AIBU to tell him to block her

[twinkylights]

Name changed so my other posts aren't linked.

Whilst using my DHs phone if come across a WhatsApp conversation between him and a friend of ours. (She's married also) know each other for 15 years.
12 year age gap between them (if that matters)


These messages go back to 2018 that I can see.

They are everyday from good morning to good night.
A lot of use of nicknames for each other I've never heard.
More than an acceptable amount of ambiguity and innuendo from both sides.
Kisses on all messages and laughing faces.
He's spoke about me in a derogatory way more than a few times.


And tonight the conversation about how when he gets rid of me those 2 are off into the sunset together 

Im just so shocked and devastated. I'm currently hiding upstairs watching a movie with the kids.

I can't bring myself to ask him. He always calls her his best friend and sounding board and seeing these messages makes me think there's more to it. They have so much in common and speak the same language so to speak.

AIBU to tell him it's a emotional affair and not a friendship and tell him to block her? He's never done anything like this before.

[FraggleShingleBellRock]

I'm so sorry to hear about ash this op. I was really hoping it was just a few odd messages but to find out it's a a whole hidden relationship with sexting etc at the very minimum. I agree that you should consider going back home and just fuck them off.

[twinkylights]

Hello all.

I've spoken to my best friend today. Told her everything.
She has said the same as all of you.

With her support I'm going to wait until the DDs in are in school and I'm going to confront him with it all. (He WFH) regardless of whether I managed to get any evidence.
I don't care anymore what people think of me. It will all come out eventually.

I've looked at our online banking and haven't been able to find/see anything.

Thank you all for your help. It's greatly appreciated

[Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel]

Sorry OP. I'm glad you have got your friends support. You deserve far better than him. Good luck

[Bookworming]

I don't care anymore what people think of me. It will all come out eventually.

You know what people will think..... you've done bloody marvellous dealing with this shit.

Well done OP!

[Whynothaveathird]

So sorry op

[CisMyArse]

I'm glad you've told your best friend - she can support you.

You're doing very well OP

[pickingdaisies]

Before you confront him, be sure he can't swipe all your money from under your nose, if it's all in a joint account. Don't trust him to do the right thing by you. That's why people keep saying get your ducks in a row. Don't give him a chance to leave you high and dry.

[blubberyboo]

Yes when bank opens tomorrow get online and see if you can arrange to open a sole account either there or with a different bank. Arrange for your own income and child benefit to be directed there. Research benefits tax credits etc

[blubberyboo]

I’m glad you’ve told your friend.. you’ll need her support
How are you dealing with him at the moment? Has he noticed a change in your mood

[BlueThistles]

So glad you've told someone and someone else knows.... sending support and strength OP 🌺

they are utter scum

[SandyY2K]

Please be careful when you confront him, as even men who don't have a history of violence have become violent when confronted about an affair.

Someone I know confronted her H and he launched a very vicious attack on her after smashing her phone when she told him she had screenshots of messages. This was the last thing she expected.

If you've taken pictures of the conversations with your phone....email them to an Internet email account or store them to something like icloud.

Take care.

[Noshowlomo]

Well done OP, you can only do what you think is right.
How is he on a normal day to day basis with you, is he affectionate at all? Talk about the future? He’s a fucker that’s for sure! He’s stringing you along when you could be happy with someone else.
Although chances are this OW won’t want to leave her OH and disrupt her kids lives when the shit hits the fan.

[AhNowTed]

@Noshowlomo

Well done OP, you can only do what you think is right.
How is he on a normal day to day basis with you, is he affectionate at all? Talk about the future? He’s a fucker that’s for sure! He’s stringing you along when you could be happy with someone else.
Although chances are this OW won’t want to leave her OH and disrupt her kids lives when the shit hits the fan.

Agree. Once the clandestine element is removed she'll probably retreat back to her cozy life, having destroyed the OP's.

Not that I'm shifting blame. The DH is a class A c*nt, and the OP would be well rid of this lying, cheating, disrespectful arsehole.

[UniversalAunt]

‘ Please be careful when you confront him, as even men who don't have a history of violence have become violent when confronted about an affair.

Someone I know confronted her H and he launched a very vicious attack on her after smashing her phone when she told him she had screenshots of messages. This was the last thing she expected.

If you've taken pictures of the conversations with your phone....email them to an Internet email account or store them to something like icloud.

Take care.’


THIS WITH KNOBS ON

He’s been openly fantasising with her about you being out of the way so they can be together etc. Confronting him with the truth will not go down well.

Get your professional advice before you do anything with your OH.
Get copies of the essential documentation well before you speak with him about this.
Export the WhatsApp thread to a new email & store it on a device &/or cloud which he cannot access

If you do speak with him, do so at a planned time & make your BF/family aware of what you are doing. Have them check in that you are OK are regular intervals.

Tread carefully with him.
You are about to move his cheese & tear up his fantasy in one fell swoop.

[Notanotherfreak]

You must export the WhatsApp chat, that way you will get absolutely everything.
Swipe left on the unopened chat... 3 dots saying more, click on that, include media, then send it to your email account or text number.

Be strong OP, get rid of this awful man.

[PrinnyPree]

@Notanotherfreak

You must export the WhatsApp chat, that way you will get absolutely everything.
Swipe left on the unopened chat... 3 dots saying more, click on that, include media, then send it to your email account or text number.

Be strong OP, get rid of this awful man.

This with bells on OP get your evidence it only takes 2mins to do this, he may delete everything then start gaslighting you and telling everyone you've invented the scenario in your head. Definitely get your ducks in a row. Xxx

[Newwayofthinking]

Good luck, I'm glad you have a RL hand to hold

[WhatAKerfuffley]

Similar thing happened to me with my ex, except we weren't married and had no children.

My ex had been messaging his "best friend" for YEARS. I accidentally found a long history of the same type of texts. Lots of sexual innuendos. Slagging me off. Hopes and dreams etc. She manipulated him so much by badmouthing me. I suppose the difference between our stories is that he would still be loving and lusting towards me, so I was convinced he still wanted to be with me. We had so many arguments about her and their relationship - usually drunk. I turned in to a different person as I was so worried about their relationship all of the time. Used to be paranoid whenever he went out as I knew she'd be there (she worked in the local bar and I eventually learned she would join him after her shift). I went out once and confronted her ... we nearly had a fight (again... completely out of character for me, I wasn't myself at all by this point). I once told him me or her and he said me. LOL. I believed him for another few months until I found a second long history of messages... Completely lied to my face and worst, was so convincing about it.

Anyway... one day, I woke up. Realised I was worth more. Also realised that after everything, I didn't even like him anymore, never mind love him! Told him to f* off and haven't seen him since. I'm now with the love of my life with a beautiful baby. As far as I've been told by a mutual friend, he and her are now together - what they always wanted. But I actually don't care.

Sorry you're going through this. I know your circumstances make it a lot more difficult than mine. Hope you're okay OP. Sending love. Don't lose yourself in this xx

[Misshapencha0s]

Yanbu and blocking her is not sufficient. This needs to be addressed properly. Completely unacceptable and disloyal of both of them.

[purpleboy]

Good luck op, I hope you manage to get yourself together and run for the hills. No one deserves to be treated this way.

[Imissmoominmama]

Me too- you’ve been on my mind.

[WhatAKerfuffley]

What's the latest OP? Hope you're okay!

[Sinful8]

"Whilst using my DHs phone if come across a WhatsApp conversation between him and a friend of ours.
These messages go back to 2018"



Oh yeah I hate it when I'm using somone else's phone and end up reading 2years of their WhatsApp history.

Such a time sink