To be annoyed that this woman ruins my dog walks?

[IAmARectangle]

I've name changed for this as I've moaned to a couple of friends in RL about it.

I live in a village that has a massive park in it, and I take our dog over to the park each day at least once as she loves it there. There is an area specifically for dogs so she can go off the lead, and she enjoys walking through the rest of it on the lead so she can have a sniff. The only other place in our village where she could go off the lead would be some woods, which are a fair walk from our house to get there and are also very muddy and flooded at this time of year. I am currently working from home and the kids are doing online learning, so I like to just nip out for a quick half hour walk.

For the last year or so there has been a woman with a dog who is at the park literally every single time I go there. Lets just say she is a chatterbox! She is always talking to someone at the park and if she gets there with her dog she makes a beeline to find someone to talk to and then talks and talks and talks and talks, about the same things over and over again.

In the last couple of months she makes a beeline for me every time she sees me. She is there literally every time I go to the park; I've tried walking the dog at every single time of daylight hours you could think of to avoid her but she is always, always there! If I think she's not there it isn't long before I see her out of the corner of my eye walking towards me and if I pretend not to see her she follows me and catches up with me, then just walks along talking at me and I just can't get away from her.

The other day I was on a work call whilst in the dog exercising area and this woman came and stood with me and as I walked around the area talking on my phone she just talked at me the whole time! I wasn't interacting with her in any way as I was on the phone but she just kept telling me the same stories that she's told me before, such as the story of where she got her dog from!

I've just literally been to the park now and as I walked into the park she was standing talking to someone so I sort of did a detour around her at the entrance so she wouldn't see me and went around the kids play area to enter the dog area a different way and yet still as we walked across the park to the dog area I could see her out of the corner of my eye following us. So I kept the dog on the lead and walked through the park as quickly as I could then made an escape and had to walk home on the main road as she was trying to catch us up.

It sounds ridiculous but she is ruining my dog walks! I like a half hour quiet walk to relax and for the dog to enjoy her walk. I'm not antisocial and always have chats with other walkers but this woman is something else! I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint. Even walking off from her saying 'right, better go now' she just follows me, talking at me! I can't get away from her until I actually walk out of the park gates. I've also been at the park with a friend and her dog before and this woman just started walking with us, talking 'at' us the whole time. Again, same old stories!

I don't think she's lonely as she talks about a husband and kids at home, and seems to know a lot of people. Not sure if age is relevant but she's late forties, early fifties at a guess.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

In my experience of people who cannot pick up on social cues - they actually appreciate direct, non-rude but clear responses/instructions.

I would go along with headphones in and say 'I'm sorry, I can't speak today, I need to listen to this audiobook'. If she starts to speak again, pause the audio and say again, I'm sorry I can't hear you while listening to this and I need to listen to this. I hope you find somebody else to chat to today. And walk away.

@Therarestone

People are sad and lonely. She has mistaken you for a kind caring person. I'm sure you'll find a way to show her the error of her ways.

So you have to talk to someone every day, for as long as they want, when you're out trying to walk your dog and/or on a work call, or even just having a terrible day and needing to get outside to clear your head, because otherwise you're not a kind person? That's horrible emotional manipulation.

One woman turned to me and said, “Sorry, but we’re a group of friends.”

This sends me cold! Mortifying. And so cruel. Very different to the OP's situation though.

If not audiobook, tell her you need quiet as you're listening to a meditation. Tell her your dog walks are time out alone and you don't want to talk during them.

Get sloshed before you walk the dog
If she doesn’t smell it on you and observe your unsteady gait then just breath all over her and slur your words a bit

It might work?
If she reappears next time with a hip flask or bottle of white and two plastic glasses then don’t blame me

Breathe

Some people are just annoying. We can make every excuse under the sun but it's true.

When my DC were younger there was a woman at the school who's grandson was in DS's class (she was a young grandparent, early 50s so not old) and she would lie in wait for you every single fucking day. She lives around the corner from me so I bore the brunt of it. I like a chat so it didn't bother me at first but it got to the stage when if I met someone else on the way to school, she would be rude to them in the hope they would go away. It was ridiculous. It was never a conversation, it was always just her talking at me and normally bitching about other parents in the school and trying to get me to agree. It was awful. I tried everything from earphones to saying I just wanted some time with DS alone walking to school, to tolerating it a couple of times a week to keep her happy, getting DH to do the school run, you name it I tried it. Eventually I had to be very clear and actually quite rude and say - 'I don't want to walk to school with you' which I really didn't want to do because it made me feel horrible. Within a week she had another victim for 6 months, then another, then another ...

Gosh Op, you're better than me. If someone had have talked at me incessantly while I was clearly on the phone (and important call at that!) I think I would have snapped. That's so damn rude!
I wouldn't accept that off my 7yr old, let alone an adult.

I would probably do a compromise and stop still for a 3-5 minute chat - how are you today? nice weather etc. Then I would very firmly say - "have a nice day, I need to walk on my own now to take a work phone call. See you tomorrow?"

Take out phone and walk off. If she follows you and tries to keep talking. Stop still. Face her, say again firmly and politely. "Sorry, I really do need to walk alone to take this call. See you tomorrow."

Again walk off.

If you have to repeat this several times and she doesn't take any notice of you then she's clearly got a cognitive problem and you're either going to have to be very rude or find somewhere else to walk.

If it does work, then just keep repeating this pattern - stop for a short chat - no more than 5 mins of pleasantries and then make a clean break. If she's just a slightly unobservant chatterbox you'll be able to train her to respond to you differently!

You have tried being nice and kind, as we all would. Not only has this not worked, it has made the problem worse. So you need to change your approach.

The first step is to be politely assertive. ‘Sorry, I can’t stop to chat.’ ‘Hi! Nice to see you. Busy day!’ & just keep walking. Etc etc.

If this doesn’t work, the second step is to be less polite and more assertive. ‘I don’t have time to talk. Goodbye.’ No apology. No smile. Borderline rude.

If this doesn’t work, the last resort is much more difficult, but we sometimes have to be tough. You have to literally tell her to fuck off and leave you alone, as loudly and aggressively as necessary and that if she doesn’t you will report her to the police for harassment.

In the words of porky pig 'p p p p p piss off Lou!'

@Bookworming

God her poor dog must be knackered! Yep headphones, sorry I can't hear you and March away!

made me laugh But yes, agree with this.

There's a bloke like this on our street. He doesn't have a car so walks everywhere.

My Mum, who can talk for England herself calls him Chatty Man.
He keeps her talking for ages and has been know to follow her up the street, right to her gate when she is walking the dogs.

One time, he kept her talking so long that the pork chops she'd put in the oven prior to the walk, burnt to a crisp.

Perhaps you could use Covid as an excuse - 'Sorry; right at the moment I'm trying to spend as little time as possible close to other people'. (It would be difficult to have this sort of intense conversation with someone from 2 metres away, so I'm assuming she's closer than that when she talks to you.) Or just point in exaggerated fashion to your phone and move away.

I'm not sure which is more funny - OP's consternation at her 'predicament', my little ironic jokette (age-related) or the serious age-related responses to my post.

Leaves the Park, whistling....Always look on the bright side of......

God, the posters shaming you with their #bekind schtick.

This woman shows no kindness to you, she is ignoring you whilst using you as a soundboard. Definitely be clear and assertive. Good luck!

@AtrociousCircumstance

God, the posters shaming you with their #bekind schtick.

This woman shows no kindness to you, she is ignoring you whilst using you as a soundboard. Definitely be clear and assertive. Good luck!

Absolutely agree. It's not 'kind' to harass people and that's what this is. Having a chat with someone is one thing, but continually following them around to talk at them is another.

I find it fascinating how many people find it "unkind" that someone does not want to be pals with a total stranger. The OP is a person with her own rights and life - if she wants to spend time with people she chooses, or on her own, then that is absolutely ok. It's amazing how many people think she should be a social worker. If this lady is annoying by not taking "the hint" then really there is no choice - she has to tell her to go away, and tell her to do that firmly until she complies. It might be that she is sad. Or lonely. Or has mental health problems. But none of that is either the OP's problem, nor their responsibility.

It seems to me that the most telling point anyone made is that if some strange man was following you, insisting on talking to you, and wouldn't leave you alone - every single day - how many people on here would be saying "be kind"? Because I rather suspect that they would be running away and calling the police, or suggesting that his "mental health problems" or whatever are irrelevant and not the OP's concern. It is double standards to see this woman in any different light. She is infringing on the OP's time and space and isn't wanted. So the OP needs to tell her that.

I find it just as fascinating that other posters are suggesting calling the police!

I suspect the posters suggesting to be kind but firm are those with experience of relatives or (in my case) dc who might chatter on without being able to read social cues. I guess we all put a personal slant on things here.

I had a neighbour like this (except no dog) she used to lurk in corridors or just outside the block to catch people - and unless I said I was late/had to be somewhere, she'd talk at me for hours, whinging about the same things over and over and over...

She was depressed, and very lonely; I spent about four years trying to encourage her to go to local community groups /gardening/cooking/dancing - there is a lot of community provision in my area (in non-covid times), but I did try and make time for her once a week or so.

The final straw was when she started screaming and shouting at other neighbours, a young couple, who I knew a little from saying hello and petting their dog. After the stream of shouty foul language, and they'd moved on, I said that maybe she should be a little more careful (she'd often said people had been abusive to her). She replied "I only did it because you were here, they wouldn't say much back with you here" . That was a few years ago, have barely spoken to her since. Result .

Does the park in question begin with a G?

@iklboo

Bloody hell the 'might have dementia' came out early on this one.

It does seem pretty clear that this woman has a mental health problem, so the initial suggestion seems to be unexceptionable. It can't be normal to keep talking at someone who is clearly engrossed in a telephone conversation, or indeed to spend the entire day in the park talking at people who are obviously trying to get away.

I think all you can do is learn to be rude - say "Sorry, can't talk now" and walk away, if she follows you and talks at you just ignore her.

I find it just as fascinating that other posters are suggesting calling the police!

So if someone is persistently and intrusively harassing you, and you have told them repeatedly and clearly to leave you alone in the bluntest possible terms and they refuse to do so, what other cause of action do you suggest?

you're going to have to get your dog a treadmill

@AgeLikeWine

I find it just as fascinating that other posters are suggesting calling the police!

So if someone is persistently and intrusively harassing you, and you have told them repeatedly and clearly to leave you alone in the bluntest possible terms and they refuse to do so, what other cause of action do you suggest?

You seriously think the police will be interested? They won’t even come out if you’re burgled!