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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Opinions you have that aren't popular on mumsnet

999 replies

Lockdowner35 · 02/01/2021 21:45

I would say

Pineapple on pizza is decent

OP posts:
JudgeRindersMinder · 03/01/2021 15:01

Adult children don’t have to be thrown out of the family home by the time they’re 21-ther can still be a lot of growing up to do

Actual marriage should’ve be allowed before the age of 25

Can you tell I got married at 21
And divorced at 23 😂

JonasKahnwald · 03/01/2021 15:02

Really? Until recently it was unheard of for thehousewifeto have a job outside of the house. The woman's job was to cook, clean, wash, etc and prepare and keep house. And when women married, (even got engaged) they were expected to give up their job if they worked ie typist/receptionist/telephone exchange operator/secretary etc. In fact, it was really only the middle and upper class women who were 'allowed' to retain their jobs and work outside the home. Working class women never had that opportunity, they were expected to 'keep house'. This is basic History and Sociology.

Lol not where I come from its not. But hey if its not taught in schools it mustn't be true. My grandma had 11 kids and worked outside of the home until she was 70. Maybe she was the only one in the world to do that? 🤔

JudgeRindersMinder · 03/01/2021 15:02

I’m on a roll now....class is very much an English thing rather than a British thing-you very rarely hear of it in Scotland

FoxyTheFox · 03/01/2021 15:03

Because it's only been for the last 40 odd years that it has been common for both parents to work

This is untrue, women have always worked. As an example, 19th century census documents show between 30% and 50% of women as employed depending on area of the country and it was common before then too especially among the middle and working classes. If a family owned a shop, a farm, a bakery, a pub, a doctors surgery, etc where do you think every able member of the family would be working? Why would they pay someone to work there when they husband and wife could share the work and keep that pay? For lower classes, work wasn't usually a steady and consistent thing with lay-offs, closures, injury through accidents, etc so both/all adults in the household needed to be working to make sure there was some income into the house. These women would work in factories, laundries, as labourers on farms, in mines (although they were barred from working underground after 1842), even the ones who were at home would take money from neighbours in exchange for keeping an eye on their children when they themselves were out working.

Cattenberg · 03/01/2021 15:03

Thank you @GoldfishParade and @JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson.

choli · 03/01/2021 15:04

The temperature of food does not affect its nutritional value. A hot meal is not more nutritious than a cold meal. A roast dinner is certainly not the nutritional Holy Grail.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 03/01/2021 15:05

[quote Mommabear20]@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows force? No. But they should certainly have a say in the murder of their child. I've been through 1 full pregnancy and birth and am pregnant again and it's not something I enjoy, but I still think men should have a say in the lives of their children. Nature dictates that women carry and birth the child, why is that the mans fault? [/quote]
But having a say IS enforcing it @Mommabear20 - or do they just get an opportunity to express an opinion when in some weird official capacity? And how do you think it would work practically? Because if I wanted an abortion I'd just say I don't know who the father is. Problem solved.

Also if someone is murdering babies you need to call the police. Seriously.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 03/01/2021 15:06

it's only been for the last 40 odd years that it has been common for both parents to work. Until then, every family had a SAHM in general.
No, @Cokie3, working class women have always worked. In my grandparents generation, the more affluent families who could afford for the woman not to work were few and far between. Plus the women back then, whether working or not, had all the housework and cooking etc without the technology we have. My grandmother had to shop and cook daily (no fridge. no. freezer, no microwave), wash all the laundry by hand including nappies (no disposables) and had to clean out the fires (no central heating). Being a SAHP these days with supermarket deliveries, washing machines, poly cotton fabrics etc doesnt compare.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 03/01/2021 15:06

@Cokie3 utter rot. Working class women were the back bone of the industrial revolution. They worked. Their children worked. They took in home “piece” work

Women not working was a middle class pursuit

It wasn’t until factory and education acts that majority children attended schools

Women worked in WWI and WWII they were the engines of the economy and took on what had previously been regarded male roles

The women in my family have always worked, it’s not unusual

sst1234 · 03/01/2021 15:06

To find ways of invalidating people’s opinions all the time. Oh you live in a bubble, it’s not your lived experience etc.
How about you just disagree? Is that not enough without you being more right that someone else because it’s your lived experience.

Mommabear20 · 03/01/2021 15:07

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee yes, although I use the term 'modern traditional'. So yes, I took my husband's surname, I'm responsible for the house, groceries, cooking and children's care, BUT we are equal partners in our marriage, we have different roles but both are important. I do work part time as it's financially necessary for the lifestyle we want (holidays and the occasional treat etc) and in return my husband takes responsibility for one room of the house (cleaning, tidying etc) as well as looking after the children on the day I work and doing dinner that evening.
All of my wage goes into our joint 'bills' account and my husband makes up the difference from his wage, what is left of his is then divided into 3 equal shares, 1 for him to do with as he pleases, 1 for me to do with as I please and the other to a joint 'family' savings account for emergencies and holidays. I completely get that being a (mostly) sahm and housewife isn't for everyone, especially in 2021, but it works for us and our family thrives because we are both happy in our roles. My best friend hates the idea of being a sahm as it's just not her, she loves her job, and I can respect and support her in her choice just as she does me. I really don't understand the need to tear each other down for having 'old fashioned' roles, (I'm not saying you were, just speaking in general) or for being a full time working mum.

timeforawine · 03/01/2021 15:07

I think nursery is beneficial even from a young age, mine started at 8m old and has loved it, now in school and is very sociable, bright and independent.
Weddings can be fun and I'm very happy when they provide a gift list, I'd hate to get them something they already have
I think schools should be opening where they can
I love Aldi and the food at my local store is always good and keeps for about a week
I love grey decor but not velvety stuff.
I think Boris is doing no better or worse than Labour would have

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 03/01/2021 15:07

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Those being snidey about feminists. They do the role modelling,the challenging that some others can’t be arsed to do. Y’all Happy to take the benefits though eg flexible working requests,equalities provision, and having woman speaking up.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
JonasKahnwald · 03/01/2021 15:08

These women would work in factories, laundries, as labourers on farms, in mines (although they were barred from working underground after 1842), even the ones who were at home would take money from neighbours in exchange for keeping an eye on their children when they themselves were out working.

Yes I have a feeling that some.pisters are envisioning working class women in the early part of the 20th century as secretarys or in some sort of admin job. No, in my family's case the women cleaned offices early in the morning or late at night. (To fir around their work at home) No fancy jobs for them, just more drudgery. But apparently that's not taught in history or sociology so can't possibly be true.

Notimeforaname · 03/01/2021 15:09

I work and perform with drag artists. Many are my friends. I adore it.

Cokie3 · 03/01/2021 15:09

@JonasKahnwald

Really? Until recently it was unheard of for thehousewifeto have a job outside of the house. The woman's job was to cook, clean, wash, etc and prepare and keep house. And when women married, (even got engaged) they were expected to give up their job if they worked ie typist/receptionist/telephone exchange operator/secretary etc. In fact, it was really only the middle and upper class women who were 'allowed' to retain their jobs and work outside the home. Working class women never had that opportunity, they were expected to 'keep house'. This is basic History and Sociology.

Lol not where I come from its not. But hey if its not taught in schools it mustn't be true. My grandma had 11 kids and worked outside of the home until she was 70. Maybe she was the only one in the world to do that? 🤔

"A marriage bar is the practice of restricting the employment of married women.[1] Common in Western countries throughout the 1900s, the practice often called for the termination of the employment of a woman on her marriage, especially in teaching and clerical occupations. Further, widowed women with children were still considered to be married at times, preventing them from being hired, as well.[2][3][4]

The practice lacked an economic justification, and its rigid application was often disruptive to workplaces. The practice was common in some Western countries, such as the United States and Ireland, from the late 19th century to the 1970s.[5] Marriage bars were widely relaxed in wartime, however, due to an increase in the demand for labor.

Since the 1960s, the practice has widely been regarded as employment inequality and sexual discrimination, and has been either discontinued or outlawed by anti-discrimination laws. In the Netherlands, the marriage bar was removed in 1957,[6][7][8] and in Ireland it was removed in 1973.[9][10] Since 1975, female officers of the British Geological Survey no longer have to resign upon getting married.[11]"

choli · 03/01/2021 15:09

@Ginfordinner

But some people earn that salary working part time living in the north

What kind of job pays this kind of wages part time not in the south east?

A well skilled software developer working from home can do it.
Jaypreen · 03/01/2021 15:10

Trans women are not women

Vates · 03/01/2021 15:11

I think newborns are ugly, like seriously ugly. They do not look like anyone except maybe a random wrinkly elderly grandpa. I adore my Nephew but just smiled and nodded when family were saying 'isn't he gorgeous! and 'Oh, wow he looks like you!'.

Plussizejumpsuit · 03/01/2021 15:11

@Jaypreen

Trans women are not women
I think you haven't understood the thread. That's a very popular opinions on mumsnet.
SkinnyMinnieee · 03/01/2021 15:12

the women cleaned offices early in the morning or late at night. (To fit around their work at home) No fancy jobs for them, just more drudgery. But apparently that's not taught in history or sociology so can't possibly be true.

Sounds better than working in a coal mine!

Skyliner001 · 03/01/2021 15:12

Not Gender critical

Mommabear20 · 03/01/2021 15:13

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows I'm not saying I have all the answers! Just expressing my opinion that it's unfair! Yes, it's complicated and probably impossible to ever find a'fair' way to judge it. And in my opinion, abortion is murder, the baby has a heartbeat and one way or another that heart beat is stopped. I don't judge people who have abortions, I have friends that have had them, and that's their choice, but i do feel for the men who desperately want their children and are basically told tough shit!

annevonkleve · 03/01/2021 15:14

@JudgeRindersMinder

I’m on a roll now....class is very much an English thing rather than a British thing-you very rarely hear of it in Scotland
Ha ha that's why the first question anyone asks you in Edinburgh is which school you went to.

Class = how much money do you parents have.