School refusing to allow DC to attend!

[LaraCroftFridgeRaider]

How I can take this further?

During the last lockdown, DD’s school were very strict on only allowing DC to attend where BOTH parents were key workers (or a single parent key worker).

DH is a keyworker but I am a SAHM so DD stayed at home. I also have a teenage DS with ASD and a learning disability who I am the registered carer of. His behaviour during the last lockdown was pretty difficult to manage at times and I feel it had a bad impact on DD. I don’t want her to be at home 24/7 with no respite from DS’s outbursts this time which is I want her to go to school. The whole family has already had COVID so I’m not worried about that. DS’s special college has completely shut down again.

I saw today that the guidance has changed to only parent needing to be a keyworker so I contacted the school to inform that DD needed a place but they are insisting that they will only be admitting DC who were eligible to attend during the last lockdown and the one parent change is only guidance!

AIBU to think they have to allow DD to attend?

[quote Perfect28]@canwecancel2020 sorry but it's not a safeguarding risk given that the son would be at home in evenings and weekends. If other child was at risk, she would also be at risk then no? [/quote]
I’d say actually we really don’t have enough info to judge if there is a safeguarding risk or not. Op hasn’t given details about how her DD was impacted last time or how they manage her sons needs to keep everyone safe. There may well be a safeguarding issue.

Hi op is your child registered as a young carer? Are you known to any services that can vouch that your child is vulnerable?
One of mine has asd and is very aggressive and luckily they have been allowed to school this time as they young carers and my other child is at school we now have ehcp. I almost had a breakdown last time as they were off so you have my full sympathy. Asd can be shit! X

Social worker needs to deal with this issue

@lemonsandlimes123 thanks for that. I'm not screaming but it's nice and patronising. See the thing is, most teachers are still working, albeit on a rota system. Are you suggesting that staff in special schools are refusing to work in a higher proportion? I think if your child is truly vulnerable and you want a place which is being denied, then you absolutely should 'kick up a stink'.

I can’t get a key worker place and I’m a single parent teacher
but there just isn’t enough spaces and I can currently work from home so I am low down on the list and as you are a SAHP you will of course be lower down the list than vulnerable/key workers.

Is your daughter registered as a young carer? You can usually apply online. I'm not just suggesting this solely as this would put her on the vulnerable list. It can also be a great resource for support groups for her. My 11yo DD has counselling through young carers , to help with the upset caused by her ASD brother swearing at me/her, throwing things, ruining every special event we try to have , preventing her ever having friends round (pre Covid!) etc

it's so difficult having a severely SEN child, I don't think anyone I know with NT kids has the faintest idea what it's like for me. Not only dealing with the SEN behaviour but also feeling so bad for their siblings, their life chances are diminished by being a young carer and it's not our fault or theirs.

Really crap for you, my dc were all offered places because my youngest has SN and an EHCP and his siblings are 'young carers.' I agree that it's insanely difficult with ASD dc home 24/7. :(

@AIMD you're absolutely right, there may be a safeguarding issue but if there is it applies whether the daughter gets a school place or not, it isn't contingent on it.

YANBU your older dc is EHCP and should be offered a place in their own right, your younger child is vulnerable if that doesn’t happen and should be able to access a place.

I work in a school and am a single parent and I’ve been unable to access a place this week due to short staffing at my dd’s school. The hope is that things will improve over the coming weeks and I would talk to your dc school and fully explain your concerns. I would hope that they will reconsider and offer your dd a place.

I would contact LA social care department in this situation. They can help. Schools can and will use their discretion, you child can be classed as vulnerable by them if they deem it necessary on the basis that she will not be able to engage with the work at home, which of course she won't and you can't help her, because you are caring for your child with SEN. Social care can speak to them.

Perfect - please can you answer my question about how exactly you think schools can be opened if the staff are not available

In our school we would try to offer her a place as she is vulnerable. We would class her as a young carer.

[quote Perfect28]@AIMD you're absolutely right, there may be a safeguarding issue but if there is it applies whether the daughter gets a school place or not, it isn't contingent on it. [/quote]
Of course. If there is a safeguarding issue though she could be classed as vulnerable and attending school would be a significant protective factor.

@Perfect28

The daughter isn't classed as a young carer unless she has caring duties. Given that there are two parents at home, she is clearly not in a caring role for her brother.

And that comment shows just how little understanding some people have of what a young carer is or the impact of living in a household with a disabled child or sibling.

@Perfect28

I think my first port of call would be with the college. The guidance for those with EHCPs is clearer than what you are trying to argue, they must continue to offer some provision for him.

But he's in a FE college in a unit. They have different rules and are not required to accommodate any pupils, vulnerable or ehcp.

Guidance is that only one parent need be a keyworker. However the whole point of switching to remote learning is so that fewer households mix, so if you’re at home, it’s safer for your child to be with you.

@beckymum exactly what you said! It's so hard - no one gets it unless you live it. Some responses on here are appalling. You try dealing with aggressive and violent children/teens etc who are almost as big as an adult. Also constantly trying to protect siblings at the same time. You have no idea!

People are so small minded on here...for the record I have no direct experience of sen but can tell in this situation your daughter absolutely needs her school place.

I would argue it's more vital for her to be physically in school than him as she will be unable to learn in her current environment.

Op I'm truly sorry for the awful responses you have received on here and cannot imagine how difficult your situation is

@DartmoorWilderness

My husband and I are both critical workers and can’t get a place!

We would love one of us to be a SAHP.

There’s always a reason why people need a place, but the NHS will be overwhelmed quicker/prolong pandemic if more children are in school.

but the nhs will be overwhelmed quicker/prolong pandemic if more children are in school

Good lord, can you knock it off for 5 minutes?! The OP already stated they all had covid anyway 🙄

LaraCroftFridgeRaider you might be better of posting this on the SEN board.

Tends to be a bit more empathic.

@lemonsandlimes123 clearly if they don't have staff then they can't, but I would be extremely surprised if anywhere had literally zero staff willing to work. Is this your experience? Even if staff levels were low they could still offer some provision for some students, respite care for example.

Your DD should be able to attend, regardless of key worker parents. As the sibling of a disabled child, she falls under the category of vulnerable. Both mine are autistic (neither has an EHCP) and both were offered places at their schools. I'm a single SAHM, and I wish they wanted to attend; I'd send one in at a time so the other could get my full attention for a change.

Canwecancel2020 He’s got ASD. It’s one of the conditions people don’t need to wear a mask for let alone if he has a meltdown and walks off or needs restraint. He’s a much higher risk for spreading Covid than a more compliant NT sibling. The College will have done a risk assessment based on staffing levels and student numbers. How can they suddenly change that?
He also can’t suddenly put him in a new school and be expected to cope. It’s not fair on him.

I agree with stating your case to the school for you DD and anyone else that highlights the problem you have.

@DartmoorWilderness

My husband and I are both critical workers and can’t get a place!

We would love one of us to be a SAHP.

There’s always a reason why people need a place, but the NHS will be overwhelmed quicker/prolong pandemic if more children are in school.

Honestly, you don’t think the NHS will be overwhelmed by people needing emergency childcare, grandparents, etc-rather than children already being in bubbles at school??? Naive!!

@MotherExtraordinaire - can you elaborate on that as the guidance on the gov website includes colleges?

Ours has said they will be remotely learning for now which is really a waste of time for DS as he struggles to engage and is basically sat on his bed with them talking in the background .