He still wont hear it. Making out im trying to control him. !
Will not listen to me saying it's the not thinking of others that is annoying me. He could easily have eaten it the next day instead.
It is not the case i frequently complain (and i wasnt at this time either) so not sure if it was a misunderstanding that i did feel quite ill. )

So i ask him to just not do that again (as in eat something that could be gone off (whilst im already ill and we have kids to look after) and he wont.
He is generally pretty selfish and we end up arguing sometimes as he does the same things over and again.
I dont know if he argues because he cant be wrong. But he seems to genuinely think it's ok. (Though tbh it would generally be me watching ill dc after possibly help clearing up initial vomit.). I dont think im asking too much.
Im concerned that he cares more about eating x (something sweet) than well anyone other than him.
Tbh i feel that the kids have more sense!
It really isnt a do as i say think
1 i just cant see why he would make the choice he did anyway
2 if he is going to ignore he could at least have said.
3 he wont let me explain that it's about more than just him. And honestly i still think he would only think about him
4 obviously unlikely to happen again but if it did i wouldnt trust him (and also would he ignore what i said and feed it to the kids?!! and would likely have to rush down and immediately bin the food.

He also has said why are you just arguing about x food. Cannot see my concerns at all. y

It is often not even about the choices he makes at the time but he wont see any other side and ends up arguing as he would choose to make the decision again. And i sometimes feel i dont want to live with someone who cant discuss without arguing.

He literally doesnt listen properly either and adds details in his own head. was saying i said loose stomach (i didnt). Tried to say similar to that oh it's because youve been eating rubbish and are bloated etc.
He was actually quite offensive saying im crazy etc.
And i can see to him it seems an overreaction.
I think it's also that he wouldnt even consider not having something he wanted even though it might impact others. Whereas i would say 'youre right i'll eat something else (plenty there) just in case, dont wan t everyone ill at once.

OP posts:
Imworthit · 05/02/2021 04:55

I’m just killing myself laughing at how the mysoginistic creamcake eaters gonna take the strippers ass comment. Oh god this cheered me up.

SpaceRaiders · 05/02/2021 05:14

I think you should lighten up a bit before the poor guy gets fed up and finds himself a stripper who let's him eat whatever he wants out of her

😆😆😆

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/02/2021 05:35

Well that’s an interesting twist one month on. Better not talk about twisting too much or we may get some more odd posts about cream. Wink

Hardcoresoftie · 05/02/2021 05:37

My husband does this. If I say nothing about something going on in the household he and I would do the same thing, if I mention 'btw x needs to go ' he will covertly do the opposite and if asked say he didnt hear, didnt know or didnt understand.
Could you turn the heating down while your there? turns it up etc etc.
After ruling out mistakes, tired, misheard it's so marked its almost pathological.
After losing my mind for many years and suspecting it's a small but pernicious form of gas lighting I've decided my only options are divorce or surrender and ignore it. As divorce is completely disproportionate it's made things simple too just give up. Dont know what that says about me or him but some things men do are unfathomable.

Imworthit · 05/02/2021 05:53

It’s not just men tho. If I get ‘told’ as if your my mother, educator or boss my response is usually to do the exact opposite. Few people respond well to people talking down to them/trying to be controlling......especially when cake is involved

yvanka · 05/02/2021 06:03

It's fine to warn him that you think it may have been the cake, but he is an adult and ultimately can make his own decisions. It would surely go pretty hard and unappetising before it became unsafe to eat? He obviously thought it looked fine.

Also if he knew they were only bought recently then he'd understandably decide you were being silly and eat it. Wait another day as you suggested and it wouldn't have been as fresh. "Selfish" is a bit of a stretch really.

yvanka · 05/02/2021 06:05

Also be careful putting extremely identifying details such as "cream cakes" online. I've found your address, bank details and traced your family tree 7 generations just from that information.

BadNomad · 05/02/2021 07:12

People are purposely being obtuse here.

This isn't about him eating the stupid cake. It's that he chose to do something that might have had an impact on his wife and didn't care. Food poisoning is a minor inconvenience but I'm sure there is a bigger background of selfishness here.

"I'm ill at home with kids but DH went to the pub anyway and will probably be hungover tomorrow" would have got more sympathy event though it's pretty much the same selfishness.

yvanka · 05/02/2021 07:27

BadNomad If my wife told me to do something that I thought was stupid then I would ignore her. Especially if she is generally a bit dramatic, as I suspect the OP might be.

BadNomad · 05/02/2021 07:34

@yvanka I would think you're a bit of a dick then if you just ignored her. In that situation I would have said to her "It smells ok, I'm going to risk it." I wouldn't have just dismissed her concerns.

BeaSmithers · 05/02/2021 07:41

Are you always this controlling?

Arobase · 05/02/2021 07:49

@Eckhart

It is a food which is very unlikely to make ill/go off generally

Cream cake? You're saying cream is unlikely to go off? Cream goes off if you look at it too hard.

To be fair, cream cake never goes off in our house, it gets eaten too quickly.
yvanka · 05/02/2021 07:50

BadNomad OP wasn't even sick, she just had a stomach ache which went away after a few hours. She also had no idea what it was from or whether it would actually become food poisoning.

I get that there's a backstory which is feeding into your view of the situation but there will also be a backstory which led to him not taking your instruction seriously.

I just feel it was irresponsible and selfish and ignoring what i told him.

This is just such a jump from what he actually did. You may view it as an act of disrespect but he wouldn't and it isn't, it's an adult eating a cake and you were being silly. Cakes are innocent until proven guilty.

beingsunny · 05/02/2021 07:55

I think you're getting a hard time here, if I felt sick and so did my child and suspected it was the food I'd be pretty stressed at the thought of my and my child vomiting and my husband deliberately ignoring me and potentially being sick too. Sounds as though he would have taken himself off and left you to deal with yourself and your child which we all know isn't fun!!

butterpuffed · 05/02/2021 08:03

Why is the cream cake identifying, did they put an extra squirt on it but still charge the normal price Shock

notanothertakeaway · 05/02/2021 08:07

@BadNomad

People are purposely being obtuse here.

This isn't about him eating the stupid cake. It's that he chose to do something that might have had an impact on his wife and didn't care. Food poisoning is a minor inconvenience but I'm sure there is a bigger background of selfishness here.

"I'm ill at home with kids but DH went to the pub anyway and will probably be hungover tomorrow" would have got more sympathy event though it's pretty much the same selfishness.

A better analogy might be "I told my DH not to have a second pint in case he was run over on the way home from the pub" ie catastrophising a small risk
TillyTopper · 05/02/2021 08:19

Why wouldn't you immediately throw out food that you food was dodgy? If's stupid enough to eat it why be angry? Isn't it up to him?

Imworthit · 05/02/2021 08:53

Also you know when you have food poisoning, it’s not a case of I felt iffy for a little bit, it’s a case of hugging the toilet for dear life. Your too busy shitting and vomiting to even notice what someone else is eating....she was being dramatic

BobbidyBob · 05/02/2021 08:55

Oh god. This one’s still rumbling on 😂

Worth coming back for the “cream cake is identifying” though!

Imworthit · 05/02/2021 09:01

She’s pissed she felt ill, overwhelmed with the kids even, annoyed at her husband but this was definitely just the icing on the cake

KatherineJaneway · 05/02/2021 09:09

Maybe he thought OP was falsely warning him so she could eat all of the cream cakes.

JustAPassingFashion · 05/02/2021 12:34

This thread still being active is probably the best thing that's happened in 2021.

Sorry op Grin

LaceyBetty · 05/02/2021 13:06

"I'm ill at home with kids but DH went to the pub anyway and will probably be hungover tomorrow" would have got more sympathy event though it's pretty much the same selfishness.

This is not the same at all!

So glad I found this amazing thread.

ComeCovidCloser · 05/02/2021 13:12

I identify as a cream cake. I'm sorry I gave you the shits Flowers

lazylinguist · 05/02/2021 13:30

Bonkers thread. How in the name of all that's holy can a cream cake be identifying, OP?! Also, how can you possibly get so ridiculously OTT about your dh eating something when you have no real evidence that it was even that which caused your (brief and inconsequential stomach ache)? Utterly ridiculous.

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