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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was the only one not invited aibu?

226 replies

breadandwines · 02/01/2021 09:50

I started a new job in July in a call centre.
I quickly made friends with my team.
In august I started seeing a man off our team and was invited on meals out (few and far between with covid ) but we had outdoor meet ups in between.
We all speak on a group chat on WhatsApp.
One of the group doesn't like me(it's obvious ) and I think she doesn't like the fact I'm part of the group.
Nye the girl wrote to one of the members "sleep well,excited for tomorrow "
I didn't think much of it and thought maybe they were meeting for a coffee or something.
Anyway last night they had a house party (which I wouldn't have went to anyway due to covid restrictions"
They didn't invite me and the guy I'm seeing is there and didn't invite me.
He hasn't spoke all day yesterday or today
Aibu to feel pissed off ?

OP posts:
ktp100 · 02/01/2021 15:38

He's trying to play double agent. If he was a decent bloke he would have given you the heads up, at least.

They sound like a bunch of twats, especially the one who had the party, and the one you're seeing, unfortunately.

I'm afraid I'd have to break things off and keep things purely cordial with colleagues from hereon out. Don't bother feeling left out either, they sound really quite immature and clearly have themselves a bitchy little leader! No thanks!!

You can do better, OP!!

Cornettoninja · 02/01/2021 15:40

Honestly fuck the lot of them. I’ve no time for stupid playground politics but I won’t lie, that’s come with age. Even though that would still sting a bit now it would’ve really upset me a few years ago.

It’s not a stance I naturally take in life but in cases like this you are absolutely better than these people. They’ve shown themselves up as immature arseholes and don’t deserve your headspace. You have to work so go in with your head held high and eyes rolling at their absolute cuntary.

Keep an eye out for something (anything) else. My go to used to be agency admin work but I’ve no idea how that’s looking right now - it’s worth registering with a couple. Check out NHSP (the NHS’s own temp pool) and see if they’re recruiting. I’ve found temp roles often lead to something more secure.

ktp100 · 02/01/2021 15:44

Unfortunately your replies will have been shared with the group now and you'll be the bad guy and the one desperate to come to the party!

The less said the better in these situations and NEVER let your emotions type your messages!!

Paisley2018 · 02/01/2021 15:51

This is why I hate group chats. Someone always ends up getting left out and feeling shit about themselves.
Same as ‘tagging’ each other in photos posted to social media. Makes people feel unworthy and left out.
I would stay well clear of this group of people. They are colleagues. Keep it professional.
Oh and ditch the guy - he has no balls.

cameocat · 02/01/2021 15:54

You definitely need to bail on this man and job hunt somewhere less cliquey.

billy1966 · 02/01/2021 15:59

OP,

@soopedup gave you good advice.

You need to find some self respect and dignity.

He has shown you clearly who he is.
Believe him.

Do not contact him again and adapt @soopedup's advice until you get a new job.

He sounds like he has slept with more than you in the group.

The expression "don't mess where you eat" is a very good one for a reason....especially in small work places.

Keep your private life private.

Flowers
Original poster
breadandwines · 02/01/2021 17:52

I wonder why the rest of the group don't like me.
Wouldn't you think he would have said "well I want her here"
Or at least explained
He's just not arsed
It's shit that they have organised it on the other group chat

OP posts:
Sorka · 02/01/2021 18:02

So rubbish for you. The only silver lining is that he’s shown you his true colours early on so you’ve had a lucky early escape from this loser.

Lalliella · 02/01/2021 18:18

OP please please dump him. You’re worth so much more than this. He clearly has no regard for your feelings and probably is or has been shagging at least one other in the group. Plus he’s an utter idiot to break the Covid rules and go to the party. Time to move on from that job, they all sound like twats, and you can do better.

YoniAndGuy · 02/01/2021 18:22

@breadandwines

I wonder why the rest of the group don't like me. Wouldn't you think he would have said "well I want her here" Or at least explained He's just not arsed It's shit that they have organised it on the other group chat
OP the more you post the more I can see why you were even bothering with this little dicksplash in the first place. Wtf? Why are you even asking these questions? They are a bunch of twats! It's as simple as that!

Why don't they like you - because you're a new female in the group, you've started seeing one of the 'lads' in the group, the dumbfuck chicken women have their little lycra bodycon feathers ruffled. Because they're pathetic.

Why didn't he say 'Well I want her there' -because he's not a nice genuine bloke who likes you, he's a bit of a nasty twat who is too spineless to go against 'the group', plus isn't actually interested in sticking up for you anyway. Just totally C-list. Worthless. Would have cheated on you within a month anyway. Is thick and boring.

Honestly, turn on the tv, delete Thick As A Brick's number and pour yourself a drink!

MeMarmiteYouJam · 02/01/2021 18:28

100% agree with @YoniAndGuy

Block and move on - these people aren't worth a second more of your time.

Nymeriastark1 · 02/01/2021 18:32

Why don't they like you - because you're a new female in the group, you've started seeing one of the 'lads' in the group, the dumbfuck chicken women have their little lycra bodycon feathers ruffled. Because they're pathetic.

@YoniAndGuy that had got to be the most accurate description of anything ever. 😂

Nymeriastark1 · 02/01/2021 18:34

*has

Boulshired · 02/01/2021 18:53

They didn’t have that much time to get to know you other than as his girlfriend. With his reaction I would not rule out that he is portraying the relationship a bit different than the reality.

TurquoiseDragon · 02/01/2021 19:02

@Boulshired

They didn’t have that much time to get to know you other than as his girlfriend. With his reaction I would not rule out that he is portraying the relationship a bit different than the reality.
But they know her as a work colleague, too.
FreshFreesias · 02/01/2021 19:07

@AlternativePerspective Have you thought about applying to become a Covid Marshall?

Original poster
breadandwines · 03/01/2021 11:11

He hasn't spoke since
I haven't spoke to him either
Think that's deffo over and maybe it wasn't anything to begin with.

OP posts:
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 03/01/2021 11:49

Think that's deffo over and maybe it wasn't anything to begin with.

OP, if you don't fit in with people like this it's no indictment of you or your character. It's a good thing. You said yourself this job was a stopgap anyway; one you only took until restrictions imposed by Covid are over. Within months you'll likely have moved on and can leave this clique to their staked-out territory.

Perhaps your colleagues sensed this and saw a good opportunity to behave like playground buddies, perhaps with a little sexual jealousy thrown in for good measure. Either way they are none of them established relationships and in this sort of situation you should find you can quickly move on with your dignity intact. Don't give them anymore Whatsapp fodder. Just go completely silent, block him through every avenue of communication currently open between the two of you, and let him come to his own conclusions.

You owe him no explanations, same as he openly informed you he owed you. If you see him in the workplace just breeze past with a cheery 'hello'.

View it as a new year clean up and out with the detritus of the old. You have no career ambitions in this place and no loyalties there. It's temporary and can be quickly left behind.

Flowers
Audreyseyebrows · 03/01/2021 11:54

I wouldn’t want people like that in my life

Danu2021 · 03/01/2021 12:01

@breadandwines

I wonder why the rest of the group don't like me. Wouldn't you think he would have said "well I want her here" Or at least explained He's just not arsed It's shit that they have organised it on the other group chat
Glad you haven't spoken to him again. Stay in your integrity.

Excluding somebody from the group strengthens their sense of belonging. It's shit but it's normal for people to do this if they are that type. They react to any conflict within themselves being somebody else's fault and they behave like this towards people who have a tendency to blame themselves.

Self aware people with a tendency to blame themselves are catnip for emotionally immature people who take no responsibility for their own feelings.

I may be going in to this too deeply but it hurts to be excluded and rejected by a group but often, the very type to be rejected is the very one who would stand up for somebody else if they were to be isolated.

Turn your back on these people. Luckily they're not relatives or friends or the parents of your child's friends. You can just walk away and you should x

tenredthings · 03/01/2021 12:03

Watch out he'll come sniffing back like nothing happened when he wants a shag.

bringbacksideburns · 03/01/2021 12:12

What kind of dumb fucks organize a house party during Covid with work mates? No wonder he's had it before.

You need to formulate an un dramatic reply for when he does contact you - one that you are prepared for all to see. It needs to be casual and breezy.

Luckily for you you are WFH - you've had a lucky escape.

Cornettoninja · 03/01/2021 14:20

@Danu2021 - fantastic post and a really concise explanation of the dynamics at play here.

Doesn’t make it hurt any less but understanding that if it wasn’t you it would be someone else means that you really shouldn’t take this as any reflection on who you are @breadandwines

SweetLoveOfCod · 03/01/2021 15:39

“Excluding somebody from the group strengthens their sense of belonging.”

Spot on @Danu2021

Xmasgrump · 05/01/2021 09:21

@breadandwines - has he been in touch? He sounds like an absolute tool

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