to want to share the truth about Insta-bragger colleague

[Shr1881]

I have a very recently rejoined Instagram after a break. Starting to regret it now 🤦🏻‍♀️. I chose the option to add contacts from my Facebook and so this meant that I have followed the Instagram of a colleague, amongst others.

Aforementioned colleague has recently moved into a new house. It’s all she has talked about recently in the office, fair enough it’s an exciting time but even so. She’s told us about the fact that her and her DH have only been able to buy this place because it is shared ownership. They’ve bought a 25% share and then pay a massively inflated rent to a housing association on the rest of it. As time goes on, they are able to eventually buy more shares if they wish. It’s a big new build - there is only her and the DH- and she has openly said that there is no way they will be able to afford it otherwise. A couple of us in the office had tried to convince her to perhaps look at a slightly smaller house that they would have been able to get a mortgage on the normal way but she had her heart set on the big new build. She referred to it as “Insta-worthy”, which made me and other colleagues eye roll! I even told her about a couple of people I’ve known in years gone by who have had lots of issues with shared ownership properties... I have a friend who lives in one and has to ask for permission from the housing association every time she does any work to it, I also know somebody else who ran into a load of financial difficulties when they wanted to sell their share. But she was adamant this is what she wanted.

I was having a browse of her Instagram earlier this evening. Many of you here may know that there is a big ‘New Home’ community on Instagram and she seems to have thrown herself into that. The issue I have is the blatant lying! She has been inundated With comments on how beautiful the house is, and have had people saying things like “you are so lucky, how on earth have you afforded this, I could ever dream of a house like this” etc etc and she has replied telling people all about how hard she and her DH have worked over the years and it took them a long long time to save up, and telling people about how DH has recently had a career change to a high-paying job which allowed them to buy the house - absolute lies - her DH is in and out of work as he can’t hold a job down!! Does warehouse work now and again.. She has quite openly told us all of this. (There is a group of us who have worked together for a long time so we all know each other well on a personal level). They got the 25% mortgage based on her salary alone.

Then she’s been doing all the humble-bragging of hashtag hardworkpaysoff, I haven’t got enough stuff to fill these huuuuge fitted wardrobes.. it’s really quite cringey!

She has even told us girls in the office that If anybody asks where she lives then she lies and tells them something else because it would give away the fact that they are in a shared ownership property if anyone knew the location!?

I feel so spiteful but the bragging and fibbing is just terrible on her Instagram, I have to work with this woman four days a week and she never stops talking about house stuff, should I just drop a cheeky comment on her Instagram, filling people in on the truth, or should I just stop looking at her page? 😂 honestly wind me up so much when people fabricate a completely different life online to what they actually live.

I have never heard of housing associations building large properties and offering with 25% ownership

I thought the whole point of housing associations and shared ownership was that they offered social housing and a chance to get on the property ladder for people who wouldn't otherwise be able to get a mortgage; so housing is mainly flats and small semi's or townhouses .

Glad you decided not to take her down publicly. That would be horrible!

Bragging and lying is pointless but you have to let her figure that out on her own. If you were to take her down publicly to alleviate the irritation you feel at her bragging, that would be worse, so glad you decided to just step away!

I’m surprised by the responses on this thread. Since when did lying, faking, and showing off become OK? When I was a child it was considered pretty bad form. But now it’s “Oh, everyone on SM does it and everyone knows it’s rubbish”, and don’t get me started on being able to make money from it.

This is what I don't understand. I don't use insta anymore.

There was the wellness blogger who faked cancer & cured it with her "plan" & swindled her followers. Apparently one reason she got away with it for so long was people who challenged it were dismissed.

You know that the rental element is capped at 3% of the retained equity - most shared ownership buyers will be paying between 2.5-2.75% annually. So if the house is valued at 300,000 and she has bought 25% her rent is £468.75 pcm. I am not sure what the rents are like in your area but that would not be "hugely inflated" where I live.

If OP had posted about a colleague doing this in RL & not on SM the responses would be different.

You think the responses would be different if OP were asking about publicly humiliating this woman in RL?

@Ihatefish yes, it's sad, it shows so clearly that she cares more about

what assets you appear to have accumulated above what assets you actually have accumulated. That is really shooting yourself in the foot. But, honestly, unless it was my younger sister or a friend, I'd keep my mouth shut.

Honestly, as others have said, why on earth do you care?

Just unfollow and leave her to it. Don't you have any of your own stuff to focus on?

I'd just try to ignore it but it would wind me up too.

@finkking nobody thinks this is a great way to behave but publicly exposing somebody was the to do or not to do question here.
We aren't judge and jury to random acquaintances. It is not right to shame people.

Have to laugh when the immediate response to someone disagreeing with someone’s lying/bullshitting is “you must be jealous.” Jealous of what? Of a woman who’s up to her eyeballs in debt and is lying about it somewhere else?

And tbh, how does the OP know that it’s instagram she’s lying on? Maybe she’s lying in work pleading poverty and borrowing money from colleagues who potentially lend her what they can afford out of pity when actually she’s living the high life in this house?

Yes, many people don’t show the crap parts of their lives, but there’s a vast difference between not showing pictures of your kids having a temper tantrum and making up a whole story about a fake life.

And if she can lie on instagram, she can lie in RL.

No I wouldn’t say anything on instagram. But next time she complains about her husband not working or wanting to borrow money in the office, I would tell her that you know her husband is working because she said so on instagram.

It’s not ok to lie and deceive wherever you’re doing it.

I totally understand.

She’s just trying to make herself feel better though and I suspect her pride will come before a fall. Just unfollow her. Don’t sabotage her sm/blog if it’s making her happy but maybe next time she needs consoling you could suggest it’s not the most healthy way to live.

@Onedropbeat

Unrelated to your actual question but how is it ethical for companies to give shares ownership properties to people who wouldn’t normally be able to afford to buy them?

Clearly the mortgage and inflated rent together is way more than the mortgage would be alone on that particular property so they must be far worse off than if they’d bought it at 100% (ignoring lack of deposit) on a month by month basis?

It is normally for basic starter properties where people can be paying quite high rent in connection with their salary but not able to get a mortgage , perhaps because they are unable to save a deposit or their jobs are on low hours contracts . Eg round here you can get basic property for £120,000 but a lot of people on min wage wouldn't even get a mortgage for this, although they may be paying an equal amount out or more for their monthly rent . Shared ownership allows lending on £40-£60,000 and allows people to get on property ladder

Never heard of this in relation to a larger property and I don't understand why it would be a thing , unless for people with large families .

Stop looking at her page. This is none of your business!

You and other colleagues pointed out possible pitfalls to her - fair enough.

She and her DH rose to go ahead with shared ownership - their choice. It may or may not work out for them BUT IT'S THEIR CHOICE!

She's now fibbing on social media - show me someone who doesn't! Most people least exaggerate - some tell downright lies - she seems to be blurring the truth. NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

She isn't asking you to lie to back her up, or drawing you in in any other way - just keep out of it. Nothing she is doing or saying is hurting you or anyone else. Leave her alone.

You really are coming across as a bit spiteful.

You think the responses would be different if OP were asking about publicly humiliating this woman in RL?

I guess it depends on your definition of public humiliation. I would just say something to someone not flog them in the town square.
If you don't want people to address your lying & bullshit don't lie or bullshit. 🤷‍♀️

You sound really mean.

@CandidaAlbicans2

Well, I’m in the minority as I don’t think what OP’s friend is doing is entirely harmless. By creating a fantasy yet portraying it as reality her followers think her lifestyle is more easily achievable than it is. But it’s mostly bullshit, and people trying to emulate people like her - and we on this thread know it’s BS, but the many naive or vulnerable people don’t - can get into serious debt and suffer poor mental health trying to “keep up with the Joneses”. People, especially teenagers, have enough things negatively impacting their mental health without stuff like this too.

OP, I get it. She’s contributing to the toxic SM culture, and it’s galling to see people lapping up BS. But don’t call her out on it, especially publicly. Just unfollow her, don’t lend her money, and just smile and nod when she brags.

I’m surprised by the responses on this thread. Since when did lying, faking, and showing off become OK? When I was a child it was considered pretty bad form. But now it’s “Oh, everyone on SM does it and everyone knows it’s rubbish”, and don’t get me started on being able to make money from it. Fucking hell 🙄

It's not that it's OK, it's ridiculous, immature and attention-seeking. But it also seems unhealthy that OP cares enough to put this much energy and effort into posting a thread about it!

OP, you're giving this much more attention that it deserves. The best way to deal with people who are lying and craving attention is actually to ignore them! Just find some focus for yourself and work on self-development rather than looking at other people.

I didn't see in the OP's post that she has a problem with shared ownership. There is indeed nothing wrong with owning 25% of the property. What she has a problem with is the colleague's lying and pretending that she owns 100% through hard work. And this is what is wrong about this situation.

@finkking

You think the responses would be different if OP were asking about publicly humiliating this woman in RL?

I guess it depends on your definition of public humiliation. I would just say something to someone not flog them in the town square.
If you don't want people to address your lying & bullshit don't lie or bullshit. 🤷‍♀️

Commenting on her Instagram is the digital equivalent of pasting signs to the lampposts outside her house. If you want to compare digital and RL you need to compare like with like.

I feel so spiteful

There is a reason for that.

Meh, it’s a hobby. Anyone who believes these influencer types is foolish. I think of them as some sort of actors (which is why I don’t follow any!). Unfollow and feel quietly sorry for her needing to find validation in this way.

This reminds me so much of one of my neighbours! According to Facebook and Instagram she has an amazing life, perfectly behaved children and a brand new car....
In reality her children's behaviour is awful, she's always screaming and swearing at the poor little loves and the brand new car she gushed about is actually a courtesy car she had for a week after a bump in a car park!
I find it frustrating, but more so I think I feel sorry for her. Shes obviously unhappy in her life and having this fantasy life makes her feel better. I cant get worked up about it myself!

I just had a look at the help to buy and seems around here you can buy a palatial home that would be £540k
The monthly costs include a service charge of £300 and expected overall cost of £1900 a month yet to be eligible for the scheme you have to earn less than a certain amount

This all seems so wrong and a disaster waiting to happen

This is effectively open to me and would be double the amount I’d be comfortable to afford

It is not right to shame people.

I think it's a grey area. Was Rita Ora shamed? Dominic Cummings? the trolling midwife? Rachel Dolezal?

Also publicly exposing is a bit hyperbolic, does the Ops colleague have millions of followers?

I'm not really sure why people are being so nasty to you. I get exactly where you are coming from.

Just unfollow and block her. Don't look at her Instagram. She's sounds slightly unhinged and I doubt it will end well. I wouldn't facilitate 'house' conversations with her and would try to distance myself as much as is practically possible.

I have an Instagram account for my hobby. It's private but I am seriously thinking about setting a new one up with a false name so I can operate anonymously.

I like Instagram but don't take it particularly seriously having known a few people who post about their seemingly perfect businesses (which really aren't!).

But her lies are out there in public, assuming that the lies are on instagram and not in RL.

See the thing is once you’ve exposed someone in one lie you can never again believe anything else they say, even if that lie did happen on instagram.

So OP could well go into the office and congratulate colleague on the fact her DH now has a new, well paid job, because the friend has made that publiC, and how is the OP supposed to know it’s all lies?