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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed that this woman ruins my dog walks?

458 replies

IAmARectangle · 07/01/2021 14:55

I've name changed for this as I've moaned to a couple of friends in RL about it.

I live in a village that has a massive park in it, and I take our dog over to the park each day at least once as she loves it there. There is an area specifically for dogs so she can go off the lead, and she enjoys walking through the rest of it on the lead so she can have a sniff. The only other place in our village where she could go off the lead would be some woods, which are a fair walk from our house to get there and are also very muddy and flooded at this time of year. I am currently working from home and the kids are doing online learning, so I like to just nip out for a quick half hour walk.

For the last year or so there has been a woman with a dog who is at the park literally every single time I go there. Lets just say she is a chatterbox! She is always talking to someone at the park and if she gets there with her dog she makes a beeline to find someone to talk to and then talks and talks and talks and talks, about the same things over and over again.

In the last couple of months she makes a beeline for me every time she sees me. She is there literally every time I go to the park; I've tried walking the dog at every single time of daylight hours you could think of to avoid her but she is always, always there! If I think she's not there it isn't long before I see her out of the corner of my eye walking towards me and if I pretend not to see her she follows me and catches up with me, then just walks along talking at me and I just can't get away from her.

The other day I was on a work call whilst in the dog exercising area and this woman came and stood with me and as I walked around the area talking on my phone she just talked at me the whole time! I wasn't interacting with her in any way as I was on the phone but she just kept telling me the same stories that she's told me before, such as the story of where she got her dog from!

I've just literally been to the park now and as I walked into the park she was standing talking to someone so I sort of did a detour around her at the entrance so she wouldn't see me and went around the kids play area to enter the dog area a different way and yet still as we walked across the park to the dog area I could see her out of the corner of my eye following us. So I kept the dog on the lead and walked through the park as quickly as I could then made an escape and had to walk home on the main road as she was trying to catch us up.

It sounds ridiculous but she is ruining my dog walks! I like a half hour quiet walk to relax and for the dog to enjoy her walk. I'm not antisocial and always have chats with other walkers but this woman is something else! I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint. Even walking off from her saying 'right, better go now' she just follows me, talking at me! I can't get away from her until I actually walk out of the park gates. I've also been at the park with a friend and her dog before and this woman just started walking with us, talking 'at' us the whole time. Again, same old stories!

I don't think she's lonely as she talks about a husband and kids at home, and seems to know a lot of people. Not sure if age is relevant but she's late forties, early fifties at a guess.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

OP posts:
Eustaciavile · 07/01/2021 16:47

Quote”headphones and "JUST FUCK OFF". If this doesn't work, tell her she's harassing you and if she doesn't leave off you'll report her.

😯😯😯Would ANY normal person respond like that to a minor annoyance

MichelleofzeResistance · 07/01/2021 16:48

Hand up in a stop sign, kindly, but bluntly and firmly, "I'm on the phone and busy. I can't talk to you now. You need to go and find someone else to talk to please."

If she continues to talk, repeat on broken record, "No, I am on the phone, you need to go and find someone else to talk to please. No, you need to go and find someone else to talk to please." until they move away.

SmileyClare · 07/01/2021 16:49

@MissMarpleDarling

I'd never go there again. I hate confrontation so would just avoid it.
Me too. Even trekking all the way to the woods if I had to.

I suspect this woman has a cognitive disorder or some sort of mental impairment so it feels quite cruel to continually be very blunt or rude to her. It appears she does this to everyone so it's clear nothing is deterring her or she's not understanding the societal norm.

notinthiseconomy · 07/01/2021 16:49

@MaelyssQ

Headphones and sunglasses on and ignore her.
And a face mask so hopefully she won't recognise you?
iklboo · 07/01/2021 16:51

Would ANY normal person respond like that to a minor annoyance

It's not a minor annoyance though. It is daily, constant chatter at the OP, even when she was on the phone, following her around the park telling the same stories over and over. It stopped being minor annoyance quite some time ago.

sofiaaaaaa · 07/01/2021 16:52

How is following someone daily and incessantly talking at them a “minor inconvenience”? Some of these posters have standards in the gutter

Sceptre86 · 07/01/2021 16:52

Bipolar or learning difficulties maybe? My auntie will latch onto people and chew their ears off and she is bipolar. She doesn't understand social cues either. I have never given her my mobile number for that exact reason.

I would be firm with her that due to covid you would prefer to keep distance failing that wear a mask and headphones on your walk but be prepared that she still might bug you anyway.

Norwester · 07/01/2021 16:52

Okay, so headphones on. Remove briefly when she starts in. Then be assertive and blunt. 'I do not want to speak with you. Leave me alone.' Leave no room for her to misinterpret your intentions. Headphones back on without waiting for a response.

And keep repeating it every time she tries again. 'I do not want to speak with you. Stop harrasing me. Stop following me.'

Then headphones again. The noise-cancelling ones.

willloman · 07/01/2021 16:53

Yes you are unreasonable as this person clearly has MH issues. Be kind.

LittlePearl · 07/01/2021 16:54

It is perfectly possible to be very direct and firm without being rude or unkind.

Try role-playing it with someone OP, until you get used to the posture, tone of voice and words to use.

I'd hate it too, I love my own space when I'm out for a walk. But I agree that being unpleasant, harsh or rude isn't desirable or necessary. My dad is brilliant at this, being very firm and clear but never being rude or getting angry. It can be done.....good luck!

TwilightToStarlight · 07/01/2021 16:54

Jesus, she definitely doesn't sound quite right. I'm friendly and will often have a chat with people when I'm passing, but she sounds very OTT.

I don't think I'd tell her to fuck off or anything. Truth be told, I'd probably not go there anymore, but if you need to for the dog, then go with one of the assertive but not overly aggressive responses on here!

LoisWilkersonslastnerve · 07/01/2021 16:54

Something clearly isn't right with her behaviour so you either accept bumping into her as part of your day, make polite chit chat and get me time elsewhere or you tell her you don't feel like talking sorry. It's a non issue really. I live in a wee village so maybe I have a bigger tolerance for characters. You can't tell people to bugger off here as you see them all the time.

MichelleofzeResistance · 07/01/2021 16:56

it feels quite cruel to continually be very blunt or rude to her.

that's very understandable, but try thinking from the other side that possibly it's when information is sufficiently simple, blunt and repetitive that it makes sense to someone with a cognitive challenge. It can be unkinder to keep interacting in a way that makes no sense, or to end up being avoidant without the person knowing why. (Sibling with these kind of challenges.)

Also when you make allowances you wouldn't make to someone else, it's can imply you don't believe them capable of, or see them as an equal person. It's a very tricky tightrope.

Mammyofonlyone · 07/01/2021 16:57

@iklboo

Bloody hell the 'might have dementia' came out early on this one.
Grin
Oldraver · 07/01/2021 16:58

When you finished your interrupted phone call wasn't you tempted to tell her she was being rude ? That was the time to say something

Pigeonsareclever · 07/01/2021 16:58

suspect this woman has a cognitive disorder or some sort of mental impairment so it feels quite cruel to continually be very blunt or rude to her. It appears she does this to everyone so it's clear nothing is deterring her or she's not understanding the societal norm

Agree so much with this view Flowers

Cherrysoup · 07/01/2021 16:59

Headphones, pretend to be on the phone, tell her specifically that you’re busy and say ‘Can’t talk now’. Feel free to get a bit annoyed and show her this, she’s ruining your walks.

sneakysnoopysniper · 07/01/2021 16:59

Ive been on a few assertiveness courses. Its about being honest and open about what you want/need while at the same time acknowledging the needs of others.

So a good tactic is to say exactly what you want and then close the conversation and walk away. Maybe roll play saying what you wish to convey and the kind of tone you want to say it in, with a bit of an "edge" to it.

You are going to (probably) upset her but you have a right to consider your own needs.

You could begin by saying something like "I feel uncomfortable saying this but I have to speak to you about XXX"

Then lead into what you wish to make clear and what you want her to do.

Dont get into a deep discussion about the whys and wherefores. Use a very firm ending like

"Im sorry if this hurts you feelings but I just had to speak out. Thank you!"

Deliver the final "thank you" with a very brisk and decisive edge to it and walk quickly away.

Ruddyusernames · 07/01/2021 16:59

@IAmARectangle

Thank you all so much for the replies!

I knew the dementia thing would be mentioned so I thought I'd put her age in. I know occasionally dementia can occur very early but I'd say it's unlikely. I don't think she's got a disability but then again I can't tell for sure.

I don't like being rude or unkind to people and I try to be kind and tolerant but I think I am going to have to step up the rudeness level a lot with her! I think it's time to be kind to myself and not tolerate her any longer.

When I was on the work call she came over and started talking at me and I did that kind of awkward British smile that we all do and pointed to my phone as if to say "I'm on a call! Fuck off' then carried on with the call but she just followed me talking at me. Nightmare!

Sounds to me like she's lonely, has special needs or a mildenral illness. Age might irritate you but just in case, go easy on her .
Ruddyusernames · 07/01/2021 17:00

Sorry , mild mental illness I mean

goldenlilliesdaffodillies · 07/01/2021 17:00

The lady sounds very similar to my BIL who was diagnosed with Aspergers in his 60's. He is very lonely and really struggling with lockdown, but still needs to understand boundaries. With him you need to be very factual and blunt (without rudeness), as he can't read social cues at all.
I think with the dog walking lady, you will need to factually explain in black and white terms, that due to Covid rules you are sorry but you cannot socialise with her.

ZippedyDooDa · 07/01/2021 17:00

Change parks.

TableFlowerss · 07/01/2021 17:01

It doesn’t matter whatever her reasons are for wanting to chat, she’s not your responsibility and she’s a pest to you.

I would literally walk as fast as I could and if she cane over if pretended I was on the phone every time!!

Poor you OP, what a bludy nightmare

LoisWilkersonslastnerve · 07/01/2021 17:03

"You are so friendly and chatty but this is my quiet time so I will just walk alone today thanks."

Therarestone · 07/01/2021 17:03

People are sad and lonely. She has mistaken you for a kind caring person. I'm sure you'll find a way to show her the error of her ways.