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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was the only one not invited aibu?

226 replies

breadandwines · 02/01/2021 09:50

I started a new job in July in a call centre.
I quickly made friends with my team.
In august I started seeing a man off our team and was invited on meals out (few and far between with covid ) but we had outdoor meet ups in between.
We all speak on a group chat on WhatsApp.
One of the group doesn't like me(it's obvious ) and I think she doesn't like the fact I'm part of the group.
Nye the girl wrote to one of the members "sleep well,excited for tomorrow "
I didn't think much of it and thought maybe they were meeting for a coffee or something.
Anyway last night they had a house party (which I wouldn't have went to anyway due to covid restrictions"
They didn't invite me and the guy I'm seeing is there and didn't invite me.
He hasn't spoke all day yesterday or today
Aibu to feel pissed off ?

OP posts:
Boulshired · 02/01/2021 12:48

He is a shit, but you have joined an established team that likes to socialise that have known each other years, which is difficult as it is without Covid to join straight away and become part of. It takes time to be part of the group and not helped with you being his girlfriend rather than a person in your own right. Be angry with him but other than your colleagues being idiots partying together they are still your colleagues but not your friends. But it doesn’t mean they can’t be friends in the future.

DrManhattan · 02/01/2021 12:49

Bin him asap

YoBeaches · 02/01/2021 12:49

She's friends with them all except for one person.

Seeing that none of them contacted her to invite her, the word friends is highly displaced here.

They're work colleagues. Leave it at that.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 02/01/2021 12:51

Remember your place now op.. Work wise would any of them have your back if required?
Leave him to his hareem..
He is a prize prick..

Annoy · 02/01/2021 12:52

Nymeriastark1

MummytoCSJH
'No worries, I'm chilled and we don't need to chat anymore. Take care!'

Can't believe you replied like that though. Honestly the worst thing you could've done as now they'll all know you're bothered... which was clearly the point.

Im confused where does it say that anywhere?

How are you confused?... It clearly shows in her text that she’s bothered Hmm

Annoy · 02/01/2021 12:52

@mabelandivy

If you have evidence, this needs to be reported to your management at work.
This!
PicsInRed · 02/01/2021 12:52

@breadandwines

Would you say anything to him about it ?
No. Just cool it right off, remaining polite of course, and focus on retaining employment through the pandemic.

Things will either improve with your colleagues (don't date this guy again though obvs) or not and you'll have plenty of opportunity to change jobs when the job market stabilises.

Focus on your income OP. That's your food and housing.

Nymeriastark1 · 02/01/2021 12:53

@mabelandivy

If you have evidence, this needs to be reported to your management at work.
Bloody hell don't do that.
Spudina · 02/01/2021 12:55

This guy has probably shagged his way round the whole team. You have been treated badly but your texts are only making things worse. Just act easy breasy as recommended by other posters and walk away with a shred of dignity.

ScrumptiousBears · 02/01/2021 12:55

Maybe when you go back to the office ask to be put on a different shift so you don't need to be in the same team.

Nymeriastark1 · 02/01/2021 12:56

'No worries, I'm chilled and we don't need to chat anymore. Take care!'

@Annoy I thought the poster meant the op had specifically said that.

Gingerwhinger0 · 02/01/2021 12:58

It wasn’t his place to invite her, but a bloke with any decency would have asked where his gf’s invite was and either declined the invite on that basis, or at least been upfront with the op about the party from the get go. Not gone behind her back and colluded with the office bully in her plans to ostracise the op.
Regardless it’s a shit situation all round for the op, being excluded from any group situation is hurtful, being betrayed by someone you are seeing and possibly developing feelings for is also hurtful. Unsure why some posters are being nasty to someone that must be feeling quite low enough already.

AndcalloffChristmas · 02/01/2021 12:59

I’d cut him lose and have nothing more to do with him.

He and they sound very immature and toxic. Not worth your time or effort.

SweetLoveOfCod · 02/01/2021 13:03

I’m guessing you’re all quite young.

Either way, they sound like a bunch of absolute twats. They’ve deliberately excluded you, probably engineered by this woman who’s decided she doesn’t like you. Now if you react in any way – upset, angry, insulted, whatever – it will be used as fodder for gossip and to position you further as an outsider. An unpleasant experience for you and very pathetic and childish of them. FWIW, I personally would be hurt being on the receiving end of this.

The guy is clearly a knobhead too. Even if you guys are just dating casually, it shows a really unattractive lack of character on his part to go along with the group then try and make out you’re being weird or irrational when you pull him up on it. What a spineless dick.

Soupedup gave excellent advice – what will amuse them and give them that cliquey ‘in group’ feeling they’re after is if you react in any way, which will mean they just have material to gossip & laugh over and pick apart your character with. Seriously, don’t give them anything. Just disengage from the whole nonsense and possibly look out for opportunities elsewhere. Sounds like a toxic work culture. Also, definitely avoid getting involved with anyone from work in future (and certainly before you’re established there in your own right). Life’s too short for this sort of BS.

Annoy · 02/01/2021 13:05

@Nymeriastark1

'No worries, I'm chilled and we don't need to chat anymore. Take care!'

@Annoy I thought the poster meant the op had specifically said that.

No I think that was a suggestion from the poster to the OP
fucksanta1 · 02/01/2021 13:11

If you are tier 4 then they are idiots..take the pics and report to the police

I think he is shagging the girl who isn't friendly to you..seems obvious to me.

notacooldad · 02/01/2021 13:13

I’ve found through long experience to never mix friendship or relationships with work. It never ends well.
I hugely disagree with this for many reasons but in this case they clearly are not going to be a friendship group. I'd dump this guy.
Clearly you would have gone to this party or you wouldn’t have been put out by not being asked
That is ridiculous. You can still be hurt by people making plans and going out if the way to exclude you.
People at my work know I don't go out on work dos but uts never hidden. I still get an option to attend.

IfTheSockFits · 02/01/2021 13:15

Work colleagues are just that. People you work with.

Far too many people make the mistake of believing that colleagues are friends because you get on well at work. It ain't necessarily so, as you have now found out.

IDontMindMarmite · 02/01/2021 13:27

There have been ma y supremely bitchy comments on this thread! I feel sad for you OP, they were shits to you and he needs to be binned for your own dignity.

IDontMindMarmite · 02/01/2021 13:27

Many*

MadeForThis · 02/01/2021 13:31

You need to take the control back. End it now. He sounds like a total dick.

Designingheaven · 02/01/2021 13:37

Sack him off and them. Childish irresponsible behaviour

NovemberR · 02/01/2021 13:43

I'd would send him one last text that said

Confused I think you misunderstood. I'm done with you, so won't be chatting any more. Bye.

Halo1234 · 02/01/2021 13:47

She put that sleep well excited for tomorrow comment on for u to see. They aren't nice people and absolute selfish. Rise above. Its high school behaviour. Happy kind people just don't behave like that.

PinkShimmerSparkle · 02/01/2021 13:53

@breadandwines

I replied "well I'm surprised you didn't invite me" He responded "are you going on one,I won't chat to you till you chill out" I haven't replied He's just turned it around and I'm in the wrong.
The words you are looking for here are "No worries, in case you didn't realise we're finished!

This guy has no feelings for you and will always put his friends before you.
There is someone out there that will love and respect you.

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