School refusing to allow DC to attend!

[LaraCroftFridgeRaider]

How I can take this further?

During the last lockdown, DD’s school were very strict on only allowing DC to attend where BOTH parents were key workers (or a single parent key worker).

DH is a keyworker but I am a SAHM so DD stayed at home. I also have a teenage DS with ASD and a learning disability who I am the registered carer of. His behaviour during the last lockdown was pretty difficult to manage at times and I feel it had a bad impact on DD. I don’t want her to be at home 24/7 with no respite from DS’s outbursts this time which is I want her to go to school. The whole family has already had COVID so I’m not worried about that. DS’s special college has completely shut down again.

I saw today that the guidance has changed to only parent needing to be a keyworker so I contacted the school to inform that DD needed a place but they are insisting that they will only be admitting DC who were eligible to attend during the last lockdown and the one parent change is only guidance!

AIBU to think they have to allow DD to attend?

Can your dd attend as a young carer, therefore a vulnerable child?

@lemonsandlimes123 I've literally already answered you and actually, given that I'm not a head or a governer it's not really my job to suggest to solutions to all possible problems. I wonder if maternity services closed would you be using the same arguments? Supermarkets selling food?

[quote Perfect28]@lemonsandlimes123 I disagree, there are always solutions if people are willing and creative enough. Leaving vulnerable children without any care is unacceptable and there will be comeuppance for those who make no attempt to fulfill legal duties. I strongly believe people in these situations who need help shouldn't just roll over without at least trying to get the support they deserve.[/quote]
A break in education is not equivalent to being left without any care and conflating the two is very emotive but not necessarily accurate. We must remember that the vast vast majority of children we are talking about spend the large majority of their time at home. Children in 52 week residential placements are a really tiny number and in most cases there is a shared responsibility with social care agencies

I think perhaps posters who are saying everyone has it hard are not understanding the reality of having children with sen home and the impact on siblings. Last lockdown my daughter who is autistic was not offered a place but my son was as the school understood that he was vulnerable due to his siblings violent and challenging behaviour. My son has now been had his own autism assessment and they are both in school next week and for the foreseeable, one Monday Tues, the other weds thurs, home on Fridays for both. I am a SAHP and full time carer for my daughter. But whilst they are both at home there is no chance they can access education when they are together. They set off each others sensory issues, my son gets hurt, I get hurt protecting my son. Please, if you have not lived it don't judge it, yes it is hard to all of us, everyone is spinning far too many plates, for some of us this is our daily life, our resources are depleted already before we enter lockdown.

@toocold54

If there are enough cases it may be necessary to bring a group legal action to ensure children of critical/key workers are taken in by schools.

The schools are closed.
There are limited spaces.
most of the staff are not teachers and are volunteering to do a job that is way above their pay scale and risk their own health as well as their families by mixing with so many people still - yet you think people should take legal action against the very schools you are asking to care for your children.

This^^

[quote Perfect28]@lemonsandlimes123 I've literally already answered you and actually, given that I'm not a head or a governer it's not really my job to suggest to solutions to all possible problems. I wonder if maternity services closed would you be using the same arguments? Supermarkets selling food?[/quote]
I am really not trying to pick a fight but given that some heads and governors have closed schools it is likely because there is no solution to the problem. That’s not anyone’s fault it’s just a fact.

Please stop suggesting that she's eligible for a young carer place. It's really insulting to young carers. Just because someone lives in a house with a disabled person does not make them a young carer.

Don’t send your child to school if you’re at home. I know it’s hard, believe me. There is a pandemic and the idea is that people should stay at home to stop the virus spreading. The sooner we do this, the better for all.

So sorry to hear this OP. Your DD really deserves a place at school (especially as there’s another thread on here at the moment where people are saying some schools are 50-80% full of supposedly ‘key worker’ children!).
It makes me really sad to see some of the comments on here that lack empathy and understanding about having a child with disabilities.
Some good suggestions from others, so I don’t have anything else to add apart from to say YANBU - really hope you manage to sort something out for your DD.

Actually I think that having a disabled sibling does make one a young carer, that is what agencies we have been in contact with have told us.

Speak to the school about your worries, they may take her into consideration as a vulnerable child. Good luck

@Enidblyton1

So sorry to hear this OP. Your DD really deserves a place at school (especially as there’s another thread on here at the moment where people are saying some schools are 50-80% full of supposedly ‘key worker’ children!). It makes me really sad to see some of the comments on here that lack empathy and understanding about having a child with disabilities. Some good suggestions from others, so I don’t have anything else to add apart from to say YANBU - really hope you manage to sort something out for your DD.

Supposed key worker children? Considering you have to provide proof from your employer in order to 'supposedly' secure a space for your child your comment is ridiculous. I'm a nurse and my child fortunately has a space. Part time I may add as I won't be sending her on my days off. So I can, you know, nurse people!

If they done this for people then they would have to do it for everyone in the same situation and then nearly all of the kids would be in school. I’m really sorry but just know your not alone. Thousands of people in the same position.

It took us 10 years of litigation with the LA to finally secure the place my son always needed within a specialist educational provision. The idea that you can 'kick up a stink' or 'write to your MP' (even if you had the time and energy, which I suspect as the parent of an SEN child, you don't!) and somehow the relevant authorities will just do as requested, or what is right, or even fulfil their legal duties, just shows how little most people understand of the sorry state of access to SEN provision in this country. Your DD is vulnerable, and as you are the sole SAHP to her and her disabled DB, she should be given a place in school, because your time has to be dedicated to caring for your DS. It would probably help your case if your DD were registered as a Young Carer, as this is a recognised category in the government guidance relating to vulnerable children, but if she isn't registered, her role is still that of a Young Carer (and the definition of a Young Carer is much broader than providing physical care for someone) so the underlying vulnerability, and therefore entitlement, is still there. Another pp said that schools do not exist to provide respite, but that comment once again fails to appreciate the broad and valuable function that schools and teachers play in our society, beyond the narrow definition of 'learning', and also seems dismissive of the sometimes desperate need for parents of disabled children, who may already be isolated and impoverished due to the impact of SEN on their lives (and that's not adding the impact of repeated lockdowns) to access support in whatever way they can. I hope you are able to persuade the school to offer a place for your DD and that the school will fulfil their duty to accommodate her.

Suddenly everyone is declaring their child as vulnerable. If we include all the siblings of children with SEN as vulnerable and give them a school place, the schools will be full & lockdown will be pointless.

Please stop suggesting that she's eligible for a young carer place. It's really insulting to young carers. Just because someone lives in a house with a disabled person does not make them a young carer.

My daughter self-identified as a young carer after a YC team came and did an assembly at her school. Not because we make her do the laundry, but because having an autistic sibling has a profound effect on her every day. She might not fit what you think "young carer" means but that doesn't mean that YC team and school that accept her as such are both wrong.

OP I'm another saying you should request a place for her as a young carer. Perhaps try speaking to your local YC charity if you are in any doubt about whether this is ok to do or not. I certainly wouldn't go by the majority vote on this one. Speak to people who know about young carers.

@blue25 exactly everyone thinks their situation is unique but literally thousands if not hundreds of thousands of children are in same situation as OP. There would be no point in a lockdown

@Queenelsarules

Actually I think that having a disabled sibling does make one a young carer, that is what agencies we have been in contact with have told us.

Yes. Any child with a disabled sibling is classed as a young carer. People spouting shit on this thread haven’t read the young carer guidelines - OP needs to ask the school how they would like the evidence needed for her to be in school (letter from GP or social worker usually) and they will give DD a place.

Some older siblings with a lot of younger siblings are also classed as young carers. I want to put this out there because we only found out recently after helping a family friend. It’s normal in my community for elder siblings to look after kids / cook for family from really young ages - but when family starts relying on this authorities need to know so they can get support.

What does OP do during the school holidays? The summer 6 week break? Obviously she must be able to cope then, and whilst this is not a school holiday, it’s a similar situation. Therefore doable. Like some other posters have said, there are so many people who could justify having a place, but then why even bother closing schools. It would be pretty pointless.

I just do not understand the logic of people here, arguing about whether the daughter is a young carer and if that makes her vulnerable and therefore eligible whilst her brother clearly and unambiguously is.

Your reason is valid but no more so than kids who have both parents working full time or single mothers or young children etc

So frustrating OP, I really feel for you. I don't have any answers but I hope the school relent for your daughter's sake. I have 3 at home, one is a baby, but I'm fortunate in that my hubby is working from home. Just him being able to pop out from the bedroom now and then to help out/make lunch is a Godsend. Plus I suppose it helps that I'm in the '1 hour work at home is worth 3 hours at school' camp. It sounds really tough for you x

@Belladonna123 sorry you misinterpreted what I was trying to say. I wasn’t referring to people like you who are key workers performing critical roles. Some people/companies who don’t perform critical roles are bending the rules to get their children into school at the moment.

[quote Enidblyton1]@Belladonna123 sorry you misinterpreted what I was trying to say. I wasn’t referring to people like you who are key workers performing critical roles. Some people/companies who don’t perform critical roles are bending the rules to get their children into school at the moment.[/quote]
Fair enough. And yes I agree with you

and whilst this is not a school holiday, it’s a similar situation

Are you actually joking? School holidays are enjoyable. This is a living nightmare because of the demands from work and school. Oh, and we can’t leave the house.