Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I u to expect this ?

151 replies

notsureifiam · 31/12/2020 11:47

Last night had a small accident broke a glass a cut my hand a bit. Cried out as I did it. Audible smash and I cried as tbh had a shitty few days
Dh was upstairs I called that I’d had an acident and he just ignored me
15 mins later he walks in and I said why didn’t he come and he said ‘you’re an adult’
I feel really hurt he’s acting like I was being a needy child told me I was whinging

OP posts:
Thehop · 31/12/2020 12:33

Loving not living

SnuggyBuggy · 31/12/2020 12:34

The OP could have called "it's OK, just broke a glass" if she didn't need help. "I've had an accident" surely means to any English speaker that she needed a hand. Unless you are the sort of person who just yells out whatever they happen to be doing and expect everyone to just ignore you.

LannieDuck · 31/12/2020 12:34

Of course he should have checked on you. He heard 'I've had an accident'... and then nothing else.

OP could have hurt herself really badly - silence can be dangerous. She hadn't, but he didn't know that.

Clevererthanyou · 31/12/2020 12:36

I’m sorry your husband is a thoughtless dick op. A little bit of care or concern would have gone a long way I imagine? I hope you’ve cleaned it properly and covered it up anyway.
You really can ignore the dickheads on this thread too Grin

Ilovenewyear · 31/12/2020 12:41

OP there are people on here who would have you believe they could cut their hand off, look after 5 children, work a 10 hr shift and then drive themselves to A&E without so much as a mutter.

YANBU to hope your partner would be worried about you if you had an accident and check you are ok.

BarbedBloom · 31/12/2020 12:46

I would have checked because I am not an asshole and care whether my partner is hurt. Also, anyone who doesn’t investigate when their partner is crying (except in cases of abuse etc) needs to take a long hard look at themselves.

Saz12 · 31/12/2020 12:57

That’s rubbish of him.

I think everyone is fed up just now, maybe he is too?

SpacePug · 31/12/2020 12:58

He should have come to check if you're okay. Same thing happened here a few nights ago, DH ran down to clear up the glass for me. (I didn't hurt myself and am 9 months pregnant if that makes any difference)

Scbchl · 31/12/2020 13:01

Mumsnet has really got a lot of nasty people on it these days only here to goad and make nasty, spiteful comments.

SpikySara · 31/12/2020 13:02

Nasty imo. A normal response would be are you ok, can I get you a plaster? But I suppose not everyone looks after each other.

Travis1 · 31/12/2020 13:05

Wow. What a fucking delight some of you are. Dear god.

Op the smash and cry alone would
Have brought me or my DH to help the other. It’s just nice to be nice and show a bit of care
for your spouse.

Barmyfarmy · 31/12/2020 13:05

OP yanbu! Even if it was just a papercut and you wanted your partner with you yanbu! I sliced my finger while cutting potatoes the other day and immediately called out to DH even though it wasn't a particularly major accident, I just wanted him there as I get into a tizz when blood's involved. He definitely babies me but I'd expect most partners would worry to an extent when their partner is potentially hurt?

Perhaps you could tell your partner you needed support and would like him to be more aware of that for future reference?

Inpersuitofhappiness · 31/12/2020 13:11

I imagine that its just his interpretation of the situation. A lot of the time ill drop things, have accidents etc so most of the time an Oh shit, an Oh fuck, ouch or little scream is ignored...I'm very vocal! Bangs and crashes are ignored too.

Quite recently I had a bad accident, and from the pitch of the scream DH knew that something worse than usual had happened. He moved quicker down the stairs than I thought he could move.

I asked him later on, so what made you rush down? He said that over time he's come to know the difference between my usual noises, and it just sounded different.

If its not that and you really sounded like something bad had happened and he ignored you then I'd say he's the U one

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 31/12/2020 13:13

OP there are people on here who would have you believe they could cut their hand off, look after 5 children, work a 10 hr shift and then drive themselves to A&E without so much as a mutter.

I wish they would, then we wouldn't have to put up with their self-congratulatory bollocks on here.

BringPizza · 31/12/2020 13:19

I am clumsy as you like and frequently bash and burn myself in the kitchen Blush DH will normally call through to me when he hears me squeak/swear/smash something and if I need him I will ask him to help me (rare). I don't like being mithered though, and he has learned I don't expect a Florence Nightingale response to every incident.

OP, if your DH didn't respond as you'd hoped you need to speak to him. Maybe it wasn't clear that you needed/wanted assistance at the time Flowers

Bluntness100 · 31/12/2020 13:22

Op, did you just want some attention? For him to show he cared?

If you think maybe you have pnd it’s worth a call to your gp.

HappyNewYear2021 · 31/12/2020 13:23

Wow it appears @notsureifiam basic care for others doesn't exist on MN... ignore the miserable ones. You aren't whinging you cut your hand and a quick check wouldn't have hurt him. Lots of cold hearted people here no wonder some of them live alone.... who would want to live with them (only a cat could put up with them).

QueenPawPaws · 31/12/2020 13:24

Surely it's just human decency?
Glass smash, hear noise
"You ok love?"

It would be instinctive reaction for me, same if someone falls over in the street to ask if they're ok Confused

HappyNewYear2021 · 31/12/2020 13:24

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

OP there are people on here who would have you believe they could cut their hand off, look after 5 children, work a 10 hr shift and then drive themselves to A&E without so much as a mutter.

I wish they would, then we wouldn't have to put up with their self-congratulatory bollocks on here.

Brilliant - they probably have no one to congratulate their martyrdom in real life so come on here to shout how amazing they are {hmm]
HappyNewYear2021 · 31/12/2020 13:25

@QueenPawPaws

Surely it's just human decency? Glass smash, hear noise "You ok love?"

It would be instinctive reaction for me, same if someone falls over in the street to ask if they're ok Confused

Indeed it is. It takes seconds to be thoughtful
Pinktornado · 31/12/2020 13:25

Jeez, some of these replies Shock My DH would have come running, helped me clear up and made me a cup of tea. YANBU.

Disfordarkchocolate · 31/12/2020 13:34

Gosh some people are cold. Expecting a partner to be concerned when you hurt yourself is a bare minimum.

IliveonCoffee · 31/12/2020 13:37

Yanbu. I'd be a bit disappointed he didn't at least stick his head round to check you were okay if he heard you cry out and cry. .

I mean I fell part down the stairs yesterday with the washing basket...and even the cat had the decency to appear at the top of the stairs and look concerned (at least that's what I told myself instead of him checking if his plot had succeeded).

Of course as an adult you can deal with your own cuts and bruises. But a little care from a partner when you're in pain never goes amiss.

Any sound of something dropping if heard almost always garners a 'you're alright'.

And the fact you called that 'you had an accident' instead of anything affirming you're okay, should have brought him in. Pain does not always allow you to articulate in the most effective way that you need help.

tara66 · 31/12/2020 13:41

Everyone should be very careful about this sort of thing - if one needs stitches for such a cut will you get them at the moment at a hospital?

Binglebong · 31/12/2020 13:43

OP are you getting any help for your PND? You really need to. It's always hard to ask for help and more so at the moment but PLEASE do, you're important too.

It was a crap response by your husband, it doesn't matter if you have been upset a lot recently. You've recently pushed a melon out of yourself so you are allowed to be a bit tender! I think without knowing the tone of what was said it is hard for us to comment, you could have sounded as if you have everything in hand so he didn't need to worry or it could have come across that you were bleeding to death so and he was being a dick. We don't know but YOU do.

Please talk to him, not just about this but generally. Make sure your little one is down for a nap and won't interrupt and lay it out for him: you're still in pain, you're exhausted and you think you have PND. Your hormones are still all over the place.
You need sympathy and help.

Very best of luck and congratulations on the baby.