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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I u to expect this ?

151 replies

notsureifiam · 31/12/2020 11:47

Last night had a small accident broke a glass a cut my hand a bit. Cried out as I did it. Audible smash and I cried as tbh had a shitty few days
Dh was upstairs I called that I’d had an acident and he just ignored me
15 mins later he walks in and I said why didn’t he come and he said ‘you’re an adult’
I feel really hurt he’s acting like I was being a needy child told me I was whinging

OP posts:
SunnyAgain · 31/12/2020 13:46

Even my children (12 and 14) call out “Are you ok?” if they hear a crash when I am in a different room from them when I have dropped something, or if I have yelped (e.g. yesterday when I inadvertently touched a hot tray from the oven). It’s just a kind thing to do, to check that you are all right, and it doesn’t need to be a serious incident for concern to be shown. It also doesn’t mean you are incapable of coping to appreciate care being offered towards you.

wetasstenalady · 31/12/2020 13:48

Come on it's a very minor injury. Those claiming their other halves would be fawning over them checking they are 'okay' are just strange

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 31/12/2020 13:51

I ignore DH if he shouts like that because he's a complete drama llama and what an ordinary person would cope with by muttering 'fuck' and walking it off, he copes by dropping to the floor and wailing in a manner befitting an Oscar win.
If he's genuinely in pain or unwell he says so. He knows drama gets ignored. Its the only annoying thing about him actually.

Speedyspunker · 31/12/2020 13:52

Only on MN could it be considered 'fawning' and strange for your partner to show tenderness and affection 🙄

wetasstenalady · 31/12/2020 13:53

But why exactly do you as a grown up need someone to show concern for a very minor injury?
Those saying their DH would cuddle them and make them a cup of tea I really am shaking my head at

babbaloushka · 31/12/2020 13:53

I would be upset too! It could've been a fall/faint, he should've popped his head in at least.

tinierclanger · 31/12/2020 13:58

@wetasstenalady

Come on it's a very minor injury. Those claiming their other halves would be fawning over them checking they are 'okay' are just strange
It's not "fawning" to show basic human kindness. Some of you have very odd relationships if you think that's normal. It just seems like there's a lot of people on mumsnet who just don't really like their partner. Why wouldn't you expect someone to check you're ok?
CuriousaboutSamphire · 31/12/2020 14:08

Bloody hell! Some of you take Independent Woman really far!

What's the point of being in a relationship if you can't be arsed to show your OH a bit of care and consideration?

If I, or DH, broke something whilst cooking the other would pop into the kitchen just to check if a spare hand or two was needed. If there was any comment about accident made we'd be sure to check that a plaster wasn't required, or cold tap running...

Nobody who ignores their OHs distress, no matter how slight, should be under the impression they are a nice person.

wetasstenalady · 31/12/2020 14:11

But a very minor injury wtf would you need someone to check you're okay??? Why wouldn't you be?
It always amazes me the level of emotional support some people need in their relationships. An illness a fall a car accident an incident at work- yes. A minor cut? Seriously ?

katy1213 · 31/12/2020 14:14

Maybe you should make it clear to him the response you expect for personal traumas: paper cut = cuddle and kiss it better; nick from the breadknife = hot sweet tea and lie down with your feet up; splash from hot fat = paramedics and helicopter airlift to A&E.
Brooding over a broken glass and cut finger that happened last night wouldn't be normal behaviour from a five-year-old.

wetasstenalady · 31/12/2020 14:14

@katy1213

Maybe you should make it clear to him the response you expect for personal traumas: paper cut = cuddle and kiss it better; nick from the breadknife = hot sweet tea and lie down with your feet up; splash from hot fat = paramedics and helicopter airlift to A&E. Brooding over a broken glass and cut finger that happened last night wouldn't be normal behaviour from a five-year-old.
😂 But it is for some relationships and it does confuse me
roarfeckingroarr · 31/12/2020 14:15

YANBU he should care for you, check you're ok, act like a partner. I shouted out because I tripped earlier and DH pretty much flew into the room to check all ok.

Speedyspunker · 31/12/2020 14:15

When someone is suffering from PND then yes, a minor cut can trigger a response that needs emotional support from a partner. It amazes me how many mumsnetters seem to lack any emotional intelligence.

Speedyspunker · 31/12/2020 14:17

@katy1213 did you genuinely miss the fact that the OP has PND or are you deliberately trying to make someone who is already vulnerable feel worse?

itsgettingweird · 31/12/2020 14:17

I don't know? I guess if you yelped out and didn't call for help he maybe assumed you were ok?

It may not come from a place of not caring but only you know his personality in general.

My ds (16) is too empathetic. He comes running at any crash and bang to see if I'm ok. Sweet but nit necessary Grin

DeciduousPerennial · 31/12/2020 14:24

It’s not needy to expect someone to ask if you’re ok if they hear a smash of breaking glass and a crying out. Ffs. YANBU.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 31/12/2020 14:28

@katy1213

Maybe you should make it clear to him the response you expect for personal traumas: paper cut = cuddle and kiss it better; nick from the breadknife = hot sweet tea and lie down with your feet up; splash from hot fat = paramedics and helicopter airlift to A&E. Brooding over a broken glass and cut finger that happened last night wouldn't be normal behaviour from a five-year-old.
Get off the stage.
rainbowstardrops · 31/12/2020 14:30

It was shitty of him OP and so you are definitely NBU! What was more important to him for 15 minutes???!!!
Ignore the ridiculous people on here who say they're capable/wouldn't be bothered blah blah blah because I think that probably speaks volumes about their relationships and what they're prepared to tolerate!
Hope you're ok now.

SpiderGwen · 31/12/2020 14:36

I hope your hand is ok.

Of course you would expect your husband to come down if there’s been a smash and a shout. At the very least to clear up the glass while you clean your cut and apply a bandage/plaster as appropriate. That’s what people who love you do.

Sounds like it’s been a rough time as well. Flowers

bluebeck · 31/12/2020 14:37

Some of the posters on this thread have a very low bar set in terms of acceptable behaviour from someone who is supposed to love and care about you.

Would he have done the same for an adult child do you think OP? Or a colleague? Thinking through that might help you to establish whether he is just a selfish arsehole or whether actually he just doesn't like you very much.

I would be really upset at this lack of response from him. He is telling you quite clearly that he doesn't care. Flowers

HmmSureJan · 31/12/2020 14:38

@katy1213

Maybe you should make it clear to him the response you expect for personal traumas: paper cut = cuddle and kiss it better; nick from the breadknife = hot sweet tea and lie down with your feet up; splash from hot fat = paramedics and helicopter airlift to A&E. Brooding over a broken glass and cut finger that happened last night wouldn't be normal behaviour from a five-year-old.
Honestly I'd feel really uncomfortable with myself and question the kind of person I was if I came on to a site like this and posted the above in response to someone who thinks she might have PND and was upset.
MumW · 31/12/2020 14:39

I don't think it is unreasonable to have expected him to come down and check you were ok and didn't need any help clearing up the breakage/getting a plaster, especially if he knows you're suffering from PND.
Sorry you are having a shit time. PND can be debilitating at the best of times never mind with all the current uncertainties and shifting goalposts.

HollowTalk · 31/12/2020 14:40

There are some right dicks on here.

EleanorShell · 31/12/2020 14:43

If I heard a smash and someone call out at work I would ask a random colleague if they needed any help, never mind someone who I had a much closer relationship with. I can't believe that so many people wouldn't at least shout to ask if a partner was ok or needed anything

WutheringTights · 31/12/2020 14:46

My DH used to get annoyed if I didn't check on him when I heard him having a (minor) accident, think toe stubbing etc. I never expected him to do anything if I was hurt but he just saw it as me not caring about him. I learned that it was important to him that I acknowledge if he's hurt and check he's ok. It's a habit now. Costs me nothing and it's important to him.

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