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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to share the truth about Insta-bragger colleague

399 replies

Shr1881 · 04/01/2021 03:11

I have a very recently rejoined Instagram after a break. Starting to regret it now 🤦🏻‍♀️. I chose the option to add contacts from my Facebook and so this meant that I have followed the Instagram of a colleague, amongst others.

Aforementioned colleague has recently moved into a new house. It’s all she has talked about recently in the office, fair enough it’s an exciting time but even so. She’s told us about the fact that her and her DH have only been able to buy this place because it is shared ownership. They’ve bought a 25% share and then pay a massively inflated rent to a housing association on the rest of it. As time goes on, they are able to eventually buy more shares if they wish. It’s a big new build - there is only her and the DH- and she has openly said that there is no way they will be able to afford it otherwise. A couple of us in the office had tried to convince her to perhaps look at a slightly smaller house that they would have been able to get a mortgage on the normal way but she had her heart set on the big new build. She referred to it as “Insta-worthy”, which made me and other colleagues eye roll! I even told her about a couple of people I’ve known in years gone by who have had lots of issues with shared ownership properties... I have a friend who lives in one and has to ask for permission from the housing association every time she does any work to it, I also know somebody else who ran into a load of financial difficulties when they wanted to sell their share. But she was adamant this is what she wanted.

I was having a browse of her Instagram earlier this evening. Many of you here may know that there is a big ‘New Home’ community on Instagram and she seems to have thrown herself into that. The issue I have is the blatant lying! She has been inundated With comments on how beautiful the house is, and have had people saying things like “you are so lucky, how on earth have you afforded this, I could ever dream of a house like this” etc etc and she has replied telling people all about how hard she and her DH have worked over the years and it took them a long long time to save up, and telling people about how DH has recently had a career change to a high-paying job which allowed them to buy the house - absolute lies - her DH is in and out of work as he can’t hold a job down!! Does warehouse work now and again.. She has quite openly told us all of this. (There is a group of us who have worked together for a long time so we all know each other well on a personal level). They got the 25% mortgage based on her salary alone.

Then she’s been doing all the humble-bragging of hashtag hardworkpaysoff, I haven’t got enough stuff to fill these huuuuge fitted wardrobes.. it’s really quite cringey!

She has even told us girls in the office that If anybody asks where she lives then she lies and tells them something else because it would give away the fact that they are in a shared ownership property if anyone knew the location!?

I feel so spiteful but the bragging and fibbing is just terrible on her Instagram, I have to work with this woman four days a week and she never stops talking about house stuff, should I just drop a cheeky comment on her Instagram, filling people in on the truth, or should I just stop looking at her page? 😂 honestly wind me up so much when people fabricate a completely different life online to what they actually live.

OP posts:
GarytheRedNosedUnicorn · 04/01/2021 09:19

Just because you listen to her when she is upset doesn’t give you the right to punish her for what you think is wrong. What do you hope to gain from outing her? Smug satisfaction? You sound mean and spiteful, and incredibly fake. You ‘console’ her when she is upset yet you’re considering uncovering her lies, which to be honest are hurting nobody, just because you’re a little tired of hearing about her house. Ask yourself who is being duplicitous here.

TheAirbender · 04/01/2021 09:21

Not your monkey, OP. Unfollow and go make a brew or be ultra busy when she starts talking about it in the office.

Lily193 · 04/01/2021 09:26

She's found a way to get a beautiful home that other people admire - good for her. Leave her in peace to enjoy it.

PastaPins · 04/01/2021 09:27

And? Confused

Quaagars · 04/01/2021 09:28

@pinbinpin

Why do you care so much?

You sound mean and spiteful.

This.
MellowYellow101 · 04/01/2021 09:29

Direct her to the panorama episode on shared ownership. Hope that bubble doesn't burst for her the same way it has for the many people on that show.

Shared ownership aside, this is why I hate social media with a passion. Coming from a marketing background and working with the likes of Facebook and Google directly, I removed myself. Too much of a "look at me" culture and its poison to the effect of someone making up absolute shite to appease others view and value of them. Then when working with these companies and seeing how they actively try to work on things to encourage this type of behaviour - i had enough and actually left the industry!!!! What a sad way to live.

Maybe have a word with your friend and tell her whilst its not your business how she chooses to conduct herself outwardly, you're not prepared to lie on her behalf or to protect her from looking like a dickhead.

It'll catch up with her in time...

pepsicolagirl · 04/01/2021 09:29

You sound absolutely awful. So what if they have a 25% share? they HAVE worked hard for it.

MaggieFS · 04/01/2021 09:30

I would leave her with her online fantasy, that aspect doesn't affect you.

Lying IRL is a different matter though. You'll just have to distance yourself the next time she comes crying.

HayJkl · 04/01/2021 09:32

Everyone on Instagram lies!!! It's all so fake.. everyone knows that. Just delete it and move on with your life.

TheShapeJaper · 04/01/2021 09:33

Just stop looking and leave her alone. You seem delighted that she might be struggling.

partyatthepalace · 04/01/2021 09:36

Who cares?

There isn’t much else in her life or she is unhappy or just generally being taken in by rampant consumerism - whatever.

Instagram is an awful thing in many ways - and clearly isn’t doing her any good - but just leave her be, you are being spiteful.

Fairyliz · 04/01/2021 09:37

@HayJkl

Everyone on Instagram lies!!! It's all so fake.. everyone knows that. Just delete it and move on with your life.
This! Do you also get annoyed when you watch romcoms and they always live happily ever after? Real relationships aren’t like this.

Surely everyone knows Instagram is just a fantasy world?

Tacono1 · 04/01/2021 09:37

Your attitude seems petty and spiteful and that is how you will come across if you comment.
She has her own issues to deal with and doesn’t sound like she is in a particularly good place. Leave her alone.

Tal45 · 04/01/2021 09:37

I can see why it bugs you as it's all lies but it's pretty sad that someone feels the need to make up a fantasy life to try to impress a lot of people they don't even know. Don't out her though, what's the point? So all the people who don't know her find out that she's not as well off as she says? Let her have her fantasy life, she tells the truth to the people she actually knows by the seems of it so why not just delete her off instagram and problem solved. You don't have to be her best friend.

CuteBear · 04/01/2021 09:38

She sounds so fake and it’s not great that she’s lying. However, I would just unfollow her on social media. If she talks about her house then change the subject. If she talks about her DH losing another job, say “oh on Instagram you said he’s been promoted to a high paying job.”

ElizaLaLa · 04/01/2021 09:39

What has it got to do with you op? How does what she puts online affect you in any way at all?

You sound nasty. And jealous.

LindaEllen · 04/01/2021 09:40

It's none of your business. It's not down to you to tell the truth or call her out. Let her have her dream, it's not hurting you is it.

You sound fucking awful.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 04/01/2021 09:40

You really can't be the Insta police.

Lougle · 04/01/2021 09:41

@DasPepe

The problem with this, is that like many other things, here is an absolute proof that #hardworkpaysoff. Here is a house and a woman who says they have saved for years to be able to afford this.

Like many other areas, people will then latch on this and believe it, and think themselves unable to manage, they will go after unattainable goals, given the proof, rather than look at alternatives that may be better.
This happens everywhere, not just Instagram and if we allow it, then no one will ever know the truth.

Reviews used to be a good way to check if an item was of good quality, but the sellers have started to post fake reviews - I tried to buy a special item for a relative (lighted magnifying glass for craftwork). Could t work out what was good and what not, because half the reviews seemed fake. So, even though we all think we know that Instagram isn’t “real” if we allow this, we will end up not being able to tell anything

But maybe she has 'worked hard' and 'saved for years' so that she could afford the 25% share on one salary.

There are houses near us that are going for 25% share at £95,000. You'd need a £20,000 salary to afford that, plus a deposit, then you'd be paying rent on the remainder.

I'd be pleased if I was able to afford a shared-ownership mortgage.

thosetalesofunexpected · 04/01/2021 09:42

Hi Op..
I agree with rest of Posters here on this thread Topic.
Yes its obviously shallow,./pretensious of your work collegue to act like this
But its a sign of how insecure she feels keeping up appearences etc.
Just Un follow her
Why expose her on instragam as a Liar,she is not causing anybody any serious harm is she,
Prentending she is living a fake fantasy lifestyle.😕

ThanksItHasPockets · 04/01/2021 09:45

So she is honest with her real-life friends and colleagues but she has created a fantasy life on IG?

I don’t see how that’s any different to the myriad fantasists here on MN, who additionally hide behind anonymous accounts.

HaroldMeeker · 04/01/2021 09:46

Please don't comment on her page. It's mean and spiteful. Unfollow and pull back a little at work so you maintain a professional distance. If you cause an upset on instagram, it WILL follow you into work and you'll be risking your career, and for what? A petty moment of vengeance against someone who is being dishonest, yes, but its not for you to punish her. Unfollow, and get on with your own life.

CandyLeBonBon · 04/01/2021 09:47

Why the shared ownership hate? And shared ownership has quite strict selection criteria (in my county anyway) so it's quite hard for a young couple to get a house bigger than their needs via shared ownership. You probably need to take a step back and stop being a fake friend if you don't like the duality of her life!

Tacono1 · 04/01/2021 09:47

@Daspepe
I don’t think it’s our job to allow or not allow this. It’s ok to comment in general about the dangers of social media and false lifestyles but I really don’t think it’s ok to try to publicly expose and humiliate an individual person. It’s actually really nasty behaviour.

Labobo · 04/01/2021 09:50

should I just drop a cheeky comment on her Instagram, filling people in on the truth

No you absolutely shouldn't unless you get a kick out of humiliating insecure people. How she lives is none of your business. Focus on your own life until it is rewarding enough for you not to consider getting kicks out of trashing someone else's.