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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I u to expect this ?

151 replies

notsureifiam · 31/12/2020 11:47

Last night had a small accident broke a glass a cut my hand a bit. Cried out as I did it. Audible smash and I cried as tbh had a shitty few days
Dh was upstairs I called that I’d had an acident and he just ignored me
15 mins later he walks in and I said why didn’t he come and he said ‘you’re an adult’
I feel really hurt he’s acting like I was being a needy child told me I was whinging

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 31/12/2020 11:49

I'd expect him to at least check you were ok.

Original poster
notsureifiam · 31/12/2020 11:50

Well he said he did just 15 mins later not immediately? Said that he ‘knew’ I was ok but I can’t see how he did

OP posts:
VainAbigail · 31/12/2020 11:51

Wouldn’t bother me because I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself.

namechangeforfriday · 31/12/2020 11:52

Yes YABU and childish. The fact you shouted showed you were alive.

christmasathomeagain · 31/12/2020 11:53

I guess you were ok enough to shout up that you had, had an accident so he would think you were ok enough to shout if you needed help?

I would feel upset though- mind, my DH first response is usually to ask what I had broken and depending on answer might be mad - I'm very clumsy so often breaking things.

Calmandmeasured1 · 31/12/2020 11:54

If it had been serious I presume you would have made it known to him by the tone of your voice. Evidently it isn't. Something and nothing to get upset about.

I feel really hurt he’s acting like I was being a needy child told me I was whinging
Maybe examine whether you are needy and whinge a bit normally. It can be very off-putting if you are.

Original poster
notsureifiam · 31/12/2020 11:54

I don’t know it just felt like the final straw after a really awful few days i think that’s why I cried so much

OP posts:
lughnasadh · 31/12/2020 11:54

You cut your hand on a glass?

Unless it was an artery, you ought to be able to cope.

Attention seeking is very unattractive.

Lou98 · 31/12/2020 11:54

Sorry but YABU, you smashed a glass, you're perfectly capable of cleaning it up yourself.
If I hear my partner smash something I usually shout to check he's ok but it wouldn't really occur to me that he'd need my assistance at all and I would think the same the other way around.

Original poster
notsureifiam · 31/12/2020 11:55

@Calmandmeasured1

If it had been serious I presume you would have made it known to him by the tone of your voice. Evidently it isn't. Something and nothing to get upset about.

I feel really hurt he’s acting like I was being a needy child told me I was whinging
Maybe examine whether you are needy and whinge a bit normally. It can be very off-putting if you are.

I do I think lately I have pnd
OP posts:
Original poster
notsureifiam · 31/12/2020 11:56

@lughnasadh

You cut your hand on a glass?

Unless it was an artery, you ought to be able to cope.

Attention seeking is very unattractive.

I don’t know it was quite a nasty cut but not severe it just shocked me I think and was the culmination to a few v bad days
OP posts:
CorianderBee · 31/12/2020 11:56

Rude cunt isn't he. I faint when things like that happen so I'm no use but I still shout out to see if DP needs me to turn the tap off, grab a plaster, ring an ambulance etc.

HmmSureJan · 31/12/2020 11:59

Wow, I bet you feel so much better after all these kind responses don't you OP? Hmm

I sliced my hand open on a hand blender once and did actually nick an artery - arteries in your finger, if you didn't know that before you do now. Ex didn't bother coming up to check on me either though did raise himself to take me to hospital to get stitches once I begged.

Personally if I love someone I like to check they're ok and give them a little TLC. I feel sorry for some of the significant others of the vinegary posters on this thread.

elessar · 31/12/2020 11:59

Sorry, but you do sound a bit over dramatic and needy...

That said, my OH would certainly be concerned and would come check on me if I had any sort of accident, and likewise if he broke something then I'd (at minimum) shout to ask if he was ok.

But the way you've described it with the crying does sound a bit OTT and so if you have a tendency to be dramatic then he might be a bit fed up and disinclined to pander to you.

It's hard to tell from the info in your post if he's being callous or if you warranted more comforting given the situation,

Original poster
notsureifiam · 31/12/2020 12:00

No I dont feel better I shouldn’t have posted

OP posts:
RunningFromInsanity · 31/12/2020 12:01

Of course the OP was capable of cleaning herself up. It’s not really about that.
But I think it’s very sad that a partner wouldn’t pop their head down to check they were ok. Especially if they were crying. Everyone has a bit of a ‘straw that broke the camels back’ moment and cries at a seemingly small incident. Unless it happens regularly, I would expect my partner to at least check I was ok and say something sympathetic.

ProbablyFault · 31/12/2020 12:03

I literally don't understand most of the replies on this thread. If someone injured themselves, any reasonable person would check that they're OK and whether they need any help - it's just basic human kindness.

Hope you're okay OP. Please think about speaking to your GP if you think you might have PND.

SnuggyBuggy · 31/12/2020 12:03

YANBU, it wouldn't have killed him to come and see if you needed some help. Very shitty behaviour on his part.

HmmSureJan · 31/12/2020 12:05

@notsureifiam

No I dont feel better I shouldn’t have posted
Don't worry. I'm very sensible and I agree with you. MN can be a competitive misery fest sometimes and if you get a few sour responses that sets the tone of the thread. Most loving, supportive partners would check in on their SO, you're not wrong.
Janaih · 31/12/2020 12:06

What a lot of nasty comments. Good manners cost nothing. If I hear a smash, crash or bang in the house then ill go and check my nearest and dearest are OK.
Obviously OP was not in danger, but knowing someone cares enough to get off their arse and check can make all the difference if you're on the edge. Which I think a lot of people are at the moment!

MangoBiscuit · 31/12/2020 12:06

OP I get it. If I had hurt myself and I called to DP, I would expect him to call back to check I'm ok. What he'd actually do is come find me and see for himself, and give me a hug. Of course I'm capable of dealing with it on my own, but if I've called out to him, I'm probably feeling a bit shocked, or vulnerable, and just want the reassurance of knowing I have back up.

MangoBiscuit · 31/12/2020 12:07

How is your hand now OP? Hope it doesn't hurt too much.

HikeForward · 31/12/2020 12:09

It’s a bit childish and melodramatic to expect him to come rushing down for a minor accident. Why didn’t you go up to him if you wanted comforting?

He probably heard the glass break and you cry out and assumed you could deal with it (eg with a plaster). If you’d been bleeding out or in serious pain you would have called him in a more urgent/panicked way or told him there was blood everywhere!

Or if you’d fallen there would have been a thud or crash and I’d expect him to check on you or at least ask if you were ok. Unless you called up to say you’d had a little accident but sounded fine.

I accidentally stabbed my thumb last week making salad. It hurt like hell and bled copiously. But I didn’t call DH, I just washed it and put pressure on it then added plasters until the blood stopped seeping through.

VettiyaIruken · 31/12/2020 12:13

Bloody hell. Imagine not giving a shit if your partner has hurt themselves 🙄
Op, I'm sorry he didn't seem to care. It isn't actually a lot to expect that someone who's supposed to love you doesn't wait until blood is dripping through the ceiling to pop their head round a door.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 31/12/2020 12:13

Boo to all the people claiming they could call to their husbands that they'd had an accident, have him ignore them and give not one single fuck, and they wouldn't be in any way upset about it. Bollocks would they.

I'm going to pretend that I believe the "wouldn't bother me because I'm so awesome, yippie kay at motherfucker" schtick, and explain that it's not about being helpless and stupid, it's about your husband giving a toss about you when you've hurt yourself. If he doesn't, I would wonder what he was there for.