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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School refusing to allow DC to attend!

214 replies

LaraCroftFridgeRaider · 06/01/2021 21:18

How I can take this further?

During the last lockdown, DD’s school were very strict on only allowing DC to attend where BOTH parents were key workers (or a single parent key worker).

DH is a keyworker but I am a SAHM so DD stayed at home. I also have a teenage DS with ASD and a learning disability who I am the registered carer of. His behaviour during the last lockdown was pretty difficult to manage at times and I feel it had a bad impact on DD. I don’t want her to be at home 24/7 with no respite from DS’s outbursts this time which is I want her to go to school. The whole family has already had COVID so I’m not worried about that. DS’s special college has completely shut down again.

I saw today that the guidance has changed to only parent needing to be a keyworker so I contacted the school to inform that DD needed a place but they are insisting that they will only be admitting DC who were eligible to attend during the last lockdown and the one parent change is only guidance!

AIBU to think they have to allow DD to attend?

OP posts:
MaryLeeOnHigh · 07/01/2021 00:33

I suspect you have a good case in legal terms. The guidance is there to keep key workers working and ensure their children receive an education, and the government in its wisdom has decided that key workers therefore are entitled to school places for their children irrespective of whether they have a partner who isn't a key worker. The rationale may be to do with the difficulties that would be posed if the key worker's partner were to go sick or whatever. So in legal terms the school could be on very weak ground legally, unless it can show that it has unusual staffing problems which make it literally impossible to admit your child.

Bear in mind also that the council has an ongoing duty to your older child. It may be worth contacting them to ask for help with home tuition and respite care.

ArosAdraDrosDolig · 07/01/2021 00:35

Children with SEN can be prepared for school holidays. This situation is constant changes, uncertainty and having to adapt. It’s a new way of working, processing. It’s cancelled live teaching and changes at the last minute and things that never materialise. And things cancelled at a minute’s notice. The impact on a child with SEN is going to be enormous, with a knock on effect for everyone in the household. I can’t believe someone has compared this to the Summer holidays.

cherish123 · 07/01/2021 00:36

I am surprised DS doesn't get a place as he would be classed as vulnerable- lockdown is an interruption to his routine. DD won't get a place as you don't work. The whole point is that numbers are limited to stop the spread so it's just for those who have no alternative.

Peppafrig · 07/01/2021 00:38

But can’t you see if they gave everyone whose sibling had SEN a place the schools would be running at near full capacity.

Uzaj · 07/01/2021 00:42

In my daughters class 15 are in school out of 30. It sounds like almost everyone classifies as key worker to be honest as people are bending the rules. Companies are giving letters to their employees just to confirm that they are key workers within the industry however most of them work from home and they have nothing to do with working as critical worker. Not suprised that other people who really need the place can’t get it

roaringmouse · 07/01/2021 01:09

I don't see 'everyone suddenly declaring their child as vulnerable' as @blue25 does. Nor do I have the stats to support or disqualify the point made by @Peppafrig that 'hundreds of thousands of children are in the same position as OP' as I don't know anything about the OP's situation beyond what's been posted. I do think however, that every family's situation is, in fact, unique, and even though we are in the midst of a terrible pandemic, children can be vulnerable for many reasons. Being a sibling of a disabled child is often, although not always, one of those reasons.

Murmurur · 07/01/2021 01:38

@Perfect28

I just do not understand the logic of people here, arguing about whether the daughter is a young carer and if that makes her vulnerable and therefore eligible whilst her brother clearly and unambiguously is.
I'll probably regret biting. If it helps, the lack of understanding is entirely mutual.

Getting the whole SEN college to open is like moving a mountain. Getting one more NT child into her already open school is a mere pebble in comparison. You may argue someone has a legal obligation to move that mountain for you, but it would be frankly daft for OP to put every ounce of her energy into a legal fight to get that mountain moved while ignoring the pebble. Especially when every day she has them both at home is so difficult.

This is not about fighting for the best outcome. It's what can she pragmatically do in really difficult circumstances. And her DD - as a young carer - is entitled to be in school at the moment. The guidance doesn't say "young carers unless their siblings with SEND have a legal right to be in school", or "young carers but only if they give personal care to their parents". She counts, she qualifies as vulnerable and potentially in need of extra support outside the home.

roaringmouse · 07/01/2021 01:38

@Perfect28 I don't think anyone is disputing the vulnerable status of the OP's DS. He is a child with a disability, SEN and an EHCP. The problem is that he doesn't have an educational placement currently, for reasons the OP doesn't know or cannot do anything about in the short term. This leaves OP to care and facilitate home-learning for her DS, and this in turn impacts directly, on her ability to care and facilitate home-learning for her DD. What's more, OP's description of the challenges her DS presents, means her DD is 'vulnerable', possibly physically, but most likely emotionally. Her DD is also likely to be, as many siblings of disabled children are, a Young Carer. Therefore, both OP's children are 'vulnerable' in different ways, and requesting a school place for her DD, at least while her DS is without his placement, seems logical to me.

Murmurur · 07/01/2021 01:42

Ah @roaringmouse you put it so much better

Peppafrig · 07/01/2021 02:15

I had no idea two of my children were classed as young carers . Honestly never occurred to me . I guess they would be entitled to a place at school now too. Will see what the school says tomorrow .

Didkdt · 07/01/2021 02:22

It’s nice that you aren’t worried about you catching Covid-19 but the risk of spread is high for others so numbers need to be tightened
Your DS school need to be providing for him not your dds school providing for his needs.
I’m amazed his provision is closed because my experience of sen provision is that it’s open for those who need it so fight his provision not hers

PolarExpressislate · 07/01/2021 02:52

The school is a disgrace as are all the teachers supporting the schools being shut.

SunshineLollipopsRainbow · 07/01/2021 04:08

The idea is that as few children are in school as possible so even for key worker children my school checks that there is definitely no other option of childcare available first...school is supposed to be the very last option if you have no other option!

Spikeyball · 07/01/2021 06:38

"I’m amazed his provision is closed because my experience of sen provision is that it’s open for those who need it so fight his provision not hers"

Every LA special school in my county is currently shut. Some may eventually reopen for a tiny number of children as they did last time but no most young people with EHCPs who are in special schools are not being offered places.

The ' vulnerable children will be able to attend' is complete bollocks.

LunaLula83 · 07/01/2021 06:58

Why don't you contact social services. Your child is clearly vulnerable with this adult son in your home and putting her in school isn't going to solve it.

PegLegTrev · 07/01/2021 07:01

My DSS is attending his special school full time, his Mum is a SAHM but she struggles with his behaviour. Are you sure they can’t make provision for your DS?

I can understand why you’d like DD to have a break from that. It’s tough.

hiredandsqueak · 07/01/2021 07:06

All maintained special schools in my area are closed as well @spikeyball they opened to no children last time and from what I read on local SEN boards are sending emails to deter parents from asking for a place.

oohmamama · 07/01/2021 07:07

Your sons college needs to provide for him.

I work at a big FE college and we are doing 2 days a week for our vulnerable/SEN/EBD learners.

You need to speak to whoever deals with the EHCP/SEN learners and tell them you are taking it to the local authority who fund EHCPs.

A threat of having EHCP funding removed may be enough to spark them into action.

I'm embarrassed for them to be honest. There was zero question that we would have our learners back.

As for school I would push your point further with them. We are taking anyone whose parents feel they need to be in (within reason) because it is not our place to judge the capabilities within each family. We would certainly offer a child with a key worker and an SEN sibling a place.

I hope you sort this out, I really do feel for you and your family.

Cadent · 07/01/2021 07:09

I’m not sure of the rules but you have my sympathies. It sounds like women are being disproportionally screwed over in the lockdown, with the expectation that they will bear the load of everything.

Spikeyball · 07/01/2021 07:12

"Why don't you contact social services. Your child is clearly vulnerable with this adult son in your home and putting her in school isn't going to solve it."

Contacting social services can secure a place for the OP's daughter although not necessarily in her school so is a good idea for that reason.
The OP's son will likely be impossible to place in a different educational setting that is open.
If you mean the son living elsewhere then even if that was the best thing for all that would take a very long time to arrange. Many residential placements for that age group have sent young people back home to their families.

Universallyhappy · 07/01/2021 07:12

Amazed at some of the replies here. Many children with EHCP’s are not being allowed to attend school due to staffing levels. SEN schools are filtering spaces for vulnerable children based on highest need within that bracket.

Young carers (those who live with disabled siblings) are now classed rightly so as vulnerable.

People who haven’t experienced what it’s like to live with a child who had disabilities that impact their behaviour have no idea OP. They really don’t, let them switch places with you for just a moment and they’d see.

Spikeyball · 07/01/2021 07:27

I notice the 'concern' for vulnerable children is disappearing again now people have finished with using them.

Hedgemoon · 07/01/2021 07:30

OP, just wanted to drop a note of support. Families like yours deserve to be supported. I have no answer as to how you could deal with the school, but there appears to be some good advice here for you and different avenues you can take Flowers

midnightstar66 · 07/01/2021 08:33

The gov website says Guidance. What’s the point in them publishing it if it’s not taken notice of?

Because schools vary so much in how many dc qualify and they need to keep numbers under control. In Scotland (or at least in my LA) it's strictly both parents although some schools have been quite flexible with the vulnerable dc definition if they are able to do so. I imagine there's been a bit of discretion re the keyworker too but they clearly have the space to be able to do so.