Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So bloody cross with my Mum.

443 replies

mioz · 03/01/2021 12:58

DM lives alone and has bubbled with my household. She came over yesterday for a cup of tea, all completely normal. She text me today to say she’s been for a COVID test as she’s had a sore throat for 3 days. I am absolutely fuming with her for putting my family at risk and for being so sneaky and not even mentioning it yesterday. How do I get past her behaviour ☹️

OP posts:
Maryann1975 · 03/01/2021 16:43

And op, I would be furious if my dm had put me in that position. Of course she shouldn’t have come round if she felt unwell. In normal times a sore throat would be no issue to me, but at the moment, if you feel unwell it would seem sensible to at least mention to the person you are visiting that you aren’t 100% before you turn up.

Ferrari458 · 03/01/2021 16:44

Mad isn't it? In my family we wouldn't visit if we had a nasty sore throat, let alone it possibly being Covid. Just a message saying they'll come when they are feeling better because they don't want to pass it on is the usual approach.

Original poster
mioz · 03/01/2021 16:44

@userxx

Are you high risk op ?
Pregnant but not high risk
OP posts:
mrjuno · 03/01/2021 16:44

@mioz Of course you are entitled to feel however you like. However, you asked whether you were being unreasonable to be so cross. You surely didn't expect everyone to say you were being completely reasonable about this?

I personally think your response is crazy. However, I also suspect there's more to it than your mum not telling you she had a sore throat.

You do know, don't you, that sore throats were a thing before Covid?

mrjuno · 03/01/2021 16:46

I'd also say that "feeling unwell" (which I don't think you said, OP, but which other people keep saying) is very different from having a sore throat. I've had a sore throat for about five days, but I feel completely well. I would say that someone who was actually feeling unwell shouldn't be visiting other people (and not because of Covid - any time), but I'd also say that someone feeling unwell would be unlikely to fancy going anywhere or seeing anyone.

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 16:46

Op, if you are pregnant why on earth would you have a bubble in the first place? The point of a bubble is live as one household. If you aren't OK with being in contact with your mum if she maybe has symptoms , she shouldn't be in your bubble.

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 16:47

@mrjuno

I'd also say that "feeling unwell" (which I don't think you said, OP, but which other people keep saying) is very different from having a sore throat. I've had a sore throat for about five days, but I feel completely well. I would say that someone who was actually feeling unwell shouldn't be visiting other people (and not because of Covid - any time), but I'd also say that someone feeling unwell would be unlikely to fancy going anywhere or seeing anyone.
I've had a dry throat since about August as I work daily masked.

Everyone has lost the plot

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 03/01/2021 16:48

@Wheresmykimchi I'm sure op didn't know her mum had symptoms when she formed the bubble! And are you saying op shouldering have a support bubble when she is pregnant and may need the support gosh only on mumsnet Hmm

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 03/01/2021 16:49

Or shouldnt* but yes a lot to shoulder as well pregnant without your mum

userxx · 03/01/2021 16:50

If you're not high risk I don't understand why you're getting so stressed about it to be honest.

Bleepertybleep · 03/01/2021 16:50

You do know, don't you, that sore throats were a thing before Covid?

A sore throat is often the first sign of the usual winter viruses. This isn’t a normal winter though so whereas you’d just ignore it usually that’s not a good idea while the aim is to not spread covid. A sore throat is a common first symptom of covid so why would you risk infecting others if you could help it. If OPs DM was concerned enough to book a test she shouldn’t have been visiting anyone.

Rosebel · 03/01/2021 16:51

If you're in a bubble with her she could have passed it on to you before she got symptoms.
If you're really worried just don't be in a bubble with her

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 03/01/2021 16:51

Oh also op's mum was getting a test for covid so symptoms must be alittle more severe than a mild scratchy throat and is therefore unreasonable to not mention it.

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 16:51

[quote StickTheKettleOnAlice]@Wheresmykimchi I'm sure op didn't know her mum had symptoms when she formed the bubble! And are you saying op shouldering have a support bubble when she is pregnant and may need the support gosh only on mumsnet Hmm[/quote]
No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying OP should accept the risk of having someone in her support bubble.

What if mum needs support?

As I said further up, do you think it's likely DM thought ooh il pop round and pass this on?

No . She went round in good faith believing she as part of her household.

I presume OP wouldn't throw her partner out fo a bit of a sore throat.

HeyMister · 03/01/2021 16:52

Mines started with a sore throat OP. Id be fuming too

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 16:52

@StickTheKettleOnAlice

Oh also op's mum was getting a test for covid so symptoms must be alittle more severe than a mild scratchy throat and is therefore unreasonable to not mention it.
I don't disagree with that point.
JassyRadlett · 03/01/2021 16:52

Am I the only person with a mum who, even in non-Covid times, wouldn’t come round to a pregnant person and/or baby/toddler with a sore throat because she wouldn’t want them to catch it?

She would at least give the heads up and the option - hey, I’ve got a sore throat, I don’t think it’s anything but maybe I shouldn’t come today.

justanotherneighinparadise · 03/01/2021 16:52

I’m not sure. I think if I was pregnant and she feels unwell enough to go for a test. I’d be annoyed yes.

JamieLeesCurtains · 03/01/2021 16:55

That's nice for you, Maryann.

Comtesse · 03/01/2021 16:55

Weird responses here. Your DM was unreasonable - of course she should not have come round when she had potential symptoms. You are not being unreasonable to be annoyed, not at all.

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 03/01/2021 16:56

Whether part of the bubble or not that's absolutely no excuse to go over when the visit could have been avoided. A partner who lives there is not the same as they have no choice. It is selfish of op's mum to go over and put her pregnant daughter at risk in amongst waiting for covid test results

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 16:57

@StickTheKettleOnAlice

Whether part of the bubble or not that's absolutely no excuse to go over when the visit could have been avoided. A partner who lives there is not the same as they have no choice. It is selfish of op's mum to go over and put her pregnant daughter at risk in amongst waiting for covid test results
The whole point of the bubble is be one household.

This reads very much as OPs mother being OK to be part of fh household when it suits OP. The giveaway is the odd use of 'sneaking'.

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 16:58

@JassyRadlett

Am I the only person with a mum who, even in non-Covid times, wouldn’t come round to a pregnant person and/or baby/toddler with a sore throat because she wouldn’t want them to catch it?

She would at least give the heads up and the option - hey, I’ve got a sore throat, I don’t think it’s anything but maybe I shouldn’t come today.

My family were like that pre covid. The sniff of a cold and you wouldn't be allowed in Grin
Northernmummy80 · 03/01/2021 16:59

I would be fuming, common courtesy during a pandemic, if you feel at all ill regardless of symptoms you let the other person know.

I’m 99% sure my LO is teething so has a runny nose but before meeting my friend for a walk I texted before hand to give them a heads up.

Try not to burn any bridges but set out ground rules, she can only bubble with you if she pre checks any symptoms with you before hand and you will with her.

Doesn’t matter if other people see this is over the top it’s what makes you comfortable. I like the phrase we are all in the same storm but different boats

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 03/01/2021 17:00

My family were like that pre covid too. OP pre covid would your mum keep away if she fell ill? I would assume she should be taking extra precautions with you being pregnant. Some asolutely bonkers replies on here