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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed that this woman ruins my dog walks?

458 replies

IAmARectangle · 07/01/2021 14:55

I've name changed for this as I've moaned to a couple of friends in RL about it.

I live in a village that has a massive park in it, and I take our dog over to the park each day at least once as she loves it there. There is an area specifically for dogs so she can go off the lead, and she enjoys walking through the rest of it on the lead so she can have a sniff. The only other place in our village where she could go off the lead would be some woods, which are a fair walk from our house to get there and are also very muddy and flooded at this time of year. I am currently working from home and the kids are doing online learning, so I like to just nip out for a quick half hour walk.

For the last year or so there has been a woman with a dog who is at the park literally every single time I go there. Lets just say she is a chatterbox! She is always talking to someone at the park and if she gets there with her dog she makes a beeline to find someone to talk to and then talks and talks and talks and talks, about the same things over and over again.

In the last couple of months she makes a beeline for me every time she sees me. She is there literally every time I go to the park; I've tried walking the dog at every single time of daylight hours you could think of to avoid her but she is always, always there! If I think she's not there it isn't long before I see her out of the corner of my eye walking towards me and if I pretend not to see her she follows me and catches up with me, then just walks along talking at me and I just can't get away from her.

The other day I was on a work call whilst in the dog exercising area and this woman came and stood with me and as I walked around the area talking on my phone she just talked at me the whole time! I wasn't interacting with her in any way as I was on the phone but she just kept telling me the same stories that she's told me before, such as the story of where she got her dog from!

I've just literally been to the park now and as I walked into the park she was standing talking to someone so I sort of did a detour around her at the entrance so she wouldn't see me and went around the kids play area to enter the dog area a different way and yet still as we walked across the park to the dog area I could see her out of the corner of my eye following us. So I kept the dog on the lead and walked through the park as quickly as I could then made an escape and had to walk home on the main road as she was trying to catch us up.

It sounds ridiculous but she is ruining my dog walks! I like a half hour quiet walk to relax and for the dog to enjoy her walk. I'm not antisocial and always have chats with other walkers but this woman is something else! I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint. Even walking off from her saying 'right, better go now' she just follows me, talking at me! I can't get away from her until I actually walk out of the park gates. I've also been at the park with a friend and her dog before and this woman just started walking with us, talking 'at' us the whole time. Again, same old stories!

I don't think she's lonely as she talks about a husband and kids at home, and seems to know a lot of people. Not sure if age is relevant but she's late forties, early fifties at a guess.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 07/01/2021 18:27

There’s a woman who lives near me a bit like this. She has SEN, which isn’t immediately apparent, and lives in a group home. She’s very chatty - and repetitive, and makes a bee line for me when she sees me, which is only ever at the bus stop. I don’t mind talking to her for the 5 mins it takes to get to the station, but if she followed me round the shops or the park I’d have to deflect her, I need a daily dose of solitude to feel well. OP, you’re not obliged to sacrifice your own peace of mind and enjoyment of your daily walks to accommodate this woman’s demand for your attention. I wouldn’t tell her to fuck off but I would be direct and tell her I want to be alone and not to talk to her today.

Pigeonsareclever · 07/01/2021 18:28

I always feel uneasy when these scenarios are pushed as a feminist issue. I don’t think they are, certainly my Dh is far less assertive than I am with things like this.
Op can be firm but remain polite.

littlepieces · 07/01/2021 18:30

Why don't you just be honest?

'I like coming out for a walk and some peace and quiet, would you mind just leaving me alone please? Nothing personal. Thank you.'

No need to be nasty or rude. (Unless she ignores the above request!)

AgeLikeWine · 07/01/2021 18:31

@XmasBelle

I'm sorry ,but you need to walk somewhere else to get shot of her
Fuck that.

By the time I had finished with her, it’s her that would be finding somewhere else to walk. Angry

littlefireseverywhere · 07/01/2021 18:31

Next time headphone & no contact. Talk as if on phone & just ignore her, wave & that’s it. Eventually she’ll get the message.

mam0918 · 07/01/2021 18:34

Maybe she 'socially broken' lol

I say that as someone who is myself - Im very socially awkward, was raised by a single autistic parent who had no social skills and my DH (the only adult I really interact with) has severe social anxiety too and have pretty much been a hermit for over a decade but the very odd occasion I do bump into someone I know and they are all friendly I dont know how to act and end the interaction.

I have noticed I follow them even when I dont want to because I feel rude to just say 'bye' then walk away even though I then creepily realise Im sort of stalking them and have run out of things to say and I get stuck in a loop of not knowing which is the less rude thing to do (keep trying to be polite and make convosation or just fuck off because im bored) and just kind of hope and prey it fixes itself (like I'll follow them to their car and then they get in a yeay its over lol) so I can go home.

PrincessNutNuts · 07/01/2021 18:36

"I'm sorry, I should have said before, but this is my quiet time. I need it. And I don't want to chat."

Eustaciavile · 07/01/2021 18:40

“Call the police, someone is talking to me and I am ENTITLED TO QUIET!!!!” 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Honestly 🙄

iklboo · 07/01/2021 18:41

Next time headphone & no contact. Talk as if on phone & just ignore her, wave & that’s it. Eventually she’ll get the message.

The woman carried on speaking to the OP when she was on the phone. She's not going to get the message.

SmileyClare · 07/01/2021 18:42

Call the police! is SO mumsnet Grin

Coffeepot72 · 07/01/2021 18:43

Tell her you’ve just tested positive?

But seriously, this would drive me mad. I’m also WFH and my daily walk round the village (alone) is vital for my sanity. However if you decide to be blunt/firm/rude, what’s the worst that can happen? She strops off and never speaks to you again? Result!

VettiyaIruken · 07/01/2021 18:44

@Ginsodden

Women are always told ‘be kind’, ‘be polite’. That’s why our boundaries are constantly breached.

Your time is precious OP. Be assertive. You have a right to walk in peace.

Absolutely. Be kind is code for be a doormat. Don't ever think of or ask for what YOU want. Always put others first. Their happiness matters, yours doesn't.

It is hugely damaging.

I don't think I've ever bloody heard or read anyone coming out with that godawful Be Kind bollocks to a man!

NiceandCalm · 07/01/2021 18:47

I think the headphones is a good idea and will keep your ears warm! Tell her you are using your 'walk time' to learn a new language - sorry can't chat and walk away from her. If she persists, ignore her. If she continues to follow and talk at you then a big old strop should do the trick. Grin
It reminds me of the time I went on holiday and every time i went onto the beach they'd be locals trying to chat/sell me something. It happened the minute you stepped foot outside the hotel onto the beach and throughout the day. First few days I was polite, then I started ignoring them and then I lost it - stood up and screamed - just leave me the f* alone! It worked. Word got round I was the crazy English lady. The rest of the holiday was bliss. Sometimes they'd start to walk over, see it was me and quickly walk off. By the end of the holiday we were all on polite nodding terms .(I did buy a few trinkets at the end of my stay as I know they were desperate to earn money). I think there was a rule that if you were lily white, you were fair game. Once you had a tan you were left alone!

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/01/2021 18:48

@Kate139

This isn't normal behaviour. Maybe she has mental health issues. It's difficult isn't it. You don't want to be rude and upset her but at the same time she is intruding into your walks and is oblivious to social cues etc. Does anyone else know this lady...you say she talks to there in the park. Maybe have a word with them and see what they say about her?. You may have to just tell her gently that you are stressed and need some peace and quiet while walking your dog.
Please don't gossip about her with others before you've even tried being straightforward with her.
Misshapencha0s · 07/01/2021 18:53

Sorry if this has been suggested already but could you change your route and vary it for a while? I know you say this space is perfect for the dog bit is there any other spot nearby?

Other than that pretend you've lost your voice?!

JustJustWhy · 07/01/2021 18:53

To all those saying "be kind" (shudder) I hope someone tells this annoyance to "be kind".

I am not a chatter and certainly not to strangers. It sends my anxiety through the roof. I don't WANT to nor do I HAVE to talk to someone I don't know.

The OP has made this somewhat clear and this annoying idiot is being very unkind invading her space.

Jobsharenightmare · 07/01/2021 18:55

By the time I had finished with her, it’s her that would be finding somewhere else to walk.

^ there are some really nasty replies on this thread.

Yes some people are just socially inept but it is much more likely this lady has cognitive difficulties. Not being able to pick up on the strongest of cues (visual and verbal), having so much free time is always in the park alone and is repetitive and forgetful, taken together indicate sometime with a brain injury, dementia or special need.

There's no need to be nasty as some are suggesting. It might be your child or you one day doing this to someone.

A friendly but clear and assertive response and walking away is what I'd want if I were this lady and you didn't want to talk to me. If this lady were my relative I'd want the same.

Coffeepot72 · 07/01/2021 18:57

So if this lady does have a brain injury (as a pp has suggested) does this mean the OP just has to put up with the constant intrusion?

Pigeonsareclever · 07/01/2021 19:00

@Jobsharenightmare

By the time I had finished with her, it’s her that would be finding somewhere else to walk.

^ there are some really nasty replies on this thread.

Yes some people are just socially inept but it is much more likely this lady has cognitive difficulties. Not being able to pick up on the strongest of cues (visual and verbal), having so much free time is always in the park alone and is repetitive and forgetful, taken together indicate sometime with a brain injury, dementia or special need.

There's no need to be nasty as some are suggesting. It might be your child or you one day doing this to someone.

A friendly but clear and assertive response and walking away is what I'd want if I were this lady and you didn't want to talk to me. If this lady were my relative I'd want the same.

Agreed but some people just don’t get it or don’t care.
Jobsharenightmare · 07/01/2021 19:02

@Coffeepot72 no. As I said....

A friendly but clear and assertive response and walking away is what I'd want if I were this lady and you didn't want to talk to me. If this lady were my relative I'd want the same.

CandyLeBonBon · 07/01/2021 19:02

@TheHateIsNotGood

It's probably "age-related" OP - you say late 40s/50s - definitely relevant in this case as no one under 40 would possibly do this.
Wtaf? Ageist much? Ffs I'm 51 and I wouldn't do this! You don't suddenly turn into a jabbering, social inept loon the minute you turn 40! What and offensive and stupid thing to say. I can only hope you were joking Confused
AbbeyBelfast · 07/01/2021 19:04

@CandyLeBonBon

Just because you're offended doesn't mean what op said was offensive Hmm

Coffeepot72 · 07/01/2021 19:06

I’m also in my 50s and don’t have verbal diarrhoea …

ElsaSchraeder · 07/01/2021 19:19

I've been low-level annoyed all year with a man in the park. From the first day of lockdown in March, whenever I went to the park (for v short jog about 6.45am, then again later in the day at random times with the kids once per day) he was there. Doing pullups on trees, stretching, running. If you ran near him, he would look persistently at you as if you knew each other, trying to catch your eye, start a conversation. I didn't want to be bothered when running so always looked away, making it clear I wasn't talking, and sometimes avoided the bit where he was. As spring turned to summer he was there all the time - I never saw the park without him. I have small kids and we went out at different times each day. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him approach and talk to every single woman exercising in that park. All year. For a while a polite group of people seemed to have let him join their yoga group. At one point I overheard him say he had young children. Who the hell was looking after them all year!

Eventually I was running in the park around September and he deliberately ran across a corner to intercept me on the path. Hello! You can join our exercise group if you want!! I just said I know, thanks, and carried on.

It seems like nothing, but there were SO many times he clearly tried to catch my attention and I sent every signal possible that I did not want to talk. After a few months I became so angry that he was spoiling my run, just by always being there, forcing me to spend energy thinking about how to navigate him.

Cocolapew · 07/01/2021 19:25

You really haven't been assertive or you wouldn't have put up with her talking while you were on the phone.
Years ago when DD was at primary school there was a woman like this. She latched on to me walking to school pick up and talked the entire 20 minutes about what her favourite Chinese had on their menu.
Stood and talked at me in the playground and ran to catch up with me once her DD had come out of school.
I turned and put my had up and said I'm not walking home with you, I'm busy. She just went ok and waited for the person behind her to catch up.
Sometimes you have to be blunt/rude.
I usually find people like this are so thick skinned the rudeness doesn't bother them.

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