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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I u to expect this ?

151 replies

notsureifiam · 31/12/2020 11:47

Last night had a small accident broke a glass a cut my hand a bit. Cried out as I did it. Audible smash and I cried as tbh had a shitty few days
Dh was upstairs I called that I’d had an acident and he just ignored me
15 mins later he walks in and I said why didn’t he come and he said ‘you’re an adult’
I feel really hurt he’s acting like I was being a needy child told me I was whinging

OP posts:
Speedyspunker · 31/12/2020 12:13

OP ignore all the cool wives here,they are a desperately sad bunch and don't impress anyone. It's not unreasonable to expect your nearest and dearest to check on you if you hurt yourself, it's basic good manners. You sound like you're having a rough time so please ask for help if you think you have PND. Take careFlowers

MintyMabel · 31/12/2020 12:17

I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself as I my husband, but for sure a scream from either one of us would have the other coming to see I was ok.

JillofTrades · 31/12/2020 12:17

My dh would have come and checked if I was ok. Even if your dh came 15 min later his response was very unkind and hurtful.

SnuggyBuggy · 31/12/2020 12:17

Cool wives just about sums it up.

Wearywithteens · 31/12/2020 12:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Allispretty · 31/12/2020 12:19

Yes I'd expect DP to check on me yanbu I suspect there's a back story here and you've been arguing and he's done it to prove a point? Either way he's an arsehole

Rangoon · 31/12/2020 12:20

I would check on a workmate or even a stranger who was hurt. I can't understand why you wouldn't immediately check on your partner and offer sympathy and first aid. I'm amazed that 34% of voters thought that your husband's behaviour was acceptable and can only feel sorry for them if that is what they expect from their husbands.

Okeydokeypiginapokey · 31/12/2020 12:22

Your DH is not nice.

Brighterthansunflowers · 31/12/2020 12:22

If I heard a crash and then someone shouted they’d had an accident, the very least I would do is ask if they were ok. Even if it was a stranger in a supermarket or something. That’s just human decency.

I do think most adults should be capable of dealing with a broken glass and cut hand themselves though. So wouldn’t necessarily expect him to come rushing to your aid, but at least he should’ve shouted back to ask if you were ok or if you needed help. Ignoring you was just nasty.

princessjasmineofagrabah · 31/12/2020 12:22

Of course he should Check you're ok!!

SunnySideDownBriefly · 31/12/2020 12:22

Ah, you poor chicken! I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. We expect the people around us to care and even if it was just a little cut then they should still check. Crying out isn't attention-seeking as a negative thing - it's a natural thing to do.

Is your DH usually inattentive and inconsiderate of your needs? Is this part of a wider issue?

Silvercatowner · 31/12/2020 12:23

Wouldn’t bother me because I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself.

Typical bloody Mumsnet.

I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself as is OH. But if either of us had an accident - however minor - then we'd at least check on each other. It's what nice and kind (and normal...) people do.

SnuggyBuggy · 31/12/2020 12:24

The way I see it is that if someone has called out they've called out because they need some sort of response.

Actupfishy · 31/12/2020 12:24

Not U at all OP, sorry you hurt yourself 😔

MajorMujer · 31/12/2020 12:26

Ho op, his response was pretty shitty and by the sounds of it the straw that broke the camels back.

Poppingnostopping · 31/12/2020 12:26

I absolutely don't understand mumsnet. I really don't. This thread is so bizarre. In my house, if someone smashes a glass and cuts themselves, the other people go to help them to see if they are ok and to help them clear up the glass so it doesn't cause more injury. This can be done by one person but if they are injured, they are more likely to then cut themselves whilst clearing up again, may be dripping blood, need to get shoes on/plasters out of cupboard. All easier done by two than one.

Honestly, what's the point in being in a relationship if your husband can't come to help you or even just say 'are you ok, do you need help?' when you cut yourself.

I actually don't believe those saying they would be fine with their husband or other family member ignoring them. I think they are more likely attention seeking on the internet by being the toughest, badass around who doesn't need namby-pamby help of other humans.

Cocomarine · 31/12/2020 12:27

What did you actually call out?
“I’ve had an accident” - of course he should come.
“Don’t worry - I’ve had an accident and dropped a glass” - quite likely to be taken as directly meaning that he doesn’t need to come.

In the latter case, I’d still come - if I was pootling about upstairs. But if I was in the bath, say, I wouldn’t get out.

Theunamedcat · 31/12/2020 12:27

I'm a perfectly capable 45 year old i would still expect my partner to check on me even if its just calling down are you OK do you need a hand

slashlover · 31/12/2020 12:29

If I heard a smash, a yell and then someone call that they'd had an accident then I'd probably think they were telling me that they were fine. I'd assume that if they wanted help then they'd call up and ask for it or ask for me to come downstairs as they're obviously able to communicate.

Mustbe3ormorecharacters · 31/12/2020 12:29

Oh god some people have different views to others and instead of talking about it some posters just insult others and tell the op to ignore them.
I wouldn’t have expected him to come to help but wouldn’t be surprised if he had. Sorry you are feeling so low OP I hope you can speak to a HCP about your PND. Maybe you could remind your partner care and sympathy is needed more now than ever.

CorianderBee · 31/12/2020 12:30

Also everyone's assuming that other adults can cope with blood and injury like they can. 'I'm capable of looking after myself' blah blah blah. How nice for them to be so cool and calm, but some of us aren't able to do that sadly.

Plus blood loss makes blood pressure plummet so if it was bad enough she may not have been capable of shouting again as she could be unconscious. How awful that so many women wouldn't even check if the person they supposedly love is OK or bleeding out on the kitchen floor.

Rainbowx · 31/12/2020 12:31

YANBU OP sorry to hear you are not feeling great the slightest thing can set it of,your DH was rude to put his head round the corner and check all ok or if u needed help clearing broken glass etc etc big hugs to you xFlowers

ViciousJackdaw · 31/12/2020 12:31

This isn't really about the glass though is it?

I'm sorry if I have the wrong end of the stick here, feel free to tell me, but I am wondering if this is just the latest in a long line of occasions where your DH has acted in this manner.

HmmSureJan · 31/12/2020 12:32

Oh god some people have different views to others and instead of talking about it some posters just insult others

Do you mean the insults where OP was told how childish, attention seeking, dramatic and needy she is for hoping for perfectly normal concern from someone who is supposed to love them?

Thehop · 31/12/2020 12:32

I’d have cried and my husband would have come running. As would any living partner. YANBU

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