To be annoyed that this woman ruins my dog walks?

[IAmARectangle]

I've name changed for this as I've moaned to a couple of friends in RL about it.

I live in a village that has a massive park in it, and I take our dog over to the park each day at least once as she loves it there. There is an area specifically for dogs so she can go off the lead, and she enjoys walking through the rest of it on the lead so she can have a sniff. The only other place in our village where she could go off the lead would be some woods, which are a fair walk from our house to get there and are also very muddy and flooded at this time of year. I am currently working from home and the kids are doing online learning, so I like to just nip out for a quick half hour walk.

For the last year or so there has been a woman with a dog who is at the park literally every single time I go there. Lets just say she is a chatterbox! She is always talking to someone at the park and if she gets there with her dog she makes a beeline to find someone to talk to and then talks and talks and talks and talks, about the same things over and over again.

In the last couple of months she makes a beeline for me every time she sees me. She is there literally every time I go to the park; I've tried walking the dog at every single time of daylight hours you could think of to avoid her but she is always, always there! If I think she's not there it isn't long before I see her out of the corner of my eye walking towards me and if I pretend not to see her she follows me and catches up with me, then just walks along talking at me and I just can't get away from her.

The other day I was on a work call whilst in the dog exercising area and this woman came and stood with me and as I walked around the area talking on my phone she just talked at me the whole time! I wasn't interacting with her in any way as I was on the phone but she just kept telling me the same stories that she's told me before, such as the story of where she got her dog from!

I've just literally been to the park now and as I walked into the park she was standing talking to someone so I sort of did a detour around her at the entrance so she wouldn't see me and went around the kids play area to enter the dog area a different way and yet still as we walked across the park to the dog area I could see her out of the corner of my eye following us. So I kept the dog on the lead and walked through the park as quickly as I could then made an escape and had to walk home on the main road as she was trying to catch us up.

It sounds ridiculous but she is ruining my dog walks! I like a half hour quiet walk to relax and for the dog to enjoy her walk. I'm not antisocial and always have chats with other walkers but this woman is something else! I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint. Even walking off from her saying 'right, better go now' she just follows me, talking at me! I can't get away from her until I actually walk out of the park gates. I've also been at the park with a friend and her dog before and this woman just started walking with us, talking 'at' us the whole time. Again, same old stories!

I don't think she's lonely as she talks about a husband and kids at home, and seems to know a lot of people. Not sure if age is relevant but she's late forties, early fifties at a guess.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

Jeez people stop telling OP to be kind. She has been kind. And all this #bekind stuff is bullshit. Kindness is not always the correct response, and not everyone is owed our kindness.

I think if she's not picking up on cues you have to be super black and white and maybe have a sentence you repeat over and over.

Most people can usually tell if another person doesn't want to talk, or interact with them,so this women obviously hasn't got any social clues about things as such. I guess you just have to face up to her, and not get upset at her reactions, it's not cruel, sometimes these things have to be done with annoying people.

You should be very direct.
I come here for some peace and quiet and fresh air. Please stop following me.

Or will you please fuck off and leave me alone.

I pretty much guarantee she'll leave you alone after that. 😂

I don't know how you continued with your work call, OP, with someone prattling away at you. Clearly you have been kind.

I'd hate to be in your position as, like you, I'm conditioned to be polite but I think I'd have reached the end of my tether with her.

She may well have a hidden disability, however, the number of times someone calls that out on MN can't possibly relate to the percentage of people who are actually disabled. Whenever anyone mentions someone with strange or annoying behaviour, oh they must have a disability.
Bollocks! It's much more likely that she's just rude and thinks her desire to talk trumps your desire to avoid it

People didn't get diagnosed with SEN 40 or 50 years ago, so there could be something going on here that people have just been too polite to address.

They did. My own parent was SENCO at a mainstream comprehensive school then. It may be that more SEN are picked up on and diagnosed now, but they were diagnosed then.

I've seen this so frequently on threads recently that posters talk about the 70s and 80s as though they were the Victorian era!

It doesn’t actually matter why the lady is acting in this way, the fact is the OP has every right to want to limit interactions with her. And the OP shouldn’t feel obliged to put up with this if it’s making her uncomfortable- women are WAY to conditioned to put up with behaviour like this!

Lots of good suggestions for how to disengage clearly and politely. If I was the OP, I’d practice a few of them and start using them next time you’re out and about.

People are sad and lonely. She has mistaken you for a kind caring person. I'm sure you'll find a way to show her the error of her ways.

What a nasty thing to say. Adults have responsibility for themselves. The woman might find it hard right now but that doesn't mean OP has to accept this women attaching herself to her. OP doesn't owe her anything.

As you imply this is difficult time and for many (such as OP) a peaceful opportunity to be outside is important for their wellbeing. Don't try and make her feel guilty for that.

@jenala don't want to talk to you. Don't care about your words.

That's up to me isn't it?

Ask her if she is on licence and is not allowed to be at home between 9am-5pm

Hardball time I think. 'I use this time to walk my dog and get some quiet time, please don't talk to me'

Well there's an easy answer then, the selflessly kind without boundary people can pm the OP for directions and be at the park daily to take shifts. After all, they're expecting the OP to have no life or feelings or time for herself and be prepared to devote her time entirely to volunteer work for this person, so they will obviously practice what they preach.

@Therarestone

People are sad and lonely. She has mistaken you for a kind caring person. I'm sure you'll find a way to show her the error of her ways.

Uncalled for. The op HAS shown kindness and has posted to ask for ways to disengage in a nice way. She owes this woman nothing and this woman certainly does not have the right to monopolise the op's alone time

@Stillfunny

You can tell I am not English as I have encountered people like this and did not have a polite response. " Go away, I dont want to talk to or listen to you ". No please , no sorry. This woman either cant or won't take subtlety so bluntness might work. Seems like you cant offend her so why let her ruin your walks.

This truly fascinates me! I'm not sure if it's British politeness or my own anxiety but I could only dream of ever being so direct to someone 😂

Ah bless she's usually the office bore and now she has no colleagues to annoy! I think I would go full on ignore and big hand 'stop' signal and turn away each time.

@Jenala

Jeez people stop telling OP to be kind. She has been kind. And all this #bekind stuff is bullshit. Kindness is not always the correct response, and not everyone is owed our kindness.

I think if she's not picking up on cues you have to be super black and white and maybe have a sentence you repeat over and over.

Bloody hell . Harsh. Christ's sake.

I hope you're keeping your distance from her when she talks at you. If she's doing the same with everyone else in the park she'd be an ideal candidate to catch it from!

Look at her directly. Put finger to your lips. Say, 'Shhhhh!', smile and walk away.

It being covid, not "old age" or dementia or the range of other ills mentioned above

@TheHateIsNotGood

It's probably "age-related" OP - you say late 40s/50s - definitely relevant in this case as no one under 40 would possibly do this.

Well I'm 58 and I wouldn't bloody do it either!

I used to have someone like this where I used to live. She was 30 with serious SEN (I did know the parents and condition). She lived with her parents but they sent her out at 7am every morning and she would go up and down the high street talking to everyone - so no norms in terms of talking to people, no boundaries - very very vulnerable. It was worrying. I used to have to drive down the high street at 8am to drop the kids off and due to multiple traffic lights I would always end up in traffic and she would bang very very hard on my window and shout / talk at me. The children being young used to get frightened. And once I actually thought she might break the window. When I talked to her parents they said she’s out 7 am until 5.30 pm to give us peace. She was attacked a few times which was very sad and traumatic.Sadly I think your choices are limited - earphones and ignore, say ‘no stop ✋ you aren’t welcome to talk to me’ even if necessary loudly or ‘I’ve told you to stop leave me alone’ and follow up with police or whatever or walk elsewhere. Personally the choice is yours- have you flagged it up with the non emergency police as a concern for her mental emotional health - I don’t know if they would do anything as she’s not committing a crime unless you have asked her numerous times to leave you alone.

She could be lonely and trying to make a friend. People are starved of company at the moment. Be kind

Being kind to someone should not be to your own detriment. A stranger's mental health is not OP's responsibility.

People are sad and lonely. She has mistaken you for a kind caring person. I'm sure you'll find a way to show her the error of her ways

Emotional blackmail much.

Well, I went to a park every day at various times with Dog and people - anybody - were always up for a chat.

However, at 7am there was a group of school mums from dd’s year so I kind of tacked on to their group, as they were walking the same circuit. One woman turned to me and said, “Sorry, but we’re a group of friends.” I was absolutely mortified and had to drag confused Dog back the other way and home asap. I never went to the park at 7am ever again.

I think if you’re blunt enough a person will get the message (although I’m still burning with embarrassment five years later!).

@TheHateIsNotGood Age has nothing to do with it! I am 47 and no way I would behave like that.

@PlanDeRaccordement I agree that there may be some cognitive behaviour going on there.

@TheHateIsNotGood

It's probably "age-related" OP - you say late 40s/50s - definitely relevant in this case as no one under 40 would possibly do this.

I think 99.9% of people over 40 also wouldnt do this.

@IrmaFayLear

Well, I went to a park every day at various times with Dog and people - anybody - were always up for a chat.

However, at 7am there was a group of school mums from dd’s year so I kind of tacked on to their group, as they were walking the same circuit. One woman turned to me and said, “Sorry, but we’re a group of friends.” I was absolutely mortified and had to drag confused Dog back the other way and home asap. I never went to the park at 7am ever again.

I think if you’re blunt enough a person will get the message (although I’m still burning with embarrassment five years later!).

That’s horrible though, no need for that. I have made some lovely friends through dog walking and you did nothing wrong.