Page 24 | AIBU to say looking after children is too much?

Greenfingeredsue · 2020-12-31T12:56:16+00:00

I can’t give any more, I’m exhausted. I’ve just told my step-daughter I can’t look after her kids again next week. My husband said we’ll have them, even though he’s at work all day and can’t help.

Cokie3 · 01/01/2021 13:48

@NYNY211 I've reported your post. Calling a single mum 'horrid' for merely standing up for themselves? I see you have a habit of bullying people. Maybe find a hobby off line that doesn't require abusing and bullying people.

NYNY211 · 01/01/2021 13:53

[quote Cokie3]@NYNY211 I've reported your post. Calling a single mum 'horrid' for merely standing up for themselves? I see you have a habit of bullying people. Maybe find a hobby off line that doesn't require abusing and bullying people.[/quote]
I called you HORRID. As you said “a girl a 17 did not deserve respect for getting pregnant” don’t twist things!

BlueThistles · 01/01/2021 14:03

@Eryouwhat

I’m so glad my mum is my mum.

I'm sure OP's StepDaughter is glad Her Mum is Her Mum too... but OP is not her Mum.... maybe the StepDaughter should consider asking Her actual Mum to care for her grandchildren.. instead of trying to force them onto OP who has deadlines and meetings to do herself..

Glad you're at your Mums OP.. relax and get your deadline met 🌺

SciFiScream · 01/01/2021 14:03

@PerveenMistry

This "Single parents got themselves into their situations, usually via poor choices, and need to own it and find their own solutions. Not constantly expect others to sacrifice on their behalf."

Is an absolutely horrible, horrible statement. My Dad was a single parent because his wife (my Mum) died suddenly in a tragic incident. How the fuck is that a "poor choice"??

There will be hundreds of thousands of other single parents with similar NON poor choice stories.

What a horrible, horrible, horrible thing to write.

LannieDuck · 01/01/2021 14:25

I think you've done the right thing. Today was a choice for her, and one she shouldn't have taken if she didn't have childcare.

Cokie3 · 01/01/2021 14:32

@NYNY211 I NEVER said she 'didn't deserve respect for getting pregnant', I never said ANY thing remotely like that, so stop twisting things to LIE about me! I said it wasn't a respectful thing, I NEVER said the person themselves didn't deserve respect. So stop lying about me because you misinterpreted what I said, only to go on and attack the poor OP here. Have a long look at yourself and stop bullying, misinterpreting and gaslighting.

Mittens030869 · 01/01/2021 14:33

@BlueThistles

But the OP herself acknowledged that her SD had no one else to ask. For all we know, her mum could have died, or she could live a long distance away or even be toxic.

I really don't understand why so many people can't get it that not everyone has family they can turn to in a crisis. Why is that?

OhCaptain · 01/01/2021 14:58

[quote Mittens030869]@BlueThistles

But the OP herself acknowledged that her SD had no one else to ask. For all we know, her mum could have died, or she could live a long distance away or even be toxic.

I really don't understand why so many people can't get it that not everyone has family they can turn to in a crisis. Why is that?[/quote]
Where’s the crisis?

She volunteered to work today even though she had no childcare in place.

She was told in advance that the OP who has to work couldn’t provide childcare.

The crisis is of her own making. Hers and her father’s.

isitsafetocomeoutyet · 01/01/2021 15:00

[quote Mittens030869]@BlueThistles

But the OP herself acknowledged that her SD had no one else to ask. For all we know, her mum could have died, or she could live a long distance away or even be toxic.

I really don't understand why so many people can't get it that not everyone has family they can turn to in a crisis. Why is that?[/quote]
But why is it up to the op?

Besides which. The op HAS helped. To the detriment of her health and work.

the children's grandad is there at least we know that. The sd does have options that don't involve the op. Except that's not how this scenario has turned out is it?

I say this as a single parent working from home. I know it's fucking tough. But the op is not the sd's solution. She has helped enough.

BuzzingTheBee · 01/01/2021 15:03

Either your husband looks after them or they don’t come.

SecretWitch · 01/01/2021 15:06

Good for you, op. Your step daughter must be responsible for her children. I would be looking toward protecting your self interests in the future. Your dh and family sound terrible.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 01/01/2021 15:09

Bloody good for you OP. Can't believe some of the responses here. If you'd been a total walkover and said yes to the detriment of yourself and your work, people would still be slagging you off. Can't win.

diddl · 01/01/2021 15:17

The SD might not have anyone else to ask, but Op is at work.

It's disgraceful that Op's husband said yes to childcare, knowing that they both need to work.

And then leaves it to Op to say that she can't help (not that she was even asked or had offered!)

And I bet it won't be her dad that the SD is angry with!

Mittens030869 · 01/01/2021 15:22

I'm not saying it is up to the OP. It's very unfortunate that the SD is in this position, but it doesn't make it the OP's responsibility to fix that. I've said this before on the thread.

I'm just responding to comments saying that she should ask her own mother, or another family member. Not everyone has that option, sadly, and the Covid crisis means that other forms of childcare's aren't available.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/01/2021 15:26

@diddl
You're so right re who the step daughter will blame. I can just imagine the Aibu. Aibu that my step mother won't babysit for me so that I can work during covid even though she's at home? With zero mention of the fathers involvement or blame.
Why do women do this to each other and let the males off Scot free.

Lucidas · 01/01/2021 15:26

The whole thing is bizarre. SD will lose her job if she doesn’t find childcare next week. OP makes it very clear that she can’t look after the children then. SD then says she’s picking up another shift (unnecessarily?) t he following day and will bring them round... Who does that and why???

We have no idea what she does and very little about the situation as a whole (is she a paramedic or a supermarket worker?) Not OP’s task either way but the whole thing is shrouded in unknowns.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 01/01/2021 15:31

Why can't you just write a bit more about your family situation, the history of this childcare you have been doing, a bit more about everyone's circumstances OP? Reading this thread is like 20 questions.

billy1966 · 01/01/2021 15:38

Clearly OP does feel a connection, having previously been combining child minding and work.....the only one having to juggle both.

She clearly was trying to help....

But it became too much so she was working into the night trying to keep on top of her work..

Not a long term solution.....not that her husband gives a shit as he continues to volunteer her services without consultation...

Clearly her SD doesn't get it either as she is volunteering for extra shifts.

I can only imagine how difficult it is being a single parent, and I think that it is absolutely the right thing to try and help out when family can.

But it most certainly shouldn't be put on the shoulders of one person by others in no way versed in just difficult it can be to wfh in a busy job and look after children at the same time.

Very difficult.

isitsafetocomeoutyet · 01/01/2021 15:49

@Mittens030869

I'm not saying it is up to the OP. It's very unfortunate that the SD is in this position, but it doesn't make it the OP's responsibility to fix that. I've said this before on the thread.

I'm just responding to comments saying that she should ask her own mother, or another family member. Not everyone has that option, sadly, and the Covid crisis means that other forms of childcare's aren't available.

You're missing my point. The SD does have another option. Her own father.

But he doesn't give a shit and volunteers the op.

The op has been completely stitched up by everyone around her forcing her to leave her own home so she can catch up on work she's been forced to work until midnight while she does childcare.

I don't actually get what difference it makes what the SD does or how much the op has already helped out. She can't help any more clearly. It shouldn't all fall on her.

rookiemere · 01/01/2021 15:50

Frankly it doesn't matter what the SDs job is, what the age of the DCs are and what OP has been doing previously in terms of looking after them. She has said she cannot do it anymore as she cannot do it and her own job without having to work late into the night, and that should be respected

Lindy2 · 01/01/2021 15:51

If OP was working in an office rather than from home no one would have expected free childcare from her because she was working. For some reason some people can't get their head around the fact that working from home is still working.

OP is not responsible for the step daughter or her children. She simply isn't.

I'm sorry you've been pushed too far OP to the point that you needed to get away but I fully understand why and I agree it's what you had to do. Enjoy the time with your mum and the peace and quiet.

Mittens030869 · 01/01/2021 15:59

Of course she has her father. But he isn't prepared to do it, hence him volunteering his DW. I agree that he's the one who comes out of this the worst.

I meant that there doesn't appear to be any other family member the SD can ask, and the OP has confirmed this.

I was responding to comments such as 'she should ask her own mother.'

isitsafetocomeoutyet · 01/01/2021 16:06

[quote Mittens030869]@BlueThistles

But the OP herself acknowledged that her SD had no one else to ask. For all we know, her mum could have died, or she could live a long distance away or even be toxic.

I really don't understand why so many people can't get it that not everyone has family they can turn to in a crisis. Why is that?[/quote]
You said not everyone has family to rely on. She does. She has her dad. That's all. She's fucking lucky is all I can say.

And also what's the crisis? A crisis is like the poster the other day who asked her mum to look after her children while she had an operation. (And her mum charged her a couple hundred pounds for it).

Tiktaktoe · 01/01/2021 16:11

Why doesn't your husband move in with his daughter. She can pick up shifts when he is available for childcare.

FrostedCranberries · 01/01/2021 16:15

You are her step-mother, so I think you should step up and help. You knew what you were signing up for when marrying a man with kids.