Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to say looking after children is too much?

912 replies

Greenfingeredsue · 31/12/2020 12:56

I can’t give any more, I’m exhausted. I’ve just told my step-daughter I can’t look after her kids again next week. My husband said we’ll have them, even though he’s at work all day and can’t help.

OP posts:
grapewine · 01/01/2021 00:53

And yes I am packing a bag, I will be having a couple of weeks’ break from all this cheeky fuckery.

Good for you. Sounds like they both need to stop taking you for granted.

tensmum1964 · 01/01/2021 00:56

Well dine for standing your ground. How dare your step daughter expect this of you and your partner agree to it when he isn't around to help. Happy New Year OP and enjoy your break.

BlueThistles · 01/01/2021 01:04

@Greenfingeredsue

Yes now it is tomorrow as well as next week, because she wants to pick up an extra shift.

And yes I am packing a bag, I will be having a couple of weeks’ break from all this cheeky fuckery.

Good on you OP 🌺

Catlover77 · 01/01/2021 01:21

Good on you OP. How dare people say YABU

billy1966 · 01/01/2021 01:38

Good for you OP.

We teach people how to treat us.

You need the security of your career.

I.hope your husband's treatment of you has reinforce how important your independence is.

He's one CF to be volunteering you for something during your working day.

A break from them willdo you the world of good.

Keep us postedFlowers

AcrossthePond55 · 01/01/2021 01:50

Wait. You told her no over the phone. You told your husband no. And she's coming anyway? Wow. Just wow.

You definitely need to get away and get some peace. And they need to learn that you aren't to be taken for granted.

tillytown · 01/01/2021 04:18

I feel bad for all the mothers who have been fucked over by covid, but at least your step daughter will be able to come live with you and her dad if/when she loses her job and can't pay the rent, a lot of women don't have that safety net.

joystir59 · 01/01/2021 04:52

I also think well done for getting yourself a piece? Of something? The level.of spelling on MN is execrable

WhatKatyDidNxt · 01/01/2021 04:58

@Greenfingeredsue good for you. It’s a total piss take. Make the most of it. I’m disturbed by people who randomly procreate and make their children someone else’s problem. They brought them into this world, no one else’s choice Confused

WhatKatyDidNxt · 01/01/2021 05:00

@tillytown why are they moving in?! A new level of 2021 CF?

squeekums · 01/01/2021 05:20

Id be saying no
I'd also be making myself invisible

How dare he just volunteer your time. He can sort her childcare if it's so important
How dare she act like a brat cos she can't get free childcare.

Glad you can get away op

EmmanuelleMakro · 01/01/2021 05:32

go out v early - supermarket is probably the only option
Or go for a long walk -take a flask and sandwiches and download some good podcasts to your phone to listen to...

Frownette · 01/01/2021 05:41

You need to be able to get on with your work, you have commitments.

Can't DH pay for childcare? Is there no-one else who can help?

Take a break from it and get your report done.

SomethingRandomAgain · 01/01/2021 06:14

Good on you for standing your ground, your DP and his daughter have no right to dump all this on you.

Not your kids, not your problem. Anyone beside a parent looking after kids is doing a massive favour, your DP and his daughter can sort it out.

malovitt · 01/01/2021 06:17

For those saying get a childminder, in my borough and I believe nationally if I've read the guidance correctly, childminders are only allowed to take EYFS children (nursery aged and under) during the extended school closure in January. Older children (reception and above) are expected to stay at home. That's the whole point of it. Not mixing.

Groovee · 01/01/2021 06:21

I think you are doing the right thing, she wants to pick up an extra shift just expecting you to have her children. Her father refuses to help.

You have to do what is right for you.

FourDecades · 01/01/2021 06:30

[quote WhatKatyDidNxt]@tillytown why are they moving in?! A new level of 2021 CF?[/quote]
I suspect tillytown is being passive aggressive and implying that OP is BU by not doing her childcare,

DecemberSun · 01/01/2021 06:49

I can't believe there are still people saying OP should help out.

The 1950s are calling to some posters.

DaisyChainsForever · 01/01/2021 07:15

Well done for standing your ground OP. Working from home is still working. Absolutely amazed by some of the responses on here!

mariabs · 01/01/2021 07:18

F

JillofTrades · 01/01/2021 07:24

Good on you op. Even if you had the free time, if you don't want to then you shouldn't have to! Where is her mum or dp in all that. Your dh has very little respect for you to offer yourself when he can't do it. And the daughter has a bloody cheek- why is her job more important than yours.
Great, pack a bag and go. Let the CF learn a good lesson.

Palaver1 · 01/01/2021 07:38

Good on you well done for sticking up for yourself.

PerveenMistry · 01/01/2021 07:39

Proud of you, OP!

People like her need to learn, the hard way if necessary, to own their choices.

ChablisandCrisps · 01/01/2021 07:40

As she's working NYD, is she a key worker? If so could she look into a temporary CM place?

PerveenMistry · 01/01/2021 07:42

@wingingit987

It's a awful situation to be in. At the end of the day. Can you husband not help her with paid childcare.

I don't think It's grandparents job however in current climate id be fucked without supportive grandparents. Mil is retired my mum works full time as a carer then will have my son on her only day off I'm forever greatful but I never expect it.

And what do you ever do for her?

It's always a one-way street, isn't it?