AIBU to say looking after children is too much?

[Greenfingeredsue]

I can’t give any more, I’m exhausted. I’ve just told my step-daughter I can’t look after her kids again next week. My husband said we’ll have them, even though he’s at work all day and can’t help.

Good for you OP. Your job is important to you. Your time is important to you.

Respect has to go both ways. OP said she can’t do childcare today because her own job is at risk. If stepdaughter ignores that and brings them over anyway, I’d say she doesn’t think much of her stepmother in the first place!

OP is sort of “teaching them a lesson” but it sounds like they have pushed her, to either do this or be a doormat.

If the SD is working on NYD-what sort of job is it? Is she a KW and is able to access a KW place at school?

Is your DH working NYD?

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

I thoroughly agree with you. A lot of posters have been very judgemental of the SD simply for being a single mum. I've also found it an eye-opener because of the number of posters who can't believe the SD has no one else she can turn to. They can't conceive of the possibility that some people don't have family who can help. Why is this so hard to believe? Especially as the OP isn't disputing it. It's how it is for me. Thankfully I'm not a single mum.

I also wonder what the SD's job is. It would make a difference as to how I view her behaviour. Because, if she's a supermarket worker simple trying to grab an extra shift, then that really is CF territory. Whereas if she's a frontline NHS worker who is under pressure to go into work because they're short-staffed then I have a lot more sympathy.

Or if her employer was putting pressure on her to go in, then I have sympathy for her. The OP has said she would lose her job if she couldn't find childcare. Did that include this Saturday?

She could be a supermarket worker under pressure to go in because they are short staffed.

Either way-it isn’t the OP’s problem to solve and the DH has been a shit saying she’ll do it.

@Greenfingeredsue Why is this suddenly a problem? Who previously looked after the kids whilst she worked? Does she normally work Bank Holidays?

Well done OP! Show those cheeky fuckers who is boss

Well done. I don't think they give your work a second thought. They both think that because you are WORKING from home you are free to have the kids.
It is terrible hard to have child care but she needs to find a childminder or a friend.
Your time is not theirs and it's easy to think that they can just dump the responsibility without asking you first.

Good for you op, awesome that you're at your mums.

In fact, you're still being far too nice given that it's actually your house!

Please keep us updated!

I also wonder what the SD's job is. It would make a difference as to how I view her behaviour. Because, if she's a supermarket worker simple trying to grab an extra shift, then that really is CF territory. Whereas if she's a frontline NHS worker who is under pressure to go into work because they're short-staffed then I have a lot more sympathy

The SDs job doesn't make a difference to the OPs availability though.

I'm not a keyworker working in frontline NHS. But I still had to work. If my frontline NHS working friend had been unable to find childcare I couldn't just turn round to my employer and say 'soz boss I'm not working this week now because someone with a more important job than mine needs childcare'.

I absolutely feel for the SD but it doesn't make a difference as to whether OP is free or not. She isn't. She is working. It's unfortunate but it is what it is.

@OuchAndOuchSomeMore

I agree that the SD's job doesn't make a difference to the fact that the OP was working and her husband shouldn't have volunteered her to look after her DC.

My point was that there have been a lot of very judgemental comments about the SD, and we haven't got enough information to know whether or not they're justified.

The one person who was definitely in the wrong was the OP's DH.

@ThePriceIsNotRight

What’s the reaction been, given you weren’t there when she showed up?

Why would she show up?

Regardless of her job title, I'll still judge someone as a CF if they still turn up with their kids in tow when they've been explicitly told no by the person they are expecting to care for them.

I agree her Dad is ultimately the idiot though. He shouldn't have agreed without speaking to his wife and he is the one SD should be mad at if she's now agreed another shift on the basis of her dad saying yes. She needs to take that up with him though not just turn up at OPs house anyway after she'd been told no.

@Greenfingeredsue

Happy new everyone. Just having a coffee with my mum before I settle down and do some work.

Happy New Year to you both.

Your husband is an idiot. I really hope you've protected your assets!

Your husband is the one who should be sorting this out. You said no, he's had time to tell her and try and work something out.

I think its perfectly possible to have sympathy for the step daughter (whatever her job is I'm sure she needs the income) and still think the OP is not being unreasonable. I can even see why her husband feels he cant take time off work. It's an impossible situation.

@Indecisivelurcher

Am I the only one thinking a lot of house hopping is going on here, what with the pandemic n all!

I agree!

@june2007

Like she is going to get childcare now on new years day.

SD shouldn't have taken on an extra shift then should she? She knows she has no childcare

@Greenfingeredsue you need to get that CF out of your house.

He's now happily ensconced in your property while you've had to move out???

*Indecisivelurcher
Am I the only one thinking a lot of house hopping is going on here, what with the pandemic n all!*

I agree!

Indeed. Especially if they're in tier 4.

Agree with @OhCaptain, it's wrong that she has had to leave her own home. In the circumstances, she's made the right call though - they aren't listening to her and feel entitled to ignore her words. This whole situation is nuts.

Frankly, the "D"H is a massive CF who doesn't treat OP with respect. Like others, I sincerely hope that she has protected her assets.

It is heartening to read a thread on here where the OP stands up for herself. I'd love to know what "justification" the "D"H thinks he has for his behaviour.

Nobody compelled OP to move out, from what I can see. She could simply have locked the door and refused to answer.

He's now happily ensconced in your property while you've had to move out???

I would be packing his bags and changing the locks! Can't believe you've had to leave YOUR house!

Good for you OP, lovely to read of a woman standing up for herself, finally.

I'm with the women who read these threads and thank god they are single, rather than a life where they are disrespected and taken advantage of.

Of all the people in these children's lives its a step parent that is handed the responsibility to look after them whilst juggling wfh.

OP, glad to hear the house is yours pre marriage, he moved in with you to your home...yea it figures.

Protect yourself.

Oh and to the remarks about feeling obligated to allow months of access via your garden to new neighbours renovating a house, absolutely no obligation.

That's what cranes are for.

A house a couple of minutes from me without sufficient side access used a crane.
It is something that would have to be factored into the cost of renovation.

In a similar situation there is no way that I would feel obligated to open my garden to months of builders coming and going over a garden that we have spent 20 years tending.

100% agree, Billy1966