to think a marriage certificate should be addressed to both people?

[wealllikespuppies]

some background, me and my husband got married last week (just before the lockdown).

received our wedding certificate in the post the other day. we live together, but only one name was written on the envelope - my husband's.

i've emailed them querying this, stating that it seems sexist and that a marriage by definition is a union between two people, so surely it seems a bit silly only to address it to one person? i know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it also is a big deal in that it's important, and also, the ceremony (the cheapest one available) cost over £150, so i'd expect the small details to be paid attention to.

I've had a reply this morning, with the ultimate fake apology 'I'm sorry you feel that way'. along with a statement that 'there is not enough space on the envelope to include the names of all parties' and that 'we can't assume one person will take the surname of their husband/wife' (which is contradictory with the fact my husband's surname was used on the envelope, so an assumption has clearly been made).

I've replied stating I feel this isn't really an acceptable excuse, and I've encouraged them to consider my feedback in future correspondence with clients.

I know I am being petty over this but would anyone else find it super annoying and demoralising? I'm going to just let it go but it really has peed me off this morning (and on my day off work as well :'( )

As they’d say in my home place, I hope it stays fine for you OP.

I think you ABU because there are a lot of things to get worked up about in the world and this is not one of them. Even from an equity point of view. It’s an address on an envelope.

That would have annoyed me too OP.

Also annoys me that I added my husband as a guest on my Historic Scotland membership, and henceforth everything comes addressed to him.

It also annoys me that people assume that as you are married, you have taken your spouse's name. It takes all of 2 seconds to check.

@SimonJT

I wonder who they address it to if two men or two women get married.

The most masculine partner?

Wouldn't have bothered me enough to email but I'm not a Ms either.

I meant a real written letter. Although, I was joking. I really couldn't be bothered.

As somebody else said, they are damned whatever they do. There will always somebody who finds an ism in the name, title or the colour of the envelope.

always be somebody

I don't know, op. It's clearly bothered you so do something with that. It wouldn't bother me but that's beside the point- you feel it was sexism in action and are offended, so respond accordingly. Take it up with the sender. Explain what has annoyed you and why. Suggest a resolution.

I applied for copies of our marriage certificate and they came addressed to me.

Edifying as ever to see women in this thread attacking posters who do not agree that this is an example of terrible sexism which must be addressed immediately. Good to know that the 'if you don't agree with me on this specific issue I will assume you would have opposed all historical action against the subjugation of women' bollocks is still going strong. Keep up the great work, there .

YABU. It should be addressed to the person who booked the ceremony/ordered the cert. £150 doesn't but a lot of detail I'm afraid.

[quote Cadent]@VinylDetective

The women who gave a shit were a bit too busy fighting for the vote, equal pay and maternity rights among other things to bother with bollocks like this.

Yeah right, if you were there then you’d have probably said vote, equal pay are bollocks too [/quote]
I was there on the barricades for equal pay and maternity rights. (Can't be arsed with silly face).

I'm in Australia and yup I was annoyed that the marriage certificate was addressed only to my husband since we both got married. It was a standard sized envelope so don't see why it couldn't fit both our names.

My DH bought my car, it's my car registered to me, I insure it tax it service it but everything is sent to DH!
Emails re service & MOT all go to him, every time I take the car in I tell them, it's my car, email me but nope!

I don't take it there anymore, it was infuriating! 😡

It's the sort of thing that also really annoys me! Same as when I've organised (and paid for!) Renovation works and I get correspondence issued to Mr! Also sorting out a remortgage the other day and although I organised everything when we first bought the house he was automatically named as the main applicant.....purely because he's a man 🤷‍♀️

I refuse to use companies now that when you ask for a quote refuse to provide one unless your male partner is there!

Emails re service & MOT all go to him, every time I take the car in I tell them, it's my car, email me but nope!

I don't take it there anymore, it was infuriating!

I get the same thing only the other way round. I bought my husbands car, it's registered/insured/taxed in his name and I get all the servicing and MoT bumph.

I pass them to him and get on with my life.

Mine was handed to me directly straight after the ceremony

The post-wedding euphoria has worn off then?

@EloraaDanan

The right and wrongs of being pissed off about it aside, the marriage certificate legally belongs to the bride not the groom so it’s incorrect anyway.

I never knew that

You were right to make your views known.

It matters.

And can people kindly fuck off with that pathetic biscuit?

I think demoralised is a bit of a strange feeling. Annoyed possibly as I'd expect it be list both names. Although if it is an automated system then it may just take the 1st name listed.

It pissed me off that when buying our house I was the one that paid the conveyancera and corresponded with them (I was also 1st on their call list) but when everything had cleared & contracts exchanged they only rang my partner! Apparently "well we told Mr Cronin" was an adequate response to me complaining.. . So be lucky you actually got an apology.

They had to phone both of us for everything else & had even said to me "we will phone you Both when they have been exchanged". It wasn't the only thing they did to annoy me though so they got shit feedback.

I really don't think this is worth an email to anyone. Maybe a roll of the eyes. If it were me, I'd have joked about DP clearly being the 'man of the house' or similar, but I wouldn't really care.

It always astounds me how may women just aren't bothered about this kind of systemic low-level misogyny. I am glad you complained OP.

Interesting. When married in a civil ceremony they generally make a point of giving it to the bride.

Some brides choose to change their name and others don’t. More often than not the grooms name stays the same.

I couldn’t get worked up over it

Like PP's experience, when i got married, the registrar gave me the certificate as he said it belonged to the woman.

It would annoy me toon im sure they fould fit your name in if they tried. Pathetic excuse.

I know I am being petty over this but would anyone else find it super annoying and demoralising? I'm going to just let it go but it really has peed me off this morning (and on my day off work as well :'( )
Super annoying? - no.
Demoralising? - no.
Peed me off? - no.

Are you being petty? - probably.