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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So bloody cross with my Mum.

443 replies

mioz · 03/01/2021 12:58

DM lives alone and has bubbled with my household. She came over yesterday for a cup of tea, all completely normal. She text me today to say she’s been for a COVID test as she’s had a sore throat for 3 days. I am absolutely fuming with her for putting my family at risk and for being so sneaky and not even mentioning it yesterday. How do I get past her behaviour ☹️

OP posts:
justasking111 · 03/01/2021 14:03

Well it is done now, just hope the test is negative.

HeadIsFucked · 03/01/2021 14:04

YABU IMO. A sore throat is not even a covid sign is it? Unless you are immuno compromised in some way that a cold would be dangerous?

I find this thing about blaming others for spreading illnesses they don't know they have a little odd to be quite honest. I could understand it if the person has a barking cough and temperature, or had been out to a rave the night before or something like that. But not this.

I do expect to be told if people coming here have a vomiting bug or something mind generally speaking. But mild cold symptoms, even now, unless they have been rulebreaking (if you are her support bubble I expect she has not much contact with anyone?) everywhere, I couldn't blame her in that situation. Maybe this comes a bit from me having a near constant sore throat as a kid (tonsilitus monthly usually Sad ) and now having had a cough for 9 months as 'long covid' according to my doctor, so people look at me like a walking bomb, so I might have more empathy than usual with people who have slight illness symptoms though. I might be a bit messed up perspective wise.

AcornAutumn · 03/01/2021 14:04

@Aprilx

You agreed to bubble with her! This effectively means she counts as part of your household. You being angry with her is like being angry with your DH if he got a sore throat - which is not a covid symptom anyway.

Perhaps unbubble yourself if you are going to be like this towards your mother.

This is kind of true...but also, in normal times, I'd prefer people kept away with a sore throat. So I'm torn.
Audreyseyebrows · 03/01/2021 14:05

Hope your mum feels better soon

ChristmasCovid · 03/01/2021 14:06

I’d be really mad too, I have spoken to lots of people with COVID who just have a sore throat.
Once you have taken a test you need to self isolate until you have the results.

HeadIsFucked · 03/01/2021 14:06

@Jaxhog

If she was concerned enough to get a test, then she should be considerate enough to have told you before she came over. I'd be annoyed too. Just tell her this and move on.
Mind this is a decent point too, if she was concerned enough to get a test, then she didn't write it off as 'just a bad throat' in reality.

I suppose she had to lie about symptoms to get tested in the first place, as our school insisted on a test for DD when her symptoms didn't match the common ones, said she could not go back without one so I had to lie to get one and felt fucking awful. Negative it was, but I felt really bad..

intheroom · 03/01/2021 14:08

A sore throat is a less common symptom. I'm surprised at the level of ignorance (and nastiness) on this thread.

Please don't post 'information' on CV if you don't know what you're talking about.

OP, it's natural to be worried. But so many factors in play. My guess is that you'll be fine. I hope the test result brings good news.

From the WHO:
"The most common symptoms of COVID-19 are fever, dry cough, and tiredness. Other symptoms that are less common and may affect some patients include loss of taste or smell, aches and pains, headache, sore throat, nasal congestion, red eyes, diarrhoea, or a skin rash."

RainMoon · 03/01/2021 14:09

People are bonkers, YANBU.
The only reason she didn’t tell you as she knew the right thing to do was not see you and you would say the same.
Even prior to covid it’s only polite to tell someone you are ill and give them the opportunity to decline the visit, especially if pregnant!
All my friends have the common courtesy to say “Jimmy has a cold but is still running around feeling well, do you still want to meet up”? Etc

pelosi · 03/01/2021 14:10

People you bubble with are not in your household. If they have symptoms they need to isolate.

Crunchymum · 03/01/2021 14:10

Here's a radical idea ASK HER

Ask her why she came round with a sore throat, how and why she got a test and maybe even more radically, ask her if she is OK.

Original poster
mioz · 03/01/2021 14:11

@Crunchymum

Here's a radical idea ASK HER

Ask her why she came round with a sore throat, how and why she got a test and maybe even more radically, ask her if she is OK.

How do you know I haven’t? I’m just asking if I’m justified to be annoyed at her behaviour. Doesn’t mean I’ve ignored her and wished her ill health Hmm
OP posts:
Godimabitch · 03/01/2021 14:12

I'd be well pissed off if someone came to my house with any kind of cold or flu symptom or anything without telling me beforehand. "Just wanted to check with you, I've got a bit of a sore throat, do you still want me to come over or shall we leave it a few days see if it gets better?" Surely it's common sense and basic manners nowadays.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 03/01/2021 14:13

@ShinyGreenElephant

Surely one of the points of her being your bubble is that if she does get it you will be the one looking after her? Yes, it would have been better for her to mention it but would you have asked her not to come? Just for a sore throat?
Erm, no, once someone in the bubble has symptoms if the bubble has been in contact up to 48 hours before symptoms start, everyone in the bubble self isolates in their own homes. If the person with symptoms tests positive everyone continues to self isolate for the required period. Nobody is allowed to leave home so nobody can go and look after someone. The point of a support bubble is not so that someone with covid has someone to look after them.
KatherineJaneway · 03/01/2021 14:13

@JamieLeesCurtains

Genuine question - how did she get a Covid test for a sore throat? I thought you needed a 'classic' symptom ie high temp, new continuous cough, loss of taste/smell.
Our borough in London has tests for anyone who wants one. You just turn up. Several areas are like this.
JamieLeesCurtains · 03/01/2021 14:15

our school insisted on a test for DD when her symptoms didn't match the common ones, said she could not go back without one so I had to lie to get one

This really sums up our current Fool Britannia.

Bleepertybleep · 03/01/2021 14:15

A sore throat and hoarse voice were the first symptoms my friend had with COVID. One of the questions about Symptoms on the ZOE website is sore throat. While it might not be in the top 3 symptoms it is one of the possible ones.

YANBU. I’m in a bubble with my friend as we both live alone. Several times I’ve seen her and she’s announced she’s had a bit of a sore throat or a sniffle or the runs. Normal things that in normal times you would ignore but now I think if you have any viral symptoms you don’t see the People in your bubble until you’ve been tested. Whether it’s ignorance or loneliness or a lack of common sense I have no idea but it’s not OK.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 03/01/2021 14:16

I agree that you're right to be pissed off with her - bubble or not if she is concerned enough to get a test, then it was irresponsible of her to visit for a cup of tea. Whilst being in a bubble makes her part of your household in some respects, she doesn't live with you. so didn't need to put you at additional risk.

I'd avoid haranguing her about it right now, presumably she is stressed about whether or not she does have covid. I hope that her test is negative, but when she has the result, make it clear that you're annoyed that she knowingly took unnecessary risks in visiting your family.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 03/01/2021 14:18

A sore throat was the reason we got ds1 tested, he was positive

JamieLeesCurtains · 03/01/2021 14:19

@KatherineJaneway Thank you for that post - and frankly I'm envious. Such a postcode lottery. There's nothing like that where I live (England).

Eckhart · 03/01/2021 14:19

@Crunchymum

Here's a radical idea ASK HER

Ask her why she came round with a sore throat, how and why she got a test and maybe even more radically, ask her if she is OK.

Here is a radical idea DON'T BE SO COMBATIVE
knittingaddict · 03/01/2021 14:20

I agree people are bonkers on here and don't seem to have a grasp on how bubbles should work in practise and what is a sensible way to combat spread.

My husband and I are in a support bubble with our single parent daughter and her children. If she or her children became ill and thought a test was necessary I would be furious if she just decided to pop round just because we are in a bubble. We have to try to infect as few people as possible, not wail that we are "in a bubble", so that's ok then. Some also seem to think that people in bubbles are some sort of hermetically sealed unit. Our bubble has someone working in a shop and two children attending primary school.

A sore throat was definitely one of the symptoms mentioned way back when all this started and I think it is a signal to be cautious, if nothing else.

Misstiffany · 03/01/2021 14:20

Get over it OP, no point in crying over spilt milk.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 03/01/2021 14:20

I am self isolating at the moment because I have what feels like a cold. None of the classic symptoms but we are bubbling with a vulnerable person (who fortunately has decided to keep distance from everyone except in an emergency) but it turns out that everyone I know of who has tested positive recently did not start with the classic symptoms. They are mostly healthcare professionals who are being tested periodically, and teachers who apparently have been advised to get a test for any flu or cold symptoms.

I don't blame your mum, OP, she may well have had what I had, ie a friend saying "oh but actually lots of people get Covid without those symptoms" which led me to ask some questions and decide that I had better take a test and self isolate first. I ordered a private test as I didn't qualify for a govt one in my area.

SpiderGwen · 03/01/2021 14:21

@Aprilx

You agreed to bubble with her! This effectively means she counts as part of your household. You being angry with her is like being angry with your DH if he got a sore throat - which is not a covid symptom anyway.

Perhaps unbubble yourself if you are going to be like this towards your mother.

Exactly this!
Doimatter · 03/01/2021 14:21

It could be that she is worried about the sore throat. So lied about the symptoms on the covid test form so that she can get a test. A sore throat alone is not a symptom though. So it might turn out fine. On the other hand some people don't get symptoms at all.

My son had a positive test. And did not pass it onto any of us.( as far as we know) and there are 8 in my family. So you may be fine.

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