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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to share the truth about Insta-bragger colleague

399 replies

Shr1881 · 04/01/2021 03:11

I have a very recently rejoined Instagram after a break. Starting to regret it now 🤦🏻‍♀️. I chose the option to add contacts from my Facebook and so this meant that I have followed the Instagram of a colleague, amongst others.

Aforementioned colleague has recently moved into a new house. It’s all she has talked about recently in the office, fair enough it’s an exciting time but even so. She’s told us about the fact that her and her DH have only been able to buy this place because it is shared ownership. They’ve bought a 25% share and then pay a massively inflated rent to a housing association on the rest of it. As time goes on, they are able to eventually buy more shares if they wish. It’s a big new build - there is only her and the DH- and she has openly said that there is no way they will be able to afford it otherwise. A couple of us in the office had tried to convince her to perhaps look at a slightly smaller house that they would have been able to get a mortgage on the normal way but she had her heart set on the big new build. She referred to it as “Insta-worthy”, which made me and other colleagues eye roll! I even told her about a couple of people I’ve known in years gone by who have had lots of issues with shared ownership properties... I have a friend who lives in one and has to ask for permission from the housing association every time she does any work to it, I also know somebody else who ran into a load of financial difficulties when they wanted to sell their share. But she was adamant this is what she wanted.

I was having a browse of her Instagram earlier this evening. Many of you here may know that there is a big ‘New Home’ community on Instagram and she seems to have thrown herself into that. The issue I have is the blatant lying! She has been inundated With comments on how beautiful the house is, and have had people saying things like “you are so lucky, how on earth have you afforded this, I could ever dream of a house like this” etc etc and she has replied telling people all about how hard she and her DH have worked over the years and it took them a long long time to save up, and telling people about how DH has recently had a career change to a high-paying job which allowed them to buy the house - absolute lies - her DH is in and out of work as he can’t hold a job down!! Does warehouse work now and again.. She has quite openly told us all of this. (There is a group of us who have worked together for a long time so we all know each other well on a personal level). They got the 25% mortgage based on her salary alone.

Then she’s been doing all the humble-bragging of hashtag hardworkpaysoff, I haven’t got enough stuff to fill these huuuuge fitted wardrobes.. it’s really quite cringey!

She has even told us girls in the office that If anybody asks where she lives then she lies and tells them something else because it would give away the fact that they are in a shared ownership property if anyone knew the location!?

I feel so spiteful but the bragging and fibbing is just terrible on her Instagram, I have to work with this woman four days a week and she never stops talking about house stuff, should I just drop a cheeky comment on her Instagram, filling people in on the truth, or should I just stop looking at her page? 😂 honestly wind me up so much when people fabricate a completely different life online to what they actually live.

OP posts:
MRC20 · 04/01/2021 09:51

Stop looking at her page and pretend you don't know. She knows it's all a fantasy and her life is not what she would want. She knows the precarious situation she's in and is no doubt deeply unhappy. This is an (admittedly unhealthy) outlet for her but it's her space to be who she wants to be and there's nothing wrong with that.

notinthiseconomy · 04/01/2021 09:51

Let's see her Instagram

finkking · 04/01/2021 09:52

@MellowYellow101 Interesting I had to manage the insta account for a company I worked for. Couldn't stand it & it turned me off the whole thing except MNs.

Ihatefish · 04/01/2021 09:53

Is it this specific thing though you object to or the fact that it is so indicative of the lying, perfectionist culture on social media that has become so harmful to the world at large? It’s ok people saying -oh let her be, but the trouble is there are millions of individuals people are just letting be because they are creating similar illusions on line that are mutating into really life expectations of many (which actually looks to be the case here -revolving your life round insta ready shit) because people are increasingly unable to tell the difference between desires and reality. We do need to be doing something about this, it’s shaping people in ways which are neither beneficial to themselves or society at large. Keeping up with the Jones’s has always happened on a smaller scale but nowadays this whole keeping up with the Kardashians shit has been commercialised, designed to exploit the impressionable for the profit of others. So I can understand why a colleague being both exploited and continuing the trend leaves a bad taste. It’s like a bloody giant pyramid scheme. I wonder how much involvement builders of housing developments have had in creating this specific instagram group and who benefits from making people acquire these properties when they wouldn’t normally?

ThanksItHasPockets · 04/01/2021 09:53

@CandyLeBonBon

Why the shared ownership hate? And shared ownership has quite strict selection criteria (in my county anyway) so it's quite hard for a young couple to get a house bigger than their needs via shared ownership. You probably need to take a step back and stop being a fake friend if you don't like the duality of her life!
There are some really poor shared ownership schemes which leave the home-owners vulnerable, so I think there’s some legitimate concern there.

However, and you won’t find anyone willing to admit to this, I think this is also linked to the UK obsession with property prices and home ownership. There is just a smidge of a sense that shared ownership allows certain people to buy houses which should be beyond their means. I don’t think it’s jealousy, but rather a sense that certain people ought to know their place.

finkking · 04/01/2021 09:53

but I really don’t think it’s ok to try to publicly expose and humiliate an individual person

What is your take on the Rachel Dolezal situation?

OscarWildesCat · 04/01/2021 09:53

Not RTFT but I get why you’re annoyed OP, I have a similar issue with a friend who has lots of followers on her page re her (stunning) home which I know is tied to her husbands job and will never be theirs, they don’t have any property of their own and of he is ever let go, they will most likely end up renting a one bed flat.

It’s annoying but you can be safe in the knowledge that it won’t last forever, it will bite her on the arse eventually if she’s in over her head and you’ll likely help pick up the pieces as friends do.

It’s tempting but don’t post on her page, you’ll just look petty and jealous.

StormBaby · 04/01/2021 09:57

People fabricate stuff online. It happens everywhere. Even mumsnet. I’ve seen a few people I know in real life posting absolute bollocks on here. You cannot believe anything you read or see online. People gloss over the real stuff

Rightthen24 · 04/01/2021 09:59

Insta is not real life, alot of people use it to create a life that is not real, I know a few people that post stuff that's simply not true and it drives me nuts so I unfollow them and leave them to their own online fantasy life. How bad has your real life gotta be to create a fake one?!
Just distance yourself, unfollow and leave her to it 😁

longwayoff · 04/01/2021 10:00

You sound deeply unpleasant. If you're an example of her friends then it's not surprising she makes stuff up to feel better. Leave her alone and look in your own backyard.

tuttifuckinfruity · 04/01/2021 10:02

I would be annoyed if she was lying to me about it. But it sounds like she is quite open with you about it, but enjoys portraying a fantasy life to strangers online. I see that as different. She is not trying to deceive people who actually know her. She just wants a bit of attention / escapism.

Yes, it's not ideal, but that's social media isn't it?

Don't out her. Just unfollow.

Chickychickydodah · 04/01/2021 10:04

She sounds like she’s caught in the “ trap” of insta, I’ve recently deleted it because of the bull everyone does on it.
I’m sick of so called celebs selling stuff all the time and how hard and stressful their lives are. Constant posting pictures of days out, non essential trips to the garden centre etc.
Delete and ignore her .

wildraisins · 04/01/2021 10:04

@NotABridezillaToBe

I don’t agree that people shouldn’t be held accountable on social media. There is a huge issue with people creating deliberately false impressions of success that has an adverse effect on others. I think it’s crazy the amount of people defending this kind of behaviour. I wouldn’t say anything though, I would just block her and think less of her in real life.
... So you believe they should be held accountable but YOU wouldn't hold her accountable? This is very contradictory!
Branleuse · 04/01/2021 10:06

id definitely unfollow her. She sounds boring and a liar.
I couldnt be bothered to call her out on it and any ensuing drama that would create. Just unfollow

BoJoHoNo · 04/01/2021 10:08

Another 'people lie on the internet' shocker! She does sound irritating and a bit stupid though, so I can see why it annoys you. Unfollow and keep quiet is the best approach and definitely don't lend her any money.

oldandtiredandold · 04/01/2021 10:08

They could (and I would) say something along the lines of "oh we've been very lucky, our parents helped" etc but chose to let you believe it was all them

What on earth? Why does anyone need to explain how they afforded their house?! Fucking madness honestly.

finkking · 04/01/2021 10:09

You sound deeply unpleasant. If you're an example of her friends then it's not surprising she makes stuff up to feel better.

Why is the person lying absolved of all personal responsibility?

thecatsthecats · 04/01/2021 10:10

The more I hear about Instagram, the more I think that it's just the least enjoyable RPG ever.

At least people playing things like World of Warcraft and the SIMS know they're doing escapist fantasy play.

PattyPan · 04/01/2021 10:15

I’m with you OP. I don’t have a problem with shared ownership although I do think it can be poor value for money.

I do have a problem with the lying. PP have mentioned that people feel under pressure to have the perfect life on SM but it’s people like this that perpetuate the myth of the perfect life - her posts will be making others feel that pressure.

I wonder how her DH feels that she has made up a fantasy version of him for her insta life because the reality wasn’t good enough.

Kndg · 04/01/2021 10:18

I don’t think you should add any comments.
I’m glad I’m not on Instagram or FB!

TheNinny · 04/01/2021 10:18

Its sounds spiteful. Who cares on the ins and outs of legal ownership. Is she really gonna get on to each poster and explain how its really shared ownership/housing asoiciation at whatever shares. It is her where she lives so describing it as her home is not complete fabrication. Same with those renting. And she has told.you and her colleagues the actual truth which she wasnt obligated to do. She seems insecure about the fact its HA and is wanting to hide it from others. She shouldnt but we all have insecurites. Im sure your other colleagues exaggerate or fib details od thier lives to save face. Ypu just have no way of checking. Id ignore/unfollow and not worry about lies she tells to stangers online

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 04/01/2021 10:19

There is a small difference between people who speak shite on mumsnet to strangers and liars who are making out to people who know them that they have done this and that and are doing really well when in fact they are not - not if they can’t tell the truth.

It matters not one jot about what you have - but making on you are doing better than you are is probably going to bring more people down with them in the same whirlpool of lies.

I personally think it can be harmful.

But this colleague IS lying and while the circumstances might be sad, it doesn’t take away the fact she is kidding on shite to people she knows.

Not good.

Carolofthebellies · 04/01/2021 10:20

I don't understand why would anyone brag about their house on Instagram? It's your private place where you live. If they bought the house just for the Instagram and in reality can hardly afford it then they look pathetic. Why? What does it give them?

OP, just unfollow her. She won't know about it anyway. If you want to talk to her about her lies then you would look equally pathetic and envious. You won't look good.

VaizyCrazyDaizy · 04/01/2021 10:20

Unfollow her and play it cool on the friendship. Show interest on the surface but be busy and unavailable especially when it comes to sucking you for money and your valuable time!

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 04/01/2021 10:20

@finkking

but I really don’t think it’s ok to try to publicly expose and humiliate an individual person

What is your take on the Rachel Dolezal situation?

how is that relevant in any way? Confused

The colleague is not selling anything or scamming anyone, she is just bragging about her home.She must have worked and saved to come up with whatever deposit was needed.

I could vaguely understand if she was a cleaner showing photos of a client as if it was hers, but in this case? There's literally NOTHING to expose, just the jealousy and bitterness of an over-involved colleague who needs to get out more.