I was the only one not invited aibu?

[breadandwines]

I started a new job in July in a call centre.
I quickly made friends with my team.
In august I started seeing a man off our team and was invited on meals out (few and far between with covid ) but we had outdoor meet ups in between.
We all speak on a group chat on WhatsApp.
One of the group doesn't like me(it's obvious ) and I think she doesn't like the fact I'm part of the group.
Nye the girl wrote to one of the members "sleep well,excited for tomorrow "
I didn't think much of it and thought maybe they were meeting for a coffee or something.
Anyway last night they had a house party (which I wouldn't have went to anyway due to covid restrictions"
They didn't invite me and the guy I'm seeing is there and didn't invite me.
He hasn't spoke all day yesterday or today
Aibu to feel pissed off ?

How did you find out about the party?

He’s an arse. For not mentioning it to you and for going to a party during a lockdown

At least this has let you know early that’s he’s a knob and undeserving of you.

Don’t text him anymore and don’t reply if he does.
Be cool but polite at work and under no circumstances take him back when he comes in a few days with the ‘sorry I didn’t reply I had a hangover/phone was lost/felt low and didn’t want to drag you down’ as this is the sort of bullshit men like that do.

Then again also brace yourself for the fact he has gone cold is because he has shagged the nasty girl and now with her. I’d imagine that might have been her sole aim for a party she excluded you from so don’t give the satisfaction of looking like you care.

Smile and appear entirely unbothered if they are now a couple and that will wind her up no end!

I wouldn't mention the party. And I wouldn't sleep with him ever again.

Don't feed into their drama. Just dump him and be glad you know that they are not true friends.

They will all claim that they thought someone else invited you. Bullshit. If they set up a separate WhatsApp group this wasn't an accident.

He’s the team shagger. He’s probably had something with this girl (amongst others) in the past, or has started something with her recently.

You started seeing him within weeks of starting your job there. Plus it’s been covid/lockdown. You know nothing of the true dynamics of the team.

If you’re going to say anything to him make it that you’ve decided to keep work for work, and your love life separate, and therefore it’s over between you (although by the sounds of it he’s already decided it’s over anyway - sorry).

Like you I would never have gone but its the whole excluding part that is just so childish that would annoy me. The boyfriend would be an ex too, no moral backbone.

Clearly you would have gone to this party or you wouldn’t have been put out by not being asked.

@Hangnailing Snapchat,they've all been posting pics last night of mountains of alcohol,dancing,all dressed up sitting in the living room

It hurts being the only one left out and it is sly of him not to mention it.
He's shown you where you are in the pecking order, your note a priority for him, especially as he's not been in touch since. Learn from this and move on.
Do you have to remain in the group chat? I'd give it the "I'm having a new year digital detox" and leave. If there isn't important work information in there I'd leave as these people clearly aren't your friends.

If you wouldn’t have gone to an illegal party in the middle of a pandemic, then why would you be upset about not having been asked to do so?

I would never do drugs, I certainly wouldn’t be put out if my partner was offering them around to other people and not me.

I’m guessing you’re saying you wouldn’t have gone because you know the responses here would be different if you admit that you were upset that they had a party and you weren’t invited.

I agree with others, dump him. They sound bloody awful tbh. Who the hell has a party during lockdown? Idiots.

@AlternativePerspective I wouldn't have gone.
My dad is in the vulnerable category and my two friends are nurses at our local hospital.
Believe me I wouldn't entertain it

The reason I'm hurt is because the guy who is meant to actually have feelings for me..had no problem going behind my back and not thinking about mentioning it.

Fuck ‘em. Says more about them, than you. Don’t give it another thought. And they were being pretty stupid, in Covid terms.

Happy New Year, love 🥳

All seems very immature. Just stop seeing the guy and don't see colleagues as friends. Much better to have friends outside of work.

I don’t believe that.

If you wouldn’t have gone you would be pissed off at this bloke for going, not for not inviting you.

If he’d invited you and you’d said no would you have kept on seeing him?

Well obviously you won't be seeing this guy, even outdoors for ten days or so, since he took such a stupid risk going to that party.

So if you're going to say anything to him at all, it should be that.
But to be honest, I'd bin him for being an idiot anyway.

Did they keep it from you as they know you wouldn’t entertain going? Or yes he could be the serial shagger
Sorry OP but either way they sound pretty awful. I would just see them as colleagues. Not friends.
You can’t not mention it to him though. But it’s awkward if you can’t actually “see” him at the moment. Just ask why he didn’t mention it to you?

At least they saved you the awkwardness of having to decline the invitation to A FUCKING HOUSE PARTY right now.

Dump him immediately.

Stay away from them; they make well have covid.

So they have a separate group to plan it but she's put on the group you're in "excited for tomorrow"?

She's trying to goad you. Def either had a thing with your bloke or wanted to.

Dump him, it's really shit he didn't mention it to you. It feels like they're all playing silly games. Second the above post be cool but friendly to they at work but detach yourself. You're better that this crap.

I imagine the one who is nasty to you invited him to hurt you. Toxic people love these power trips. It hurts because it is hurtful and was designed to inflict injury on you. Toxic people push their own inner hurt onto others to regain a sense of control. It's hard but you've gotta not let them know you've been hurt. Find empathy through others unconnected to this toxic scene like us here . Any attempt to explain why it was hurtful will probably be used against you.

@AlternativePerspective why is OP's point so hard to understand?

I'd feel the same - I wouldn't have gone to any party, it's the supposed new BF happily going along with the clearly prevailing opinion in the group that OP is disliked and should be shunned, plus of course the childish and hurtful shunning itself from all of them.

Just all bloody horrible. It's always unpleasant to realise people are talking and making plans behind your back. If OP wasn't seeing the workmate who also attended, ok, bit childish and unfriendly but hey ho. But she is (was, I hope!) seeing him, so OP knows FULL WELL that at some point there would have been some conversation where he would have said 'Oh, what about breadandwines?' and the nasty workmates would have pulled a face and said 'We dont want her there' - and OP's so-called BF must have gone 'Oh, ok, I'll still come'.

Nasty nasty nasty all round. And nothing to do at ALL with wanting to go to any party.

OP, I'd ghost him and tbh, call centre - I'd even be looking for another job. It's awful working with a bunch of nasties, move on.

Aww hun, don't shit on your own doorstep.

@breadandwines

Would you say anything to him about it ?

Yep. I’d say (to anything he suggested from now on)

‘Oh, I’m busy with other catch-ups, on video and in person. You know how it is.’

Just that. Nothing else. Like a broken record.

Cos you’re going to busy yourself making new friends outside of work now, like everyone’s suggesting you do, right? Workplace is for civil short conversations. Outside work is for hobbies, families, friends and new experiences. End of.

You deserve much much better than this stupid man OP.

They sound like horrible people.
If I were a manager at the company I wouldn’t be impressed with them having a party either - the fallout from them all catching it would be atrocious.

And yep it was sly of him not to tell you. I’d distance yourself from the lot of them from now on.