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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU.. to report my own parents (coronavirus)

263 replies

Tier4ParentProblem · 04/01/2021 11:28

Sorry, NC as outing..

They are in a tier 4 area.

I live abroad in a country which has struggled hugely with coronavirus and has put a ban on Brits entering there. I’ve avoided the virus so far with extreme diligence as I work a zero hour contract with no sick pay..

They turned up unannounced on my doorstep.

Whilst I’m pleased to see them, I’m furious that after all our care and sacrifice, they’ll have brought not only the virus but the “British variant” and then when it’s reported in the press it will be patently obvious to the neighbours who is responsible. Also, whilst being not an at risk group, we’ve been really careful to minimize our risk precisely so this nightmare can end sooner and we can visit them safely, in the uk. I’m cross with their arrogance. They won’t even isolate in my home either, they miss shopping and eating out...

So... WIBU to report them?

OP posts:
TitInATrance · 04/01/2021 12:19

You were being unreasonable to let them in, and that’s what the neighbours will judge you for. Difficult now to report them without reporting yourself too - you should have made your decision when they showed up.

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 12:19

You sound exactly like my sister. Wanting to report others..yet has had outsiders stay in her home at the same time 🤣

AnneOfTeenFables · 04/01/2021 12:20

It is 'silly' to let them in, then think about reporting them back in Britain so it doesn't impact your life. If a parent turned up from a tier 4 area, your responsibility is to close the door. Otherwise, you're complicit.

Lollypop701 · 04/01/2021 12:20

If your neighbors find out then you are going to be in trouble, as work may then find out. You’ve let them in so horse has bolted on that aspect but I’d tell them they either isolate in your house or go home. They don’t get to dictate to you in your house. How long are they suggesting staying because I’d put a limit on that too tbh.

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 12:21

It is 'silly' to let them in, then think about reporting them back in Britain so it doesn't impact your life. If a parent turned up from a tier 4 area, your responsibility is to close the door. Otherwise, you're complicit

Exactly

Gwenhwyfar · 04/01/2021 12:22

" and then when it’s reported in the press it will be patently obvious to the neighbours who is responsible."

They can't be the only British people in your whole country so it won't be obvious. The British variant has been found in many countries so it could also have come from one of those countries.

Chimpanme · 04/01/2021 12:22

Depending on when they left then Tier 4 were still allowed to travel abroad for some time so they possibly haven't broken any UK law.

Original poster
Tier4ParentProblem · 04/01/2021 12:22

They were on my doorstep with a bag full of Xmas presents, I was blindsided and couldn't turn them away.

They don't listen to me and treat me like a child, yes.

If IABU to report them, I won't. But I'm angry with them.

OP posts:
MellowYellow101 · 04/01/2021 12:22

Wow, you are willing to throw your own parents under the bus.

MotherofTerriers · 04/01/2021 12:23

I'd explain to them how hurt you are that they have disregarded your feelings. I'd explain the potential consequences of losing money you need from work, and the damage their visit will do to your relationships with neighbours.
I'd also report them locally and let them experience the consequences. They won't know it was you. No point reporting in the UK, they won't do anything

Gwenhwyfar · 04/01/2021 12:23

@SouthDownsLass

So - they haven't got Covid.

Have you thought about what will actually happen if you report them? Not just to them in the immediate timeline, but to your family relationships?

She only knows they didn't have a positive test. They may still be incubating it.
BunnyBoilerRhian · 04/01/2021 12:23

No idea why you're getting so much grief on here op.
Alot of people on here seem very offended at how people overseas see the UK currently.
We are one of the most diseased countries seemingly unable to get a grip on Covid. Why are people so shocked at OPs reaction to the "new nasty bristish variant".
I'm sure we'd all be saying the same if a nasty variant came from anywhere else.
The Brits (I am a Brit) need to understanding complete ignorance, arrogance and it's ok we're Briritsh and in a civilised society, what about my human rights to do what I want blah blah....is exactly why we're so badly affected.
Most of the rest of the world have closed their borders to us for very good reason. The ops parents are part of the problem, in their gung ho attitude of doing wtf they please with no regard for anyone else, seemingly, not even their own offspring!

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 12:23

They were on my doorstep with a bag full of Xmas presents, I was blindsided and couldn't turn them away
Well then you failed to act appropriately for yourselves. Yabvu

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 12:24

You cant report them now for making a stupid decision when you've done it yourself 🤣

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 04/01/2021 12:24

If brits are banned how did they get there ? This doesn't ring true

Gwenhwyfar · 04/01/2021 12:25

"it really must be a country with bloody porous borders that hasn't noticed a plane or other form of transport arriving"

Like most of the Schengen area, you mean?

Original poster
Tier4ParentProblem · 04/01/2021 12:25

@Notimeforaname where do you live? I'll make sure all my foreign mates know they're welcome toHoliday there Hmm

OP posts:
donewithitalltodayandxmas · 04/01/2021 12:26

You mention they drove through borders on a uk passport?

desperatelyseeking1 · 04/01/2021 12:26

I think they've done a silly thing and not thought this through, they wanted to be with you and your DC so the intentions were well meant.
I don't believe any law has been broken though as they have been allowed to fly out after a neg test so sounds like tried to follow the guidelines. It's not as if they snuck out under some cloak. I think they just took advantage of a loophole.
Annoying though and I get it.
How long are they staying? If long-ish, will they get another test?
At least they were negative but of course, they could have picked the virus between the test day, and now.

Original poster
Tier4ParentProblem · 04/01/2021 12:26

@BunnyBoilerRhian

No idea why you're getting so much grief on here op. Alot of people on here seem very offended at how people overseas see the UK currently. We are one of the most diseased countries seemingly unable to get a grip on Covid. Why are people so shocked at OPs reaction to the "new nasty bristish variant". I'm sure we'd all be saying the same if a nasty variant came from anywhere else. The Brits (I am a Brit) need to understanding complete ignorance, arrogance and it's ok we're Briritsh and in a civilised society, what about my human rights to do what I want blah blah....is exactly why we're so badly affected. Most of the rest of the world have closed their borders to us for very good reason. The ops parents are part of the problem, in their gung ho attitude of doing wtf they please with no regard for anyone else, seemingly, not even their own offspring!
Exactly, can you imagine if I lived in the UK and my parents came in, no quarantine etc from say, Russia or India!
OP posts:
AnneOfTeenFables · 04/01/2021 12:26

@Tier4ParentProblem

They were on my doorstep with a bag full of Xmas presents, I was blindsided and couldn't turn them away.

They don't listen to me and treat me like a child, yes.

If IABU to report them, I won't. But I'm angry with them.

You can always turn people away when they're breaking Covid guidelines. This isn't a new 'dilemma' . People have spent nearly a year having to turn people away on their doorsteps. Admittedly they don't usually add in a journey across mountains and borders, and a fear of reading about it in the local press. Those parts are new. Saying no to relatives who are ignoring Covid - that's a daily occurence.
Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 12:26

5Tier4ParentProblem
Republic of Ireland. Loads allowed in. Except British.
Partner just came back from a European break with family.

Chimpanme · 04/01/2021 12:27

You mention they drove through borders on a uk passport?

Very simple, once you are in mainland Europe there's plenty of routes between countries with non-manned 24 hour borders, and even if they are manned, not every car is stopped.

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 12:28

Notimeforaname where do you live? I'll make sure all my foreign mates know they're welcome toHoliday there hmm

Just like you invited your parents in when they knocked on the door?Grin

Nanny0gg · 04/01/2021 12:28

@Tier4ParentProblem

They were on my doorstep with a bag full of Xmas presents, I was blindsided and couldn't turn them away.

They don't listen to me and treat me like a child, yes.

If IABU to report them, I won't. But I'm angry with them.

Well, you're going to have to do some assertiveness training I think.

Tell them if they ever pull a stunt like that again, they won't be allowed in.

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