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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that this woman ruins my dog walks?

458 replies

IAmARectangle · 07/01/2021 14:55

I've name changed for this as I've moaned to a couple of friends in RL about it.

I live in a village that has a massive park in it, and I take our dog over to the park each day at least once as she loves it there. There is an area specifically for dogs so she can go off the lead, and she enjoys walking through the rest of it on the lead so she can have a sniff. The only other place in our village where she could go off the lead would be some woods, which are a fair walk from our house to get there and are also very muddy and flooded at this time of year. I am currently working from home and the kids are doing online learning, so I like to just nip out for a quick half hour walk.

For the last year or so there has been a woman with a dog who is at the park literally every single time I go there. Lets just say she is a chatterbox! She is always talking to someone at the park and if she gets there with her dog she makes a beeline to find someone to talk to and then talks and talks and talks and talks, about the same things over and over again.

In the last couple of months she makes a beeline for me every time she sees me. She is there literally every time I go to the park; I've tried walking the dog at every single time of daylight hours you could think of to avoid her but she is always, always there! If I think she's not there it isn't long before I see her out of the corner of my eye walking towards me and if I pretend not to see her she follows me and catches up with me, then just walks along talking at me and I just can't get away from her.

The other day I was on a work call whilst in the dog exercising area and this woman came and stood with me and as I walked around the area talking on my phone she just talked at me the whole time! I wasn't interacting with her in any way as I was on the phone but she just kept telling me the same stories that she's told me before, such as the story of where she got her dog from!

I've just literally been to the park now and as I walked into the park she was standing talking to someone so I sort of did a detour around her at the entrance so she wouldn't see me and went around the kids play area to enter the dog area a different way and yet still as we walked across the park to the dog area I could see her out of the corner of my eye following us. So I kept the dog on the lead and walked through the park as quickly as I could then made an escape and had to walk home on the main road as she was trying to catch us up.

It sounds ridiculous but she is ruining my dog walks! I like a half hour quiet walk to relax and for the dog to enjoy her walk. I'm not antisocial and always have chats with other walkers but this woman is something else! I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint. Even walking off from her saying 'right, better go now' she just follows me, talking at me! I can't get away from her until I actually walk out of the park gates. I've also been at the park with a friend and her dog before and this woman just started walking with us, talking 'at' us the whole time. Again, same old stories!

I don't think she's lonely as she talks about a husband and kids at home, and seems to know a lot of people. Not sure if age is relevant but she's late forties, early fifties at a guess.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

OP posts:
Whiskysoda · 07/01/2021 17:51

Lie.
Without being brutal just say “I really need some time to myself. That’s why I bought Trixie for her walk right now”

Repeat every single time.

You don’t owe her anything but I do understand it’s really hard to be rude when you’re face to face.

BuntysTwinkle · 07/01/2021 17:53

Some of these comments... There is middle ground between kind evasion and "BUGGER OFF OR I SHALL SUMMON A POLICEMAN!"

And you don't need to pretend to be a deaf foreigner either Grin

Be honest with her. "Hi, I don't want to talk today, I need to be quiet and recharge my batteries." Not "I can't talk now" because she might think she can approach again in 20 seconds. If she still perseveres, then move to "Please leave me alone." If she still keeps going, then tell her to bugger off.

CardoMondo · 07/01/2021 17:53

Just tell her you are training your dog so can’t chat. Actually do some dog training if you want it to be realistic - engage with the dog and ignore her.

Nanny0gg · 07/01/2021 17:54

@IAmARectangle

Thank you all so much for the replies!

I knew the dementia thing would be mentioned so I thought I'd put her age in. I know occasionally dementia can occur very early but I'd say it's unlikely. I don't think she's got a disability but then again I can't tell for sure.

I don't like being rude or unkind to people and I try to be kind and tolerant but I think I am going to have to step up the rudeness level a lot with her! I think it's time to be kind to myself and not tolerate her any longer.

When I was on the work call she came over and started talking at me and I did that kind of awkward British smile that we all do and pointed to my phone as if to say "I'm on a call! Fuck off' then carried on with the call but she just followed me talking at me. Nightmare!

That was ridiculous!

You could have asked your call to hang on a minute and very politely and firmly told her you were on a CONFIDENTIAL work call and wouldn't be able to chat to her today.

Then do that every day because you can't have them with the kids around.

Pigeonsareclever · 07/01/2021 17:55

@AgeLikeWine do you really think that the police will act on this? In the middle of a pandemic? Because someone is chatting too much at the park.

Nanny0gg · 07/01/2021 17:56

@Therarestone

People are sad and lonely. She has mistaken you for a kind caring person. I'm sure you'll find a way to show her the error of her ways.
Oh don't be ridiculous. This is every day! And they are not friends.

Do you spare time for people you don't really know? And with people you don't actually like? Every day?

Eckhart · 07/01/2021 17:57

@coronafiona

She could be lonely and trying to make a friend. People are starved of company at the moment. Be kind.
But the woman isn't being kind to OP.
Lucieintheskye · 07/01/2021 17:58

It's not OPs responsibility to support this woman, whether she has a disability, mental health issue or otherwise. OP can be kind and ask her to leave, and if that doesn't work she needs to be firmer.

Disabled and mentally unwell people don't require everyone's attention and extra special kindness, they deserve as much kindness as anyone else, and putting yourself out of your way and giving up your only free time to someone you don't know and don't want to know day after day just in case they're disabled is ridiculous. Disabled and mentally unwell people can't and won't be treated as equals in society if they cause distress to others or are seen as people who must only be interacted with in Super Kindness Mode.

BuntysTwinkle · 07/01/2021 17:59

So if someone is persistently and intrusively harassing you, and you have told them repeatedly and clearly to leave you alone in the bluntest possible terms and they refuse to do so, what other cause of action do you suggest?

Is she going to be charged with repeating boring anecdotes without consent?

She sound like a lonely middle aged woman with mild learning difficulties who is excited to be seeing people. How about direct communication? And pointing to a phone is not direct communication for everyone. Some people need it spelled out. But yeah, let's try and traumatize her with a police visit, hopefully then she'll be too afraid to speak to anyone apart from her dog.

TillyTopper · 07/01/2021 18:01

I was going to say just have headphones in or say you're on a work call - but I see that hasn't worked! Just be more forthright with her "I'm sorry but I just want to walk by myself with my dog - it's my thinking time". Then ignore her.

MessAllOver · 07/01/2021 18:02

She probably thinks you're friends now or at least friendly acquaintances. So you're "fair game", as it is.

There are two possible approaches available to you to disabuse her of this notion:

  1. Tell her outright that you need some space. Awkward but direct.
  2. Put her off talking to you. Lower your cachet as "friend" material in some way. The easiest way I can think of to achieve this is to hint that you're in financial difficulties and ask her for money. I wouldn't be surprised if she gave you a very wide berth after this.
Yesmate · 07/01/2021 18:02

I am all for being kind but she sounds rude. You were on the phone and she continues to talk at you.
If she doesn’t understand social cues then I’m afraid you need to be blunt. “Please leave me alone, I need some peace and quiet” repeat repeat repeat. I understand you don’t want to offend her, I would feel the same but at least if she is offended she might leave you alone

BuntysTwinkle · 07/01/2021 18:02

do you really think that the police will act on this? In the middle of a pandemic? Because someone is chatting too much at the park.

Depends what quotas they need to meet. If they can get an easy tick in the "dealt with an unsocial behaviour offender" box instead of having to deal with thugs, maybe...

MessAllOver · 07/01/2021 18:03

I think calling the police on her is perhaps a little extreme. It would certainly get the message across, though.

Candlesinthewind · 07/01/2021 18:06

I wonder why she is doing it? Perhaps she wants you/someone/anyone to listen to her. For whatever reason that may be the driver.
Could you try denying her that in a different way to what you’ve already tried?
Maybe try talking at her instead - give her a loud fast monologue so quickly and firmly that she can’t talk to you or at the very least may realise that you are not listening. Gabble and then run.
Worth a try Smile

VinylDetective · 07/01/2021 18:07

@MessAllOver

I think calling the police on her is perhaps a little extreme. It would certainly get the message across, though.
It wouldn’t. She’d never know. Clearly nobody recommending this has had any reason to call the police recently.
Templetree · 07/01/2021 18:09

@Sheleg

One woman turned to me and said, “Sorry, but we’re a group of friends.”

This sends me cold! Mortifying. And so cruel. Very different to the OP's situation though.

I disagree. Just tagging onto a group with no invitation or without asking " Hello Im XX, can I join you?" Is really rude and quite an odd thing to do.

Likewise the OPs woman could have asked if OP would like to meet next week for a chat noooooooo which gives the OP a chance to express her preferences.
Assuming you are always welcome is the issue here.

DressingGownofDoom · 07/01/2021 18:09

'So if someone is persistently and intrusively harassing you, and you have told them repeatedly and clearly to leave you alone in the bluntest possible terms and they refuse to do so, what other cause of action do you suggest?'

Don't go to the place where they are perhaps?? Hmm

XmasBelle · 07/01/2021 18:12

I'm sorry ,but you need to walk somewhere else to get shot of her

NotMeNoNo · 07/01/2021 18:13

Apologies if I've missed it but have you actually said in so many words, "Please can you not talk to me, I'm on a phone call" or "I would like to walk on my own today please".

Or is it all down to body language, awkward smiles, pointing. pretending to have to leave urgently and other Very British Problems type techniques? The person clearly has some sort of difficulty, they might understand better if you are polite but very direct and clear.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/01/2021 18:13

"I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint."

Well, clearly these things are not assertive enough to get through to her. You've said you want to be kind, but she's not exactly being kind to you, is she?

"I walk my dog to have some time to myself, I need you to leave me alone when I'm in the park. I don't want to have conversations with anyone whilst walking my dog." If three repetitions of this have no effect then I'm afraid my next port of call would be "Fuck off!".

folkloreore · 07/01/2021 18:15

I would just take the route of honesty. No point wearing headphones or saying you're busy one day. It just pushes the problem down the road.

"I don't want to be rude but when I'm walking my dog I like peace and quiet as I'm working and homeschooling the kids all day. For my sanity, I'm afraid I won't be available to talk to when I'm out with my dog from now on. I'm sure you understand that being left alone to walk to my dog is a real gift right now. Thanks".

If she approaches again then as above but shorter. "As I said the other day, I need to be left alone when I walk my dog as it's my only time for peace and quiet. Hope you have a lovely day. Goodbye."

Repeat ad nauseam, even it means you're eventually just saying "Leave me alone, I need some peace and quiet."

Eckhart · 07/01/2021 18:19

@XmasBelle

I'm sorry ,but you need to walk somewhere else to get shot of her
Why should OP have to do this? What's wrong with finding a way to communicate with the woman that the woman understands?
Kate139 · 07/01/2021 18:22

This isn't normal behaviour. Maybe she has mental health issues. It's difficult isn't it. You don't want to be rude and upset her but at the same time she is intruding into your walks and is oblivious to social cues etc. Does anyone else know this lady...you say she talks to there in the park. Maybe have a word with them and see what they say about her?. You may have to just tell her gently that you are stressed and need some peace and quiet while walking your dog.

Ginsodden · 07/01/2021 18:24

Women are always told ‘be kind’, ‘be polite’. That’s why our boundaries are constantly breached.

Your time is precious OP. Be assertive. You have a right to walk in peace.

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