AIBU to say looking after children is too much?

[Greenfingeredsue]

I can’t give any more, I’m exhausted. I’ve just told my step-daughter I can’t look after her kids again next week. My husband said we’ll have them, even though he’s at work all day and can’t help.

[quote Circumlocutious]@Fuckingcrustybread

Continuity of your online identify is normal in the vast majority of forums (facilitated through avatars and signatures, which helps you recognise people). It stops you wasting time and gives additional context to what you’re reading. I don’t think it’s cruel in the slightest.[/quote]
I'll differ in that respect

Double standards imo...sm's get no respect or acknowledgement.. No rights to tell of dsc. Put up and shut up being the general motto. Yet somehow now good enough and expected to provide free childcare. Yanbu to say no op. Your dh needs to help her organise something /someone else.

This is a step daughter who has her own mother, an ex partner and his family who all should be stepping up to share the load. Why does it have to be the same person all the time.

Her children, her responsibility. I hate the way some people choose to have kids & then assume others will look after them whenever required. It’s so entitled.

@OhCaptain Someone else brought up the thread initially. They weren’t deleted.

“Weirdly over invested” it’s getting like MN bingo. I’m responding to this thread like many others

@PegasusReturns
In any event it’s unlikely to come to that because my bet is the DC concerned are 11 years old and would be perfectly content watching TV all day if only the OP could cope with the distraction. I guess we’ll never know
You're quite right, you won't ever know but that hasn't stopped you making up lots of stories. You've bet on lots of things on this thread, you've been so sure. No fucking wonder that the op didn't come back.

"is, but sometimes the loneliness and impossibility of those responsibilities are overwhelming. So I don’t dislike the OP but I do question why someone wouldn’t do everything they could to help, because ultimately I’m sad for a single mum who has nowhere else to turn and is facing losing her job and all that goes with that, for want of someone to help her out for a couple of weeks."

People should contemplate this and choose their co-parents very, very carefully and plan their families and work-life matters very, very carefully. Not procreate willy nilliy with any wastral and then expect others to pick up the slack when he predictably decamps. Adequate life insurance on both parents would prevent struggling widowhood too.

Instead people think with their pants and then expect the OPs of the world to bail them out.

You are not there to babysit someone else's children. Tell her no and stick to it. If your husband wants to care for them then HE can do so, not you.

@NotMyDayJob

And all you heartless people saying crying was emotion manipulation. Maybe she was crying because you know, she's at the end of her tether and scared of losing her job? I manage people who have cried over this, fortunately where we work I can be flexible in my expectations. But Christ, many of us have been driven to tears this year.

I was a single parent who had no one to step into the breech when I was phoned at work to say “Come and collect your DC who is ill”

I had a huge mortgage and no family living within 120 miles, so had to manage..
Crying is meant to create guilt in others, hence OP saying
“ She cried “
Probably hoping it would guilt the stepmum into childminding for free.

Looking after one well behaved older child is vastly different to multiple younger children.

I think generally it matters less. When you have a partner who can pick up some of the slack and you don’t have dependent DC then job loss tends to leave you less precarious. That’s not to say it’s not difficult but none of this is easy.

There is no way I'd risk my job to look after someone else's kids! I have my own outgoings, e.g. car loan, should DH pay for that or do I just get rid of my car? How many times are women told, quite rightly, to keep their independence and not rely on a man.

Crying is meant to create guilt in others, hence OP saying
“ She cried “
Probably hoping it would guilt the stepmum into childminding for free.

You’ve NEVER cried because you’re upset or out of sheer frustration? I have (at least three times in the last week). No guilt intended.

@PegasusReturns nah you’re pretty unique on this thread to be fair.

You’ve bet loads of things about the OP’s situation apropos of literally nothing.

One would wonder why you’re so determined to paint the OP as a villain because she has the audacity to do her own paid job and not provide free childcare.

I was a single parent who had no one to step into the breech when I was phoned at work to say “Come and collect your DC who is ill”

Yes me too - I had nobody either, just had to deal with it and use annual leave.

You are of course within your rights to say no. It's not your responsibility. Your husband and stepdaughter should be doing everything humanly possible to seek and have another option other than you.

Having said that, personally, I could not say no if I really was the last resort. I could not see a family member of mine lose their job because I could have helped them and didn't.

Just to say on the step parents and their step GC. My DH is devoted to our GC, he doesn't think any differently about his step children's children and his children's children. He would happily let them move in, he's disabled so can't physically look after the little ones but happily spends hours with the older ones.

@oakleaffy well good for you, I hope it's not too cold up there on your moral high ground.

There's a lot of people here who, unless you've got some majorly elaborate game going on, are not you, and may cry for a vast range of reasons that do not include blackmail.

Of course I have cried.. but keep it private and quiet.

I’d not dream of crying at someone to look after kids.

Crying AT people is a thing that too many do to get their own way.
Pay a minder.

@oakleaffy

Of course I have cried.. but keep it private and quiet.

I’d not dream of crying at someone to look after kids.

Crying AT people is a thing that too many do to get their own way.
Pay a minder.

Not everyone can hold it in. It’s amazing that you can’t understand that.

@purpledaisies s/he is willfully misunderstanding it because good forbid anyone else feel pain and suffering when they could cope

One of the most useful New Year resolutions mumsnetters can make is learning to say no. I have never had a problem saying a simple no to things and yet so many women really struggle with it.

@OhCaptain

You’ve bet loads of things about the OP’s situation apropos of literally nothing

I think you’re confusing me with someone else 🤷‍♀️

No I’m not. You are the one who got deleted after all.

Because you used the OP’s previous thread to name call just because you (who are a stranger) don’t like that she won’t mind another complete stranger’s children while she’s working. 🤣🤣

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

I really don't understand why SD's job seems to be more important than OPs.

You can't borrow for retirement.

Older people struggle more to find new positions when they lose their jobs.

And why should she put her job at risk for someone else's children?