I was the only one not invited aibu?

[breadandwines]

I started a new job in July in a call centre.
I quickly made friends with my team.
In august I started seeing a man off our team and was invited on meals out (few and far between with covid ) but we had outdoor meet ups in between.
We all speak on a group chat on WhatsApp.
One of the group doesn't like me(it's obvious ) and I think she doesn't like the fact I'm part of the group.
Nye the girl wrote to one of the members "sleep well,excited for tomorrow "
I didn't think much of it and thought maybe they were meeting for a coffee or something.
Anyway last night they had a house party (which I wouldn't have went to anyway due to covid restrictions"
They didn't invite me and the guy I'm seeing is there and didn't invite me.
He hasn't spoke all day yesterday or today
Aibu to feel pissed off ?

Be annoyed at the guy your seeing. I’d be rethinking the relationship

Well I wouldn't want to be hanging out with a guy who's been mingling ah parties during a pandemic. It'll put you in danger op. Steer clear of him.

They are an established friendship group.
All got desperate friendships within the group too.
He text saying "I'm hungover help"
I replied and I know I shouldn't have and said "thanks for the invite "
He replied "why would you be invited,we have all been mates for years"
Charming
Think that's my answer

Maybe they wanted to keep their Covidiocy a secret from anyone more sensible than themselves, e.g. you?

Fuck him off out of it OP, even his response is gaslighting _ your reaction is completely normal!
Start the search for a new job. X

Just saw your last post. He deserves to be hungover, and you deserve better than him!

I am surprised you started dating someone in your team just a month after joining a new place of work . Not surprised it has now gone all pear shaped. Sorry. I try not to shite where I eat so early on in a new job. I would pretend I didn't notice their little party and treat him like you would other colleagues and break off the relationship.

He replied "why would you be invited,we have all been mates for years"

Just backs up what everyone has posted. What a prat.

Just seen your last post, can't pretend you didn't know about the party obviously I would end the relationship and pretend the whole thing never happened.

OP he’s an utter tosspot and you have dodged a bullet.

I used to work for a firm that ran a call centre. Fortunately for me I was in finance and didn't work with the call centre staff. It was what I can only describe as a toxic environment.

Stay well out of it, and if I were you I'd look for another job (and another boyfriend).

@breadandwines

They are an established friendship group. All got desperate friendships within the group too. He text saying "I'm hungover help" I replied and I know I shouldn't have and said "thanks for the invite " He replied "why would you be invited,we have all been mates for years" Charming Think that's my answer

Wow.

That's quite the burn. What an asshole!

I replied "well I'm surprised you didn't invite me"
He responded "are you going on one,I won't chat to you till you chill out"
I haven't replied
He's just turned it around and I'm in the wrong.

Don't lie. What is it with so many posters not being adults? Tell him he doesn't have your back so he doesn't have you.

tWO ISSUES here, one, the scapegoating narc who is trying to exclude you from the group, and 2) the fact that your boyfriend would rather be part of the group than stand up for you.

I had this issue with a relative a while ago. She love bombed every other member of the group while treating me like a ghost. It was quite relentless. She kept it up for months..... well, it's still going on. I am guessing that she is one of those outwardly confident people (she does seem it at a glance) but I'm less in your face but more secure in myself. I defended a really small boundary and that launched her silent treatment (to put me in my place I guess, beneath her). She's a sad fuck but that doesn't make the problem go away. I am grounding myself so that I can stay the same and not react in a ''freeze'' way. That was what happened to begin with. I ''froze'' when she gave me the silent treatment so I didn't know how to just stay in myself and not freeze. I am coming back to that place now though.

Undoubtedly she sees you as a threat OP. You may be very like her in some ways, but more authentic. Better able to connect with people.

Both times this has happened to me, the covert scapegoating narc who set out to exclude me from the group seemed at first glance very similar to me. ie, maybe both of us had the same wound, but I was more inclined to be a giver with weak boundaries and they were more inclined to be a taker who ignored boundaries.. but that aside, we were both quick to see the humour in situations, both sociable, both chatty. So these covert narcs, they don't hate YOU, they are threatened by you being a better version of them, they don't think there's room for you and them in the group, even if all you wanted was inclusion and harmony. Good luck deciding what to do.

Do you all work physically together or are you all WFH? Most of the call centres I have spoken to are WFH now. Presumably your bosses would take a dim view of their behaviour? Screenshot all those hilarious Snapchats as insurance.

They are a bunch of cunts and your “BF” is the biggest cunt of all. His response is frankly odd and indicative of the weird and unhealthy. Friendship groups are wobbly expanding jelly shapes not a closed shell where you have to serve a life sentence. They sound weird as fuck.

Do the other people in the team know were seeing this charmer.

What a rude reply from him!!! Presumably you won't be seeing him any more...

They may have all been mates for years but that's no decent excuse to lock out a new workmate. I know you wouldn't have gone to the party but the behaviour of deliberately excluding you and then telling you that you aren't a "mate" is disgusting.

We are back to WFH at the moment.
We are a energy company.
Everyone knows in the group yeah.

@breadandwines

I replied "well I'm surprised you didn't invite me" He responded "are you going on one,I won't chat to you till you chill out" I haven't replied He's just turned it around and I'm in the wrong.

Yes, he is not in your corner and now he's trying to gaslight you in to accepting his lack of loyalty.

I would just have the balls to draw a line under it now.

Tell him you want a strong man in your corner, so best wishes, happy new year. bye.

@breadandwines

I replied "well I'm surprised you didn't invite me" He responded "are you going on one,I won't chat to you till you chill out" I haven't replied He's just turned it around and I'm in the wrong.

Jesus he sounds like a 12 year old. Is he really that thick?

I don't think you should be giving this man anymore of your time op. I think you need to end it.

@breadandwines

They obviously planned it on another group chat that didn't include me. I feel stupid

oh that is so devious of them :-(

Why did you reply? Just leave things with him now.

@breadandwines

Tbh I'm not bothered about the group not inviting me it's just the guy I'm seeing going along with it. It feels a bit sly.

It does a bit though he may not have known you were not asked, also he could have just 'shown his face'. An awkward situation. I would find it hurtful to be the only one not invited and it's even worse that he was there; you'd think they'd have a bit of tact rather than posting it on social media, that's horrible.

As for not liking you, that sounds so childish. We all work with people we're not keen on at times but we play fair. They are unprofessional in their attitude, never mind partying during lockdown.

Don't say anything to him about it, wait and see if he says anything to you. If you are really keen on this man, gradually disentangle yourself from him - again keeping it superficially friendly as you work together. However you aren't committed to him, nor he to you.

Somebody else posted this:
"If my DP had a house party I wouldn’t be upset that I hadn’t been invited, I would end the relationship based on the fact he was a moron who had no qualms about spreading COVID far and wide."

That is an excellent point! However, would you consider the man to be your partner?

(I'm sorry if I am saying things already said, I see the thread has gone to 5 pages and only skimmed so far.)

Happy new year, breadandwines. Better things ahead, hopefully.