I was the only one not invited aibu?

[breadandwines]

I started a new job in July in a call centre.
I quickly made friends with my team.
In august I started seeing a man off our team and was invited on meals out (few and far between with covid ) but we had outdoor meet ups in between.
We all speak on a group chat on WhatsApp.
One of the group doesn't like me(it's obvious ) and I think she doesn't like the fact I'm part of the group.
Nye the girl wrote to one of the members "sleep well,excited for tomorrow "
I didn't think much of it and thought maybe they were meeting for a coffee or something.
Anyway last night they had a house party (which I wouldn't have went to anyway due to covid restrictions"
They didn't invite me and the guy I'm seeing is there and didn't invite me.
He hasn't spoke all day yesterday or today
Aibu to feel pissed off ?

Forget the party, he is ignoring you. It’s always dangerous when your friendship group is based on your partner established friendships. People date at work but there are consequences and sometimes there is a winner and a loser. They didn’t get the chance to socially know you without him.

Do what @soopedup says, the perfect strategy for dealing with these fools.

Well, they didn’t include you because they knew you wouldn’t come and they knew you’d disapprove. He knew the same and that you’d not want him to go.

You have to decide if you can accept that or not.

Yes I would be annoyed nothing was said to me. Of course he can socialise if he wants and even if he knew you wouldn't go, he should have said something.

I'd have to either say, did you enjoy the party or thanks for the invite.

Maybe you could share the evidence with the authorities??

[quote YoniAndGuy]@AlternativePerspective why is OP's point so hard to understand?

I'd feel the same - I wouldn't have gone to any party, it's the supposed new BF happily going along with the clearly prevailing opinion in the group that OP is disliked and should be shunned, plus of course the childish and hurtful shunning itself from all of them.

Just all bloody horrible. It's always unpleasant to realise people are talking and making plans behind your back. If OP wasn't seeing the workmate who also attended, ok, bit childish and unfriendly but hey ho. But she is (was, I hope!) seeing him, so OP knows FULL WELL that at some point there would have been some conversation where he would have said 'Oh, what about breadandwines?' and the nasty workmates would have pulled a face and said 'We dont want her there' - and OP's so-called BF must have gone 'Oh, ok, I'll still come'.

Nasty nasty nasty all round. And nothing to do at ALL with wanting to go to any party.

OP, I'd ghost him and tbh, call centre - I'd even be looking for another job. It's awful working with a bunch of nasties, move on.[/quote]
I agree

Unless your workmates/bf knew you wouldn't go, they've blatantly left you out. I'm struggling to get why others on here don't know what the problem is if you wouldn't have gone anyway. I wouldn't have gone - vulnerable relative or no vulnerable relative - but i still would have been upset that I'd been the only one who hadn't been invited

YANBU. This would certainly have hurt my feelings.

If my workplace found out there had been a group meetup in tier four it wouldn't go down well. It may be out of work but if it can effect work it's an issue

You need to stay friendly with them for the sake of working together.

However this does sound very hurtful. I hate when one person gets left out and no one has the balls to stand up for them. The guy you are seeing should have mentioned it to you.

I know you're hurt - I would be too.

Hope you find the strength to kick this relationship into touch.

But I have to say, no bloody wonder our Covid numbers are soaring, when people are behaving so irresponsibly. Idiots!

You’re annoyed because you weren’t invited to an illegal house party that you wouldn’t have attended anyway? Makes sense.

It’s hurtful, that’s for sure.

But you now know he’s a wrong ‘un and they’re not nice so it’s time to move on.

I think @soopedup has absolutely nailed it, perfect response to this.

I’d also add I can’t believe he didn’t wish you a happy new year and/or call you yesterday, that alone would have me finishing it (and the whole covidiot behaviour tbh).

@breadandwines Was the party at the person's house who doesn't like you?

I'd be very hurt too. However you know that their loyalty is to each other and they are the type of people who are happy to purposely leave someone out and some of them will not stand up and insist that you are invited. That's not even taking into account attending a party with what is going on which makes the lot of them worse.

Painful as it is, you've seen their true colours. Best not to say anything and distance yourself ... oh and dump the bf.

@PicsInRed

He'll have been shagging another girl in the team before you came along, probably the one who doesnt like you but possibly a friend of hers.

If you want to keep this job, I would remain friendly - in the professional, Chandler Bing work laugh sense - but cool it off with the guy who sounds like a non starter anyway.

Just lie and say you're not in a good place for a relationship right now and then don't date in this workplace again. It sounds like toxicity personified.

Exactly this. Dont make a big deal A short message to him saying 'hi, you're a great guy but I don't think it's working out with us. Hope we can stay friends though x'

That way you keep your dignity, and no-one in the team can put you down. Don't mention the party to him. Stay nice friendly.

Ps. He isn't that into you. Dont be silly or dramatic about it.

@breadandwines

They obviously planned it on another group chat that didn't include me. I feel stupid

They're all horrible sly bastards. Get him gone.

@soopedup

I’ve been in this situation. I’m betting she fancies the guy. Do not play into their hands. They want to ostracise you so you leave. Right now, say nothing. At all. To any of them. File it away as information. You now know. He needs to be ghosted. You are no longer dating him. You do not instigate any messages with any of them. Don’t like anything they post or respond to anything. At all. Ever. From now on. Done. Ghosted. If he messages you make polite nothing replies for example he writes “how you doing. Want to get together” you write back “I’m great mate. Busy day. See ya at work” you are bright, breezy, non committal. You do not engage. They are trying to provoke you and make you the big bitch so they can tear you down. So now you need to focus on friends outside of work and make plans. Your social life now no longer includes these people. They are non people who do not exist. When you go to work and they are chatting about the party you smile and if they direct anything to you it’s all “sounds great” “what a laugh” “brilliant”. Fake positivity. You are NOT BOTHERED. If this guy messages to ask you out or any questions at all you write short shit back like “hey you. My day has been bonkers. See you at work” it’s always NO INFO and finished with a “see you at work” Are there any other people at work who weren’t at this party? Quietly start doing one to one coffee with them. Never do a group. Get to know individuals outside of that lot. Start dating outside of work. Stay firm and professional.

This. I promise you.

Well you cant see him now anyway now that he has been breaking covid rules. As you say your father is in the high risk group and you have friends who are keyworkers. I would step back from the lot of them...

My first thought was 'omg never date anyone on your team'. His behaviour is crap towards you.

What @soopedup said for sure.
You are better than them and need to raise your head high.
Vent here but don't let them know that it has affected you at all, that'll just give them the satisfaction they are seeking. Horrible bunch of people

Hold your head high and stay dignified regardless of how you feel.

Don’t tell him you’re upset, just that he’s not boyfriend material.

You’re mad to date someone on your team anyway so this is actually a blessing in disguise. They sound like teenagers.

Rise above it and stay cool. Don’t give them the satisfaction

Even if we weren't in the middle of a pandemic who would want to spend part of their Christmas break with work colleagues? I can't think of anything worse.

I would think about going for another job if you can (and also leave ‘D’P in the past, where he belongs).

Is your workplace COVID secure? I think I’d be mentioning it to management that as there was a large gathering of people from your department ( which you didn’t attend), that you now feel unsafe to attend work until all the attendees have negative tests.

Of course mention it, I can’t believe anyone would think letting him off is ok. Just say I heard x had a party, how come you didn’t mention it?

You need to end it though, you’re being treated like shit. And even worse. They all know it too. They all know he came without you and you weren’t invited. They also will know he just hid it from you. That’s just too humiliating.