To be annoyed that this woman ruins my dog walks?

[IAmARectangle]

I've name changed for this as I've moaned to a couple of friends in RL about it.

I live in a village that has a massive park in it, and I take our dog over to the park each day at least once as she loves it there. There is an area specifically for dogs so she can go off the lead, and she enjoys walking through the rest of it on the lead so she can have a sniff. The only other place in our village where she could go off the lead would be some woods, which are a fair walk from our house to get there and are also very muddy and flooded at this time of year. I am currently working from home and the kids are doing online learning, so I like to just nip out for a quick half hour walk.

For the last year or so there has been a woman with a dog who is at the park literally every single time I go there. Lets just say she is a chatterbox! She is always talking to someone at the park and if she gets there with her dog she makes a beeline to find someone to talk to and then talks and talks and talks and talks, about the same things over and over again.

In the last couple of months she makes a beeline for me every time she sees me. She is there literally every time I go to the park; I've tried walking the dog at every single time of daylight hours you could think of to avoid her but she is always, always there! If I think she's not there it isn't long before I see her out of the corner of my eye walking towards me and if I pretend not to see her she follows me and catches up with me, then just walks along talking at me and I just can't get away from her.

The other day I was on a work call whilst in the dog exercising area and this woman came and stood with me and as I walked around the area talking on my phone she just talked at me the whole time! I wasn't interacting with her in any way as I was on the phone but she just kept telling me the same stories that she's told me before, such as the story of where she got her dog from!

I've just literally been to the park now and as I walked into the park she was standing talking to someone so I sort of did a detour around her at the entrance so she wouldn't see me and went around the kids play area to enter the dog area a different way and yet still as we walked across the park to the dog area I could see her out of the corner of my eye following us. So I kept the dog on the lead and walked through the park as quickly as I could then made an escape and had to walk home on the main road as she was trying to catch us up.

It sounds ridiculous but she is ruining my dog walks! I like a half hour quiet walk to relax and for the dog to enjoy her walk. I'm not antisocial and always have chats with other walkers but this woman is something else! I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint. Even walking off from her saying 'right, better go now' she just follows me, talking at me! I can't get away from her until I actually walk out of the park gates. I've also been at the park with a friend and her dog before and this woman just started walking with us, talking 'at' us the whole time. Again, same old stories!

I don't think she's lonely as she talks about a husband and kids at home, and seems to know a lot of people. Not sure if age is relevant but she's late forties, early fifties at a guess.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

YANBU, I feel sorry for her as presumably she’s lonely and can’t read social cues, but it’s not your issue.

You have a right to go to the park for some quiet time. If she doesn’t take a hint then without being rude maybe gently but firmly say “I come here for peace and quiet. I’m sorry but I prefer to walk alone. No hard feelings”.

You never know what she may have going on at home, and maybe she’s just trying to make a friend, but if it really annoys you you don’t need to live with it.

It's probably "age-related" OP - you say late 40s/50s - definitely relevant in this case as no one under 40 would possibly do this

WTF is supposed to happen at 40?!!

I'm 48 and even at my 'ripe old age' (eye roll) this is clearly absolutely batshit behaviour!

so annoying when people exploit the general social atmosphere and hog it all for themselves... I am curious as to why she is there all the time... so perhaps ask her this question and then when she has told you... say, perhaps... be honest... say i come here for peace and quiet as I have a large noisy family.... and see if the penny drops... and then if not... if she carries on chattering.... stand your ground, quite still and say "It was fun chatting to you, but for the future, do you think you could leave me alone.. I really need some space and you are disturbing my peace that I desperately need....(penny drops)... wait for her to walk away.. then it will be done... but every time you walk off... it is an invitation for her to follow you and maintain connections... so make sure the penny drops and then she must walk out of your space...... then you will be able to enjoy a new beginning and knowledge that your future in the park will be undisturbed.... its perhaps a territorial issue.... let her know that you are not up for this relationship that she has assumed with you..... nip it in the bud.....

IHRTHFT but I've read all the OPs posts

I sympathise OP. I have similar issues but the people trying to intrude on my downtime are my husband, siblings and adult D.C. Adopt my tactics. Keep your headphones/earbuds playing at all times and look away from her. If she happens to meet your eye, raise a forbidding hand, murmur "sorry, didn't catch that' and drift away.

I've got through 1100 hours of Audible since lockdown started and it's been a great defence against family/community irritants.

I'd put ear phones in and just put my hand up and say 'Sorry, I'm on a conference call and must listen'.

If she carries on tell her clearly that she is rude to interrupt.

You can't put up with that indefinitely, OP!

A simple "I can't talk today" repeated as much as necessary would be fine. You don't need to explain yourself. It's not unkind, and it can't be argued with or misinterpreted. Good luck OP

Nothing else to do except say politely, please do not talk to me I like walking alone with my thoughts. Sorry if that offends you but I do t want company when I am walking my dog.

@iklboo

Bloody hell the 'might have dementia' came out early on this one.

I think that's extremely likely in this case

Headphones or EarPods, smile point at them and avoid eye contact. If she is not suffering any mental impairment she will get the hint

I used to think I was the only person who wanted to walk/exercise alone, but clearly not! This makes me feel better.

@Jeremyironseverything

It sounds like autism or similar. You can be polite but assertive.

"I'm sorry, I've had a full day working/homeschooling. I need this walk to recharge my batteries. I'm sorry I can't talk now"

Laughed at this ^.

I'm autistic and I go to great lengths not to speak to anyone. The lack of desire/need for social interaction is more prevalent in people with autism, not the opposite, to talk the hind leg off a donkey!

So if this lady does have a brain injury (as a pp has suggested) does this mean the OP just has to put up with the constant intrusion?

If the woman actually has a brain injury then yes, perhaps. What else? The police can't - or shouldn't - be telling disabled people to stay home because they're boring people.

Perhaps she could start with simply being politely honest. "I don't want to talk, sorry." That might solve it.

I'm autistic and I go to great lengths not to speak to anyone. The lack of desire/need for social interaction is more prevalent in people with autism, not the opposite, to talk the hind leg off a donkey!

But autism presents differently in different people, doesn't it, that's why my DD had trouble at support groups. She's a don't look at me, don't touch me type, others would want to give out welcoming hugs at the door, and others would want to give a very in-depth rundown of everything they'd eaten or thought about eating that week. DD can turn into a talk-your-ear-off if you randomly happen to mention something she's obsessed with.

So what are you going to do, OP?

You will need to be blunt, much as it may not seem nice.

Laughed at this ^.

I'm autistic and I go to great lengths not to speak to anyone. The lack of desire/need for social interaction is more prevalent in people with autism, not the opposite, to talk the hind leg off a donkey

@Clarice99

I suppose she means that the woman is struggling with the subtle signs and the body language that some people with autism struggle with.

I have an elderly neighbour like this. He once kept me talking for about 2 hours as he went inside and got photos of himself as a young man fighting in the Korean war. He used to be a photographer and is basically a huge perv, he tells me every single time about his Thai Mistress who was by all accounts 35 years younger than him. He has some very strong views and will often tell me how I look like I have put on weight. Once he told me that he wasn't being offensive but if my husband went to Thailand and saw how beautiful the 'girls' are he would not return to me! My DH has no time for him because of his extreme views and has no problem being direct and will simply not tolerate being trapped in this way. I do give an inch and he certainly takes the mick so I think, you do really need to be pretty direct as the alternative is not working.

Re dementia - I think it's extremely unlikely. The woman is in her late 40s/early 50s. The chances of dementia at that age, while not totally unknown, are infinitesimally small.

@iklboo if she has a learning disability such as DS the chances of dementia are actually quite high at that age.

But you don't know she has either down syndrome or dementia or both @Jobsharenightmare 🙄

There must be some parts of the day when she is at home. She must eat, shower, etc. Can't you try and go when she is likely to be having lunch etc. If you keep seeing her at the same time, what about going earlier or later? What about keeping behind her at all times so that she can't see you anywhere. PITA that you even have to be like this just to avoid her.

I think OP would have noticed if she had Downs Syndrome, it’s pretty obvious.

I so understand your dilemma OP. Despite all the good answers on this thread, I would be really at loss because if you tell her (kindly) to f* off then every time you will see her again you will feel bad, and you will equally feel bad if you keep having to interact with her or listen to her. I’m afraid for the time being I would go in the woods as even seeing her might ruin your walks in the park. If not possible, use COVID as an excuse to distance and not speak. My guess is she has a sort of hidden disability which is quite sad (but you also don’t owe her anything).

The OP would notice if the lady had DS. It's quite characteristic.

Is it really so difficult to repeat that you want to enjoy some peace and quiet on your own without getting nasty or aggressive with someone who is likely to be cognitively and socially disadvantaged?
I have a brain injury and I can tell you it's harder to live with 24/7 than to encounter the difficulties it can cause for a few minutes.