So bloody cross with my Mum.

[mioz]

DM lives alone and has bubbled with my household. She came over yesterday for a cup of tea, all completely normal. She text me today to say she’s been for a COVID test as she’s had a sore throat for 3 days. I am absolutely fuming with her for putting my family at risk and for being so sneaky and not even mentioning it yesterday. How do I get past her behaviour ☹️

absolutely*

The whole point of the bubble is be one household.

You’ve skipped some nuance there. It’s to operate as one household for the purpose of what is allowed under household mixing rules.

Not to operate as one household regardless of circumstance or risk.

Equally, if OP’s kid developed D&V, I don’t think it would be right for her to rock up on her mum’s doorstep with a vomiting child because ‘we’re all one household right??’

@JassyRadlett

The whole point of the bubble is be one household.

You’ve skipped some nuance there. It’s to operate as one household for the purpose of what is allowed under household mixing rules.

Not to operate as one household regardless of circumstance or risk.

Equally, if OP’s kid developed D&V, I don’t think it would be right for her to rock up on her mum’s doorstep with a vomiting child because ‘we’re all one household right??’

I fully imagine if OPs child was sick and OP asked her mum to come and she refused, PP would slam the mother as she's in her support bubble.

@JassyRadlett

Am I the only person with a mum who, even in non-Covid times, wouldn’t come round to a pregnant person and/or baby/toddler with a sore throat because she wouldn’t want them to catch it?

She would at least give the heads up and the option - hey, I’ve got a sore throat, I don’t think it’s anything but maybe I shouldn’t come today.

I've always avoided people with colds/coughs and often been made to feel unreasonable and petty about it by one or two people. I've also been made to feel guilty for not going to work with streaming colds.

I hope Covid will change these attitudes.

I fully imagine if OPs child was sick and OP asked her mum to come and she refused, PP would slam the mother as she's in her support bubble.

Really? Your imagination is admirably fertile. I’ve not seen her suggest she would expect that anywhere, unless I’ve missed a post?

If the OP did do that, or has suggested she would do so, I would tell her loudly that she was being totally unreasonable and unfair on her mother.

But regardless - support bubbles aren’t ‘one household, come what may and damn the consequences’, which was my point. What OP would or wouldn’t hypothetically do is irrelevant to that point.

I hope Covid will change these attitudes.

Fingers very bloody crossed. I’ve always thought our commitment to presenteeism and spreading germs around as many of our colleagues as possible is such an enemy of productivity. I’ve been fortunate in my last few roles to have workplaces with an ethos of ‘please keep your filthy bloody germs away from the rest of us, work from home if you’re well enough, rest if you’re not and we’ll see you when you’re not a germ factory.’

But I recognise I’m fortunate to have a job that can be done from home.

@JassyRadlett

I fully imagine if OPs child was sick and OP asked her mum to come and she refused, PP would slam the mother as she's in her support bubble.

Really? Your imagination is admirably fertile. I’ve not seen her suggest she would expect that anywhere, unless I’ve missed a post?

If the OP did do that, or has suggested she would do so, I would tell her loudly that she was being totally unreasonable and unfair on her mother.

But regardless - support bubbles aren’t ‘one household, come what may and damn the consequences’, which was my point. What OP would or wouldn’t hypothetically do is irrelevant to that point.

I'm not talking about OP Jass. I'm talking about the indignation of the PPs of the selfishness and sneakiness of OPs mother who must put her daughter first at all costs.

No, you asked me whether it would be reasonable for OP to take an ill child so I answered that point. I don't know why you'd present a scenario and then clam it's irrelevant.

Fwiw I think OPs mum is wrong and should have told her. But I also can't stand this total lack of compassion we have where someone in your bubble is vilified for doing something we don't agree with despite the whole point of the thing being that they are one household! I assume it's OK for OP to accept her mother's help at other times - what if she catches it from OP?!

It's like compassion has gone out the window. Even the use of the sneaking - implying that the mother was selfish and deceitful. When did we become like this?

I've always avoided people with colds/coughs and often been made to feel unreasonable and petty about it by one or two people. I've also been made to feel guilty for not going to work with streaming colds

I hope Covid will change these attitudes

I was saying the same to DH earlier.
I worked with someone who'd always turn up when she had a heavy cold because 'she couldn't let her students down'. No,she gave them and us her cold instead. I pointed this out and she was very offended.

Anyway, we can hope.

I fully imagine if OPs child was sick and OP asked her mum to come and she refused, PP would slam the mother as she's in her support bubble.

You are jumping to conclusions massively. I have never asked DM for childcare, she works full time so the support bubble aspect is because we felt it better for her mental health on evenings and weekends to have the option to see us rather than no one at all. How bizarre that some posters seem to think that because you’ve bubbled with someone they basically have to move in with you?! No if my DH was poorly with a sore throat I wouldn’t turf hun out onto the street believe it or not, but I would make sure myself and DS kept our distance in the house as much as possible. Mum made an entirely unnecessary trip over when she knew she had been feeling poorly for at least 2 days. It’s quite different to my DH coming down with a sore throat.

@campion

I've always avoided people with colds/coughs and often been made to feel unreasonable and petty about it by one or two people. I've also been made to feel guilty for not going to work with streaming colds

I hope Covid will change these attitudes

I was saying the same to DH earlier.
I worked with someone who'd always turn up when she had a heavy cold because 'she couldn't let her students down'. No,she gave them and us her cold instead. I pointed this out and she was very offended.

Anyway, we can hope.

In these times though this isn't fair - particularly in council based education jobs with the maximizing attendance policies. Sorry to derail.

@mioz

I fully imagine if OPs child was sick and OP asked her mum to come and she refused, PP would slam the mother as she's in her support bubble.

You are jumping to conclusions massively. I have never asked DM for childcare, she works full time so the support bubble aspect is because we felt it better for her mental health on evenings and weekends to have the option to see us rather than no one at all. How bizarre that some posters seem to think that because you’ve bubbled with someone they basically have to move in with you?! No if my DH was poorly with a sore throat I wouldn’t turf hun out onto the street believe it or not, but I would make sure myself and DS kept our distance in the house as much as possible. Mum made an entirely unnecessary trip over when she knew she had been feeling poorly for at least 2 days. It’s quite different to my DH coming down with a sore throat.

You are not a PP - I'm talking about their reactions after a scenario was posed to me.

I don't disagree in principle, but I think people need a better understanding of bubbles (not you).

I assume it's OK for OP to accept her mother's help at other times - what if she catches it from OP?!

Where have you made up that I ask my DM for help for anything? She pops over a couple of times a week for a cup of tea, hardly begging her for her help and then turning on her in her hour of need!

@Wheresmykimchi yes you're right, I nearly mentioned employers attendance policies being partly to blame. The whole attitude and culture of working when sick needs to change.

@mioz

I assume it's OK for OP to accept her mother's help at other times - what if she catches it from OP?!

Where have you made up that I ask my DM for help for anything? She pops over a couple of times a week for a cup of tea, hardly begging her for her help and then turning on her in her hour of need!

She's not really a support bubble then , OP.

[quote tisnotthedamnseason]@Wheresmykimchi yes you're right, I nearly mentioned employers attendance policies being partly to blame. The whole attitude and culture of working when sick needs to change. [/quote]
My colleague had three absences due to heart problems last year. She came back from heart surgery to a letter.

She's not really a support bubble then , OP.

Why not? Because it doesn’t fit with your definition of ‘support’? Support can come in many forms, it’s not just childcare and running errands for people

Well if some of the posters on here are representative of the lack of knowledge then it makes sense that she disregarded the rules and came round.

Sore throat is absolutely a symptom and a key one if my doctor sister who works in an NHS hospital with covid 19 patients says. Vast majority have a sore throat. Maybe this is why the rates are so high judging by some of the people on here. In this case YABU, because most people are totally oblivious.

I think YANBU because she should've known better. Everyone should. Sore throat has been cited as a key symptom for nearly a bloody year!

That would piss me off too O. P.
Shouldn't she have isolated and told you over the phone?

If she thought there was a possibility she had covid she should have stayed at home until her results came back- that's just common sense.

@Wheresmykimchi She's not really a support bubble then , OP.

Why is it not a support bubble?

This really has me thinking actually. We are MILs support bubble, she suffers horrific mental health issues and is a suicide risk when alone for too long. Obviously this is different to OPs situation but...if she did have symptoms, and told us I don't know if we would let her come or not. I also think she might specifically NOT tell us so that she could still come. The risk to us technically is small IF we did get it, but the risk to her would be high if told to stay away for 2 weeks. This possibility never struck me til this thread, and am a little worried about the potential now.

@HeadIsFucked

Does she have a garden? You could wrap up warm and sit in garden for a chat a good few meters away!!

She's not really a support bubble then , OP.

Thats unfair surely. You don't have to rely on someone for support, for them to be your support bubble?. It can be about being a single parent, needing to see another adult. Or many different reasons.

Totally understand you @mioz

This is really out of order.

I dont know why people aren't taking this seriously.

I work in a shop opposite a covid test centre...the amount of people who come in, lower their mask to talk to you and ask "do you know where the test centre is?" Would astound you. One guy spoke to me for a few minutes then cheerfully told me he'd just had a test. I was like WTAF.

Anyways, I'd be really annoyed at your mum too.

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@HeadIsFucked

Does she have a garden? You could wrap up warm and sit in garden for a chat a good few meters away!![/quote]
We do. But she is so so frail I would be quite worried about it. She gets chest infections almost monthly and has a lot of hospital visits, is on many many drugs. he thought of her being stuck outside for like 3 hours is..harsh? Maybe dangerous..not sure!

Don't wanna hijack thread though, was just something that is now making me think. I am sure we would manage somehow.