To tell dd18 she can’t see friends tonight?

[Cauliflowercruton]

Dd is 18 (year 13) and is telling me she’s planning to go to a friend’s garden tonight with 5 other people. We’re in Tier 4 (London- very high rates in the local area) and I’m not happy about this plan at all. Firstly, I think it’s morally wrong and that we should all be complying to try and reduce the rates and secondly I don’t want to risk mine and DH’s health so she can go and get drunk in a friend’s garden. Am I right to tell her that if she chooses to go tonight the doors are bolted for 10 days?

Do you think parents are thinking hosting is less worrying for them because they can keep an eye?

No, I think they don't give a shit about the rules.

But do people really say to other adults'you are not doing that end of ' Can't imagine doing that

Really? You can't imagine telling someone who lives under your roof that they aren't going to do something that is against the current rules and which puts people at risk? Ok then.

@purpleboy

Chloedecker how does it increase the risk? They are already spending a large amount of time in small classrooms with these people, how does sitting outside with them increase the risk? I absolutely get it with people outside of that bubble, but the very same people?

Because they are with them for longer. The longer you are with people the greater the risk you’ll catch something they have. Because, especially with pupils over 14 they aren’t in one group all day at school and this friendship group might include some they never come into contact with in school. Because they may encounter other people outside and catch something from them - outside is lower risk but not no risk at all. I get that the rules look stupid, but only if you start from the premise that classrooms are safe. They aren’t. And allowing mixing outside of school just increases the risk, for lots of reasons which I’d have thought you might have read/thought of by now.

@purpleboy

Chloedecker how does it increase the risk? They are already spending a large amount of time in small classrooms with these people, how does sitting outside with them increase the risk? I absolutely get it with people outside of that bubble, but the very same people?

In many cases in my experience, there will be a parent around, or a kid from another school joins the group, or they share drinks which they don't in school, or it's not exactly the same mix of people they actually have lessons with. Just small differences that increase contacts.

@purpleboy

Hibernating I'm talking about that specific instance, I'm not talking about people inviting randoms and family members, that's a whole different conversation.

It’s still more time and therefore more opportunity. It’s also an unrealistic test. It would never happen. They aren’t in the same class, someone would definitely bring a sibling or someone from another school or just from a different option group. Your hypothetical is nonsense.

Yanbu!

The tier 4 rules are: Outdoors, you can only meet one person from another household.

Wtf is wrong with people. So she is going to a garden party with t other households in tier 4.

Tell her she can go and then come back after self isolating for 14days in a hotel at her own expense.

No wonder we can't keep the infection rate down when you have people being idiots like this.

Its at most one new yrs eve maybe next yr if we're unlucky. Is it so hard to just not celebrate new yr for one or potentially 2 times in your entire life.

Not like she lives on her own and not seen anyone on a daily basis ffs

But do people really say to other adults'you are not doing that end of

My dh has asthma. Ours is a non-smoking household and we jolly well tell other adults they can't smoke here. So I'd see no problem in telling another adult that they can't indulge in risky behaviour around infection and then come back here.

It's not about what they can do elsewhere: it's about what they can do here, putting us at risk.

However- I am glad to see that the OPs dd came to her senses several pages ago, so there is no need to worry about this particular family.

@user1487194234

Really can't believe people think it's ok to tell 18 year olds what they can and cannot do

If said 18 year-old wants to live under someone else's roof or with other people then they have to have consideration for them.

And those people have the right not to have a highly contagious virus brought into their home.

The rules should be stuck too despite them making no sense, it’s ok to meet outside in the park but not in your garden? Which doesn’t really make sense, so your dd could go and drink in the park with 5 others but can’t do so in her friends garden?

I think the rationale behind it is that people in gardens may start with good intentions but it's easier to drink more at home and people will go indoors to the loo. What the gov don't want is for people to mix indoors and realistically if they're in the garden it's too easy to nip indoors and those good intentions go out the window.

It’s simple just don’t let her go. My ds is 18 next month and apart from at college he hasn’t seen his friends in months. He’s stopping in tonight ordering a Chinese watching tv playing PS4 and chatting to friends on FaceTime. I know he’s about to become an adult but it’s my house my rules. Regardless he knows what he needs to do to keep others safe and quite frankly I don’t think he’d dare ask to go to a party or even broach the subject as he knows better.

I think the question is do we want to keep schools open or not?

If people want to keep schools open or prevent bubbles bursting etc lets follow some rules

She's 18 and can do what she wants. You don't have to let her back in if you don't want to. But you can't tell her she can't.

Can you offer her an alternative in the future?

Yes. It's called New Year's Eve 2021.

Yanbu, tier 4 forbids it. We're all making sacrifices why should she be exempt?

Currently arguing with DS1 (17, Year 13) about this right now. He is saying he is going to a friends tonight. Him, the resident friend and another friend. I have said he can't go. He is saying he is going. We have had covid and DP and I have had the first vaccine (DP manages the vaccine centre, both NHS workers, I got a DNA slot) but that isn't the point to me. I have tried to reason with him, made him listen to ICU Doctor, he is kicking off saying 'Why would we trust the government'. I don't. I just don't want to contribute to the bigger issue. We are in a Tier 3 area. I can't believe his friends parents are allowing it. I feel lile crying tbh. He isn't a selfish child at all usually, he has barely been out. Think something is going to give in the next hour.

@user1487194234

Really can't believe people think it's ok to tell 18 year olds what they can and cannot do

This just sums up the reason we are where we are!! God forbid anyone told you what to do.....

@purpleboy

Chloedecker how does it increase the risk? They are already spending a large amount of time in small classrooms with these people, how does sitting outside with them increase the risk? I absolutely get it with people outside of that bubble, but the very same people?

It's obvious. Every contact & duration of contact increases the risk

My daughter said the same as yours also 18.I got the pop up tent out and put it up in the garden. I said if she went fine but she had to stay in the tent for 10 days and her toilet would be a bucket and bag. She decided to stay at home

My DD is 18 and miserable as fuck. Her friends are meeting up and shes bored. Told her “well off you go then, walk in the snow there and find somewhere to live for 14 days”...

Now sulking in her room 😂

Its miserable for her, me, my dh, other 2 kids and fucking millions of others too.

@user1496146479 Exactly!!

Some parents seem unable to just say no to their children as don't want to upset them. They are your children not your pal.

My neighbours hosted 5 members of their family for Christmas.These family members travelled from Brighton to Northern Ireland,shopped and socialised locally for a few days before they all came down with covid. In a rural area, the consequences are horrendous and one elderly female neighbour is now ventilated.
For young people, I think it's so important for them to grasp the moral issues involved.

Well it is up to us as parents to enforce rules.

If you feel you can’t then please dont have a pop at schools or teachers!

It is the upper school years that are meant to be back first! Clearly plenty of parents have either lost control or just subcontract rule enforcement to teachers

17% currently saying YABU. Don't know how we will beat this virus

It’s why the rest of us are all under tighter restrictions.

@Cauliflowercruton you know you’re correct. This is an opportunity to ask your DD to think through the consequences of her desires. Or maybe show her footage the lines of ambulances or look at some of the expert witnesses on Twitter or elsewhere.

Good luck and thanks for trying to do the right thing.

17% who are either Covid deniers or don’t care about those who are vulnerable! That figure says a lot about society and certain Mnetters